too embarrassing

"Everyone is killing a loved one, and you might as well listen to everyone's method: some use cold eyes, others use passionate confession."

-Wilde

On the second day, when Guifenin returned to the department early in the morning, he could smell the tangy fragrance of flowers.

When I saw it, there was a large bouquet of bright red roses on the little nurse's desk, which was dazzlingly bright.

He remembered that the rose that Niu Keqing gave him last night was also so red, and he didn't throw it away in the end, just let it stand alone in the water glass.

Director Liang walked by with a thermos cup in his hand, and when he saw the flower, he teased, "Hey, the little girl has collected the flowers."

The little nurse had a sweet look on her face, "It's Valentine's Day today, my dog ​​must show something."

Listening to the conversation between the two, Gu Yifenen felt depressed.

In the past, he didn't pay attention to this kind of festival at all, but for some reason, this year...he always felt that he could have something to do with this festival.

He was absent-minded, and remembered Niu Keqing's "I love you" again.

I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you... These three shitty words are a ticking time bomb.

That love was too deep, like a big rock pressing on his heart, which could not be moved or kicked away, so that he could no longer face Niu Keqing as he wanted.

Thinking about it, I feel even more irritable. Originally, Dr. Gu wanted to make a healthy wolfberry tea, but he also replaced it with a heat-clearing chrysanthemum tea.

A head nurse suddenly came over and called him, "Doctor Gu, a handsome colleague is looking for you."

As soon as Gu Yifening left the department, it was Niu Keqing.

Since last night, an invisible wall has been built between the two of them. As long as they face each other, they need to overcome this barrier with difficulty.

Niu Keqing never took the initiative to look for him in the hospital, but this time he actually found him in the department, "Let's meet tonight, at my house. I have something to tell you."

"Tonight?" Guifenin's heart tightened, and he couldn't think of any excuses.

Since the other party has mentioned this matter face to face, it means that there is no chance for him to evade, not even a chance to fool him by posting an emoji on WeChat.

"Yes," Niu Keqing suddenly remembered what day it was, and said, "Don't think too much, it just coincides with Valentine's Day. Even if it's Ching Ming Festival, I still have to say what I should say."

He paused, and his eyes became more complicated: "It can't be summed up in three simple words."

Guifenin was a little hesitant, he could foresee what the other party was going to say to him, so he remained silent for a long time.

His attitude was almost written on his face. Niu Keqing clenched his fists, only to realize...it turned out that the other party didn't want to listen to what he had been debating for so long whether to say or not.

But he will not give the other party this kind of push and pull opportunity, he can no longer stand this kind of vague definition, he must speak clearly.

"Come or not, the choice is yours." Niu Keqing will still give him the respect that should be given, but at the same time he also emphasizes: "If you can bear this situation, continue like this, but I know you, you can't bear it for long .”

Embarrassment is the hardest thing to bear, isn't it?

In the end, Guifenin still gave in, probably because he wanted to end this inconsequential relationship, and promised him: "Okay, then tonight."

In the evening, the two met as scheduled.

They put everything on the table in the way that adults should use, and talk frankly.

Niu Keqing held a cup of hot tea, so that his cold hands could be warmed up, and it could also give him some confidence, so that he wouldn't start shaking before he could say anything.

"Actually, you know, don't you?" He asked Guifenin, "You always knew, but you pretended to be blind and deaf, pretending that you didn't know anything."

During this period of time, no matter how he showed favor or tried, the other party always turned a blind eye and remained indifferent, playing tricks with ease, extinguishing his enthusiasm time and time again.

One avoids, one hits a wall.

There was no wave in Guifenin's blue eyes, he said indifferently: "I think my attitude is clear enough."

Since the day he noticed Niu Keqing's love, he had already expressed his attitude both openly and secretly.

He didn't want to be responsible, and he was unwilling to give up this extremely harmonious relationship, so he kept ignoring and killing the other party, trying to make the other party's enthusiasm fade away, which was no different from cold violence.

But this illusory harmony is like a layer of paper, which can't even withstand the words "I love you", as if being pierced by the tip of a needle, it is simply broken.

Harmony ceased to exist, and their relationship was torn along this small breach until they were completely separated.

"Is your so-called attitude evasion? Go around the corner and ignore me? Then continue to sleep with me? Pretend nothing happened?"

"Keqing, you are the person I have the longest relationship with, do you know why?"

Niu Keqing had the answer in his heart, but he still asked without giving up: "Why?"

Guifenin was straightforward and almost cruel: "Because I think you are the same person as me, knowledgeable, sensible, smart, consciously obeying the rules, knowing how to keep a safe distance from each other, and not arbitrarily trespassing even half a distance. "

"I can't be that rational and smart person you said," Niu Keqing excitedly stood up from the sofa, "I don't want to be your sex friend anymore, I want to be your lover."

Originally, the other party provoked him first, but now that he has sunk, the other party wants to withdraw selfishly. Is there such a cheap deal in this world?

Guifenin also stood up, looking deeply at him.

Seeing the tears in Niu Keqing's eyes, the man put him into his arms pretending to be tender, and stroked Niu Keqing's back neck, but his tone was calm: "Doctor Niu, it's good for us to keep the status quo."

He was as calm as God's perspective, watching Niu Keqing in pain with a blank face, and the stroking one after another seemed to be just smoothing the fur of a crazy puppy.

