You said as long as we are careful enough

Going home to an empty house hits Sebastian far more than he thought.Without anyone to talk to, the place seemed to be extremely empty.He looked at the 9AM reading on the clock, then climbed into bed and tried to sleep again.

He wakes up after one o'clock in the afternoon with a text on his phone from Chris when he arrived in Boston.It's embarrassing to reply so late. Chris probably also wondered why he was ignored.He had probably forgotten about it by now. Sebastian doesn't even know what to say.He stared at the message for a few seconds, then put away his phone without replying.He spent the next day trying to stop thinking about it.

Chris feels drained the first few days after he gets home, but Sebastian doesn't know how to match that feeling with how he'll feel when he's back home after this exhaustion.He's never been on a promotional tour before, but the days after a video are often confusing enough.

He was too scared to contact Chris, and Chris didn't try to contact him again.

For the first few mornings, he masturbates in the bathroom thinking of Chris with his hands tied behind his back and making him kneel.That's enough.

Until, suddenly, that wasn't enough.

It came so suddenly that Sebastian didn't even notice when he started.He thought it was because of something else.Headaches and nervousness caused by jet lag.He spent more time in the gym trying to debilitate himself, but never managed to calm the noise in his head.

It doesn't make sense.It's only been a few weeks since he last saw Chris.Just a month.Maybe not yet.Probably not yet.Time seems to have slowed down a lot since Chris went back to Boston.

so noisy.Has it always been this loud?

Suddenly, he was about to collapse.His head was throbbing, and everything became unbearable.He just wanted to be a naked, exposed nerve, and every possible feeling was an attack.He fought back the shame and found tons of porn for himself online—dominant, submission, bondage—and felt even more ashamed when he couldn't get any of it.

The first time he picked up the phone, he told himself, he was an idiot. Chris lives three hours away.He's not going to drop everything and jump on a train just to make Sebastian feel better.So he turned off the phone, went to a club, and found a girl who looked like she was happy to pin him down.

She was aggressive when he asked, but was too easily distracted to be helpful.She's strong, but every time he fucks her, her grip is shaky.A few days later, he tried it again with another girl who could pull his hair, but with similar results.

Almost every night, he stared at his mobile phone, thumbed and pulled the address book, but after all, he didn't make the call he wanted to make.

He went to other bars, hoping the men would be different, but so were they.One pins him against the wall as he fucks him, but ducks when Sebastian pushes back - nervous and unsure.

It's so hard to tell them clearly.He was too easily embarrassed himself, convinced he could feel their judgment.

Without asking too much, he gave several people oral sex.Plus, they'd all be willing to grab him by the hair and thrust him in.But he didn't know them, and he didn't feel safe either.This is not enough.This is not what he wants.

He didn't remember to call Chris until he was on the train. "I'm going downtown," Chris said when he picked up the phone.

"Great!" Chris said. "time?"

Sebastian checks his watch. "About two hours."

Sebastian had the ridiculous urge to kneel when Chris came to answer the door. Chris immediately looked affectionate. "Hi." He said softly, "Sorry, this place is a mess. I was at my brother's house when you called." Sebastian calmed down and nodded. "Are you okay? (On the phone) You sound a little..." His voice trailed off, his expression tensed. Sebastian wasn't convincing enough. "Sebastian? Is everything okay?"

There is no need to lie. Sebastian shook his head, and Chris put his hand on the door. "Do you need me?" Sebastian took a deep breath and nodded.

Chris took Sebastian's neck with one hand and led him into the room, Sebastian was shaking so badly that Chris noticed and squeezed the back of his neck. "Sebastian…" He sounds panicked, almost scolding, and then Sebastian surrenders—his knee hits the floor just as Chris closes the door behind him.It's comforting.He's where he should be.The clamor in his head finally died down.

"Oh my God!"

"I'm sorry," Sebastian said automatically, his hands shaking, and Chris leaned over and cupped his chin.It was enough to make him dizzy, so he had to close his eyes before he could speak. "I'm sorry, I was thinking - I should have..."

