soft hedgehog

Sleepless nights of course.

Ji Tong opened his eyes and waited for the dawn, and when it was dawn, he began to fear the dawn again.

After packing up, it was time to go back to school. Hu Aihua handed him the food and asked, "Did you see your brother? Did you not come back yesterday?"

He shook his head hastily: "No."

He didn't knock on the door last night, Liang Yuchen probably left out of wit, without disturbing his parents or Ji Tong.

That's good too, Ji Tong thought, if he and his brother had kept their distance earlier, it wouldn't have turned into what it was like last night.

After sending him to the porch, Hu Aihua straightened the curly hair behind his ears, and suddenly saw something hanging around his neck, and he let out a sigh.

"You bought this necklace new? Why does it look like a ring?"

Ji Tong lowered his head in a daze.The plain collar around the neck glowed with a low-key shimmer, half hidden in the jacket, half exposed in the air, like some kind of hidden emotion.

With just one glance, he suddenly understood what Liang Yuchen gave him.

It is a ring, a ring that represents love.

Silly.

Ji Tong felt that he was really stupid, and only now did he realize that it was in vain for him to ask his brother to give up his long-term relationship.

He went out in a daze, sitting in a trance on the subway, and took off the things around his neck before he arrived at school.

—

After class in the afternoon, the four people in the dormitory went to the cafeteria to eat together. During the meal, Ji Tong didn't know what to eat.

Wang Teng asked: "What's the matter with you, you look unhappy."

"No," Ji Tong shook his head, his eyes were dry, "I didn't sleep well."

It was dusk when I came out of the cafeteria, and the sky above my head was getting darker and darker every minute than the last minute. Along the way, the students who came and went huddled their bodies to keep out the cold.

When he was approaching the dormitory building, he saw the person waiting downstairs and stopped abruptly.

Liang Yuchen was waiting at the door of the dormitory building, breathing on his hands with his mouth open, his breath was misty.

"Why didn't you leave?" the other three asked.

"I suddenly remembered something, you guys go back first." Ji Tong backed away unconsciously.

Added another sentence: "If you meet my brother, don't say you have met me."

Wang Teng gave a long groan, thinking it was the same old way: "Did you make some mistakes again, afraid that your brother will punish you?"

He asked in a trance: "Don't say you've seen me." Then he didn't dare to stay any longer, and left without looking back.

In the past two days, Liang Yuchen called him many times, but he didn't answer them all, and sent him many text messages, but he didn't reply any of them.

It's not that he doesn't want to, it's that he doesn't dare, just like the moment when he fled.

He has never learned to bravely face mountainous difficulties since he was a child, and he only asks for help and escapes when he encounters problems.

Wang Teng and the others had no choice but to walk forward, and Liang Yuchen soon noticed.

"Where's Ji Tong?"

The three hesitated: "I didn't see anyone."

"Go to class?"

"It seems so."

"what class?"

The three looked at each other again: "I don't know."

"I'm looking for him—"

Before he finished speaking, Liang Yuchen suddenly pressed his stomach with both hands, his back, which was always upright, was slightly curved, and his face was a bit forbearing.Hou Jin was the first to react, but he calmly blocked him when he wanted to help.

"Brother Yuchen, are you okay, are you feeling unwell?"

Liang Yuchen breathed a sigh of relief, his body barely straightened: "It's nothing, I have a stomachache."

Emotional matters torture a person from body to heart, almost destroying his will.No matter how often he took the initiative to contact, and he was gentle and honest between the lines, Ji Tong just refused to meet him, refused to talk to him, and refused to even answer him a word.

All their past tenderness seemed to be insignificant, and Ji Tong resolutely excluded him from his own world, perhaps wishing that they would break off contact.

Wang Teng didn't know the whole situation, so he casually persuaded him: "Brother Yuchen, don't get angry with Ji Tong, it's not worth it to get sick? He's just a heartless and generous person."