"Not good, not good at all. I'm not satisfied, I'm greedy, I want more." Niu Keqing shook his head uncontrollably, and hugged the other party's waist tightly, getting tighter and tighter.

He doesn't mind giving himself a "greedy" accusation.He can steal, rob, and occupy the heart of the other party, if the other party has it.

"Yeah, sex with you. Love is a never boring thing, but I'm not content with it. Dr. Gu, I like you, I'm in love with you, I hope our relationship can go further than building In terms of physical needs for each other."

"I used to think that I was a person who didn't fall in love easily. After I met you, I realized that I was actually very easy to fall in love. Doctor Gu, my heart was shaken by you in a mess, and I can't get back to the original state."

One person speaks, one person listens, the person who speaks makes people want to cry, and the person who listens is expressionless.

Guifenin: "You're breaking the rules."

Niu Keqing entangled in each other's arms: "I know I broke the rules, and I remember what we promised each other at the beginning, but I can't keep this relationship with you forever, it's too painful... I'm afraid my heart will be shaken, but yours won't move at all."

"So, Doctor Gu, please respond to me. I want to get a clear and unobtrusive answer, and I want to know your exact intentions. Secret love is a very bitter thing, please give me some sweetness, can you? "

Niu Keqing spoke out all his prepared thoughts in one go.It turned out that there were so many things I wanted to say in my heart, but it was only a few minutes when I finally said them.

But what is wrapped in it is countless hours of insomnia.

However, after he said these words, the man holding him paused and slowly let go of him.

Gu Yifenen's eyes were serious, and something was about to come out.At this moment, Niu Keqing's secret love seems to have come to fruition.

In fact, from the very beginning, he had a premonition that this confession would fail, but he still tried without hesitation.It's a pity that this bravery touched me, but not the person in front of me.

"Take your words back," Guifenin gave a warning: "As long as you take your words back, we can still be the same as before."

"What's the point of that?" Niu Keqing felt ridiculous.

The words spoken are like water poured out, and it is difficult to take back the water. It is the same as the heart that has been given, how can it be taken back?

"You insist on not taking it back?" Guifenin warned him for the last time.

"Yes." Niu Keqing nodded firmly. He chose to confess, and he would never regret it.

"Doctor Niu, I think," Guifenin took a step back, his eyes indifferent, "we need to stop for a while."

After all, he still said these words, like a cold sentence, sending Niu Keqing into a prison where he couldn't get what he wanted.

Niu Keqing's body temperature turned cold with the other person's words, his glasses fogged up, and a tear rolled out from the corner of his eye.

Is this the worst possible outcome?Right, Dr. Gu is about to draw a line with him.

He had expected this kind of ending long ago. Ever since he said the sentence "I love you", he was like a condemned prisoner, tremblingly waiting for the knife on his head to fall, waiting to be beaten.

The executioner was this blue-eyed man.

Almost suppressing the desolation in his heart, Niu Keqing grabbed the opponent's hand and said an extravagant request: "...Don't sentence me to death."

He is such an arrogant person, but now he is willing to let go of his posture and beg the other party to give him some leeway, not even a little bit of decency left.

Gu Yvening thought he could be free and easy, but his heart was very honest, like a piece of iron tied to it, sinking and sinking in the bottomless sea.

He, a person who is so narcissistic in his bones, looks at Niu Keqing's extremely sad eyes at this moment, and actually begins to loathe himself, loathing such a contradictory self——

Obviously he cares a lot in his heart, but he has to be open-minded and unrestrained.

He cares about Niu Keqing's feelings, but he is selfish and saves face, and doesn't want himself to show the same vulnerability as Niu Keqing.

He didn't want to be the next Niu Keqing.

"I know you don't like me, but can you give me some leeway?" Niu Keqing's tone seemed to be pleading, sincere and humble, "The friendship on the bed, at least give me some dignity, some thoughts, don't be like this ......so......"

He almost took out his whole heart, and put it bloody in front of Gu Ifnin as an offering.

Gu Yvening was used to indifference, even though his heart trembled, he was already familiar with rejecting people.He shook off the opponent's hand: "Room? If I leave it to you, I won't have it."

An egoist like him always thinks only about himself and puts his own needs first. This is his worst and truest nature.

Niu Keqing just felt it was unfair, "You are the one who said to start this game, and you are the one who said to end this game. From the beginning to the end, I didn't even have the initiative. Immediately go.”

Didn't he think about running away?Obviously there are.He struggled and stayed away, but the other party did not let him go, sticking to him like a piece of adhesive tape, entangled him like a vine.

Now it was on fire, and the fire spread uncontrollably, but the other party wanted to escape irresponsibly.

"You can blame me," Guifenin was familiar with these situations, but at this moment he didn't dare to look into the other person's eyes: "You are not the first person to say these things to me."

Niu Keqing's hands trembled, and he touched the other person's face, "It's really strange that a selfish person like you who has no empathy can end up as a doctor who saves lives and heals the wounded."

"I don't need to have empathy for their anus and intestines."

As Gu Yifenen said these words, Niu Keqing's fingertips were frozen with coldness on the hand next to his face through his breath.

"What about me?"

"Same."

Niu Keqing laughed loudly, the tears in the corners of his eyes kept sliding down, he watched the other party leave in a hazy mist, leaving a back like ice and paper.

The man left only three words without sympathy——

"sorry."

The man stood in a home where there was only one person left, for a long time, desperate alone.

He gave him "I love you",

He replied "I'm sorry",

That's it.