"Take a deep breath, Sebastian. Talk to me."

Sebastian shook his head.He doesn't want to talk.He could talk about it later, when everything slowed down. "Should have asked for it sooner." He finally squeezed out. "Need...sorry."

Chris nodded. "It's okay." He said softly. "You don't need to apologize, just tell me what you need." His voice was soft and patient. Sebastian is kneeling at his feet, babbling, and Chris is still trying to pass it off as normal conversation.He's waiting for Sebastian's 'green light' before switching (dynamic) mode.

"I need it," Sebastian said hoarsely. "I-I want it," he stammers awkwardly, reaching for the waistband of Chris' jeans. "Let me." He tries again, and Chris runs one hand through Sebastian's hair and gently tugs at Sebastian's neck, pulling him to his feet.

"Okay, okay. Let me sit down first."

Sebastian nods and stumbles after Chris to the edge of the couch, kneeling at his feet again. Chris unzips and pats Sebastian's hair again. "As long as it's what you want," he said, "remember?"

Sebastian nods again, but mostly doesn't listen, almost crawling into Chris' lap, guiding his cock into his mouth.

Chris gritted his teeth and gasped, Sebastian's lips slowly wrapped around Blade, his eyes slowly closed, and Chris' fingers ran into his hair.It was better than he remembered, heavy and solid, and Chris' fingers clenched, holding him in place.He jerks, shallowly, and Sebastian rolls his eyes away and moans.

"Good boy," he heard, hold his breath and go far away: "What a good boy."

He knew he was 'falling' when the sounds around him began to echo.He opened his eyes quickly, but he couldn't focus.He didn't resist.He wondered if he really wanted to resist.After being 'thirsty' for weeks, it feels better than ever.Even, deeper.He watches as Chris's head is thrown back on the couch, the curve of his neck blurred by blurred vision. Sebastian sobs as Chris continues his failed soft pushes, trying to beg for more.

He heard Chris mutter something, and the insertion picked up speed, but the words stuck together.It doesn't matter anymore.He can't hear.He was out of sight.He couldn't think anymore.He just wants to!more powerful.More.As long as it doesn't stop.He can feel himself moaning and moaning against Chris's skin, Chris' body tensing.

He tugged at Sebastian's hair to signal 'come out', but Sebastian didn't take it, slipped his lips to the top and sucked in harder.

Chris was still ejaculating as he pulled Sebastian away from him, drawing white streaks across his neck.Like some sort of token of possession, Sebastian whimpers, making Chris' hand tighten in his hair.They're both still panting, and Chris says, "Look at me."

Sebastian nodded before he realized he wasn't asking a question.It took him a few seconds to understand the meaning of the words put together, and then he focused on Chris's face.

"That's it." Chris said weakly, "Good boy, Sebastian." He leaned over and opened Sebastian's pants and pulled his cock out of the panties. "Look at me all the time, okay?"

Sebastian doesn't want to look at anything else.He's shaking, and Chris starts jerking him off, his other hand holding Sebastian's face, forcing him to maintain eye contact.At first, Sebastian thought he was trying to stop him from 'falling' back, which seemed odd and unfair, so the movement he made was like some sort of undignified murmur.

Chris looks at him, eyes dark, and then the hand on Sebastian's face slides down his throat, smearing the cum on his skin. It took Sebastian a moment to realize that he wasn't trying to clean it off, but rubbing it into his skin.The air suddenly thinned, and he tried desperately to catch his breath.

"That's it." Chris whispers, his voice getting a lot closer for no reason—hissing against his ear. "Cum for me."

The blood clattering in Sebastian's ears makes him hear nothing else.His whole body felt like a piece of white noise, and his head fell forward.The pieces fell and fell back into place.

He doesn't notice the passage of time, but when Sebastian opens his eyes, he's lying on Chris' bed.At first he thought Chris had left him here alone, but before he could panic, the thing he was using as a pillow moved under his head.

