triangle, glass

Chapter 32 Choose to Believe

Ah Jing should have breathed a sigh of relief when she got home, but she didn't because Arlene was gone.When she saw that no one was in the house, she called her mobile phone, but the voice prompts that the mobile phone has been turned off by the owner.She went to look at Arlene's luggage again, and saw that it was empty and well placed there, but she couldn't let it go.In fact, she had expected that today would come.When she first met Arlene, not only did she see that she was a thin, tall young woman who had just grown up, but she also saw the dust in her eyes. There are also traces of this, so she can recognize her.But she left today. Although she didn't leave completely, something must have happened in her heart that was contrary to her usual simplicity and enthusiasm.Her composition is a contradiction.Ah Jing knows all of this.But she really didn't know what would trigger that dark side, and how to end it properly.

So she went out to find her.She first went to the bar where she first met her, then went to the amusement park and flower and bird market they had been to together, and finally even went to the supermarkets, restaurants, clothing stores, bookstores, and movie theaters they visited every day.None.

She finally walked to an overpass, the night sky was already dark, and the headlights and taillights of the traffic under the bridge were all lit up. A feeling of calm and light.Because she thought that the fact is not only what she sees with her eyes, these crowded and uneven vehicles actually have a clear direction in each of their hearts, where they come from and where they are going, simple and direct, so they are neat and bright.

Ah Jing walked home alone again.She thought Arlene would come back by herself.

As expected, Arlene came back by herself.It's just that she whispered something to Ah Jing as soon as she came back, and then seeing that Ah Jing didn't respond, she walked to the guest room by herself and closed the door.

"I slept with another man again in the afternoon," she said.

After Arlene made sure to close the door, she took out her travel bag, unzipped the bag, opened the bag completely, and pretended to pack up and leave.But she just left the bag there without stuffing it.After a while, she closed the bag, then opened it again.She lay on the bed and listened to the movement outside the door.She wanted Ah Jing to come knock on the door and wake her up by the way.

She was now recalling the past again, recalling the first time she realized that she was different from others.

She remembered that on her first day in kindergarten, her grandma took her by the hand and took her to the teacher to sign up.Grandma left after registering.Before leaving, he repeated to her "I'm leaving, you stay here".She felt a little uncomfortable in her heart at the time, wanted to hide back, wanted to go back with her grandma, wanted to never go to school, never grow up.Because I don't know what going to school and growing up are, so I don't care about progress and improvement, I just want to stay in the simple satisfaction that belongs to young children.Grandma still left, she wanted to cry a little bit, and she saw that other children had already opened their mouths to cry loudly, so she wanted to cry even more.But she held back her tears again.Because she saw a picture that she can't forget until now.

In the picture is a little girl in a pink dress, on one side is her mother, who is feeding her cold medicine.But the pill was too big, and she tried to swallow it, but spat it out again.So her mother crushed the pills, dissolved them in water, and made her drink the potion.She took only a sip and couldn't drink any more because the potion was very bitter.So her mother found sugar again, dissolved it in water, and then watched her drink the cold medicine smoothly with peace of mind.

Arlene realized for the first time that kind of tenderness and patience that she had never had, didn't even know she existed before.At that time, she backed up a little, fearing that she would be seen and spoil the picture in front of her, and she also wanted to step out completely and snatch the thing on the opposite side.These complex psychology may not be all that I had when I was young, but gradually emerged from repeated memories later.It's like a hole, getting bigger and bigger.

She suddenly wanted to get up to see what Ah Jing was doing outside.

She saw Ah Jing sitting on her knees by the floor-to-ceiling windows in the living room, with her hands folded in front of her chest, her eyes closed, and she was praying.The moonlight outside the window was bright, covering her body at this moment.

Arlene felt that she saw the scene of the mother and daughter getting along indoors that she saw at the gate of the kindergarten when she was young.The feeling in this one is the same.

This is Ah Jing's regular weekly prayer time.She is not a Christian, but she believes in God.

She thought of the first decision she made to really start her own life after meeting Yun Duo, leaving an unfamiliar marriage.She also thought of how she wanted to selfishly take advantage of Yun Duo's soft heart and let her go with her.

Then there is the smooth flow after she gave herself freedom, the calmness of facing her parents, the hard work and firmness of being pregnant alone, the busyness and harvest of work, and the joy and comfort of meeting Arlene recently.

She wants to find a suitable partner with whom she can spend the rest of her life peacefully and steadily.

So she prayed that her heart would open to herself, so that they could form a vow to live up to each other.

She let herself cry.

She couldn't do more for Arlene.

She was alone, with her arms around herself, weeping silently in the moonlight in the living room.

Arlene appeared behind her, stretched out her hands, and hugged her where she couldn't fully hug herself.

"I told you that I slept with other men, and you are not angry. How can I believe that you are sincere to me?"

"I've been through some things, so it's not the same as your standard for judging a person's deep feelings. Although I'm not angry, I will be uncomfortable. I can't handle this properly for you, because it is you. You give the answer."

"You probably know what I'm thinking. But I can't read you."

"Are you willing to grow up quietly and steadily, and accompany and take care of each other with me? This determination is the most important. Your current situation does not mean your whole life."

"Can I trust you?"

"Can you trust yourself?"

"Are you willing to learn to cherish and love yourself first? If you can love yourself first, then you will know how to love me and respond to me. I am willing to wait for you."

"I choose to believe."