I, Qinghuan

Qing Huan's ears turned red: "What time is it, you're still joking with me." She turned to look at Nan Yang's horrible hands, "Your hands are like this, how can you take a bath?"

"It's on the back of my hand, I just need to be careful." Nan Yang walked into the bathroom and turned on the light.

Qing Huan frowned: "The back of the hand? You broke the cup, how could it hurt the back of the hand?"

Nan Yang paused when he raised his hand to take the shower gel.

"I……"

She froze, and her fingertips rested on the curved gold label of the shower gel bottle. Just looking at her back, she could feel the tension in her hair.

Qing Huan felt her abnormality, and frowned.

She didn't ask any more questions, but just walked over, hugged Nan Yang's waist from behind, and buried her face in her white shirt.

"It's okay, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. Although I really want to know, if you don't want to tell me, I can pretend that I don't want to know."

What a humble word.

The more you love, the more humble you are. This kind of humbleness has nothing to do with whether the other party loves you as much. This is a willing compromise.

"Qing Huan," Nan Yang's trembling fingers caressed her hand in front of her lower abdomen, "I don't tell you the truth, it's not that I failed you. I don't tell you, it's for your own good."

"I understand," Qing Huan smiled softly, "I understand that no matter what you do, it is for my own good. I understand."

Nan Yang's eyes ached when she heard her trusting herself without a bottom line.

"I'm just afraid that if you wash it yourself, the wound will be wet. I'm afraid that the wound will suppurate tomorrow, and you will be in pain, so I want to help you." Qing Huan tightened her arms, turned her face slightly, from Nan Yang's shoulder Looking at that cold face, "Can I help you take a bath?"

Nan Yang was silent for a long time, so long that Qing Huan thought she was using silence to express her rejection.Qing Huan pursed her lips, and slowly let go of her waist. When her hands had already dropped to her legs, she suddenly heard the woman in front of her say softly:

"Help me unbutton it."

The simple five words were pronounced by Nan Yang in a dull voice, but they were like a boulder smashed into the vast sea of ​​heart, instantly arousing thousands of ripples.

Qing Huan took a deep breath, supported Nan Yang's shoulders, closed her eyes hard, and stabilized her restless heartbeat.Then she guided her to turn around slowly, with downcast eyes, not daring to lift up, put her finger on the first button of the white shirt, and slowly pushed it out from the seam of the button.

It wasn't the first time she saw Nan Yang's body, but she still couldn't restrain the throbbing in her heart when she unbuttoned it.Just like the little girl unpacking the express delivery, she knew exactly what was in the small box, but she still couldn't suppress the anxiety and expectation when unpacking the box.

The shirt was completely unbuttoned, and the woman on the opposite side sank her shoulders cooperatively, and took off the shirt.

Well-proportioned, thin waist, thin underwear, hideous scars.

One on the heart of the left chest, five long and short on the abdomen, two long and thin on the waist, and one on the splatter-shaped scar on the wrist.This beautiful body seemed to be torn apart alive, and then put together awkwardly, the cracks were so obvious and terrifying, just by taking a quick look, one could imagine its bloody appearance.

When Qing Huan saw these scars for the first time, she was more curious than distressed, perhaps because her relationship with Nan Yang hadn't been too deep at that time, and she didn't know what it was like to love someone.But now, every time she sees these scars, she feels as if she has sunk into an ice cellar, and her whole body hurts so badly that she can't breathe.

How could she not feel distressed when her beloved was broken into pieces like this?

Carefully stroking the long and wide scars on her abdomen with her fingertips, her nasal cavity was sore and sore, and tears flowed down the corners of her eyes, "...Who the hell? Who is so vicious to scratch you like this?"

Nan Yang hooked the corner of his lips, raised his hand, and stroked Qing Huan's hair, "It's okay, not fierce."

"From childhood to adulthood, no matter how others bullied me, I have never hated anyone." Qing Huan gritted her teeth, holding back the tears that fell, "This is the first time I hate someone so much, you are so nice, that person How can I bear to treat you..."

"Qing Huan," Nan Yang interrupted her warmly, "I don't hate her, so don't hate her either."

Qing Huan looked into Nan Yang's eyes with tears.

Nan Yang lowered her eyes, and her voice became softer: "You remember what I said, and you must always remember it. I don't hate her, and I never hated her."

My heart was suddenly empty.

An inexplicable feeling came to her heart, and it was fleeting. Before she had time to capture the taste, the strangeness slipped away quickly.She frowned, blinked several times, and a moment of confusion slipped through her eyes.

There seemed to be a voice in her heart that said to her deeply:

I do not hate you.

Nan Yang looked at Qing Huan who was suddenly in a trance, tilted her head, and reminded her aloud: "Aren't you going to take it off?"

Qing Huan quickly pulled back her thoughts, shook her head vigorously, and shook off the dizziness in her mind.She helped Nan Yang take off the remaining clothes on her body without any distractions. Under the bright light of the bathroom, she only focused on looking at the horrible scars on her body, temporarily forgetting the ambiguous aspect of this body to her attract.

After filling the bathtub with water, Nan Yang sat in, his gauze-wrapped hands drooping outside, and his chin resting on his forearms.Qing Huan helped her wash her body carefully. When the body was almost washed, she took a small cup to scoop up warm water and poured it on the long black hair, rubbing it carefully section by section.

"Qinghuan."

Nan Yang suddenly called her.

Qing Huan said "Huh?" and turned to look at her face.

Nan Yang's eyes were filled with forbearance, and after a while, he asked cautiously, "Would it be strange if I suddenly vomited blood?"