Although this brother is not close, everyone in their dormitory can see how much he cares about Ji Tong. This time, of course, he also thinks that Ji Tong is guilty.

Liang Yuchen didn't want to talk too much since he didn't meet the person he wanted to see: "I'll go first, when you see him, tell him I've been here."

The three of them agreed repeatedly, walked back to the dormitory, and put the matter behind them not long after.

—

Ji Tong didn't go anywhere else that night and hid in the library.He thought, even if Liang Yuchen looked for him in school, he probably wouldn't find him here, after all, this is the place he came to the least.

The closest people in the past are now avoided like snakes and scorpions.

Sitting in the corner, Ji Tong had a few books in front of him, he opened a page at random, and didn't move it again.

After the kiss last night, he hadn't calmed down from his horror for a long time, and it was difficult for him to accept it for a while.I remember Liang Yuchen said that there was a girl he liked before, so why did he kiss him again now?

No matter how open you are, it's easy to talk about other people's affairs after all. When things happen to you, it's far from being as easy as saying "accept".They are both men and brothers, and if they want to take that step, it cannot be described as "rebellious".

Thinking of this, those hugs and intimacy in the past suddenly changed their appearance on the same bed, and even the special movie caught in a pile of movies at that time was embarrassing.

He lay down on the table, his face burning hot.

Brother is so deliberate, deliberately making him unable to parry.

When the music was playing in the library, he still didn't dare to go back to the dormitory, and wandered around the campus with his bag on his back, his heart in confusion.After walking round and round, he only chose places with few people. On the fifth lap, Wang Teng sent him a message: "Aren't you coming back? The lights are about to turn off."

He had no choice but to walk back, taking every step cautiously. When he approached the dormitory building, he deliberately walked in the shadow of the wall. Unexpectedly, he still saw a vague and familiar silhouette tens of meters away——

A man was sitting on the steps in front of the building, wearing the pair of white sneakers he gave him, with his backpack at his feet, his elbows resting on his knees apart, neither looking at his phone nor listening to music, his eyes were turned off when he looked ahead. On the illuminated stadium, they are doing one thing without distraction: waiting.

Ji Tong couldn't imagine how long Liang Yuchen had been waiting for him.

He flinched again, stopping in his tracks.He wanted to go over to ask Liang Yuchen why he forced him, but he took two steps but lost his courage, and finally turned around and ran away in another direction.

The first thing he did when he got home that night was to turn off the phone, and then he hid from Liang Yuchen like an enemy until the day before his birthday.

Qu Han heard from somewhere that it was his birthday, so he called to wish him a happy birthday.Ji Tong agreed to invite her to dinner, which was near the school, and the two of them walked around the campus after eating.

At night, when the grove was crowded, they didn't intend to join in the fun, so they sat on the grass outside.A little cold, but tolerable.

The two curled up their legs, Qu Han propped his hands behind his back, and looked up at the stars in the sky.

"It's very beautiful to see the stars from this location." There is no shelter, no fog and no clouds.

Ji Tong didn't look up, he knew that no matter how beautiful it was, it couldn't be more beautiful than the one on the roof.

"Do you have something on your mind?" She turned her head again, "I don't talk much today."

The few times I met Ji Tong in the past, I didn't talk much, but this time it can be regarded as cherishing words like gold.She smiled: "I heard that you are a very interesting dude, but every time I meet you, you are very preoccupied. If you don't want to meet, just say it. I am also boring."

"It has nothing to do with you." Ji Tong pulled a piece of grass from his side and wrapped it around his fingers like a ring.

"Have you ever kissed?" he asked.

Qu Han was startled: "So direct."

Ji Tong said: "Don't get me wrong, I just asked if you have ever kissed."

Qu Han looked at him strangely for a while, then slowly said: "Yes, I had it in junior high school."

"What do you feel?"

"I don't want to stop."

Ji Tong raised his head: "Don't want to stop?"

