I still don't want to go to school today

Judging from Fu Luojia's experience, if there is no one else around at this time, Dad doesn't have to say anything-it's a pity that the two nurses are still standing here.

An abnormal bright red color appeared on Dad's face, and he trembled slightly when he spoke: "Do you have to say that—"

Although they seemed to know two different things, the two quarreled without hindrance.Fu Luojia was very familiar with the subsequent steps - even if his mother was restrained by the illness and couldn't exert her full strength, she could still completely suppress her father verbally.

"I'm not here to quarrel with you...can you calm down? You are a patient, take responsibility for your own body—"

Fu Luojia was thinking about what he usually did when he encountered this situation before they were divorced.

Put away the breakables, listen to music with headphones, go into a daze, or ponder some wacky questions—such as how long it takes for a corpse in a pile of dead leaves to completely decompose.

But now he couldn't do the same.The mobile phone with the broken screen and the deformed pendant were pinched in his hands, and they became pain nerves extending out of the body.

His eyes darkened.Of all the thoughts in the mind, "death" is the loudest sound.

The walls were broken cervical vertebrae, the sheets were bluish-blue, the conjunctiva scarlet, the floor was collapsed, and the whole room was splattered with flesh.

stop.

stop.

stop……

Stop it.

"Get out!! Get out——!"

"Who is responsible for his problems?!" Dad suddenly raised his voice. "Who the hell has been avoiding reality?"

His mother didn't know whether she was frightened by the sudden hard breath or simply choked by the saliva, and suddenly coughed violently.

The nurse had already walked away silently, and grandma sat on another bed, wiping her tears, and turned her back.

Dad relaxed a little, and his tone was less aggressive. "...You and I are not perfect, we are all responsible for what he did."

"It's all because of your family—"

"Enough!" He bowed his head and raised his forehead, "Is it reasonable to attribute all problems to this point? Has your discipline been flawless for so long? Have you given Jiajia the right guidance? His concept of right and wrong, values Have you paid attention? Or are you still the same as before, the way of education is to ask him to report every move to you?"

Fucking silent.

"...That boy, I will find another chance to talk to him. Jiajia will go back with me first, I don't think you can handle things well now."

The mother jerked her head again.

"—what boy?"

Dad was also stunned, and subconsciously turned to look at Fu Luojia.

"What boy..." Without waiting for a response, she stretched out her hand and raised the hospital bed higher, so that she could see Fu Luojia's face. "Who are you talking about—what are you crying for?!"

"...I have to take medicine now."

He said.

……

Fu Luojia seemed to hear the sound of the sea tide.It was an auditory hallucination, he thought at first.He has never been to any coastal cities, and he has only seen photos of those famous rivers.After watching some of those documentaries, he felt that the most beautiful ocean was in the North Pole.So although there are no penguins there, it is still very attractive to him.

The sound of the tide gradually became louder, and he had a clear picture in front of his eyes: the sea water was no longer in a stalemate with the glacier, and it was aggressively attacking; the glacier refused to back down, and the coastline drove the blue waves like a whip.

This phantom was very strange, he was in it, and he actually felt Ning He——the endless electronic welcome device's "Welcome" and Xu Zhijian's real and fake voices were no longer in his ears.

So increasing the dose might work?

At that time, there was a voice in his mind shouting that it was not enough, the aluminum-plastic board beeped, and the pills fell into the palm of his hand one by one, hitting each other.He didn't count at all, and finally filled nearly a whole box of doses into his mouth, trying to swallow——

It seems to be working fine now.Too bad he couldn't remember which box it was - paroxetine or alprazolam?It's a mouthful name anyway.

The sound of the tide is followed by soothing music.Gradually he recognized the pieces played and the order in which they were played.

He should be in Dad's car.An icebreaker suddenly appeared in the vision, and "reality" and "consciousness" gradually approached the island reef where he was.He was very frightened, and before the deep blue water disappeared, he leaned over and jumped into it.

From time to time, strange black shadows flitted across the water.Sometimes the black shadow suddenly rushed over to cover him, and he was able to see clearly the inside of the black shadow: it was all past events that had been randomly cut and spliced ​​together, with some strange pictures mixed in between.Both took his breath away, so he kept going down until the light stopped and he couldn't see anything.

He relaxes himself here.Occasionally hum a broken tune, occasionally read a book in the empty library of Z University, occasionally listen to penguins, occasionally eat a bowl of meaty and smooth beef noodles, occasionally see Xu Zhibian smile at him slyly, and occasionally kiss Xu Zhijian.However, these "occasionally" are not densely assembled, on the contrary, there are often long intervals between them.

During these intervals he saw himself swallowing many, many pills; Like abandoned satellites in space, they draw meaningless circles in high-altitude orbits over and over again: wash, eat, nap, eat, wash, rest——

He saw that his will was clearly dead, and his actions were doing everything to prevent him from exercising it.

Here too, time was abandoned by him.It was a long time before he opened his eyes again to make sure that he was awake and able to think.

He got up from the mattress according to the mechanical habit he had developed for many days, opened the door, and walked down the stairs step by step holding the handle.

A short figure hurried over, "Why don't you wear shoes... Bare feet are easy to catch a cold."

Then put on a pair of slippers for him familiarly.

"……grandmother."

"Hey..." Grandma raised her eyes happily, "How are you feeling today?"

He said "hmm". "What's the date today?"

"Number ten."

"July?"

Grandma's eyes are red. "It's August."

"Oh." He nodded slowly, and then went to touch his pocket.

Suddenly, I remembered that I had changed many pieces on my body, and the clothes were no longer the original ones.

"...where are my things?"

"At your father's place, are you in a hurry to get it now? I'll ask him to bring it to you..."

"no need."

After eating, he walked around the room and stopped in front of the crib in the corner.The bed net is pink, I don't know if she likes it.

Staring at the baby who spit out the pacifier and began to cry, the flesh on his cheeks trembled unceasingly.

He rummaged in the bedside pocket for a while and came up with an old hand rattle with chipped brass.

He shook his wrist, and immediately the baby stopped crying and reached out to him, giggling.

"...you like it too?" He lowered his head and put the pacifier that had slipped aside into her mouth again.She struggled dissatisfied.

"Don't like it."

He walked away from grandma's clasped hands before letting go. "Will you watch TV... Shall I turn it on for you?"

"Do not."

He stood on the ground where the sun was shining, and a few slender brown-black lines appeared in the corners of his field of vision.

"I'm going out."

"Ah? Going out... What are you doing? Your father said..."

"The hair is a little longer."