I'm fine during the day

. "Uncle turned his head to look at me. What kind of desperate look was that. At this moment, I saw his face distorted because of too much pain.

"Gone?" I seemed to understand, but also didn't seem to understand, tears gushed out of my aunt's eyes, and in an instant, I understood.My tears flowed down too.I also squatted down, put my hands on my head, and cried like a child.

After crying for a long time, my aunt came over to persuade me. "Don't cry, kid." I still couldn't hold back the tears.

Uncle said: "Let the day be quiet. Upstairs is Yu Xia's room. You can go to his room to have a look later."

With tears in my eyes, I walked up the stairs and entered Yu Xia's room.Looking around, the simple hut is all that Yu Xia left for this world.His desk, his bed, his wardrobe.

I touched them one by one.I opened the closet, and what was reflected in front of my eyes was the blue plaid coat I gave Yu Xia.I picked it up and sat down on the bed, I cried again, this time, I cried so hard.

I don't know how long it has been.I stopped crying.I caressed the blue plaid coat unconsciously with my hand, and started to be in a daze.

Auntie walked in with red eyes, obviously she also cried a lot.She looked at the blue plaid coat in my hand and said, "This coat is his favorite, take it as a souvenir."

In the hotel in Yu Xia's hometown, I hugged the birthday present I gave Yu Xia, and fell asleep in Yu Xia's precious coat.Just like, Yu Xia once hugged me to sleep.

I can not sleep.The scene of our acquaintance, knowing and loving each other appeared in front of my eyes.He loves me, and I've been avoiding his emotions.The secular world for thousands of years made me not have the courage to face his love.When I finally dared to face my heart, Yu Xia had already left me.

This time, I really lost him.

When I had it, I didn't cherish it, and when I lost it, I realized the value of having it.It's just that it's too late.

I remembered the time when I met Yu Xia in Beijing, it was in front of the hospital.He didn't take his parents to travel to Beijing, but his uncles and aunts accompanied him to see a doctor.I remembered that I hugged him hard, his thin body was almost unsteady by my sudden bump.At that time, how much effort did he use to control himself, and then smiled and told me: "I'm fine."

"During the day, I'm fine." He smiled like this, which made me believe him easily.

He was afraid that I would know the truth, so he told me kindly that he had a boyfriend, and when he knew we would never see each other again, he said that he didn't want me to disturb him.Thus, in my happiness, I shall never know the truth of the matter.

In the last call, his voice was weak, and he said not to contact, he said, "I wish you happiness." However, he still asked: "If I don't contact you anymore, will you miss me?" ?” The last words he left me: “I miss you too, during the day. Goodbye.”

Goodbye, forever.This time, it was really never to be seen again.

6. There will be no future

Without Yu Xia, I thought of a word.die.

"You're dead, and I can't live alone." I clearly remember what he said that night in Dashishan.Yu Xia, without you, I don't want to live alone.

Yu Xia, wait for me.If there is an afterlife, I must say loudly my love for you, my Yu Xia, I love you.

I decided to go home and bid farewell to my parents, and Wen Xue, the girl who had been with me for a long time.Yu Xia, wait for me.

I went back to the hut in the west city, where the atmosphere left by Yu Xia was still permeating.However, there is no more Yu Xia in this world.

Wen Xue came out of the house.

"Why didn't you leave?" I asked her.

"I'm waiting for you." She explained, "I know you asked for leave, but... I'm afraid I won't see you again. So, I also asked for leave and waited for you here."

"How did you know I was coming here?"

"The company's information is still here, so I think you have to come here first." I always knew that she was a careful person.She didn't ask about my relationship with Yu Xia.Seeing me alone, seeing my downfall, she might think that I broke up with Yu Xia.

She didn't know that my dear Yu Xia had already left me.

I appreciate her kindness.

"Are you OK."

"I'm fine." I tried not to let the tears flow again.Wen Xue sat next to me, hugged me, and didn't say a word.After a long time, I raised my head and smiled ashamedly at her.

She smiled at me too. "You haven't eaten, I'll cook."

"I'm not hungry."

