Atypical Cafe Love

It took Chen Songmao a full second to realize the meaning of his words.

The moment he reacted, he felt the hair on the back of his head stand on end, the skin on his body went numb, and a cool air rushed down his spine.If it wasn't for the blocking of the table in front of him, he might have bounced up immediately - but the table was blocking him, and he couldn't really stand up.His left knee hit the table with a muffled sound, Chen Songmao didn't even feel anything: "Did you do it?!"

Even under such a tense atmosphere, Ning Siqin was teased by him and showed a smile, compared to himself sitting upright: "What do you think?"

Chen Songmao didn't find it funny at all.He slowly sat back to his original position, and for a moment he really felt the fear of the rest of his life: Yes, during the quarrel just now, he once thought that maybe he would break up with Ning Siqin; maybe Ning Siqin is a liar, a person Scum... These possibilities will hit him hard, but he can accept it in the end.

But he never thought that he would lose Ning Siqin in such a tragic form of death.It is possible that Ning Siqin died at the age of 20, alone in a foreign country, before they even had time to meet—naturally, this possibility can be completely ruled out now, but even if Chen Songmao thinks about it, Everyone was shocked.He couldn't accept it, he couldn't even imagine the possibility at all.

Ning Siqin looked at him, his expression seemed to relax a little: "So nervous? It happened a long time ago, ten years ago."

His hand struggled a bit, and his five fingers inserted into Chen Songmao's and intertwined with him. Only then did Chen Songmao realize that just at this moment, he was so frightened that his fingers were cold, as if the temperature of Ning Siqin's hand was already different.He tightly clasped Ning Siqin's hand, and exhaled: "Ten years, 20 years, I can't be nervous about this kind of thing. Don't hurt yourself, Siqin."

Ning Siqin smiled slightly.Both his expression and body posture were tense and stiff before, as if the injury he suffered ten years ago was refracted on him again through time, but now, his posture has softened: "Then do you still want to listen? "

"Yes." Chen Songmao said firmly.

"Don't worry, I haven't done anything like self-harm, it's just a thought." Ning Siqin said, "You know, when a person is emotional, everything he hears can reflect his own experience, as if anything It’s like a metaphor for myself. That’s when I first heard the Les Miserables musical.”

"No wonder you like it so much."

"Yeah." Ning Siqin said, "So many songs, so many lyrics, I felt as if I was singing myself. That night I was walking alone in the dark streets of London. You know that the security in London is actually not as good as In China, I was safe and sound all the way. Then I walked to the Thames River and stood there alone for a long time, until the night receded, and the sun suddenly rose, reflecting a fire-like red on the water."

He looked at Chen Songmao's expression, and showed a sad smile: "Do you think I let go of the idea of ​​suicide? No. I was looking at Chaoyang, and I thought of Sidney Carter in "A Tale of Two Cities". Don. Before the final public trial, did he also go out in the middle of the night and stand by the river until sunrise? Do you remember?"

Chen Songmao nodded speechlessly, and Ning Siqin continued: "At that time, I thought, how similar is this to me. After seeing the sunrise, he turned around and walked towards the fate of his own choice, death. The difference is He was thanked and remembered after his death, so what will I leave behind after my death?"

The implicit meaning in these words was that he had already compared his future path with that of Caton at the end of A Tale of Two Cities—Chen Songmao was heartbroken hearing that.But he couldn't travel through time and space, he went to London ten years ago to comfort Ning Siqin, so he could only hold his hand tightly without saying a word.

"Okay, I won't go into details." Ning Siqin sighed softly, "After getting acquainted with the UK, I slowly got over it... Sorry, I shouldn't tell you about the above. It doesn't matter to you. I just...I've never told anyone these things, I just couldn't bear it for a while. "

"Why didn't you tell me?" Chen Songmao asked almost in pain, "Why didn't you tell me earlier?!"

"I stayed in the UK for five years. In the last two years, I made a boyfriend." Ning Siqin said, "It was Jack. He was very cheerful, very optimistic and very relaxed. I was still not in a good state at that time. , Just need such a person to explain, our relationship developed very quickly. After I finished my study abroad, I still chose to return to China, and he also came to China - at that time we had developed to the stage of meeting each other's parents. He followed me Arrived in City D, and then, by accident, he met my former classmate."

Chen Songmao took a breath in shock—he had already guessed what happened next.

"At that time, his Chinese was still very poor, and he didn't know how they communicated, and how he gnawed on the gossip posts on the forum back then. It must have been very difficult." Ning Siqin said, showing a mocking sneer, "For a whole week, he Face to face, as always, has been checking the information behind the scenes. After he thought he knew my true face, he showed me his cards and refused to listen to my explanation. We broke up."

The last few sentences were very brief, but his voice began to tremble slightly again.Chen Songmao held his hand tightly, so tight that the knuckles of the fingers that were intertwined were painful: "Do you think I will be like him? Will I not believe you?"

