[Idol trainee] Aifushi and the cat

The entire "Singer" finals were broadcast live.In the last round of live broadcast, Liang Jingru, the queen of love songs, failed to advance due to injuries.The last Demi, Mayday, Stefanie Sun and the only newcomer Chen Ningxuan competed for the title of singer.

It's a pity that the last vote for "Smiling Face のまんま" was only the bottom among the four people, which made everyone think that the winner was still selected among the three veteran singers.

Miracles are always elusive.

Backstage of the show, Chen Ningxuan stayed in his lounge.He didn't have much makeup to put on, even almost without makeup.He pondered and waited for the final fate.

It's time to set an ending for yourself.

Chen Ningxuan's figure appeared on the screen in front of the TV.

"Why did you choose this song?"

[I was... had a really struggling time. ]

The corners of Chen Ningxuan's mouth raised in front of the camera, but no one thought it was an optimistic smile.It's more like a forced smile, with bottomless melancholy.

Many of those present were aware of this so-called period of struggle.After all, the background of this new singer has long been transparent. Whether it is the death of both parents or being abandoned by a dependent boyfriend, it can be said to be the saddest time.The rumors about Chen Ningxuan drinking and the like spread on the Internet are just adults who don't know how to vent their emotions.

[For a long time, I looked at the traffic under the balcony and had an urge to jump off.It's ridiculous, the urge to commit suicide. ]

Speaking of this, he chuckled lightly through his nose, as if laughing at his naivety at the beginning.

Only those who have watched the video know that he has clearly thought about it seriously, and even almost implemented it.It was a very short candid video circulating on the Internet.In the video, Chen Ningxuan's wrist was bleeding profusely, and he was escorted all the way to the hospital while lying on a stretcher with his arms drooping.The video is not clear, it has been a while.But everyone who watched the video was terrified by the bloody appearance of Chen Ningxuan inside.

He was real and wanted to die in the past.And put into practical action.

It's a pity that life let him live.

[At that time, I didn't know the meaning of living, and felt that even breathing was a kind of sick torture.I feel that my life is like this, and I just die like this. ]

[Later, I lay in the hospital ward, looking at my family and friends crying because of my childish behavior, and looking at the nurses who had to take time off to take care of me because of me, I felt ashamed.Sometimes at night I would desperately think about what would happen if I really died like this. My mother-in-law is already old, who will take care of her?I still have an agreement with others, and I don't want to break the appointment. ]

[And when I was allowed to go out for a walk, I walked down the street in my hospital gown, and I thought about running headfirst into that busy street.But this will cause trouble for others.Why should my own willfulness involve others? ]

He finally laughed softly, it was a kind of mocking smile.And everyone who saw this smile was speechless.

How should I describe this person? Before he died, he was worried that his death would cause trouble to others.

[Later, I dismissed this idea and just walked aimlessly on the street.Until I saw someone throw a can of soda cans on the ground, and the moment I picked up the soda cans thrown by others and put them in the trash can, I felt that I was worth a little to this society. ]

[I vaguely feel the existence of "I" in this world and its meaning to this world. ]

[So I came back and wanted to use my music to impress others.I want to get rid of my weak power and help people like me. ]

Saying this, Chen Ningxuan came out from behind the scenes.

He was covered by a black robe without a single gap, standing barefoot on the cold stage, with hot white lights above his head.

[The reason why this world is worth looking forward to is that everyone has the courage to move forward bravely for what they love. ]

"I firmly believe that people should have the strength to pull themselves out of the mud by their own hair."

Only a beam of cold white light shone directly on top of Chen Ningxuan's head, and he was dressed in a black robe like a puppet who didn't know how to move.Apart from bowing as if kissing the earth before going on stage, there was no more words.

As the prelude sounded, he took action.

Just one sentence, heartbroken.

"I once thought it was over because there was a black-tailed ou screaming at the pier

As the waves rise and fall, they peck at the past and fly away.”

Slightly quiet narration, only one line of lyrics pulled the hearts of the audience.

Chen Ningxuan lowered his head, remembering the days when he was hospitalized.At that time, my mother-in-law was working hard for him, and she called psychiatrists from all over Hong Kong to let him relieve the pressure, but he could only play the role of a good grandson, losing himself day after day.

He really wanted to die.

"I once thought about it too, because the apricot blossoms bloomed on my birthday.

If I take a nap in the sunlight that falls, will I be reduced to dust with the corpse of the worm?"

There will always be a moment when I think about dying.

The moment you wake up and look in the mirror, the moment you have to face a new day... there is always a moment when you feel like you can't go on.

