June Ansheng

"You crazy woman! Let me go! That little bastard is worth the money! Give him back to his father... at worst, we'll pay you five or five cents!" The hair was held tightly by a disheveled woman.The man had a knife in his hand, but because he couldn't see behind him, he stabbed several times but failed to hit the woman.

"I won't let you touch my Xiaoyun! Even if I die today, I won't let you touch a single hair of him!" The woman stared at her blood-red eyes, and kept bumping the man against the wall, even though the two There is a gap in power between people, but she is also frightening when she goes crazy.The man was frightened for a moment, and he didn't dare to resist forcefully.But everything is only temporary.

The two were wrestling at the open door of the house. The neighbors heard the noise and came out, but none of them dared to come forward to persuade the fight.

Maybe those two people are alive or dead, but it has nothing to do with them.

This is what the seven-year-old boy saw when he returned home.He didn't speak, just stood there dumbfounded.Because he had a slight autistic tendency when he was a child, he learned to read very late, and he didn't quite understand the specific content of the dispute between the two, but he vaguely heard his name from the mouth of the woman who was almost crazy. .

That woman is his mother.

The boy was about to step forward when a neighbor kindly stopped him and shook his head at him.

The boy looked at the kind aunt with some puzzlement, his eyes were watery, and his lips were slightly pursed to make people feel distressed.

"Little Yun! Run!"

The woman's scream resounded throughout the building, and the boy looked in horror at the savage man with a savage face, and saw him running towards him brandishing a knife.The woman's head was severely knocked on the wooden shelf by the door, and she could only collapse on the ground powerlessly.The boy looked at the man quietly, and then suddenly turned and ran down the stairs after seeing his own face reflected in the knife.

"Stop! You damn child! Don't run...ah, let me go the fuck! Don't think I really don't hit women..."

The man's voice got farther and farther away in the boy's ears, but he didn't catch up.The boy stopped and looked back.The woman rushed out of the house and tightly strangled the man's neck. Her long black hair was wrapped around the man's neck as she moved. When the boy turned his head, he just saw the knife in the man's hand piercing the woman's abdomen. Thick blood stained the woman's clothes.She finally lost her strength, no longer entangled the man, and slowly slid to the ground, but her fingers firmly grabbed the hem of the man's trousers.

The boy ran back in an instant.But before he took two steps, he was pulled into his arms, tightly hugged and ran downstairs.The boy struggled desperately, but suddenly fell silent when he smelled the familiar scent of the man's perfume.

"Xiaoyun, don't make trouble, your mother will be fine."

That was the first time she didn't call him "little bastard".

That evening, the boy curled up on the sofa at his aunt's house, watching the always beautiful and perfect stunner crumble in front of him, and tears wiped the makeup on her face.The boy just listened to her keep saying "I'm sorry, sorry, sorry" for a long time, then suddenly picked up the teacup on the table and threw it on her head.

My aunt looked up at him in disbelief, the blood on her forehead slid down her face to the ground.

The boy turned and ran out of her house, disappearing into the night.He ran fast in the dark, the tears that shed did not stay on his face for long, and disappeared into the air with the cold night wind.

The boy didn't know that his running in the darkness that night made this ghostly darkness haunt his life for a long, long time.The whole world is washed black.

The boy ran home just in time to watch a dead body covered with a white cloth being taken to the car.His mother died.

The boy stayed where he was for a long time, lowered his head, and burst into tears.

"Aunt... Didn't you say that my mother will be fine? I... How could I believe you. "

A few days later, the murderer was brought to court.No need for any witnesses, the surveillance video in the corridor told everyone everything.He was sentenced to death, and he was sentenced to other crimes besides murder, the boy could not remember clearly.When he walked out of the court, his aunt pulled his hair and slapped him hard on the face.

"Little bastard," she said, "from now on we... will only have each other."

Then she took the boy and wept loudly in full view.

Waking up from the dream, I sat up from the bed, closed my eyes, and panted heavily in the dark.Sweat had already wet the back of my shirt and wet the hair on my forehead.