"I don't think... I don't know. Maybe what I've been thinking is to drag it on forever, until you lose interest in this issue, we can never bring it up again..." Ning Siqin said, "I don't know. "

He lowered his head and turned his face away, as if to avoid the question.Chen Songmao sat silently for a while, adjusted his breathing, and slowly relaxed his intertwined fingers: "So you made a special trip to City A, and you didn't want others to mention the D sound. Going to the concert that the teacher gave you a ticket for... is all for this. Is it the same as wearing sunglasses?"

Ning Siqin looked up, and Chen Songmao explained: "I have noticed that you never wear sunglasses in front of familiar people, in your safe zone... other times, you need to show up in public except for performing on stage Everyone wears sunglasses, right?"

"You even noticed this." Ning Siqin said softly.

"It's been more than a year, and I haven't even noticed this, how dull I must be." Chen Songmao shook his head, "Now it's just you and me, are you willing to pick it?"

Ning Siqin also wore sunglasses in front of him, this was the first time except for their quarrel a few days ago: he was still a little sad.Ning Siqin seemed to hesitate before slowly taking off his sunglasses.He quickly lowered his head, but with just a glance, Chen Songmao found that his eye sockets were slightly red.He remembered that Rong Shan had called him and told him that Ning Siqin was in tears after stepping off the stage, and he felt an indescribable feeling in his heart.

These days, he is certainly not having a good time.What is Ning Siqin's mood?

"...Okay, that's all. At least I can explain, that's all. For what I said just now, you can find the girl who I tried to be heterosexual and broke up with to confirm that she is also abroad now, but I can Get in touch with her." After they were silent for a while, Ning Siqin said, he paused, seemed to be having a hard time before continuing: "I didn't...I didn't mean to deceive you. I'm serious about you... …I really like you. …Do you have any questions? What are you going to do?”

"I love you." Chen Songmao blurted out.

It can be seen that Ning Siqin was unprepared for this reply, he was so rare on the spot that he didn't know how to respond, as if wondering if he heard it wrong just now: "...So, you believe me?"

"I believe it." Chen Songmao said, "Of course I believe it. I wish I knew about it earlier, or met you earlier. But I hope it's not too late now." He paused, "So, we don't continue Is there a cold war?"

"It's not up to me anymore." Ning Siqin said softly, "When I decided to start with you, I used to think that things were really over and I was ready for another relationship. Didn't really come out, you see, I tried to start over, and I really felt that my feelings for you would not be disturbed by those factors before, but failed miserably."

Chen Songmao opened his mouth to argue, but Ning Siqin shook his hand, stopped his words, and continued: "There is no need to object, in fact, your response at that time was the best, it was my fault - I would have Such a violent reaction has already proved that this attempt has failed."

Chen Songmao's heart was in his throat, but Ning Siqin suddenly raised his head and smiled at him, his eye circles were still a little red, which made this smile look very moving: "So, are you willing to let me see you again?" Do you want to try it a second time?"

Chen Songmao felt like he couldn't say a word.He stood up directly, grabbed Ning Siqin's hand and pulled him up as well, wrapped Ning Siqin in one hand, and kissed him desperately.

They finally went home together again that evening.

As soon as Ning Siqin walked into Chen Songmao's restored living room, he showed guilt and regret.He looked up to say something, but Chen Songmao shook his head at him.

Needless to say, I love you.He said that with his eyes.

Throughout the night, Ning Siqin's brows were finally completely relaxed, and he stretched his hand around Chen Songmao's neck, continuing their passionate kiss in the cafe.Standing at the door, he put his hands into Chen Songmao's shirt.Chen Songmao was more or less sane, while unbuttoning his clothes, he panted between kisses and said, "Go to the bedroom."

When they rolled on the bed together, their movements slowed down instead, and they just vented the restlessness and uneasiness in their hearts these days. At this moment, the two seem to want to rememorize every inch of each other's body with kisses and touches.Chen Songmao lifted Ning Siqin's long hair by grabbing the gap and spread it on the pillow, so as not to press it on the hair later, Ning Siqin turned his head and kissed the back of his hand and knuckles.

"I hope to know you earlier." After everything was over, they lay side by side on the bed, Chen Songmao whispered, "I hope to know you when I was in college, when I was 20 years old. I can talk to you, or talk to you Let's go to England together. Even if I talk to you on the phone every day. I want to stand by the river with you that night, and I want to go crazy."

"When I was 20 years old, I was too young and arrogant, with such a sharp personality." Ning Siqin shook his head, "You will be disappointed."

"No." Chen Songmao said, curling up one hand under his head, and stretched out the other hand to hug him, "I love you now, but I will fall in love with you at that time. I I love you who walked on alone at that time.

"You waited until I met you, and I can't express how grateful I am for that."