He still remembered that it was just a whim, thinking that if he left now, he would be able to catch up with the cherry blossoms.If there are cherry blossoms flying when you bury yourself, it must be beautiful.So he cut the main artery with a fruit knife in the kitchen, but was found by the nanny in time and sent to the hospital.When his body lost blood and was rapidly freezing cold, he saw his life rewind like a revolving lantern.

He was suddenly very reconciled, feeling that he hadn't done anything that could be remembered by others.

"Lighthouse at Peppermint Fishing Harbor Rusty Arch Bridge Abandoned Bicycles

A soul with nowhere to go in front of the stove at the wooden station

Today is so similar to yesterday To change tomorrow you have to change today

I know I know it all but ah-"

That was the first time he heard the song.

The cherry blossoms outside the ward had already bloomed, and he was lying on the bed in a daze.The dry voice of the Japanese singer came from the TV, and only one sentence brought him back to his senses, and he played it repeatedly.

Staring at the screen silently for the first time, with the volume turned up loud, listening quietly with earphones on alone, looking at the lyrics, I felt extremely uncomfortable.

The second time, I stared blankly at the screen, clasped my hands against my chin, my eyes were wet unconsciously, and my nose was stuffy.

When I heard it for the third time, my tears couldn't stop falling, I thought in my heart that I should cry, and the tears passed, so I held the earphones with both hands and let it flow, as much as possible, without making a sound, I didn't want to wipe it.

When it was the fourth time, I told myself that the flow was enough, let’s listen to it carefully this time, after listening to the last time, my mood gradually calmed down, and I felt that something seemed to be discarded.

"I once thought it was over because there was nothing in my heart

Feeling empty and crying must be a desire to be filled

I once thought it was over because the shoelaces came loose

The same goes for being bad at reconnecting with people.”

If you really leave, who is the person you are most worried about?

It should be her mother-in-law, she is so old, and Tongtong is careless, so only I can take care of her.If she really left, she would have no more family members.

Wouldn't it be too selfish for me to only think about my own affairs?

"I once thought about it too, because the boy stared at me affectionately.

Hug your knees on the bed and say sorry to me that day"

On the day I was cheated on, I really felt that the world was completely unworthy of love.

He begged him in all kinds of ways without self-esteem. He said that he got better with others, and felt that he was happier and more free with others.

From the moment he broke up, he lost the meaning of living.He knows that he has a mother-in-law who loves him and has good friends, and he knows that the world will become a better place, he knows it all.

But, I don't want any more.

"The glimmer of the computer screen and the noise of the room above

The ringing of the internal phone plugged the ears of the caged teenager

Don Quixote fighting an invisible enemy in this small room

Anyway, the final goal must be ugly.”

sorry.I'm really sorry for making you live the way you are now.

I can't be a hero to save myself, I can only do Don Quixote in this small room, dreaming that I can become a hero one day.

It's funny, I'm so sorry.Born to be human but live like this... I really should say sorry.

But... even if it is like this, even if it is me like this...

"I know! I know it all!!! But...but..."

Chen Ningxuan's roaring voice resounded throughout the stage.Like a wounded beast dragging a sick body, licking the bloody wound.

The black robe was removed, revealing the clothes inside... It was a robe made of transparent pvc material, it was not so much a dress as a work of art.

On the transparent armor, bloody colors are painted with countless oil painting-like strokes.Chen Ningxuan's body was tightly covered by this artwork, and his whole body was expressing his heart that was slandered by countless cynicism.

I am also a human being, and it hurts when I get hurt.

Can't you be a little more forgiving?

No one is not shocked by his crazy performance, and from the time he opened his mouth to sing, many people who were touched have begun to cry.In Chen Ningxuan's singing, emotions such as self-mockery, anger, loneliness, sadness, and accusation are all dissolved in the singing process...it is so natural that the listener can't extricate himself.

Maybe we're all alike, just on different paths.

"I once thought about it because I was said to be cold-blooded.

Crying for wanting to be loved is because I have tasted human warmth

Once I thought about it too, because of your bright smile

Thinking about death must be because you live too seriously.”

Thorough catharsis, even losing control of technique because of the richness of emotion.But those tiny tearing sounds are even more moving.

People can't help but want to comfort him, want to tell him, please, please live.

"I once thought about it too, because I haven't met you yet.

I feel a little better about the world because someone like you was born"

Do you know, Cheng Cheng.

I once thought about it, but because of your existence, I think this world is still cute.

The way you urged me not to be picky eaters, the smirk after a successful confession, the relaxed disdain when watching ghost movies, the excited screams when playing video games... everything makes me feel vivid and beautiful, let me know , I really live in this world.

Because of your warmth, I walked out of the cage.It seems that the black and white world has color in an instant.

"Because there are people like you living in this world, I have a little hope for the world"

As soon as Chen Ningxuan's song came out, the Internet exploded.