"Xia Yun, what's the matter?" There was a sudden knock on the door, but I didn't answer, the man tentatively turned the lock and opened the door to come in.

I looked at Cheng Meijia's beautiful side face illuminated by the moonlight in the night, closed my eyes and let out a long breath.

"Did you have a nightmare?" She must have been woken up by me, her eyes were not too accustomed to the darkness, so she could only feel her way to my bed in the dark.After feeling close to me, she gently wrapped her arms around my head and buried it in front of her chest. I listened to her heartbeat and slowly fell silent. "Don't be afraid, I'm still here."

"Thank you." I covered the back of her hand with my palm, squeezed it lightly, then turned over and got out of bed, picked up my coat and walked out the door.

"Are you going out? It's so late." Cheng Meijia was a little surprised by my performance, but God knows how much I miss the person who is not by my side now, "It's already...it's past one o'clock at night!"

"I want to go out for a walk, just me." I smiled at her lightly, then opened the door and ran out.

Dreams are really scary sometimes, because that dream happened once, it was once played out in front of my eyes, and now it strikes again in the dark night, it will only make me experience the pain of losing a loved one again.

I have never been so afraid of walking at night. I walked on the street trembling all the way, only to feel that the usually short distance has nearly doubled today.The lights were still on late at night, but the door was locked.I gritted my teeth and decided to go up to have a look, but just as I ran to the door, Quan Shizhe opened the glass door.

I saw a flash of panic that he had never seen before in his eyes, and seeing me was like seeing a ghost in the middle of the night.

"An Rencan... he's gone."

I have dreamed countless times that I was drowning in the deep sea.That feeling of suffocation will still wrap around my heart tightly until after waking up from the dream, and then slowly, it becomes a curse that belongs to me alone.

For a while, I was very afraid that I would really die in a dream like this. The feeling of dying in a dream was so realistic and frightening.I could even feel the protruding blood vessels in my face before I died, and the helplessness of my lungs filled with seawater when I couldn't breathe.

All this once drove me to the brink of collapse.

The feeling of being surrounded by darkness for the first time in my memory, I only know that the endless darkness like thick ink seems to swallow me, and then I wake up from the dream and fall into the deep darkness of reality again.I screamed, I was afraid, I smashed things, I even broke doors to escape, but there was no way to get rid of this shadowy, boundless fear of the dark.

That year, I was seven years old.

My mother was murdered by a strange man. I watched him stab her in the stomach. I watched her defend her dignity as a mother.The man even killed my mother in order to take me away. He was a gambler who lost his fortune in gambling. In order to get the money my father gave him, he had to take me away.

at all costs.

I never met my father, maybe he died before I was born, in my mother's heart.So I will naturally not go to a strange man and call a strange man "Dad".

So, is it true that even if everything is repeated again, my mother will still die, and I will still run away.

What's even more ridiculous is that after the heinous murderer died, I didn't know that he was almost my uncle.My aunt loved him to the bone, but she also loved her sister to the bone, so she chose to survive, and she also chose to let me survive.

Until the day I became an adult, she left me and died alone.I admit, this is the best birthday present she ever gave me.So good that I will never forget it in my life.

I have been trying for a long time not to remember those complicated past events. I started to try to forget after I met the light in my life.But now, the memories began to flood in overnight again, and I was afraid to fall asleep. In my sleep, it would force me to recall the most painful days in my life bit by bit. not open.And all of this began after my light left me.

I don't think I can live without you.

"Hahaha..." The weird laughter came from the back alley, and I was frightened, and I slipped to the back street feeling the goosebumps on my body.I deliberately made the footsteps louder, and sure enough, the laughter died away after a while.

The back street was very dark, the street lamps that were originally used for lighting had burned out the bulbs, and the ground was cold and damp.I stood at the entrance of the alley and stared at the end of the alley for a long time before I finally recognized the decadent figure sitting on the ground.If it weren't for the fact that there was no one else in the back street except him, I wouldn't have believed that embarrassing laughter was from him.

"Enough is enough, it's time to go back." I walked up to him and lightly kicked his ass: "It's late, you've wasted my sleeping time, you know."

