Give a bellflower to the drowning ghost

83

Wang Ze's tears were hot, but they became icy cold as they fell, just like the mood of the forest ranger at the moment.

He got up, handed Wang Ze a box of tissues, and then poured two cups of hot water, letting the steam blur his vision.

Did Wang Ze find him with this kind of mood?

It's reasonable to expect that the ranger killed the writer, so the writer wasn't suicidal, so it's reasonable to have no last words, so all his dire speculations are wrong.So I walked into the ranger's life in various ways, but it was only gradually confirmed that the writer did commit suicide.

Only myself who has lived with a writer can give the answer Wang Ze wants.The ranger collected himself and handed the cup to Wang Ze: "Why do you think I was influenced by him?"

Wang Ze held the cup wall in both hands: "I have also investigated you, I have contacted people who have friendship with you, but found that he has done the same thing. He carefully investigated your experience , and even went to your middle school to look through the files."

Did these investigations take place before or after I confessed?Probably before, after the writer's condition deteriorated, he was no longer able to go down the mountain alone.

So the writer can say what he wants to hear?

The ranger fell silent.

The writer went into the forest to commit suicide, because the ranger stopped him, so the two had a further intersection.

In the end, the ranger who was persuaded by the writer's ideas allowed him to leave.

Is this the result of manipulation by the writer?The forest ranger's defense was easily broken because the writer had done enough research... In order to create a person who can allow him to commit suicide, are those smiles and tears fake?

"no."

The ranger shook his head wearily: "It shouldn't be like this."

84

Wang Ze raised his head, staring at him with hope in his eyes.

The ranger leaned against the table and said: "He is indeed writing novels based on people and things that happen around him, but the reason is that he has no friends, no lovers, and no contact with his family."

Wang Ze's eyes were red again: "Does he not admit that we are his friends..."

"Yes, he doesn't admit it." The ranger felt his throat was a little hoarse, "because even if you have been communicating with him for ten years, or even more than ten years, no one has actually met him, including you."

He knew it, because if the writer was lying, he'd see it.Either he was hiding something, or he had done a lot of preparation with his affinity, but he wasn't lying.

So what the writer says is true.

The writer said that he has no one to meet or wants to see, and he can only pass the time by working every day.

Are those letters part of the job?

The writer said that no one else in this world understands him except the ranger himself.

Then, he had to tell Wang Ze what the writer he knew was thinking.

The ranger said, "He doesn't recognize you as his friend because you don't consider him a friend either."

Wang Ze stood up excitedly: "Why do I—"

The ranger stopped him: "You're not friends because you haven't even met."

In the past when there was no communication method, people needed to communicate face-to-face. With letters, computers and mobile phones, people only need to sit at home and greet others.

But this is not enough.

"You have not met, and if any of you have ever visited him, you will know that in the last few months, his departure was not unexpected."

Even now that we are gradually coming out of the shadows, those memories still make the ranger feel sour: "He is very thin, at least ten catties lost, he has been suffering from insomnia, he has obsessive-compulsive disorder of constantly playing with his mobile phone, and sometimes he can't control himself Shaking hands. As long as one of you goes to see him in person, you will know that he needs help. But you don't go, you just rely on him unilaterally, anonymously, safely comforted by strangers, only expecting Reply, but don’t care about the writer’s situation at all. Maybe it’s also related to his resistance to your approach. However, as far as the conclusion is concerned, neither of you has really entered into each other’s life. He needs to get writing inspiration and inspiration from the letter. The satisfaction of helping others, you need to get psychological comfort in the reply letter, that's all."

The forest ranger felt that his words were even a bit harsh, but he didn't intend to stop: "Even if you don't know his name or his physical condition, he will write back to you, and he will write a thick book full of , it’s just that he doesn’t think you are his friend, especially when he’s suffering from depression, he doesn’t even think that his death will have any impact on you. He underestimated the importance of himself, and you overestimated his strength, So, he left without explaining anything."

Wang Ze said, "But——"

The ranger said: "When a depressed patient wants to commit suicide, he will not think about anything other than relief. They will not think about what will happen to others or what will happen to their parents. At least, My adoptive father, that's what he does. I go to school in the morning and he says goodbye to me, and when I get home from school, it's all over. Is it because my adoptive father doesn't think of me as family?"

"No, it's just because he's in too much pain."

Wang Ze gripped the sheets silently.

The forest ranger saw it, but insisted on continuing: "On the premise that you have never really met, you think he is just playing with people's hearts, which is really too much, after all..."