"That's right." Qu Han expressed frankly, "Kissing someone you like, the first feeling is that you don't want to stop, you want that moment to last forever."

Ji Tong was in a daze for a while, and subconsciously rubbed his upper lip with his fingertips.It was bitten by Liang Yuchen last night, leaving no marks, but the touch is like a tattoo on the lip, no matter how many times you wash it, it is not light.

He wondered if this feeling would last forever.

"What happened to you today?" Qu Han asked, "You still ask this kind of question."

The grass in his hands loosened in circles, Ji Tong said: "I just want to know what it's like to kiss someone I like."

Qu Han said: "As I said, if you kiss him, you still want to kiss him, and if you kiss him, you won't want to kiss anyone else."

I don't want to kiss anyone else after kissing him...

Ji Tong slowly recalled this sentence, and for a while he was in a state of confusion.

After staying for a while, their bodies were already frozen, and the two stood up with their arms and legs moving.He sent Qu Han back, thinking that it would be safe at this late hour, but he didn't expect that when he got to the school gate, he still met the person he least wanted to meet——

Liang Yuchen was riding his bike back to school.

The two passed each other, but before Ji Tong could hide, someone grabbed his arm.

"Tongtong." Liang Yuchen stabilized the car and pulled him, "Let's talk."

Ji Tong hurriedly pulled away, froze for two times, Qu Han asked: "Your friend?"

"My brother," he said.

Only then did Liang Yuchen notice the girl who was with him.

Qu Han knew about his brother, and seeing the strange atmosphere between them, he didn't say much, but insisted not to let Ji Tong send him off again.

Ji Tong lowered his eyes and saw Liang Yuchen's hands were red from the cold.

"Give me a little time, let's talk." Liang Yuchen said again.

He couldn't avoid it, so he could only nod his head in agreement, and refused to sit in the back seat no matter what he said.So the two of them could only push the cart and walk slowly to a secluded corner.

Liang Yuchen should have gone out to do some important business tonight, with a flat knot hidden under the collar of his shirt, and a black suit in his suit.

"Why didn't you answer my call?"

Ji Tong kept a distance of one meter from him and refused to answer.

"Did I offend you that day?"

That kiss that day, he later thought about it and regretted it, he couldn't bear the provocation like that, and rushed everything too hastily.

After waiting for a long time, Ji Tong still pursed his lips and did not speak, sticking in front of him like a log.

He was anxious, and growled: "Talk to me."

Ji Tong finally raised his head, his eye circles were all red, and he looked closely at each other: "What did you say?"

It was as if he was not the one who dropped countless phone calls and had no news for several days, but he was the one who suffered from insomnia and could not eat.

Because of this look, Liang Yuchen threw away his helmet and armor, his heart softened, and he half hugged him: "Don't cry, I shouldn't yell at you, but you should always talk to me, even if you ask me what I want to say." OK."

Ji Tong couldn't help but ask, "What are you going to say?"

Unexpectedly, he fell into his trap.

Liang Yuchen looked at him with a clear voice: "I ask you, do you want to be with me, you know that I have always liked you."

The word like like thunder explodes in my ears, all tenderness is false.Ji Tong shuddered all over, and shook his head desperately with tears in his eyes, but there was not a trace of strength left in his body.

The two brothers were together, deviant, he had never thought about it, and it was impossible to think about it.

Liang Yuchen's body distanced himself from him: "You dare not be with me?"

Two lines of Ji Tong burst into tears: "I don't dare, I don't like you."

"impossible."

"How is it impossible?" Ji Tong lost control in vain, "You are a man and my brother, how could I like you? You shouldn't like me either, stop talking crazy, okay?"

"Do you think this is crazy?" Liang Yuchen pinched his shoulders and forced him to look at himself, "Do you know how long I have endured this sentence, and how many times I wanted to say it to you right away?"

