add to the chaos

Li Tian immediately withdrew the words "Didn't you go to school?" and frowned suspiciously.

He first saw Qiu Cen in the distance who should not have appeared at this time, then saw Chen Kanglin next to him, looked around a little, and finally set his eyes on the file bag in Qiu Cen's right hand.

The suddenly fierce eyes seemed to burn a hole in the file bag and Qiu Cen's entire right hand.

"Li Tian..."

Qiu Cen walked over quickly, his eyes were a little erratic, but he tried to pretend to be calm: "Why are you here?"

The sudden meeting made him flustered, and he didn't have time to think of an excuse, so he just hid the file bag behind his back, and Li Tian felt a pain in his heart that there was no silver 300 taels here.

"...Dr. Li, the time has been changed."

After a long time, when Li Tian spoke again, his voice was hoarse and deep.

"Then... let's go, I'll go with you."

Qiu Cen looked at Li Tian's face nervously, obviously Li Tian didn't say anything, but he felt that he knew everything.

Including those words he didn't find a chance to say, and the efforts he made behind the scenes.

But the occasion was clearly not the right place to tell the whole story.

"..."

Li Tian suddenly felt boring, nothing interesting.

He didn't want to ask Qiu Cen what he was hiding from him, nor did he want to listen to his explanation.

He just wants to leave here now, calm down alone, and think about how to face Qiu Cen, facing his complicated and disappointed eyes.

It seems that there is no need to explain the things he discovered that Qiu Cen did not announce to him. As smart as he is, he has already guessed everything.

All the uneasiness and vacillation before had their destination.

He stared at Qiu Cen's slightly embarrassed face with complicated eyes, as if restraining something, he said, "Forget it, I'll go by myself."

"You... go home first."

After finishing the sentence, he no longer looked at Qiu Cen's reaction, nor waited for him to reply, and walked around him.

"plum……"

Qiu Cen turned around belatedly, but only saw Li Tian's back, his steps were steady, and he walked away calmly.

After a while, the figure gradually blurred, and he lowered his eyes in frustration.

My heart is full of frustration.

He clearly knew that Li Tian had put in a lot of effort to accept him, and was willing to rely on him to be a "normal person".

A person as proud as Li Tian doesn't want him to see his decadence, cowardice and shortcomings.

And the mental illness he suffered from was almost his deathbed, and outsiders could not touch it or mention it.

Although Qiu Cen thinks that he is not a member of the "outsiders", in Li Tian's view, Qiu Cen must not see his weakness.

It’s like a father is always the omnipotent God in the hearts of his children. There should be no mistakes or faults. Otherwise, once the children find out that their dear father has failed and cowardly like an ordinary person, it will bring them a huge blow. Mentally it also brings frustration.

Qiu Cen has always been aware of this.

But he was eager to find an exit that could bring hope to the two and support each other to go on.

That's why he kept it a secret.

Then he has to bear Li Tian's unacceptable, indifferent and alienated after being discovered.

his fault.

Chen Kanglin, who had been watching for a long time without making a sound, stepped forward and patted him on the shoulder, apparently having discovered the clues between the two of them.

"Go home...explain well, and he will understand."

"..."

Qiu Cen slowly turned his gaze to Chen Kanglin, nodded after a long time, and left without saying a word.

When Li Tian returned home with his exhausted body, he saw Qiu Cen sitting at the door of his house with his head leaning back against the wall, apparently he had been waiting for a long time.

It may also be that he has been waiting at the door of his house since he came back from outside.

Li Tian stood at the door of the elevator, looking at the tall figure standing up like a poor puppy who was driven out of the house by the owner, his heart tightened, and he couldn't tell what it was like.

The figure must have heard the movement and turned to look at him.

The originally dull eyes suddenly shined brightly when they saw a person a few steps away, and the pupils shone brightly.

"…You're back"

Qiu Cen stood up in a hurry, stepped over a few steps and was about to help his arm with skillful movements, but Li Tian dodged without a trace.

"..."

Qiu Cen froze for a moment, feeling a little lost, stopped his movements, and then stood where he was, as if he didn't know where to put it back.

"It's winter, and you're still sitting on the ground, so you're not afraid of diarrhea."

Li Tian said.

When Qiu Cen heard it, he also forgot what he did just now, and grinned, with a somewhat innocent tone: "You are not at home, I can only wait for you to come back at the door."

Li Tian didn't look at him, walked to the door, opened it, and let the two of them in.

Qiu Cen was happy for a while, thinking that Li Tian was not angry anymore and was willing to listen to his explanation, so he immediately recovered his nature, changed into slippers, took off his clothes, and sat cross-legged on the sofa.

Li Tian also brewed a pot of fruit tea as usual, and when the tea boiled, he poured a cup for each of them.

The scene was so harmonious that Qiu Cen almost thought that what happened not long ago was just his imagination.

Sure enough, it all happened. After Li Tian had a drink, he calmed down.

He raised his eyes and looked at Qiu Cen, with unclear emotions in his eyes.

"let's talk."

"Hmm."

Qiu Cen nodded positively and resolutely cooperated with his questioning.

"I asked, you just tell me yes or no." Li Tian withdrew his gaze, and stared at the small glass cup he was playing with instead.

Qiu Cen had never seen him so formal, and it was very fresh. He thought it was a different taste, and was willing to cooperate with him, so he nodded again.

Li Tian was silent for a while, as if he was about to ask something, before he considered for a long time and said: "You know my condition."

This question is neither painful nor itchy, and it is very easy to answer. Qiu Cen nodded and said yes.

"In that portfolio...you're researching."

"...Yes, but when did you find out..."