Many people probably have such moments. There are no major setbacks in ordinary life, and some trivial unsatisfactory things eventually accumulate in the bottom of their hearts into unexitable depression.When everyone is an adult and working, it's not unemployment, lovelorn or relatives, but all kinds of "unsatisfactory" emotions. If you say it, you know it's hypocritical, but if you don't say it, you will always be aggrieved.

It happened that I kept asking myself to "don't be hypocritical", and finally felt that I was the only one left in the world, and I couldn't figure out the meaning of living alone like this.If there is a person, at this time, instead of telling you to be brave and bear it, and tell you:

"I am here, I am with you, you are not alone, everything will be fine."

When people are strong, they never imagine that what they need when they are weakest are these words that sound the most useless.Thinking about that time, all I needed was "cry if you want to cry, and come back quickly if you are too tired outside".

After time has passed, when I occasionally think of the hand that was stretched out to me in the darkest moment, I feel, ah, now is not the worst, life is actually good.

Countless people commented on the touch when they heard this song, and some even said that because they heard this song, they dispelled the idea of ​​suicide.According to statistics, there are not a few people who have committed suicide but canceled their plans because of this song.They may be down people in life, and there are successful people you never thought of.They more or less lack the courage to live in their lives, but they regain their confidence when they hear this song.

One music critic commented:

This song by Chen Ningxuan surprised me.

In the previous issues, he showed us another side of him, sunny and upright, who wants to use his singing to achieve the ability to influence others.I have to say that such an idea is really worthy of the Holy Father, but we have forgotten that such a person who sang "Smile" was once a crazy depressed patient.

He is not as beautiful as we imagined, but he has survived those days and realized the preciousness of life even more.And in this song, I heard his hesitation.His vulnerability, his restlessness and loss.It was the only sense he had ever had in the world, and now he has come out.And I want to use this song to sing for everyone.

Perhaps we will all face the troughs in our lives and question, what is wrong with this world?why?Why?

I don't know what to say, maybe there will be times of despair in the world, and I hope that people who are depressed and depressed can finally come out of despair and depression.Think about it, there is always someone in this world who will accompany you and support you all the time.

Although he may not be able to truly understand your pain and experience what you have experienced personally, he will tolerate you with the most beautiful love and kindness in the world.A person who is not aggressive in any way, a person who is really kind.If you encounter it, please cherish it.If not, please look forward to it.

He's here, on his way.

I love you.

In the finals of "Singer", the judge Shan He said:

This song sang all the failures that a serious living person can experience. Because of the resonance, I can cry while listening and feel relieved after crying.

On the other hand, with red eyes, Pan Chen uploaded this sentence on Weibo:

In the past, Chen Ningxuan hoped that you would hear his story from his singing.

Now he just wants you to hear your stories in his song.

And comfort everyone.

The author has something to say:

Today's share (heart)

I'm sorry it wasn't "Waiting for You to 35" (laughs), I planned this song from the beginning of my brain.

I have a lot to say in my heart, I don't know how to say it.The bloody dress mentioned here was designed by a beautiful androgynous person, Nuan Nuan.The name of the work is [The World of Truman]. Interested friends can find him by searching for keywords of intersex people on station b.

The name of this song is "I once thought about it too", which is straightforwardly "I once wanted to die in the past".It is a song that I think, must post all the lyrics.It is recommended that interested friends watch the live version of Mika Nakashima, it is the most empowering.This song really, really healed me.

If you are lucky enough to read the comments of this song on NetEase Cloud, the negative energy in it and the kindness shown by human beings will definitely move you.

In the chapter of "Smile", I saw a little angel said that he thought about leaving this world.My story is similar to the self-sacrifice caused by family accidents, and the twists and turns are simply vulgar and bloody serials.Anyway, I really tried to die and jump over the building.It's a pity that I finally grabbed the gap in the wall and struggled desperately to climb up to the roof of the sixth floor.I don't quite remember the completely flat sky at that moment.I also ran away from home, but unfortunately returned home.After more than ten years of decadence, he is still alive and well.Heartless, there are idols I like.It's been a good day, it's over.

There are a lot of things I want to express in this chapter, but I don’t know how to write it here.Gradually, I lost my original intention of brainstorming, and my life became as dull and depressing as plain boiled water.I should go to work during the summer vacation, the freshness and excitement should be better.

Some little angels said that my writing can hit people instantly.If I can really influence a little bit with my hot chicken writing of this ordinary and small person, I also feel grateful.I really, really appreciate you guys being able to see this.

So please keep going.

If you feel very tired and can't hold on.Remember this is life.As long as you survive, you will be awesome, and it will be a life that you will say with a smile when you recall it later.

In short, we must live on! !

Finally, I wish everyone a happy Children's Day. We are not old.