In waiting of Viel

-

The body always begins to fail before the brain.

Infatuation always comes after habit.

A purposeless person is always looking for a purpose.

Only empty people find solace in dreams.

----

I don't know how many times I have had this dream.

Generally, you don't have dreams with repetitive content.

Repetition is the beginning of memory.

Al turned his back on me.

I wanted to go to Al, but I couldn't.

The body seemed to be fixed, unable to move.

I could only watch Alfred go farther and farther away from me, but I couldn't see Alfred's expression.

But I think he should be expressionless.

Why leave?

I could have asked the question, but now I can't say it no matter what, as if something is pinching the vocal cords, and I can't make any sound.

I can only repeat in my heart: "Don't go, Al."

Al didn't turn his head, and turned his back to me and slowly walked away: "Wait for me."

"wait for me."

At this time, I screamed weakly: "If...if I can't wait anymore."

Al turned his head, the dazzling white light enveloped him, and he could not see the expression on his face: "I will find you before then."

"..."

"I love you, I can assure you."

I knelt down on the ground weakly, like a puppet whose strings were torn off, and said dejectedly, "...um"

Then the air began to condense, and the original intimate atmosphere no longer existed.

I guess I don't want Al to leave me, but I can't be so selfish and let him stay with me alone.

Al has his own things to do, and I'm sure Al will come back, so it might make me feel better to tell myself that.

I pushed myself up and yelled at Al, "I'll wait for you to come back."

"I will return."

This is the last conversation with Al in the dream.

Before Al left, he hugged me so tightly that I couldn't breathe.

Then he kissed me, very light and a little bit bitter.

I wanted to catch up.

Originally, I wanted to be stubborn to tell Al not to leave.

But the last kiss seemed to be fixed.

Except for sight, all senses of the body seem to disappear,

Can't hear it, can't smell it, can't feel it.

Also, out of reach.

So how long will you wait for what you said?

So what's your reason for leaving so suddenly.

Then why am I sad about this matter.

Closing your eyes, even your vision began to gradually fade out.

Only darkness remained.

-

cold sweat.

Still woke up in the morning.

Unreal moonlight reflected on the bed through the glass window.

It was as if everything had become icy cold.

took a shower.

Forgot to adjust the water temperature and it was scorching hot on first touch.

Very hot.

Because of the high temperature, I didn't realize I was scalded until I reacted.

It may be because I just woke up, and my senses are not clear enough.

In the vagueness, I can't feel the burning sensation.

When I wiped it with a bath towel, I realized that it was red and swollen.

-

I looked at my watch.

It's not until five o'clock.

What should I do, continue to sleep?

But lying in bed did not feel sleepy at all.

Every time I want to do this dream, I wake up like this.

"wait for me."

"wait for me."

The voice that had rang in my ears thousands of times sounded again.

Alfred, how do you want me to wait for you.

Moonlight shines through the curtains and hits the bookshelf.

Dappled light and shadow.

In a trance, the light and shadow looked like a blurred figure in his eyes.

He twisted his neck and turned his head towards the bed.

Like, yes, a hanged man.

The next second I feel like he's going to spit out broken words.

I got up and looked at the curtains.

There is nothing there.

I laughed at my inexplicable delusions.But after that, a huge, inescapable sense of emptiness swallowed him up.

Only at this time, I will inexplicably hope that there is someone by my side.

But I have no one except Alfred.

The moonlight became hazy at this moment, and the light shining on the bookshelf was still light no matter how you looked at it.

And shadows form strange shapes.

This is the sound of a car horn suddenly sounding outside.

The alarm clock strikes six o'clock impartially.

The drowsiness disappeared after this.

It seems to deliberately keep me from falling into the follow-up of that dream.

It was the only silence I remember with Al.

I fell asleep, but my heart would not sleep.

It contained a man named Alfred.

I wanted to wait until he came to me.

Fill the void around me.

including the heart.

-

Haven't had a dream for days.