It is the shoulder.

A wall of warm flesh is pressed against Sebastian's back, and an arm is wrapped around his waist, abrupt and heavy.He squirms, and Sebastian thinks Chris is awake when he pulls Sebastian closer, but he twists his neck to look back, and Chris' eyes are closed.

This picture made him feel warm, he bit his lip to hold back his smile, feeling incomprehensibly stupid. Chris sighs vaguely, burying his nose in the hollow of Sebastian's shoulder. Sebastian freezes when Chris' nose brushes against his jaw.It was so soft, so pure, it made his stomach quiver weirdly.He rolls over to face Chris as best he can, and puts his mouth in his mouth.

Chris doesn't wake up right away, but the sleepy, high-pitched gasp that comes with it comes from someone who'd rather stay asleep if it wasn't disturbed. Sebastian doesn't have time to feel guilty before Chris kisses back.

"Sorry." Chris mumbled against Sebastian's mouth. "I didn't mean to fall asleep. Are you okay? Need something? You were in a trance just now." Before Sebastian could answer, he reached for the nightstand behind him and handed him a bottle of water.

Sebastian sat up, put the water bottle to his mouth gratefully and took a few swigs and replied, "I'm fine. I think I fell asleep too."

Chris looked at him flatly. "Yeah, no surprise," he said, and Sebastian took another sip of water nervously. "What I'm saying is that you were in a trance when you arrived here."

"Oh." Sebastian looked down at the water bottle in his hand guiltily. "Yes, I—" He didn't know what to say.After staring at the water bottle for a while, he finally decided to say, "I'm sorry."

"Because of what?" Chris's voice was unexpectedly sharp, and he sat up and looked at Sebastian.

"Uh?"

"What are you apologizing for?"

For a brief moment, Sebastian thinks it's a fraudulent question.He didn't know what the answer should be, so he answered slowly and truthfully. "I should have... come to you earlier."

Chris nodded, leaning back against the head of the bed.Silence stretched out, and Sebastian became restless, returning to stare at the water bottle. "I don't want you to let it get that serious again." Chris sounds genuinely annoyed, and Sebastian flinches. "I thought I—I thought you had a meltdown at one point." Sebastian bit his lip guiltily. "I'm asking you a question, and you sound like..."

He was silent, and Sebastian wanted to ask what he was talking about.Bits and pieces were slowly coming back to him. Chris helped him to his feet.He staggers like a dying man, and Chris catches him and wraps his arms around his chest.He swallowed.Asking what he was talking about just made Chris worry about him more. Chris's voice cuts through his thoughts. "look at me."

Sebastian watched him warily.

"Do you think you should be punished?"

Sebastian was unprepared for the sinking feeling in his stomach. "What?"

Chris seemed to be evaluating something. "Do you need to be punished?"

Something throbbed in Sebastian's chest, and he lost himself.Sweat made his grip on the plastic slip. Chris' fingers pinched his chin, forcing him to blink.

"answer me."

Sebastian's tongue sticks out and wets his lips. "Yes."

Chris nodded.He's silent for a moment, and Sebastian can almost see him mentally running through the list Sebastian wrote down.The thought of going through the list over and over—to keep it in his mind—makes his pulse pound.

Once some decision has been made, Chris immediately looks at his face. "I'm going to get your belt." Sebastian's hand moved automatically to his waist before he realized he wasn't wearing pants.He doesn't remember taking his pants off, but Chris is already on his feet and walking to the corner of the room.

"You were severely unresponsive when we got here," Chris explained, picking up Sebastian's jeans from the chair. "I had to carry you in." Sebastian felt humiliated as his words triggered memories.He wraps his arms around Chris' neck and rubs against him like a cat.

He looks back at Chris nervously, but he seems to remember it.At least he didn't look angry anymore. "I just don't want you to sleep in your pants. That's never comfortable."

When Chris came back to him, holding Sebastian's belt, he lifted Sebastian's chin and looked him in the eye. "How many times did you want to call me before you arrived?" he asked firmly.

