not lonely

When I get drunk again in a familiar place and a familiar position, I know that no one will struggle to support my unsteady body and pat me on the back when I vomit , help me prepare clean clothes, and use the rice cooker to warm up the honey and pear water.

There will no longer be a person who will rush over immediately after receiving my call. No matter where in the city, no matter whether it is congested or unblocked, no matter whether there are difficult things, they will rush to me in the fastest time. by your side,

There will no longer be a person who, with the mentality of being indebted, selflessly dedicated all his warmth to me, making me lose my heart in his sun-like warmth.

There will never be that person again, the person I have always kept in my heart from ignorance, to maturity, to old age, the person I love.

Before he left, I was in a coma for a long time. I sat on the floor of the hospital corridor, and the bone-chilling chill made me feel cold from the bottom up.I can only clenched my fists fiercely, recalling what he said to me before he fell into a coma, thinking of his low-browed smile, thinking of his dimpled face with his lips pursed, thinking of his hair brushing against me when he hugged me the way my face feels.

I cried that day, biting my lips and crying very ugly, with snot and tears, I said, Brother Xiaoyi, you haven’t paid off what you owe me, you haven’t seen me get married, you haven’t seen me Happiness, if you want to do this, just leave me alone, my sister will never forgive you.

Then he grabbed his sleeves to wipe my tears, got up and wrapped his arms around my neck, and whispered something in my ear.

I am sorry.

Just like the reply he gave me when I summoned up the courage to tell him that I like him,

From this point of view, Zhong Qianyi really owed me a lot, and then he was overwhelmed and ran away.From then on, let me travel thousands of miles and search every corner of the world, but there is no sign of him.

Later, many times, when I went to see him, I ran into Du Mingcan, and the two of us sat next to Brother Xiao Yi, took out three cups, and drank each of them.

It was rare for the three of them to drink together during his lifetime, but it happened frequently after his death.

Without him in this world, I don't have the heart to be friends with anyone, and I also don't have the energy to be enemies with anyone.

After he left for a period of time, I locked myself in his house and slept in the dark all day and all night. In my sleep, he could still smile at me gently, and even tell me with a distressed face, He just treats me like a brother.

It's fine to be a younger brother, as long as you live, you can do whatever you want me to do.

Once, maybe the dream was too beautiful, I was addicted to the beautiful dream and didn’t want to wake up, I cried, crying hysterically, I knew that this dream was about to end, I knew that my brother Yi was going to leave me again, I know, I have to face the cruel reality again.

But I don't want to, I really can't take it anymore, it's too painful, too painful, I reached out to touch the fruit knife on the bedside table and cut my wrist.Along with the loss of blood, I saw him with familiar eyebrows and eyes, but he seemed to be angry, with a rare indifferent expression on his face.I stepped forward to pull him, he threw me away and quickly disappeared in front of my eyes.

I cried and called him, I told him to wait for me, I was hoarse, but he didn't look back.

Woke up again, the glare of the sun made all the memories back in place, I smiled wryly, why am I still alive.

Humans have souls, right?

In a certain unknown space, his soul lives peacefully, no longer suffers from illnesses, threats of death, misses me, sneaks into my dreams at night, gets angry, and retaliates for days. Let me see him in my sleep.

So I wanted to go to him that day, but he refused, I guess, he didn't want to see me.

So forget it, now, I dare not go against his will at all, for fear that if he is unhappy, he will never come to my dream again.There is nothing wrong with being like this, I believe that one day, he will be willing to pick me up personally, hold my hand, rescue me from the hopeless abyss of longing, and go to his world. Suffering from the pain of being separated from yin and yang every day, you can wipe away the tears on each other's faces, and gently say,

haven't seen you for a long time.