I miss Alfred on a spiritual level.Only then did I realize that when the novel mentions waiting, there is a short sentence in the middle of x years, the protagonist does not know what kind of mood he is waiting for.

Suddenly a terrible idea popped up in my mind: Will I be unable to wait?

I am getting more and more afraid to mention this question.

Is the sentence ringing in my ears still the same tone, I don't know what these two words represent.

Pain at the junction of ribs and abdomen, because of the pain I started dieting.

I think it's probably stomach perforation.

When I have time, even when I have hallucinations, I always think about the content of the dreams I once had.

An overly realistic dream.

A fleeting sense of belonging.

A frightening mental dependence.

I may just subconsciously pursue such an existence that will give me warmth and love.

"Tell me what you want to achieve."

Is it possible to tell you?I cursed.

"can."

"I want to be with Alfred." After saying this, I felt a little ridiculous, I would actually believe such a thing, and I really became hopeless.

The unthinking consequence is that the tinnitus gets worse.

I think I'm going to dream of Alfred tonight.

-

A person who pursues one thing too much sometimes questions himself.

Why would I want it.

However, they all selectively ignore the emptiness in their hearts.

-

dream.

Because I saw a cat basking in the sun in the morning.

For the first time, I found that the dream world was so clear that it made me feel scared.

I saw Al waving to myself.

The golden hair is more dazzling in the sun.

It seemed to be burned by Al's smile.

very nice.

To be able to see Al's smile, to be able to see Al, to be with Al.

Trot all the way to Al's side.

He said we went for an outing together.

outing.

He fell asleep in a daze on the bus, and when he woke up, he found himself lying in Al's arms.

I got up to find that Al was asleep too.

Ok.

Fortunately, I didn't sit and stand.

I think I must have been to this place.

Because I feel familiar.

Al took my hand and walked across the drawbridge together.

Only two people took the boat together.

Al kissed me when I wasn't looking when we came ashore.

I could only hold Al's hand blushing.

How embarrassing.

Large expanses of peach blossoms.

It's like being in Taoyuan Township.

"Is it good?" Al asked me, turning his face to the side.

"Hmm." I sighed.

"I think you look better."

I took the initiative to stand on tiptoe and kissed Al on the cheek, thinking that obviously you look better.

Al smiled and hugged me.

I feel the blood rushing up all over my body, and I definitely call this feeling liking, or love.

I like Alfred.

No matter how long you make me wait after that.

-

It's easy to get used to a person, but it's extremely difficult when you're separated from another person.

I tossed and turned in bed, trying not to fall asleep.

Not because he didn't want to see Al, but because he was afraid of what he would do after losing Al.

tinnitus.

Hear the sound of broken machine gears.

I think the alarm clock went off again.

Get up, stand in front of the window, lean on the window like that, quietly watching the street lights and vehicles in twos and threes outside.

When you can't sleep, think about other things.

But what would you think?

What would happen if you dreamed about Al?What will you do with Al?

No, no, this is Al's mind.

I'm afraid that I will become dependent, and I'm afraid what will happen if Al is not real.

It's better not to think about it, it's better to forget all the dreams that I want to close with Al.

Although it is impossible.

But there was still a small voice in my heart telling me that Al might not show up.

Words about the inexplicable became less and less.

Lying on the bed, I feel that consciousness is slowly drifting away from me.

--Dream.

No Al.

Not just no Al.

There is nothing here.

All are black.

All black.

Thick black that has no emotion and even makes people feel frightened.

My intuition told me it was death.

But unexpectedly, there was not much fluctuation in his heart.

It's like the last flashback of a person whose time is approaching.

Death is a wonderful process.

You start to feel like you're getting lighter, and then it's like the last piece of consciousness that's clinging to you wants to break free.

I can't move my body, and I can't even do the simplest blink of an eye.

The brain is awake, but the body is dead.

Why experience death in dreams?

But the feeling is surprisingly real.

As if he had really died.