midsummer restlessness

The rain has been pattering all day long, but it was just in the afternoon, but it seemed that it was approaching twilight.

It was after 3 o'clock in the afternoon when Xia An arrived at the Chongqing Cemetery according to the address described on the phone. After completing the formalities and signing, he followed the staff into the cemetery.

Perhaps because of the weather, there were not many people who came to visit the deceased relatives in the empty cemetery, and the already solemn atmosphere was even more deserted.

Xia An was wearing a black windbreaker, holding a sky-blue umbrella, and holding a bouquet of white flowers. She followed the footsteps in front of her and shuttled among the neatly arranged tombstones. Finally, she stopped at a place farther away. The other party asked her if she had any more. What is needed, she shook her head, and the man left.

Her straight back slowly relaxed after the other party walked away, and she stood in front of the tombstone for a long time.

The rain was getting heavier and heavier, and the dark clouds in the gloomy sky were pressing down low. The rain was crackling on the umbrella, and hitting the water-logged ground heavily, breaking into huge and ugly ripples.

"Dad, I'm here to see you."

The cold voice was lost in the noise of the heavy rain all over the world, so it couldn't be heard clearly.

"After you left, Mom took me abroad. It's been so many years, and this is the first time I've seen you in this kind of scene."

Xia An put the bouquet of flowers in front of the tombstone and said slowly.

"Mom—she left a few days ago. Originally, I wanted to bring the ashes back to China to be buried with you, but I couldn't go through the formalities, so I buried them in Melbourne according to my uncle's wishes."

"She remarried to Melbourne a few months after you left. At that time, I didn't understand. I hated her for being ruthless. I didn't understand how she could do this. She resolutely ignored any old friendship."

"On the day she left, we were all gathered around the ward. I was standing far away. Virs, who was closest to her, said that her mother was calling for you. When I got closer, she pointed to the bracelet on her wrist. It was my mother who never left her body for so many years. I didn't understand what she meant, Virs said she wanted to leave this to me."

Xia An's voice was calm, as if he was telling a story out of the way.

"I found out later that you gave this bracelet to her when we first met, and she wanted me to give it back to you."

"She left only two things, a bracelet and a diary. Both are related to you."

"Mom said in her diary that she never felt that she had let you down, nor regretted doing so. She just took care of me and wanted me to have better living conditions. She never forgot you."

Xia An paused. "She has always loved you in her own way that I never understood."

In my memory, my mother has always been stubborn and determined to do what she thinks is right. She is not good at explaining and does not care about other people's opinions.

It's a pity that the only person I care about and the only person I trust is the one who doesn't understand her the least, hates her the most and resents her the most.

"She has been full of grievances for me for so many years, but I rarely take the time to go home and have a meal with her."

"I didn't even take a good look at her. The last time I saw her was in the hospital, before the white cloth was covered, just a quick glance."

"I didn't hear what the last sentence she said was, but I guess it must have something to do with you."

Xia An will never forget in this life, the last time her mother pulled her hesitant expression and clutched the bracelet that was still warm.

Looking into those cloudy eyes, she suddenly understood something in just a moment.

But mother, mother died.

She is gone, and no one is willing to send her a text message on a rainy day to ask her to dress more and remember to take an umbrella.

No one bothered to call her every weekend to ask her if she had time to go home for dinner.

No one stubbornly insists on knitting a scarf for her every winter. Even though she knows that she might not wear it at all, it seems like a habit that cannot be changed.

"Dad, I understand her, and I regret it, but she never gave me another chance to say sorry."

Xia An let go of the umbrella, and the rain slid down the side of her face and neck. She pressed her lips tightly, took off the bracelet on her wrist and put it in front of the tombstone, and kowtowed a few times in the pouring rain.

Love is not just looking at each other for thousands of years, such a relationship is too ideal and too thin.

Love is heavy. If you leave, I will try my best to live the rest of my life with the responsibilities you left behind. When the next day dawns, I will find you forever.

Her mother taught her love all her life.

But she lost a mess in a certain chase.

At the last corner of leaving the cemetery, she knelt down and finally couldn't help crying bitterly.

On Friday, August 2006, 8, it rained.

This day has finally come.

Although I knew that there would be such a day, when I knew that you would never come back, I was so caught off guard and embarrassed.

My collapse, my despair, my uneasiness, you just sleep quietly, no longer open to take a look.

You are covered with a white cloth, I saw what hell looks like.

I have imagined many kinds of futures for our family, the most is to be with you until Baishou, and Xiaoan will be safe every year.

But I never expected that you would leave me in this way.

You stayed at the best age of vicissitudes when you stayed at the peak, but selfishly left me with the dark night where I struggled until the end when I couldn't see anything.

I will not look back for you, because I was young when you and I were together, and now I am exhausted and have no strength to pursue life and death.

What's more, there are unfulfilled obligations and unfulfilled responsibilities you have left for me. I can only confess to you if I try my best to withstand the pressure and continue to live a good life.

Between life and death, I have endless sorrow but I can only swallow it all through my teeth. I must be calm and strong, even though it turns out to be so difficult.

Xiaoan is 17 years old. This is an awkward age. She knows love for the first time but doesn't understand it.

She hates me and hates me, I know it, but I don't know how to explain it to her.

I've never been good at this kind of thing, you know, but Xiao An is my daughter, the last hope you left me in this world.

I want her to understand, but she always pushes me away.

I thought, forget it.

She is still in the days of the most beautiful fantasy of love, with a pure and undefiled persistence, how can I bear to break it.

Those things that Xiaoan didn't understand let her gradually understand in the future.

She will understand that she will always grow up.

And the broken ties between us will wait for the next life to unravel, let the years copy, you will always live in the most beautiful place in my memory, as if seeing you for the first time.

Life and death are separated.

I hope you are safe.

1556638