double struggle

When Chu Wendao went to the classroom with the courseware, he happened to pass by Xu Qingzhou's office, so he went in specially but did not see Xu Qingzhou's figure.

"Boss Chu, why are you here?" Xiao Li, who came back from class, glanced at Chu Wendao in the office next door, and greeted cheerfully.

Chu Wendao was well-known in the Academy of Arts, and his IQ was top-notch. He passed the professor exam in his early thirties.He has published many profound books over the years, and now many young teachers in the Academy of Arts have worked under Chu Wendao.In addition, Chu Wendao is friendly and easy to get along with, and he can enjoy himself while playing, so he is very popular.

"Oh, Li..." Chu Wendao pointed to Xu Qingzhou's desk and asked, "Have you seen Qingzhou people?"

Xiao Li rubbed his chin and thought for a while: "He probably hasn't come back after class. You don't know, since he took over as a substitute, the girls in that class started to hang around him after class."

Chu Wendao nodded knowingly, the appearance of Xu Qingzhou's thin skin and tender flesh is indeed quite in line with the aesthetics of female students nowadays.

"Boss Chu, do you want to find him? Why don't you sit down first."

"No, it's not a big deal, then I'll go to class first."

"Oh, okay. When Xiao Xu comes back, I will tell him that you have looked for him?"

"Alright, please."

Chu Wen said that he left the office and walked to the classroom. As for the bag of candy in his pocket, he had to wait until the next meeting to give it to the child.

The postgraduate class is good for everything, the most important thing is that it is very worry-free, and you know everything you need to know. Discussing together around a table is a class.

"Boss, can I hand in that thesis next week?" When Chu Wendao was packing his things, one of the female classmates asked with a glance at his expression.

Usually, this female classmate handed in papers two or three days earlier than others, Chu Wendao was a little surprised.Although he is easy-going, he is absolutely unambiguous about his work.

He propped his chin with one hand, tapped his fingertips on the table, and asked with a serious face on purpose, "Give me a reason."

The female student scratched her cheek and said, "I'm going to ask for leave this week to go back to my hometown. I have something to do at home, so I probably won't be able to hand in my thesis in time."

Chu Wendao stared at the student intently until his face turned red before letting her go.

"Then hand it in next week, and send it directly to my email." He waved his hand and laughed to appease the students, "Don't be nervous, it seems like I will eat you if you don't hand in the paper."

The female classmate smiled embarrassingly, but don't mention it, she looked like she owed money just now.

"Then you haven't missed the final review, don't forget everything when you go home." He picked up the file and patted the student's head lightly.

"Okay!" The girl responded with a playful smile.

Chu Wendao was the last to leave the classroom. He checked and made sure nothing was left behind before turning off the lights.After walking a few steps, the phone in his trouser pocket vibrated. With the courseware under his arm, he took out the phone in a bit of embarrassment and answered it without even looking at it.

"Hey?"

"I heard, is get out of class over?"

Chu Wendao took back the steps he had taken, and it was Zhang Zhiyuan.Passing by the teacher in the same office, he smiled and nodded to say hello before taking a breath and saying into the microphone: "get out of class is over."

"Are you free tonight? Playing a game of basketball?"

It was already evening when Chu Wendao walked out of the teaching building.Recently, the sky is getting darker faster than before, the sun is about to disappear in the west, and the moon is about to rise in the east.

His car was parked outside the teaching building, and he opened the car door in two or three steps and got in.

"Free, where are you going?" Chu Wendao turned on the air conditioner in the car, leaned his head on the back of the seat and said with a smile, "Do you want me to pick you up?"

Zhang Zhiyuan hesitated for a while and said, "No need, see you at the basketball court downstairs."

Chu Wendao was not surprised by this answer, Zhang Zhiyuan seldom asked him to pick him up, even though they were actually working in the same school.Back then, if Zhang Zhiyuan hadn't insisted on becoming a physical education teacher, Chu Wendao might have taken a completely different path.