"Eat something anyway." She turned and walked to the kitchen, leaving me alone in the living room.

When the food came, I still had no appetite.But Wen Xue said softly: "Eat some." I reluctantly picked up the bowl and drank some soup.

I looked at Wen Xue in front of me, she was looking at me tenderly, what's wrong with her?Her only fault is that she loves the wrong person.But what's so good about me?When I was thinking like this, I thought of Yu Xia again, after all, I failed Yu Xia, and also hurt Yu Xue.

From now on, I won't hurt anyone again.

Yu Xue was eating, suddenly covered her mouth with her hand, and ran to the bathroom, I asked her: "What's wrong?" She waved her hand at me.

After a while, when she came out, she smiled at me.I asked her again: "What's wrong with you?"

She blushed: "I... am pregnant."

I was shocked.Wen Xue and I, that was the only time, she was pregnant.

I remembered that before I went to find Yu Xia, she came to me excitedly, and she said, I want to give you a surprise.She didn't mean that she came to find me as a surprise, but that she already knew the news of her pregnancy at that time.When I said I wanted to find Yu Xia, she was disappointed, but she didn't use pregnancy as an excuse to stop me from looking for love.

This strong girl, I owe her so much.I sighed lightly.

Wen Xue was a little uneasy: "Are you unhappy?"

"No." I shook my head.In Wen Xue's belly, there is my child.The child I left behind irresponsibly.

"What would happen if the child didn't have a father?" I asked Wen Xue, and I was also asking myself.

"You... still want to leave me?" Wen Xue's face was disappointed.

"I..." I was in pain, "I don't think I will be a good father, I don't deserve it."

"No, whether you want me or not, this child has only one father, and his name is Tiantian."

"No, don't do that."

"Tell me, what's wrong with you during the day?" Wen Xue looked at me seriously.

My tears finally flowed down. "Yu Xia has gone." I buried my head in my palm.

Wen Xue froze for a moment, then she gently stroked my hair, as if comforting a helpless child.

Finally, I stopped crying. "When the child grows up, you have to tell him not to be like his father."

She looked at me for a long time, and she seemed to have guessed something smart.She looked at me: "During the day, I don't allow you to do stupid things."

"I……"

"This kid was a mistake. But, he's innocent. If we were wrong, why not take responsibility to make up for those mistakes?"

"I..." I lowered my head.

We were all silent.The phone rang and I didn't answer it.But the phone rang persistently over and over again.

I picked up the phone, trying to turn off the noisy sound.At this time, the city I saw on the caller ID was Yu Xia's city.

Didn't Yu Xia die?I happily picked up the phone.

"Yu Xia." I called him loudly.

"During the day, I'm auntie." It turned out to be Yu Xia's mother.

"Auntie, are you okay?"

"There is one important thing that I forgot to tell you yesterday. Before he died, Yu Xia said that if you want to know the news of his death, he wants me to remind you, don't forget what you promised him."

She paused and said, "Be happy, and live your life happily. He said, this is what you promised him, and you will definitely do it."

"I..." I burst into tears, unable to speak anymore.

Auntie didn't hang up the phone, she just waited quietly for me to finish crying.

I finally calmed down, she said: "Bai Tian, ​​I know you are sad now, but I think, Yu Xia must hope that you will be happy."

Wen Xue sat beside me, and gently hugged me: "Cheer up, I know, Yu Xia must hope that you will live happily." Her words were surprisingly similar to those of her aunt.

I know, Yu Xia, you want me to be happy, but without you, I can't be happy.

Yu Xia's voice rang in my ears.He said: "No matter what happened, the past is past, we should not be sad, we must be strong, we must be happy, and we must live happily through this life."

I thought he was comforting me at the time, comforting the fact that we had already done.But I don't know, he knew what was going to happen early in the morning, he knew that he was going to leave this world early in the morning, and he asked me to promise that no matter what happens, I will live this life happily.

I closed my eyes.Yu Xia, you have always thought of me, but I have never given you anything.

Yu Xia is gone, and for the rest of my life, maybe, that's all there is to it.In a world without Yu Xia, I'm just surviving, isn't it?