During the many nights when he was close to Ji Tong, he repeatedly convinced himself that he could not confess his love, because he took Ji Tong's mood and feelings into consideration, and if he endured it any longer, he would go crazy first.

Ji Tong was so irritated that he could hardly stand upright, and asked with a trembling voice, "You read so many books, but you finally told your brother that you like it, don't you feel ashamed?"

Liang Yuchen was stunned, his face pale.

"Who are you missing? Do you mean you like men or you? The sage books only teach me to look up to the world, but they don't teach me that I can't love you."

"What about your father and my mother, don't you feel sorry for them?" Ji Tong looked up at him, his cheeks were full of tears.

Liang Yuchen cut open his heart alive: "I have lived for 26 years and never felt sorry for anyone, nor did I want to feel sorry for myself, do you understand?"

Ji Tong's throat choked up, his eyes blurred: "I don't understand."

The word love stings more than liking.

"Tongtong," Liang Yuchen had finished speaking, almost desperate, "Just be brave for me once, okay?"

It takes great courage to love someone who shouldn't be loved, he has it, but he hopes that Ji Tong will also have it.

Ji Tong couldn't listen anymore.He couldn't free his hands, and took two steps back, constantly asking Liang Yuchen to let go of himself.Liang Yuchen wanted to hug him, but he desperately refused, his voice trembling: "I really, really never liked you, don't force me anymore."

"Impossible." Liang Yuchen still didn't believe it.

Getting along day and night, being intimate all the time, the caring and possessiveness in the past are not fake, he can't believe that Ji Tong doesn't like him.

"I'm good to others, you are jealous of me, you want me to accompany you when you are sick and sad, and you still wear the gift I gave you every day—"

He stopped suddenly when he said this, his eyes froze, and he found that Ji Tong's neck was empty.

"Where's the ring?"

The air is so quiet.

After a long time, Ji Tong's lips moved slightly: "I lost it."

The hand on the forearm loosened in vain.

"Where is it lost?"

"I..." Ji Tong muttered.

"Say it!" Liang Yuchen suddenly shouted at him.

His body trembled: "I lost my way."

"Which way?"

"I don't remember, maybe it's the one outside my house, maybe it's near the school, I've been with Qu Han all the time, I didn't notice..." He poked his fingernails into his palms, trying to keep upright: "I'll pay you."

"Qu Han?" Liang Yuchen asked, "The person who was with you just now?"

Ji Tong nodded slowly.

The two went from talking to arguing, and finally walked into a dead silence.

Liang Yuchen's eyes were restrained, he let go of all tenderness and affection, and looked at Ji Tong with nothing but disappointment.

"Tongtong..." he said slowly, "You really never cared about me."

After saying this, he stepped back step by step, walked away step by step, went down the grassy slope, finally turned around, got on his bike and rode away.

The moon sinks in the western sky, and the lone star is hard to see.

The bicycle left the brick road, passed the gate, and drove into the brightly lit Xiangzhang Road, where it disappeared from Ji Tong's sight.

—

The ring was gone, and it was not even clear where it was lost.

Liang Yuchen rode his bicycle and went out to look for it like crazy.The suffering of love is nothing compared to the suffering of losing the relics of the biological mother.

It was cold and windy, and he rode 1.1 meters across the two streets next to the school. He searched the places Ji Tong might have walked and the shops he might have stayed in.The street lights were too dark, so he had to ride his bicycle with his left hand and hold his mobile phone with his right hand for lighting. After a while, his fingers became so stiff that he couldn't move, but he still didn't dare to miss an inch.

It was one o'clock in the morning near the school, and the phone was almost out of power. He went to a convenience store to buy a flashlight, put it in his pocket, and rode in the direction of home.

The gate of the family courtyard has long been locked, and the night watchman has fallen asleep in the security room wearing cotton clothes, and the small TV is still on.He didn't go in, turned around and followed the usual route to look outside the courtyard, into the ditch at the corner of the wall, and searched for a kilometer, but still found nothing.