He has always been like this, whatever that person wants to do, he will accompany him to the end.

"Okay, see you tonight then." Chu Wendao said, looking in the rearview mirror.

Even though they had been together for nine years, the two ended the call without any unnecessary topics.The orderly busy tone rang frequently in his ears, and Chu Wendao threw the phone directly into the back seat, feeling that it was superfluous to even glance at it.

He didn't ask Zhang Zhiyuan why he suddenly wanted to see him, how strange that Zhang Zhiyuan actually took the initiative to ask him out.But his heart is like a mirror, he has already guessed what the other party will say that night, even the tone of voice has been played in his mind.

Chu Wendao was familiar with every detail of Zhang Zhiyuan, so familiar that he could remember how many eyelashes he had when he closed his eyes.He has chewed on Zhang Zhiyuan over and over again.

Sighing, he was about to start the car.

Suddenly, Chu Wendao saw the shadow of Xu Qingzhou running in a hurry in the rearview mirror.He was stunned, and subconsciously opened the window.

"Old, teacher..." Xu Qingzhou gasped for breath on his knees, and he didn't recover for a long time.

Chu Wendao stretched out his arm from the window amusedly to rub the fluffy hair. It felt really good, like petting a pet.

"What's the rush?" He said cheerfully, "Others don't know, they think I owe you a debt."

Xu Qingzhou smiled embarrassingly, and said when he calmed down: "I have attended two consecutive classes, and just after class, I heard Teacher Li say that you came to me..." He raised his eyelids and looked at Chu Wendao, bending over With good eyes: "Fortunately, teacher, you haven't left yet."

With the eyes blinking and glowing, Chu Wendao felt that his heart seemed to slow down by half a beat.He quickly looked away, and hurriedly went to take out the briefcase that was left on the passenger seat.

After digging for a long time, he finally found the bag of candy.

"It's just in time for you to come. When I went to the supermarket in the morning, I happened to see the candy you like, so I bought it for you." He put the milk fudge in Xu Qingzhou's hands, and couldn't help laughing when he saw the stunned expression. "You don't need to give me money, I will give it to you."

Xu Qingzhou looked at Chu Wendao, and then at the packing bag.He lowered his head and held it carefully with both hands, as if afraid of losing it.

"Thank you, teacher."

Thank you in a voice like a mosquito, but Chu Wendao heard it clearly.A faint smile bloomed at the corner of Xu Qingzhou's mouth, like a quiet wind rippling on the water.

He said: "Why are you being polite? It's strange. Go back quickly, or the road will be blocked."

Xu Qingzhou nodded: "Well, teacher, be careful on the way back."

Chu Wendao said goodbye to others again, and drove the car out of the school road.He turned his head to look at the rearview mirror. Xu Qingzhou's slender body was getting smaller and smaller, and the shadows under his feet gradually faded away and disappeared among the shadows of trees.

Those vivid eyes are still in my mind, this child is still so easy to understand, but he is destined to turn a blind eye.

When Chu Wendao arrived at the basketball court, he could see Zhang Zhiyuan's vigorous figure from a distance, and the muscles on his back were slightly raised due to the shooting action, forming a very eye-catching line.He always has the masculinity that Chu Wendao admired, just like the youth in the past.

Chu Wendao thought countless times, if he hadn't been pushed to the class basketball game by the monitor that time, whether he and Zhang Zhiyuan would have been strangers, and their fate would have been different.It's just that there are no ifs in life, they still met and got to know each other, and then became entangled later.

He stood outside the basketball court and looked at it for a few minutes before walking in. This is a high-end club, and few people usually come here to play basketball at night.Now apart from him and Zhang Zhiyuan, there were no other figures around.

The street lamp next to him shone on Zhang Zhiyuan's turned facial features, with bright eyes and white teeth, a straight nose, and a resolute outline.For so many years, Chu Wendao felt that Zhang Zhiyuan was getting more and more handsome as he got older, and he was getting more and more out of the way he first knew him.