He looked up, wrinkled his face and looked at me for a long time, then lowered his head and ignored me.

"Hey, give me some feedback, I've been looking for you for so long in vain." I was a little annoyed, and kicked him harder: "What are you doing in the middle of the night, there is a limit, okay?"

After being kicked by me, he quickly got up vigorously, then turned to look at me, his eyes were bloodshot.I smelled heavily of alcohol on him.

"Listen to me fucking! I-n-n-have-n-love-you! No-yet! Never-n-n-y! "

He stared into his blood-red eyes and roared out broken sentences hoarsely.I was so overwhelmed by his aura that I didn't even realize that my face had completely cooled down.

"You're drunk." I gritted my teeth and pulled him to my side: "Stop talking, let's go home."

"I didn't drink at all and you said I was drunk? Who the hell are you bluffing you!" He pushed me away, stood very close and bared his teeth at me, like a crazy little beast: "Don't mess with me I'm fucking warning you, get out of the way and don't let the young master see you! Damn it's annoying to see you."

"You can lie a little more decently." I looked helplessly at the scattered wine bottles at my feet, took a deep breath slowly, and tried my best to suppress the anger in my heart.The swearing-mouthed man in front of him really made it hard to imagine his usual clean appearance.

"Are you in a hurry when I'm missing? I just want to see you in a hurry..." He stared at me expectantly, and a smile slowly appeared on his mouth: "I'm afraid you're not in a hurry, do you know that? So not only did I disappear, but I also had to mutilate myself, otherwise you wouldn’t even come to me, right? I’m especially..."

"Have you really made enough trouble? Don't be shameless." I suddenly raised my voice and yelled at him, cutting off his words.He was completely stunned, I slightly suppressed the burning heart fire, went up to grab his collar, and pressed him firmly against the wall: "Why didn't I know you were like this before?" What about the one person you love! You made it clear first, so I’ll tell you, I don’t care whether you love me or not! I came out to look for you because I care about you, and I’m afraid that something will happen to you, you know! Even if You said that just now, and said so many things that give me enough reason to hate you, but next time... the next time you play disappear again, I will still be like today, and I will still be anxious for you...or Like just now, I will be humiliated by you again! But I don't care, just because I love you, it has nothing to do with whether you love me or not!"

His pupils trembled and he looked at me for a long time, then he lowered his head, his whole face was hidden under the shadow covered by bangs.After a long while, I suddenly felt a wet feeling on the back of my hand that was holding his collar tightly.Startled, I withdrew my hand abruptly.On the back of my hand were a few drops of crystal clear water, following my movements, they slid down to the ground along the line of my hand, and then disappeared.

An Rencan's body leaning against the wall fell to the ground weakly, and then curled up his legs.

"I seem to have forgotten to finish the sentence." He could see that he was suppressing his sobs, but his voice was still trembling uncontrollably: "I said I never loved you."

I looked down at him, and somewhere in my heart twitched violently.

"But I've always liked you."

"I like it too much."

"I said I played missing on purpose, to make you anxious."

"That's because I'm very scared. I'm afraid that you won't spoil me as much as before, and won't be as nervous about me as before."

"Why don't you let me finish my sentence?"

——Those are what I really want to say.

"You have never been so fierce to me..." He lowered his head, hugged his knees, and shrunk himself into a very small ball, "I'm so scared..."

I frowned, raised my face, and took a deep breath slowly, afraid that my tears would flow down.After a long stalemate, I knelt down and took his thin body into my arms.Holding him makes my heart ache.

"never mind……"

When I came out of An Rencan's house, I was still in a trance.In fact, it's not that I don't want to stay at his house with him like that, but I dare not stay in his room for even a second longer, those sudden memories will only completely defeat me.

I remembered, I remembered everything, the layout of his home was the same as that of the dormitory in Korea back then.It can't be a so-called coincidence, he definitely did it on purpose.

After closing the door of An Rencan's house, I faced the iron gate and closed my eyes.When I opened it again, I realized that my palms were full of sweat.