Sebastian thought for a moment.It turns out they are always mixed together. "About ten times?" he replied softly. "At least……"

"Ten is a good round number," he said simply. "I'm going to hit you. If you need me to stop or slow down before I'm done, use safe words. Do you understand me?" Sebastian nods, but Chris insists, "I want to hear you say it."

Sebastian coughed lightly. "'Yellow-yellow' is to slow down, 'red' is to stop."

Chris nodded. "Now are you ready? We can wait if you still…" Sebastian shook his head, but Chris insisted with a frown, "No, don't nod or shake your head. Not in this one. Tell me you're ready, Sebastian .”

"I'm ready for punishment," he said firmly, before realizing he had made a mistake and adding, "Sir."

Nodding again, Chris folded the belt in his hand. "Take this off and get down," he said, tugging at the waistband of Sebastian's shorts. Sebastian hastily slipped off and lay down.

"Do you want me to count?" Sebastian nodded after considering it for a moment.

There was dead silence in the room, and Sebastian closed his eyes, waiting.

The air splits in an instant before Sebastian even feels anything, and then suddenly the searing pain in his thigh overshadows everything else.He cried out and everything froze.In a heartbeat moment, it seems that the world suddenly stands still. Sebastian took a deep breath and heard Chris say, "One."

The belt sliced ​​the air again, tearing Silence in two before falling right under the previous whip. Sebastian moved, lifting his body to meet the blow.His face is hot. "Two." Sebastian moaned as the belt came down again, shame blooming in his chest.It feels like surrendering voluntarily. "three."

He can barely hear Chris' voice through the roar in his ears.Now he was on his knees, his hands clasped together, his arms stretched out in front of him.The belt grazed his balls, slamming into the flesh again, and Sebastian moaned, "God!"

He could hear Chris's voice vibrate as he said, "Four."

Sebastian can't help begging, "Hold on." Chris does.The fifth and sixth fell directly on top of each other, and Sebastian squirmed and wailed.His skin was on fire, he gasped, his cheeks were wet with tears, and all he wanted was more!

He didn't realize how hard he was until the seventh stroke sent his whole body forward.He cries out again, and Chris stops, waiting for a moment for the safe word that won't come.As he counted again, Chris's voice softened, like he didn't want to break the silence that echoed in the room with every slap of the belt.

Sebastian lifted himself up to the next blow, muffled his voice with his arm as the belt came down. "Eight," Chris whispers, sounding closer than when they first started. Sebastian twists his hips, trying to find friction in the air, but Chris surprises him by saying, "You can come when I count to ten."

Sebastian nods, almost maddened by the way his body responds to permission. "Thank you." He choked helplessly.He didn't deserve it, it was supposed to be a punishment.But Chris is so kind.

Sebastian shivered as the next whip landed hard on the fragile skin that was already starting to ache. "Nine." Chris sounded out of breath, and Sebastian slumped against the mattress, legs splayed, thrusting in vain.

The silence lasts too long, and then the echo of the belt slapping against Sebastian's skin suddenly resounds. "Ten." Chris whispered, and Sebastian's body seemed to respond at this moment, the white heat engulfed all other senses, and he came on Chris's bed.

When he calms down, Chris' hands are in his hair. "Wait a minute," he said, voice warm, and Sebastian barely had time to object before he came back. Sebastian can't see what he's holding, but then Chris sits at his feet and rubs something nice and cool on his lap.

When Sebastian looks back, Chris explains, "This will reduce the swelling. It will also relieve the pain." Sebastian nods, and Chris puts down the tube of ointment and crawls over to him.He lay on his side, and they were facing each other, with Sebastian nestling in his arms.

Chris pulls back to look him in the eye. "Hi."

Sebastian smiles. "Hi." His voice is hoarse, and Chris runs his hands through his hair.

"Do you still feel guilty?"