The basketball drew an arc in mid-air, and Chu Wendao caught it firmly in his arms.He looked into Zhang Zhiyuan's eyes quietly, and Zhang Zhiyuan also looked at him fixedly.

"Come on, let's have a fight." Zhang Zhiyuan raised his chin and smiled.

Chu Wendao seemed to be infected too, and the depression in his heart was swept away.He stood where he was, the basketball slapping in his hands.

The basketball hit the ground and made a bang bang bang sound, crisp and loud, as if it penetrated the entire night sky.Suddenly, Chu Wendao ran two steps to the right with the basketball. Zhang Zhiyuan seemed to have expected his move, and rushed forward to stop him.

Chu Wendao and Zhang Zhiyuan have been opponents in basketball for many years. With a twist of their wrists, the basketball passed between their legs and transferred to the other hand.With every jump, the basketball escaped from the palms and flew towards the basket from the heads of both sides—into the basket.

Zhang Zhiyuan clicked his tongue unwillingly, took the ball and threw it to Chu Wendao.

It was another hearty duel, this time Zhang Zhiyuan grabbed the basketball, jumped onto the hoop and threw it in.

Zhang Zhiyuan was originally a physical education teacher, and his sportsmanship was much better than Chu Wendao's. After a few rounds, he led by three goals.And Chu Wendao hadn't done this kind of exercise for a long time, and his hands gradually felt sore, so he sat on the edge and drank water to wipe his sweat.

"Are you still playing?" Chu Wendao raised his head and watched Zhang Zhiyuan come over with the ball in his arms.

Because of the backlight, Chu Wendao couldn't see Zhang Zhiyuan's expression clearly, but felt that the pair of bright eyes were observing him.

"No more fights." Zhang Zhiyuan said after being silent for a while.

Chu Wendao nodded, stood up, and naturally embraced Zhang Zhiyuan's shoulders when he passed by Zhang Zhiyuan's side.He could feel the momentary stiffness under the palm of his hand, as if he didn't notice it, he led the person home.

After returning home, they naturally take a bath separately.There have been many nights like this before, and they were so intimate that they seemed to be living together.But in fact, neither of them made it clear, they acquiesced to this way of getting along, and passed nine years in an ambiguous manner.

Chu Wendao sat on the sofa and was replying to the WeChat group, which was a chat group opened by one of the teachers of the liberal arts school, where everyone usually chatted.He didn't know why the teachers of the liberal arts college were so good at chatting, and the wechat group chattered all day long, as if they didn't need to prepare for class.

Zhang Zhiyuan came out of the bathroom with hot water steam still on his body, and his wet hair dripped into the towel.Chu Wendao gave way to the side, and Zhang Zhiyuan naturally pushed up and turned his back to him.He sighed, took the towel on his shoulders, and carefully wiped his hair.

"How many times have I told you to blow it off after washing your hair, or you'll get a headache." Chu Wendao said this advice for several years, but Zhang Zhiyuan couldn't listen to it every time.

Zhang Zhiyuan also put his legs on the sofa and said, "There is you."

As soon as he finished speaking, he seemed to be belatedly aware that he had said the wrong thing, and his shoulders tensed stiffly.

Chu Wendao smiled and did not respond, and focused on wiping off the water drops.

I don't know what program was playing on the TV, but the slow music sounded, inexplicably more peaceful.Maybe the atmosphere is just right, or maybe both of them have some affection.The towel fell to the ground, and Chu Wendao couldn't help kissing the back of his neck exposed in front of his eyes, and gradually touched his moist lips upwards.

Zhang Zhiyuan responded obediently, and even voluntarily turned his body around Chu Wendao's shoulders.In this regard, they have spent nine years working together and have a very harmonious understanding.

Chu Wendao knew how to make Zhang Zhiyuan comfortable, and Zhang Zhiyuan also knew how to please Chu Wendao.

Maybe it was just involuntary at the beginning, but after many times later, I was moved and confused.They have never revealed their hearts at this time, probably because they don't need it, or maybe they don't want to explore it.