I, who is surrounded by darkness day by day, and him, who is deliberately immersed in the past day by day.

Go down the stairs step by step and turn the corner.Without warning, I saw Quan Shizhe standing in the shadows behind the last step, without a smile on his face.

He saw me and slowly came out of the shadows.He didn't have a smile on his face like every other guy I've seen before.

"Shi Zhe." I called him.

He didn't answer, just looked at me fixedly.

"Shizhe." I called him again, "Rencan...he's asleep."

"Let's talk." He finally spoke, in Korean.I was stunned, watching him open Liu Guang's back door at the end of the stairs, hesitated for a moment, and followed slowly.

"Sit." He pointed to a seat in front of the counter and motioned for me to sit down, just like when he asked me to sit down countless times.It's just that I have changed the language of speaking this time, and I am a little uncomfortable.

"Why use Korean? We... have been communicating in Chinese all the time, isn't it good?" I was a little uneasy, and my intuition told me that he would fight me.

No, no, he can't beat me.I comfort myself.

"You've always said that, don't you mind? Why don't you mind." He took out the wine from behind the counter, and I was so surprised that I quickly reached out to grab it: "At a time like this, just...don't drink."

"Why, are you still afraid that I'll get into a fight with you when I'm drunk?" He glanced at me and reached out to snatch the wine bottle back. His force was not so rude, and I couldn't even refuse, so I had to let him take the wine back : "Then don't worry, I won't get angry with you, not when I'm sober, and I won't get angry when I'm drunk. Besides, your drinking capacity is worse than mine. How can I fight with you when you're drunk?" .”

I smiled awkwardly as he put the bottle back behind the counter.

"Forget it, since you don't want to drink it, why don't you change it to something else, how about milk tea?" He picked up two ceramic cups on the counter, poured two full cups of milk tea in front of the machine, and handed Give me a glass: "I just wanted to talk to you, take it easy."

"I... really didn't mean to lie to you." I thought about my words and paused for a long time before opening my mouth, "I thought, you are Korean, but we have always communicated in Chinese, so there is no I need to make a special statement...Actually, I plan to tell you one day, but not now."

"I don't think you lied to me about this." He shook his head and took a sip of the milk tea, "I just don't quite understand you and him."

"You mean...Ren Chan?" I tried to figure out what he meant, and said tentatively, "I met him when we were in Korea...a very good...friend, you said you didn't understand...yes What's the meaning?"

"Do you know that you are what I hate the most." He kept looking at the milk tea in the cup, and there was something shining in his eyes. "Of course I don't mean that I hate you. It's just that I think, sometimes You'd be a coward not to admit what you've done."

I felt a chill in my heart, and suddenly felt a little guilty.

"I know it all, I've known it since the day you met." He pursed his lips, but still didn't look up at me, "That's why I don't understand."

"You... saw it, didn't you?" I recalled the day when I met Rencan again, when we almost shot a gun in the work room, it turned out that someone had been watching from outside the door, "At that time in front of you I saw him all of a sudden, and I wasn't prepared at all... At that time, he also chose to be a stranger, I think he thought about ending our relationship at that time, so I followed him."

He stopped talking and just listened quietly.

"You saw everything after that, didn't you? I really couldn't help it at the time... After all, I haven't seen him for so many years, and I don't have any news about him. It seems that I miss him every day. It’s like someone who doesn’t exist.” I rubbed my hands together, and finally decided to show my cards to him, “But I know he’s here and always has been, so I told him when we broke up that I would wait for him.”

Memories emerged bit by bit, and I was a little tired.I didn't speak, so he didn't speak, the surrounding was quiet, I knew he was waiting for me to continue, although I didn't know whether he wanted to listen or not.

"During those days in Korea, I told him a lot of things, including those things that I never mentioned to others, and those things that I thought would be such a rotten heart. He knew. I didn't know at the time. I would say so many things to a person I am not particularly familiar with, but after I said it, I realized that those things that I always thought were burdens were slowly relieved." I lowered my head and looked at the things in my hands. The cup of milk tea he was drinking, his fingertips slowly slid across the patterned outline on the wall of the cup, but he had no intention of drinking it, "Last time, the time you saw me and Rencan together, that night, I found him , I wanted to see him, he told me Liuguang was still open, so I went over..."