Sebastian was surprised to find that he didn't feel it anymore.Even after his punishment that didn't feel like punishment at all.He feels forgiven. "I...no," he said, surprise in his voice. "I don't think so anymore."

"Fine." Chris ran his fingers through Sebastian's hair again. "Are you ready to talk about why you didn't tell me?"

Sebastian opened his mouth to answer, but stuttered.Saying that now sounds silly. "I didn't... I thought it was over." Sounds silly because it's silly. Chris left his New York apartment insisting that he was always welcome in Boston, telling him more than once to call him if he needed anything. The look on Chris' face proves he's thinking the same thing.

"I mean, that feels weird. Seeing you when we're not working together. It's like—" Like a relationship.But what's wrong with that?Maybe that's what I want.He shook his head.Perhaps asking too much. "I'm sorry. I'm just... petrified."

"That's exactly what this whole system is supposed to prevent," Chris scolds him.He sounds annoyed. "Is it because of me? Are you trying to get away with—"

"No." Sebastian shook his head. "No, you..." He found himself wanting to say 'that's the one I want' but there was too much weight in that.After struggling for a while, he finally said, "Very good."

It sounded so scary, Sebastian flinched, but relaxed a little when he heard Chris laugh. "Thanks," he teases, and Sebastian tries to look nonchalant and shrugs with a smile.

"I mean—I like it. I'm tired of getting this from other people, and it doesn't…doesn't work." When he confesses, he expects Chris to look surprised or angry, but he doesn't. "I need this. I want this."

Chris sighed. "Then you must tell me when you need my help, okay? I can't read minds. Especially two hundred miles away."

Hearing this, Sebastian sat up.After hesitating for a moment, he asked, "What about ten miles?"

Chris narrowed his eyes at him. "What?"

"I mean—I can...there's a hotel not far from here. I can, uh...I can check in, for a few days. I mean, I don't have a job right now."

Chris doesn't say anything, and Sebastian panics. "I mean, if you don't—don't you agree? I can go home." He shifted awkwardly, planning to get up and go back to New York now.

"Stop, stop." Chris grabbed his arm, and Sebastian wondered if Chris had lied about the mind reading. "I just—do you agree with this? How would you answer if someone stopped you and asked what you were doing here?"

"To see you," Sebastian said slowly, not sure if that was the right answer.

Chris tilts his head.The expression is strangely surprised. "that's all?"

"We can be friends, can't we?" It sounds weird to say that, because they both deserve more than that.Alienation. Sebastian frowned, looking down at Chris's hand still on his elbow. "Are you worried about something?"

"No." The answer was quick.No panic or over-insistentness, just sincerity. "I'm just making sure that if something happens because of it, it won't affect you."

Sebastian chuckled. "I've made out with a lot of guys on screen, Chris," he says with a shrug. "Since 2009, there have been rumors about me."

Chris let go of his arm. "As long as you agree." After a moment of silence between them, Chris asked, "How many times have you hooked up with other people?"

Something goes up Sebastian's spine. "Six times." He swallowed. "Are you going to hit me because of them?"

Chris looks like he's actually thinking about it. "You're too numb right now. We never talked about not being able to find other people. Do you feel guilty about them?" He didn't, so he shook his head. "Then no, I won't punish you." Still something was missing, and it took a moment before Sebastian realized he wanted Chris to be jealous.

While Sebastian showers, Chris makes dinner for them both.Needing a clean shirt, he took the smallest-looking one from Chris' closet, and unsurprisingly, it still seemed to be hanging on him.Chris laughs as he walks into the living room. "You look good in this way." He said and handed him a dish.

"You're making fun of your own clothes, genius," Sebastian replied, sitting back on the couch.

"I don't understand what you're saying." Chris said, sitting next to him, turning on the TV for background sound. "I was totally serious just now." Sebastian still wasn't sure if he was joking.Occasionally, Chris would unconsciously run his hand across Sebastian's neck, making his pulse quicken.

Chris smiled when Sebastian offered to do the dishes. "You know, you don't have to be my housewife."

