Flight of the Bumblebee

(Laughing and laughing when going, but sad on the way back.)

Xing Yan walked in front, he walked with his back bent, his head bowed, dragging his sad big tail, moving slowly on the sidewalk paved with red bricks, like a large beast that lost its homeland, the misfortune of the whole world is coming at this moment on his head.

He Qi glared at the big man from behind, his heart was full of irritability, he had to slow down his pace to the same level as him, so as not to walk in front of him.

He was very angry, and Xing Yan didn't look at him when he came out of the store. He was completely caught up in his own emotions. Tilting his head, he just sighed, bowed his head and didn't respond to what he said.Hateful as hell!

He Qi kept asking himself in his heart: Is it my fault?Is it really my fault?He raised his head and looked at Xing Yan's back, another doubt arose: Could this be the Cold War?I was brutalized?By this man?The thought annoyed him even more, and he would have liked to rush forward and throw a shoehorn into that chiseled face, if he had one.

Only three 10 minutes away, I do not know why it seems so long.He Qi took out his mobile phone from his pocket to check the time, and found that half of the distance they walked had taken all the usual time.It was completely dark, and the lights on the street were turned on one by one. The dim light fell from a height of more than ten meters above the ground, and the shadows of the trees fell on their feet and covered their heads.Those light-seeking insects flew and circled around places with light and heat in groups, some flew on people's heads, and some gathered under the decorative lights tied to the tree trunks.There are cicadas and frogs in the grass, which is a hot symphony in summer.

More than a month ago, it was almost the same sidewalk, they walked one after the other.It's just that today, more than a month later, the positions of the front and back have been reversed, one person is still sad, and the other is silently sulking behind.

Under the shadow of trees and bushes, He Qi saw the bridge from a distance before Xing Yan.

Baishui Bridge has no aesthetic feeling during the day and night. A white bridge made of reinforced concrete has the most plain appearance in the last century. It seems that the people who built it did not consider the beauty of the building, and only cared about the efficiency and usefulness of the construction.It is old and is about to be eliminated by the times.In this city that pursues modernization everywhere, Baishui Bridge seems to be a product left over from the old century, which was abandoned by the descendants of the original builder many years later.He Qi heard not long ago that the municipal government plans to rebuild a bridge here, and the Baishui Bridge must be consistent with the surrounding architectural style.

It is too obtrusive, in today's city, in such an area, it is almost impossible to find something as out of place as it.

When I came for a walk yesterday, He Qi forgot to tell him. Maybe I can only think of such a sad topic on this dull night.

He Qi stepped forward and patted him on the shoulder, Xing Yan turned his head and looked at him with confused and slightly sad eyes.He Qi pointed to the bridge in front of him, and said, "Go up and blow some air."

Xing Yan nodded, and the positions of the two changed again.He Qi walked in front, and Xing Yan followed behind.He seemed to be overly sad, staring at He Qi's back in a daze.

The pedestrian path under the shade of the trees is surprisingly long, and it seems that it will never end.The sea of ​​light in the city was about to submerge him, and Xing Yan's eyes gradually became blurred.There are shadows of light in all directions, only one person is profound, deeply imprinted on his retina, imprinted in his head, imprinted in memory.It was as if a tunnel with no exit in sight finally shone a light, guiding him forward.He is a well that dried up in the desert, and the grass that burned withered on the prairie came alive when it met a drop of water and danced happily.

Before meeting He Qi, if there is a godfather-like existence in his life, teaching him so-called life experience, then he should be taught like this-don't be blinded by love, don't waste too much fantasy on the same person.Like lottery tickets, love is the shadow of bubbles under the sun, beautiful and illusory, the more you pursue blindly, the more you cannot get it.There are 70 billion humans on Earth, more than there are stars in the sky.Does giving up a star lose its light?No, you can still have a sky full of stars.

What an amazing speech.

But those stars have nothing to do with him, they are just light that has been coldly illuminated by a journey of tens of billions of light years, there is no difference between him and everyone.He has never felt warm under these lights, has never been touched by one of the 69 in this world, has never had a similar story with them, has never been infatuated with any of them people.

He should have died that night on the Baishui Bridge, lying in the cold morgue with an anonymous sign, waiting for his long-lost relatives to claim his body.A heart is frozen in the rushing river, white as dead flesh, or buried in the soil, or burned in the fire, turning into ashes, becoming food for maggots.I don't care, anyway, it didn't beat before it was alive.