Halfway through the conversation, I found that Quan Shizhe was laughing. From the beginning of the faint smile to the end, I couldn't help but laugh out loud.I cast a puzzled look at him, but he waved his hand and said nothing, then motioned me to continue talking.

"I talked to him a lot that day. It had nothing to do with love. It was like a dream. He ignored me before." I lowered my head again and fell into the memory again, "But soon I found out that I hate With such a relationship with him, what I really want to do with him is to be a lover. From that day on, I plan to chase him back."

Quan Shizhe suddenly became quiet, even if he couldn't see me, he could feel his gaze.

"Although I have started now, I dream of going back to that night."

"Okay, okay, it's time to end the memories." I paused for a long time, and Quan Shizhe suddenly interrupted my thoughts, "Do you mind if I tell you a little... something you don't know."

I looked up at him, raised my eyebrows, noncommittal.

"You'd better be mentally prepared." He smiled, looking straight at me, "I did hand over Liu Guang to Ren Can to take care of it that night, but I checked the surveillance video, In fact, he closed his business early in the morning, and without me, he has no motivation to work."

I couldn't say anything, I just felt a sudden chill in my heart.

"But in the middle of the night, Liuguang suddenly turned on the lights and reopened." He slowly stopped smiling. I don't know what expression was on his face. I turned my head away and dared not look at him again, "He is For you, reopen the door of Liu Guang."

"Also, when you first met in the store, Rencan took out cigarettes just to stimulate you, and I have never seen him touch that kind of thing since then. After he bit you that day, he Suddenly it’s different from the previous few days, every day is boring, and I can’t do things well.”

"You don't know these things, do you? He really did a lot for you. He is not as complicated as you imagined. I can see all his little thoughts clearly. I don't believe you don't understand."

I stared at the milk tea in my cup, and suddenly felt a little sour in the corner of my eyes.

"Sorry……"

"It's useless to tell me, you go and tell him." He suddenly poured out all the milk tea left in the cup, then turned around and prepared to leave the counter.I panicked and quickly stopped him.

"No, let me finish." I looked at him, only feeling blurred in front of my eyes, "These words... I can't say them in front of him."

Quan Shizhe didn't speak any more, and waited quietly.

"I admit that I only regarded Rencan as a listener at the beginning, until we got together inexplicably, because I knew he liked me, and it was just for fun, so there was no real pain in breaking up in the end Feel."

"But now I really want to try to love him, really. After leaving Korea, I have asked myself countless times, what is Inchan to me, and is it important? The answers are different...but after I saw him again, I found that I fell in love with him, and realized it too late."

"I am always sorry for him, and I will never repay him for the rest of my life."

I spoke very slowly, biting every sound very hard, and the ending sound was slightly lighter, and I accidentally brought a crying tone.

After a while, I heard a sigh from Quan Shizhe.

"You want to make it up to him, don't you?" He sneered, with disdain in his laughter, "Take your girlfriend and chase An Rencan back?"

I just felt a string in my brain snapped with a "boom".

"You said you would wait for him, so why did you bring your girlfriend to hurt him? He came to China for you, can't you even see that?" Quan Shizhe stood not far away , with his back to me, said: "I've never thought you were so ridiculous."

"Cheng Meijia..." I was about to say something to refute him, but found that I couldn't do it at all, "I have no way to hurt her, she is innocent after all."

"I don't want to hear your explanation. What's the use of telling me this. Let me ask you, do you really love An Rencan? Apart from all the things he has done for you, you really only like him, not because of Guilty and want to make it up to him?"

"I have no way to question myself. I really fell in love with him, nothing else."

Then we were silent for a long time, Quan Shizhe walked into the studio slowly, there was no other sound.

The author has something to say:

Angry

I really want to write a side story ah woo TT

250 flag ah ah ah ah

There are still a few chapters to finish wuuu