Qing Huan was stunned, and looked at Nan Yang inexplicably, "vomit, vomit blood?"

"Yeah." Nan Yang nodded his head, his voice was deep, "I'm sorry, I want to bear it, but I..."

Although Qing Huan was full of doubts, but after hearing what Nan Yang said, she subconsciously replied: "It's not surprising."

"That's good," Nan Yang pursed his lips, raised his eyes to look at Qing Huan, "help me get the trash can over there."

Qing Huan immediately reached out, reached for the trash can not far away, and placed it next to Nan Yang.

Nan Yang bowed his head, frowned, and suddenly coughed up a mouthful of blood.Blood froth trickled down her chin, stained with the sticky saliva in her mouth, and hung precariously on her lips. At the end of the long thread pulled out, the full blood drops sank rhythmically one after another.When it got too heavy, it snapped the last link and landed on the plastic bag of the trash can with a clatter.

Qing Huan hurriedly took out some toilet paper, and carefully wiped Nan Yang's lips, hesitating to speak, as if he wanted to ask something but didn't dare.

Nan Yang spat out the pooled blood, and the pain that lasted for several hours finally eased a little. She could see Qing Huan's doubts, and said: "It's nothing serious, don't worry."

Qing Huan hesitated for a long time, and tentatively asked: "Stomach problem?"

"No," Nan Yang thought for a while, and picked a lie, "It's just bleeding in the throat, just take some anti-inflammatory drugs."

After hearing this, Qing Huan breathed a sigh of relief, "Fortunately, it's not a serious illness."

"It's almost done, dry me off."

After Nan Yang finished speaking, she stood up while supporting the edge of the bathtub, causing a splash of water, and the thin warm water trickled down her skin.Qing Huan took a bath towel to help her wipe, and put on a bathrobe for her after wiping.

In the bathroom, she helped Nan Yang blow-dry her hair for a while, but Nan Yang's hair was long and thick, and it was still a little damp after blow-drying.So she dragged Nan Yang to sit on the edge of the bed for a while, waiting for her hair to dry by itself.

While waiting, Qing Huan dragged the big bag of toys that she bought during the day, and handed them to Nan Yang one by one.

"What are these?" Nan Yang asked.

"The souvenirs I bought from the Big Wild Goose Pagoda, I don't know which one you like, so I just bought them all."

"This is a rattle." Qing Huan handed a bright red rattle painted with dolls in New Year pictures to Nan Yang's hand.

Nan Yang took it, stared at the rattle for a while, rubbed his fingertips slightly, and the rattle rang.

She twitched the corners of her lips, revealing a faint smile.

"And this, Little Bird Water Whistle."

Nan Yang changed the rattle to the other hand, took the water whistle in the shape of a bird, held it in his hand and looked at it.Qing Huan motioned her to blow on the bird's tail, she licked her upper lip, held the long bird's tail in her mouth, puffed her cheeks, and blew out a melodious bird song.

"This may not be easy to play," Qing Huan took out a Tao Xun, "you have to be able to play music theory."

Nan Yang nodded, "Indeed."

Qing Huan put Tao Xun aside, "I knew I wouldn't buy this, we are all people who don't understand music theory."

"Xun, I really can't," Nan Yang paused, "but I can play the piano."

"You can play the piano?" Qing Huan looked at her in surprise. They had known each other for so long, but she had never heard Nan Yang talk about it, "Piano?"

"No, it's Guqin." Nan Yang raised his chin slightly, as if recalling, "But I haven't played it for many years. I remember a long time ago, I played a piano called Jiuxiaohuanpei."

"Jiuxiao Huanpei?" Qing Huan opened her eyes wide in surprise, "Isn't that a Guqin from the Tang Dynasty? It is now in the collection of the Palace Museum. Your Mei family is so powerful, how can you borrow something from the Palace Museum?"

"So it's in the Forbidden City now." Nan Yang was noncommittal and just smiled.

"But, it's just your hand..." Qing Huan glanced at her right hand, "Are you still learning to play the guqin?"

Nan Yang didn't speak.

Perhaps in modern times, learning guqin is a hobby, but in ancient times, playing piano, chess, calligraphy and painting was a compulsory course for girls from birth.She never regarded her ability to play the guqin as a specialty, because playing the piano was something that women in ancient times would do, just as it is common for modern children to learn English lessons.

With a subconscious twist of the fingertips, the rattle made another crisp thumping sound.

Qing Huan was silent for a while, and said in a low voice: "Suddenly I feel...you seem to have a lot of things that I don't know."

I don't know who the girl she passed by is, I don't know the source of her scars, I don't know that she can play the guqin.

"One day, you'll know all about it."

Nan Yang said so.

Qing Huan's heart softened, and she smiled softly: "Then it's settled, you must tell me everything in the future."

"Qing Huan, there are some things I don't want to tell you. It's not that I don't want to say it, but I can't say it." Nan Yang sighed softly through his nose, "However, I can try my best to tell you some other things."

"...?" Qing Huan blinked.

"For example, I like this very much," Nan Yang raised his hand and shook the rattle in his hand, "I also like other toys, whether grasshoppers or shadow puppets, I like them all. Thank you for giving Me, because of these things, it seems that tonight is not so difficult."

Qing Huan pursed her lips, looked at Nan Yang for a long time, and asked softly, "Are you suffering tonight?"

Nan Yang endured the burning pain in his heart that lasted for several hours, turned his head away, and clutched the rattle tightly, his fingertips turning white.

"Not tormented."

She answered very lightly.

With you by my side, no matter how difficult the pain is, it is not called "suffering".