Chu Wendao knew what carpe diem was, and at the same time knew that the relationship between the two parties had a head after all.So he never forced it, and it was enough if he could get it.

Chu Wendao read Tagore’s collection of poems when he was an undergraduate. There was a poem called “I want to tell you the deepest words I want to say”, which is very romantic and sad.

"I want to tell you the deepest words I want to say, but I dare not, I'm afraid you will laugh." This is the first sentence at the beginning, and he will remember it all his life.

He had countless opportunities to express his deepest love to Zhang Zhiyuan, but he didn't.He didn't want to imprison Zhang Zhiyuan in this way, if possible, he wanted him to be the happiest when he was free.

It was late at night, and Chu Wendao couldn't fall asleep. He glanced at Zhang Zhiyuan beside his pillow, raised his hand and then put it back.He quietly left the bedroom, stood on the balcony and lit a cigarette.

Carnal desire may make people forget all the dullness for a while, but after the passion is over, what should be faced is still to be faced, and the fact has never changed.

At the sound of footsteps coming from behind, Chu Wendao didn't turn his head, and leaned against the railing to smoke a cigarette.He doesn't smoke heavily, but he can't help but relieve his addiction whenever he is troubled.

Zhang Zhiyuan didn't go to Chu Wendao's side, he stopped by the French window, his whole body was hidden in the shadow.

Chu Wendao was not in a hurry, and when he finished smoking a cigarette slowly, he crushed the end of the cigarette and walked back to the living room.When passing by Zhang Zhiyuan, he reminded softly: "Go back, it's cold outside."

Zhang Zhiyuan didn't move, and before Chu Wendao took a step, his hoarse voice suddenly sounded: "Wendao, let's... let's go."

Chu Wendao was stunned for a moment, then walked a few steps away and threw the cigarette butt into the ashtray.For a long time, the clock on the wall ticked to one o'clock in the morning.

The world seemed to be silent, and even the heart seemed to stop beating.Chu Wendao moved his fingers, and it took a while to feel the flow of blood.

He turned his head slightly, and Zhang Zhiyuan was looking at him.Those eyes hid the sadness that he saw for the first time, which made him very uncomfortable. In his opinion, those eyes are usually full of smiles, like the brightest stars, which can illuminate his heart warmly.

But now, he didn't dare to look at each other again.

Zhang Zhiyuan was waiting for Chu Wendao's answer, maybe he didn't need to answer at all, he just came to tell him.

Chu Wendao is 34 years old. He has experienced many ups and downs and knows how to hide himself.He stepped forward and hugged Zhang Zhiyuan tightly in his arms, pressing his face against the crest of his neck.

"Did you find the one you like?" After a long time, he asked in a calm tone as much as possible.

Zhang Zhiyuan gave a low "um", and stroked the back of Chu Wendao's head, like a usual hug.

Chu Wendao was nostalgic for the warmth at this time, and he didn't want to raise his head no matter what.No matter how you hide it, there will always be a moment of disintegration.He grabbed Zhang Zhiyuan's sleeve and almost pinched it with his ten fingers.

"I'm sorry," Zhang Zhiyuan's voice seemed far away, yet close at hand, "I was never from your side. If it weren't for you..." The latter words were swallowed back into the throat, with a deep meaning.

Chu Wendao understood what it meant, and raised his lips mockingly.

"But you already have me." What he said was a little aggressive, he would never speak to Zhang Zhiyuan like this.

Zhang Zhiyuan's hand stroking Chu Wendao stopped, and then put his arms around his shoulders tightly.

"sorry."

Zhang Zhiyuan can only give him the most sincere apology.

Not everyone can live as they want in life, and many of them will be restrained by various factors, and they have nothing to do, so in the end, there are many regrets and unsatisfactory experiences.Still, life is worth living.

Chu Wendao and Zhang Zhiyuan understand this truth, and they won't get too entangled here.They are all adults in their 30s, and love is no longer necessary for them.

Nine years are over.