But He Qi saved him, holding his hand tightly with both hands.At that moment, his dark world appeared in color for the first time, as if he had stepped out of a black and white silent film.At the same time, those hands seemed to hold his heart tightly, bringing the white lump of dead flesh back to life, and the warm and bright red blood flowed into the tiny capillaries all over his body.For the first time in his 27 years, he felt truly alive.

But now, Xing Yan is deep in thought and worried, as if he has returned to a tunnel with no exit in sight, and this time there is no light to guide him ahead.

He Qi's hidden rejection seemed to be a huge prison covering him, and he felt invisible pain, more than ever before.

When you are still a zombie who can only walk and obey people's words, without thoughts, emotions, and love, you will not have such pain.

Love is □□, it is □□, it will make you addicted, and you will be happy after drinking dove wine.

All kinds of crazy thoughts swirled in his head, but when they boarded the bridge one after the other again, the faint night wind blew, and there was a feeling of sadness in his chest that was stuffy and had nowhere to go. The depression was swept away.He Qi leaned back against the railing, and when he turned his head to look at him, Xing Yan dangerously hid his eyes in the shadow of his eyelashes, blending into the night.

The wind messed up his forehead hair, and the white shirt fluttered slightly under the evening wind in the river.When the lights on the bridge shine down, He Qi's eyes are clear and pure, like a middle school student who escaped from evening self-study.

On the contrary, it was Xing Yan who never dared to look at him, holding on to the railing with both hands, facing the dark river, not knowing what he was thinking.

He Qi took out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from his pants pocket, skillfully took a cigarette and lit it in his mouth.Surrounded by the puffed-out smoke, the hallucinations about middle school students disappeared, giving him the feeling of a mature man.

When half of the cigarette in his hand was left, He Qi was the first to speak. He told Xing Yan in a regretful tone: "Do you know that this bridge is going to be demolished?"

Only then did he raise his eyes and asked in surprise, "Is this bridge?"

He Qichong nodded at him, and Xing Yan saw the unburned cigarette at his fingertips, "I didn't know you still smoke."

"I smoke once in a while, but I'm not addicted. Would you like to have one?" He took out the pack of cigarettes from his pocket, which was obviously newly opened, and only took out the one in his hand.He Qi handed the cigarette in his hand to Xing Yan. He looked at it, shook his head silently, and said that he didn't smoke.He Qi stuffed it back into his pocket again.

"I thought that when a man reached a certain age, whether it was voluntary or not, he would learn to smoke under the influence of his surroundings."

"I don't have anyone like that around me."

"There are a lot of people around me." He Qi shrugged and said indifferently: "When I was in college, I was the only one in the dormitory who didn't smoke, and the others were big smokers. It was too painful to be forced to inhale second-hand smoke and then I joined them."

Xing Yan smiled: "You really have no concentration."

He Qi said helplessly: "Then I can only choose to join forces, what can I do?"

He turned his gaze back to the black mottled river surface, and asked the original question: "Is this bridge really going to be demolished?"

"Yes." He Qi threw the cigarette butt on the ground, stamped it out, turned around and looked at the river below like Xing Yan, and said, "The city plan is to demolish this bridge and build a new one."

"It's not too old to use, right? Why did it have to be dismantled?" He Qi could hear a trace of melancholy in his tone.

"Probably because it's too ugly."

Xing Yan turned his head, looked at him, and said seriously: "Isn't it pretty?"

He Qi was stunned by his question, and asked back: "Do you think it looks good?"

"I don't know." Xing Yan said confusedly, turning his head back.

The wind blowing up from the river made his eyes dizzy with alcohol.There are countless high-rise buildings on the other side of the river, shining light in the distance. Behind each light is a family, and they all have their own stories.The broken light fell on the river, making He Qi hallucinate.He hasn't had this peaceful and leisurely feeling for a long time, like returning to middle school.At that time, his mother had not passed away, and his family lived in a two-story bungalow very close to the sea. The school was in the local area, and he rode a bicycle to and from school every day. His childhood friend was standing in the school corridor, blowing the wind like today, saying some insignificant words.

At that time, they never talked about their ideals, and the future was still too far away. No one knew where they would be in ten years, and he didn't know how long he would become a single parent child.