Li Tian squinted at him, did not answer the question, and continued: "The person just now is your 'friend' who was at the school gate last time."

"…Yes."

"He's also a psychiatrist"

"Correct."

"Your absence every Wednesday afternoon has something to do with this"

"..." Qiu Cen's eyes widened, thinking that Li Tian would not find out, but he couldn't hide from his insight after all, so he had to say that Li Tian was very powerful.

Maybe he should be happy, Li Tian took him seriously

"yes"

Li Tian seemed a little uncertain, seeing that he was silent, he repeated it again.

Qiu Cen looked at his face and said softly: "...Yes."

Li Tian nodded, "You don't want to tell me, because you are afraid that I will feel uncomfortable if I find out, right?"

"No... well, a little bit."

"...the last one." Li Tian stared straight at his face, so as not to miss any of his expressions, and his tone was also very serious: "You have been in a bad mood recently. When I hugged you, I found that my waist is much thinner than before. , I get sleepy every time I can’t say a few words in bed, is it... because of me"

Li Tian stared at Qiu Cen's face, his originally firm eyes weakened a little every time he said a word, and he unconsciously looked at him.

Seeing the previously rosy cheeks turning pale, the slender and pointed chin, and the bluish blackness that hadn't disappeared for an unknown period of time, he felt that his heart was being gripped and throbbed with pain.

——For his own benefit, this person can only do more behind the scenes than these.

Qiu Cen paused after hearing his words, and touched his face reflexively, but didn't feel any difference from before.

"No, no, I'm not tired."

"Qiu Cen."

Li Tian called him abruptly.

In fact, he didn't know why he was called to stop him.

The two were silent and looked at each other with complicated emotions.

After what seemed like a century, Li Tian slowly leaned back against the back of the sofa, burying his whole body in the soft fabric and fluffy cotton.

He leaned back, putting an arm over his sore eyes.

It took a long time before he spoke: "Qiu Cen...forget it..."

"no!"

Qiu Cen sat up straight suddenly, and interrupted him, "Don't be so mean to me, forget it, forget it, I don't want to hear it!"

His tone was trembling, and he couldn't see his eyes, so he could only stare at Li Tian's thin lips.

"Don't say forget it, I beg you... Then I will really collapse."

If Li Tian opened his eyes now, he could see that Qiu Cen's eyes were flushed, and his cheeks were trembling slightly due to excitement.

It's like a person who regards the gods as his faith, and one day he is suddenly told that the gods do a lot of evil, and he has always believed in the wrong people.

So helpless and persistent, clinging to the last ray of hope, not letting others snatch it away.

Qiu Cen seemed to think that this could not accurately convey his meaning to Li Tian, ​​so he leaned over to the small sofa, stretched his arms around Li Tian's waist, and buried his face in his stomach.

When he spoke again, his voice was muffled and choked up: "I'm sorry, I shouldn't care so much, just take good care of you, I should have told you from the beginning, don't be angry, okay?"

Blame him for being too attached to Li Tian, ​​wishing to hold him tightly in the palm of his hand, knowing everything about him like the back of his hand.

Is he asking too much?

It was Li Tian who was too charming, who fascinated him so much that he didn't know his life or death.

"I always feel that I am not good enough for you, I can't see through you, I don't understand you," Qiu Cen said, "But I thought, no one is good enough for you except me, so I kept posting You, is it annoying you?"

Seeing that Li Tian didn't speak, and still maintained the posture just now, Qiu Cen seemed to have been opened up, and continued to pour out his thoughts.

"Before you, I really never liked someone so much. Speaking of which, you are still my first love, so I have no experience to deal with it well. You can't be angry, especially you can't tell me 'forget it', I really can't hear it Two words, I will be unhappy, and I will be angry with you, so I can't coax you well."

"When you get angry, I will be angry too, so I can't go on. Do you know that I can't coax people when I'm angry, and you can't. You rely on me every time, so you can't make me angry..."

When Qiu Cen thought about it afterwards, he felt that what he said was incoherent and the central thought was vague, but at this moment his mind was in a mess, and he only wanted to coax Li Tian to speak and get forgiven, and he would never think of this.

The reason why I hate the word "forget it" so much is because these two words do not mention loneliness at all, but reveal a sense of loneliness.

Just thinking about it made him feel very distressed.

I feel sorry for Li Tian who has endured all this silently.

Li Tian was still leaning on the sofa, as if he was asleep, but in fact, every word Qiu Cen said fell into his ears.

He wanted to say, I don’t think I’m good enough for you, you’re so good, I can’t catch up with you even if I try my best, you’re like light, I’ve traveled a hundred thousand light years, but I can’t catch up with you.I will also collapse and be helpless, afraid that I will not be able to keep you.

But he couldn't say anything.

He clearly saw Qiu Cen having a good chat with the psychiatrist, he clearly knew how happy and carefree he was without him in his life, he was very close to friends and family around him, he clearly knew how unrestrained he was when he did not bear the hardships he brought him fresh.

It was all because of him, he started to compromise, became silent, became weak, became as out of group as he was.

No.

He can't pull such a good person into the abyss, it's too cruel.

So Li Tian couldn't help but spurn himself.

It would have been nice to have pushed him away firmly in the first place.

But he personally pulled Qiu Cen into the abyss, and with just one look, a person as warm as sunshine rushed into his world, diluted and turbid.

Like a holy white lotus infested by mud, with feeble petals hanging down, it was about to die quietly.

He was shaken.

This is not an idea that came up by chance, but a conclusion he came to after constant observation and countless sleepless nights.

Maybe it's time to let him go.

"Qiu Cen," Li Tian said hoarsely, "We..."