Wang Ze murmured in a low voice, "Stop talking."

—Don't condemn me any more.

The ranger turned a deaf ear: "After all, you respect him so much, and he really cares for you. Isn't it you who are most saddened to come to such a conclusion?"

85

Unlike Wang Ze, the forest ranger does not think that only two people with a close relationship will keep each other warm.

He is an adopted orphan from a poor family who has always depended on the kindness of strangers.In his eyes, the giver needs the satisfaction of doing good deeds, and the giver needs material help. Putting aside the consideration of spiritual cleanliness, the result is good.Although also because of this sobriety, he finally chose to live in seclusion in the mountains.

But at this moment, he could only straighten his back to persuade Wang Ze.

Wang Ze gave him a hand to get him out of the predicament. He couldn't let Wang Ze deny the warmth he had received.

The ranger said: "I often meet people who commit suicide for writers by the lake, and most of them are stopped by me. Whether they will try again after they leave is something beyond my control. After all, when people That thing is good for them when they need it."

Although the writer does have some strange habits, such as projecting others into a certain role at every turn.Maybe he's just a manipulative idiot, but he's had a hard time with the "qualification" of suicide, too.

"Although those people feel that they need to commit suicide, I'm sure the writer doesn't want those people to go with him. Because in his mind, suicide is not allowed or even shamed by others."

The ranger leaned on the edge of the table.

Compared with the rules of human society, he chose to free the writer, so all Wang Ze's misunderstandings about the writer now stem from his dereliction of duty.

He is the last person to get along with the writer, and the only person the writer calls a friend is also him.

In addition to forests, rangers also protect the reputation and self-esteem of friends.

The forest ranger said: "Your inference is correct. He did know me deeply, and because of this, he said what I most wanted to hear from the bottom of my heart, which had a profound impact on me. Just like he has always insisted on writing to you , making you a straightforward and persistent person. Even his first love girlfriend kept in touch with him for a long time because she got the comfort she wanted from him. "

"I don't know what other archetypes you are talking about, whether they have developed in a bad direction because of the writer. But at least the writer likes you and has tried to help you and make you a better, flesh-and-blood person than your parents People—whether he is out of curiosity about human nature, or just to write. The words he wrote, the words he said to you, can never be completely insincere."

86

Wang Ze hugged his knees on the bed, buried his face in his arms, only his wet head was exposed.

He said in a muffled voice: "... Whether I found it or what you said now, it's just our speculation."

The ranger paused: "Yes."

Wang Ze said: "The part where you say he doesn't consider me a friend is just your guess."

Presumably he didn't want to admit it.The ranger regrets saying it too much: "Yes."

Wang Ze lowered his head, and the ranger could only see his neck: "It's not that I don't care about him, I'm just afraid that he will be disappointed when he sees me. I regard him as the person I trust the most..."

The ranger stretched out his hand, wanting to touch Wang Ze's head, but held back: "Maybe he didn't meet you because he was afraid that you would be disappointed?"

But now everything is irreparable.

Wang Ze said: "I don't like this kind of speculation either, but I can only imagine these. I also want to hear from him, to hear him tell me personally, he didn't tell me anything because he was alienated from me. I hope that I am too obsessed, that's why I didn't even leave me a suicide note. I think at least I can get an answer from him, which can make me believe that the friendship of more than ten years is not because I am self-indulgent. ..."

"But I have already missed this opportunity for various reasons, and it is impossible for me to trust him like you again."

The only one who got the suicide note was the ranger.

Wang Ze's bad attitude towards the forest rangers at first also had something to do with jealousy.

Wang Ze clenched his fists: "I don't know anything except my own affairs."

87

The ranger finally put his hand on Wang Ze's head, and stroked it like petting a small animal.He said: "The first time we met, he stared at me in the shower, called me Ophelia, and I thought he was disgusting."

Wang Ze did not respond.

The ranger continued to talk to himself naturally: "In the end he was very happy to call me his highest masterpiece. I didn't know what he was thinking at the time." Probably this is his vice."

Wang Ze was poked around by the forest ranger, but he didn't resist at all.

The forest ranger said slowly: "But I still feel that he really wants to help you, and he also really wants to help me. This is my answer."

Wang Ze raised his head, revealing a pair of red and swollen eyes: "Why? Just because of this, you will feel better in your heart?"

The ranger smiled: "Yeah, why not? He won't refute me anymore. I'm the one who wants to live. It's up to me to believe in what to live on."

"It's not easy to live, just let me be more self-willed."