Maybe it was the rainstorm a few days ago, maybe it was the tranquility before the rainstorm, but now the sky is sunny and the moon is breezy, and it is a rare good night.He Qi took a deep breath intoxicated by the evening wind blowing, and thought of what happened just now, he asked Xing Yanfa: "What happened to you just now? Why are you suddenly angry with me?"

Xing Yan hurriedly explained to him: "I'm not angry with you, it's impossible for me to be angry with you."

He Qi frowned and recalled his words and deeds, he reflected: "It's because I said in the rice noodle shop that your emotions caused panic attacks, you don't like it, right?"

"No."

"That's at an open-air concert..."

"No!" Xing Yan flatly denied him.

"Then you lost your temper for no reason." He Qi said dissatisfied.

"Yes." Xing Yan reluctantly admitted.

He Qi thought about it and asked, "Why?"

For a hopeless wishful thinking.

"Because I'm emotional," was all he had to say.

Upon hearing his answer, He Qi hesitated whether to believe it or not, and he muttered: "You seem very happy when you play the piano..."

After a while, he complained loudly to Xing Yan: "Whoever is with you must be exhausted. You are more difficult to deal with than a woman, making people unpredictable." Then he said to himself: " Are all artists like this? People who engage in art can’t be justified by mental illness, not to mention that their emotions are a little more delicate than ordinary people, a little more emotional, a little more melancholy, it seems to be nothing..."

"Is this bridge really going to be demolished?"

"right."

"Tear it down and build a new one?"

"It seems to say so."

"It's not so difficult to see that it has to be dismantled."

"Probably the bridge is old. You know, this is the south, and the rainy season is terrible. If the bridge is not strong enough, it will be bad when there is a flood."

"How bad is it?"

He thought for a while, "The bridge is broken? Was it washed away by water?"

"What's the difference between tearing it down?"

"You're talking in your sleep. What if there were people on the bridge at that time?"

"With such a large amount of water, people won't go to the bridge to watch the flood, and they probably won't be able to go out by then."

"You just don't want the bridge taken down, do you?"

"I don't want this bridge to be torn down."

Hearing his childish speech, He Qi couldn't help laughing.This is the same as a child who doesn’t want to go to school. Before going to bed at night, he secretly makes a wish in his heart—hoping that there will be a typhoon tomorrow, so that he won’t have to go to school on the day of the typhoon.But every time I wake up from sleep, the next day is still a sunny day. No matter how much I pray, the typhoon will not come immediately.

So no matter how "hope" Xing Yan is, how much "hope" he is, this bridge will still have to be demolished, and it is beyond their power to return to the world.

"But they probably won't tear down the bridge during the flood season, it's too dangerous."

"Is it the flood season now?"

"You can tell if you can't see it? The water line has risen so much." He pointed to the warning lines drawn on the rocks on the shore, which were not far away, so the lights on the bridge could barely illuminate them.

"Do you have to wait until winter to dismantle it?"

"Not necessarily. If cracks are found in the bridge body, cordons will be pulled up on both sides, and people will no longer walk on it."

"How to get to the park?"

"Take a car and go around somewhere else?"

"It's so troublesome...it's obviously only a river away."

"If you are afraid of trouble, you can also take a walk on the shore here, and you don't have to go to the park."

"..."

"Are you feeling better?" After a messy conversation, He Qi looked at him and asked with concern.

But Xing Yan said: "The bridge is demolished, and the place where we first met will disappear."

He looked sad, He Qi didn't answer, he didn't understand the importance of this place to Xing Yan.A cornerstone of memories, he intends to use every corner of the city they walked through as a memory storage point.But now, the most important meeting place is about to disappear. In Xing Yan's view, it seems that it indicates that his relationship with He Qi will never get together no matter what.

After a while, He Qi looked at the sea of ​​lights in the distance, and said lightly: "You are really a sentimental person. This bridge is gone, and a new bridge will be built. If you are sad, wait until the bridge is built, and then come and see chant."

"When the bridge is built, let's come and have a look."

"Let's talk later."

Why didn't he promise him hastily, Xing Yan still had a small expectation in his heart.

No matter what the future holds, I only hope that the time they spend together can be a little longer—a little longer—extending to infinity, like the light of a star, still shining on them after tens of billions of years, bringing the two people together on earth together. Shadows are intimately combined.

Now is forever, how wonderful it should be.