Sebastian's face burns. "Yes, well, to be fair." He said holding the plate in his arms and throwing it into the sink. "While I'm cooking, you can wash the dishes."

Chris followed him into the kitchen, eyebrow raised. "You cook?"

Sebastian grimaced. "I can make simple pasta, okay?" Chris grinned, leaning against the wall as Sebastian opened the dishwasher to load the dishes. "I'm not completely hopeless."

Chris clicked his tongue. Sebastian startled, two arms suddenly wrapped around his waist. "Yeah." Chris's voice close to his ear, "You're not. If you're proposing, I'm going to have spaghetti tomorrow."

Sebastian turns in Chris' arms until they're face to face. "As long as you're offering to wash the dishes."

Chris snickers and kisses Sebastian on the chin. "certainly."

At the end of the night, Sebastian had to leave for his downtown hotel, but he found himself procrastinating.After midnight, he lets Chris pull him off the couch and into his lap, and they make out like teenagers.He asked to stay, but it was too late.He had already promised to stay in the hotel.

He'd been having a thought: jokingly mentioning that Chris owed him a favor after he let him stay in New York with him, but then all he could think was that he could have asked Chris to stay for more than one night, and he didn't.

"I've got to go," he admitted finally, barely hiding the disappointment in his voice.

Chris looks like he's thinking about something, then nods. "Okay," he said, patting Sebastian's leg until he stood up. "I'll see you in the morning." He walks Sebastian to the door and kisses him again before opening the door. "Call me when you wake up." Sebastian nodded, but Chris watched him warily. "I'm serious, don't be ashamed to talk to me anymore, okay?"

Sebastian nodded again. "I won't."

The next day, they went out.Chris lights up like a Christmas tree while showing off his city, and Sebastian is acutely aware that he can't pull him over to kiss every moment. Sebastian noticed that there were a few cameras, but not many, and anyway, Chris' reputation for being hands-on had at least given him the freedom of constant access.

As the sun started to set, they boarded the train for the bay, and Sebastian immediately shyly looked there.He's also noticeable, Chris notices. "What's wrong?"

"It's okay." The tone of his voice made Chris raise his eyebrows. "This seems a bit like..." He looked around to make sure no one could overhear and said awkwardly, "Makeout Point."Only the name of a GV was found.It could be a movie, or a slang term. 】

Chris laughed, which made Sebastian feel even more embarrassed. "It doesn't have to be Makeout Point," he said brightly, stabbing Sebastian in the ribs. "You don't have to wear my varsity jersey if you don't want to. I can still get you home at ten."

"It's funny not to wear it."

"Hey, you started it." Chris smiles brightly, and Sebastian feels silly bringing it up. Chris sat on a bench, watching the ships seek their way into the docks, and Sebastian, after a moment of hesitation, sat next to him. Chris looked sincerely apologetic. "I was joking," he said, nudging Sebastian lightly again.

Sebastian sticks out his tongue, and Chris pushes him. "You're so mature." After they sat in silence for a while, Chris asked, "So, where did you go to high school?"

Sebastian scrunched his face. "What?"

"Hey, I'm ok with the clumsy first date. If you're not going to make out with me, I deserve some awkward childhood stuff."

Sebastian mocked. "Stoneland County. Mainly junior high schools too."

Chris raised his eyebrows again. Sebastian looks awkwardly at his knees. "Private schools, well, no wonder," he quipped.He doesn't say anything more, making Sebastian curious.

"Haven't you ever been a good Catholic schoolboy, or am I mistaken?"

Chris threw his head back and laughed. "Oh, so wrong. I've never been good, and only been 'little' for a while." Sebastian grinned. "I was in elementary school and I was Catholic, but it didn't happen at the same time. I went to Lincoln Sandbury. It was boring, it was public."

"It's a pity," Sebastian said. "I could have just had a good look at the photos of your school uniform."

Chris snorted. "Unfortunately, it is a pity that you have to