"You call and tell mom." I said.

"Really?" Wen Xue's eyes sparkled.She gave me a look, as if for final confirmation.Then she started calling.

I stood up and went to the window.If not, so what?

Wen Xue had already hung up the phone, she started to clean up the dishes, and everything was tidied up.She came to my side: "Do you want me to accompany you?"

I said: "No, you go and rest, I want to be alone."

She said "Yes": "I want to go back to my mother's house and tell my parents about this. I will stay at my mother's house tonight, okay?" I nodded.

Wen Xue has always understood me.She knew that I needed to be alone to think about it.

Wen Xue opened the door, glanced at me again, and then closed the door gently.Now, I am alone in the house.It was as if I was the only one left in this world.

I unpacked my luggage and took out the blue plaid coat. I was stunned for a long time before I put it on.It was as if I had become Yu Xia, and it was Yu Xia who put on him.

Standing in front of the mirror, I remembered the scene when Yu Xia put on this dress for the first time.Yu Xia smiled and said to me, I like it very much.I like it very much, I silently said to the person in the mirror.

The me in the mirror is haggard, I have become as thin as Yu Xia.

Turn on the laptop, I hit the play button, no sound.I remembered that after Yu Xia sang, he didn't press the stop button, and I didn't want to come back again, so let him just be empty.It's like Yu Xia and I are communicating silently.

I put my hands in my pockets, and my hands touched something.I took it out and it was a crumpled paper ball.

I stretched it unconsciously, and Yu Xia's handwriting came into my eyes.

"I often think of that night in Dashishan. I said, during the day, I love you in the name of love. You said, Yu Xia, I love you, in the name of brother. During the day, if I could choose to leave at a certain time , I want to choose that sweet night. During the day, I love you."

My tears flowed out.

I heard Yu Xia say in my ear, during the day, I love you.I believe I heard correctly.I really heard him say, during the day, I love you.I stood up and looked around the room, no one was there.Are the words I hear just my own fantasies?No, I really heard Yu Xia saying, during the day, I love you.

However, there was no Yu Xia.Only me, this world, only me.

Yu Xia's singing sounded again.

you ask me how are you

I said I'm fine

I'm fine with a smile on my face

I think, I get it.My eyes fell on the song played on the notebook, and I noticed the duration: 12'21". It was my birthday. Yu Xia often said with a smile, I want to love you. I want to love you.

His blankness is intentional.To love love you.

In Yu Xia's singing, my tears poured out, wiped away, and poured out again.After a long silence, in the last few seconds of the audio, he said clearly, "Daytime, I love you."

My tears fell drop by drop on the note, and the characters began to blur.I wiped away my tears vigorously.After a long time, I moved my eyes to the note again.

"During the day, I love you. There is one thing, I have not told you. I fell asleep that night, and I had a dream. I dreamed that you were kissing me tenderly. Even if it was just a dream, during the day, I am very happy .”

I go back to that night again.Yu Xia told me for the first time, "I love you." I said, "Me too."

He said, "Say it." I said, "I love you."

That was the sweetest moment in Yu Xia's life.For me, why not?

But Yu Xia, there are some things that I haven't told you, but I have no chance to tell you again.

That night, you fell asleep, but I didn't fall asleep.I'm thinking about something.

Yu Xia, I was thinking, I told you my secret, I told you that I love you, would you believe me?I love you not because of friendship, but because of love.

Yu Xia, I told myself, tomorrow I must tell you, I love you, I just want to be with you.In this life, let us love each other like this and walk together.

Yu Xia, even if we only have one day left for the rest of our lives, so what?As long as I have you by my side.

Yu Xia, I looked at you, you were fast asleep, I suddenly had the urge to kiss you.My lips are gently approaching yours.If I kiss you, will it wake you up?You are so tired, I should let you have a good sleep.However, just a light kiss should be fine.

My lips kissed yours.

Time stood still.There are only two of us in this world.

Yu Xia, I love you, and you happen to love me too, we are the happiest people in this world.

(Finish)