He was almost desperate.

The sky is big and the earth is big, depending on him alone, not to mention this night, he might not be able to finish it in his whole life, and he might not be able to get it back.

This time he didn't have any good luck again, or maybe he didn't have good luck from beginning to end.Fate was unfair to him, he was born so brave, and made him fall in love with someone who was not brave.

Young and frivolous, it's a pity that courage is useless.

—

At four o'clock in the morning, he finally gave up and rode on the street without direction with a bone-chilling chill and regretful thoughts, but his body burned after the cold, and he rode outside Yutan Lake Park in a trance.

Red lacquered gates, dark gray corrugated walls, familiar scenes and objects are all hidden in the night.

He looked up and saw the five gold-plated characters on the plaque, and remembered that when he first came here, he was stopped by the lady with red armbands under the plaque and shouted for him to make up the ticket, but he just wanted to rush in.

How anxious he was then, how regretful he is now.If I hadn't come that time, hadn't been rescued by accident, hadn't said "you are so kind" in my ear, and hadn't had the sunshine like a short thorn, maybe nothing happened in the future.

No one stopped him tonight, so he threw the car in the grass on the side of the road and turned it in through the gate gate.

Falling in love with Ji Tong is the biggest violation of public order and good customs, compared to fare evasion is not worth mentioning.

It was empty and dark inside, with no street lights, only the moonlight to guide the way.

Liang Yuchen swayed as if he had drunk wine, walked through the corridor and across the grass, holding on to the old trees with white walls all the way, and finally reached the edge of the lake and almost fell into the lake.

Everything will change, only the lake is still the same lake, the scenery is still the same scenery, sparkling under the moonlight, as bright as a lover's eyes.

The lakeside is covered with frost, the stone tiles are slippery, and the wooden boards are covered with mud.He picked a piece of grass closest to the water, and sat on the ground at first, but then he couldn't support it, so he simply lay down on his back.

The ground is very cold, and the damp seeps into his clothes, but the sky is above his head, and the lake is in front of him, which is his last bit of comfort at this moment.

He was not feeling well physically, but his mind was frozen clear.I wanted to smoke, but I searched all my pockets but couldn't find any cigarettes. Then I remembered that I went out to work for my tutor today, and I didn't bring any cigarettes on purpose.

He didn't know how to smoke before, but later he did. In just two months, he couldn't control it, and gradually he couldn't leave his cigarette.

Xi Jiacheng knew it, Zheng Beibei knew it, and only he himself knew it.

Without a cigarette, he couldn't control himself, so he could only let his thoughts run like a marquee, flashing back many details of the past.

There was a row of milky white stone railings on the embankment tens of meters away, where Ji Tong called his brother for the first time, waving his hand like a small flag in the wind.On the return journey, the heater was turned on to the maximum, and Ji Tong said "You are so kind" to him for the second time in the back seat, his voice was as sweet as honey.

There's more to it than here.They hugged for the first time when I was 24 years old. On Ji Tong’s 19th birthday, they held hands for the first time, quarreled for the first time, took photos together for the first time, and watched a movie in bed for the first time.

They have been together from 23 to 26 years old, said too much, done too many things, and the memories are endless.

Liang Yuchen decided to stop.

Glad to be here while awake.The story begins here, and it should end here.

Fortunately, I didn't say bad words to Ji Tong a few hours ago.He gave Ji Tong the ring, and Ji Tong lost it. He has no right to blame Ji Tong, but himself.

Glad the stars are still there tonight.Ji Tong likes stars, saying goodbye should have stars.

This place is close to the sky, which means it is close to the birth mother.

He stretched out his hand towards the sky, blocking half of the waning moon and a handful of sparse stars, before he dared to talk to his dead mother——

"Mom, I'm sorry for you."

"Just punish me, punish me for loving the wrong person, punish me for being overwhelmed in the past three years."