Song Song

It's almost summer, and Lin Xiaosong still doesn't show his bosom. Strange to say, he is not thin. By this month, it is reasonable to say that his belly should have been round and prominent.

The weather forecast said that it would be cloudy and light rain today. He dressed neatly and went out with a mask on. When he left, he went to the fruit shop in front of his house to pick up two bags of beautiful fruits.

He decided to look for the child's father one last time.

The sun was hidden behind the gray-blue haze, the light was very weak, and the whole city looked gray and lifeless.

The bus moved forward slowly, Lin Xiaosong thought about what he was going to say all the way, he wanted to persuade the man to keep the child, and it would be best if he could get a marriage certificate with him.He also thought about it, when the time comes to go back to his hometown with the baby in his arms, the two elders have to love this child well, and how to make up for what they owed him back then to his child.

When we got off the train at the station, the passengers scattered and were crowded. Lin Xiaosong staggered forward and almost fell down. He hurriedly protected his stomach.

Chu Yi's home is in the neighborhood in front of him. He followed the man several times, and tried to knock on the door several times to enter, but in the end he didn't do anything.

Lin Xiaosong made up his mind this time. He settled down, climbed upstairs, and rang the doorbell.

Chu's mother opened the door. She vaguely remembered Lin Xiaosong, who seemed to be her son's former shared roommate. The impression was not very good. He was a foreigner and had never been to college.

"Who are you looking for?" Mother Chu asked knowingly.

Lin Xiaosong squeezed the plastic bag in his hand, and said in a weak voice, "Auntie, I have something to do with Chu Yi."

Mother Chu replied directly: "He's not at home."

Lin Xiaosong was a little embarrassed, and was naturally stupid, so he just pushed two bags of fruit to the woman, and said in a timid voice, "Then I'll wait for him to come back."

"I don't know when he will come back, you should go back first." Chu's mother glanced at Lin Xiaosong from top to bottom, staring at the fruit in his hand, "Our house is not short of fruit, you can take it home and eat it yourself."

Lin Xiaosong raised his head, with shame in his eyes, he clenched the plastic bag tightly, lowered his head, and did not speak.

"Are you the one who shared the rent with him?" Mother Chu asked critically.

Lin Xiaosong lowered his eyes and nodded.

"He lives at home now, do you have anything to do with him?"

Lin Xiaosong looked at the woman timidly, and after a long pause, he dared to say: "I...I have something to say to him."

Chu's mother smiled, polite and distant, she really didn't understand how her son would get involved with this kind of person: "I am his mother, if you have anything to say to me, it is the same as telling him."

Lin Xiaosong looked into the room and wanted to come in, but the woman obviously didn't intend to invite him in.

After a stalemate for a while, Chu's mother said: "Go back, the neighbors upstairs and downstairs are easy to gossip when they are seen." Half my life.

Lin Xiaosong still said the same thing: "I'll wait for him to come back."

Chu's mother was a little angry, but she couldn't express it, so she just said, "Don't come to him again." Seeing Lin Xiaosong was in a daze, afraid that he wouldn't understand, she added, "You are not good enough for my son. Friends are not worthy, and others are even more unworthy, so let's go."

Lin Xiaosong didn't raise his head, his eyes were lowered, obviously hurt by the woman's words, his voice lowered a lot, and he repeated the same sentence: "It's okay, I'll wait for him to come back."

Chu's mother frowned, unable to speak out because of her anger, she closed the door with a "bang", and she was completely out of sight.

Lin Xiaosong picked up a step and sat down. From morning to afternoon, the neighbors upstairs walked back and forth three times, looking at the boy every time.

Fortunately, Chu Yi's house was on the third floor, and there were only four families upstairs, but the hostess at the opposite door asked about the situation. Lin Xiaosong said that he was waiting for someone, so the hostess stopped asking any further questions.

It was almost three o'clock in the afternoon when Chu Yi came back from the hospital. Today was his rest day, and there was a meeting in the hospital, and most of the time was gone after going back and forth.

Lin Xiaosong heard the footsteps on the stairs and had a premonition in his heart. He stood up and looked down. Not long after, the man came up.

The two pairs of eyes met each other on a narrow road, and each saw clearly what was in the other's eyes.

One wants to get rid of, and the other wants to cling to death.

"I have something to do with you." Lin Xiaosong stood on the steps more than a dozen steps higher than the man, with a serious expression and vague fear, he picked up two bags of fruit on the ground and walked down the stairs.

Chu Yi looked tired, turned his direction, and walked down without saying a word.

Lin Xiaosong followed closely behind him.

The smog outside dissipated, and the blue sky and white clouds wiped away the gray filter, and now the whiteness is dazzling.

Lin Xiaosong went through the words he had prepared when he came here again, still harboring a sliver of hope, he forced a smile, a little ugly: "I have been to the hospital, and the doctor told me to hurry up and apply for a birth certificate. dragged."

Chu Yi stood motionless with a cold expression, "How do I get a birth certificate?"

Lin Xiaosong squeezed the plastic bag awkwardly, and told him word by word, "It seems that I need a household registration booklet and a marriage certificate."

Chu Yi lit a cigarette and skipped the topic directly: "I heard from Fatty Xu that you plan to resign?"

Lin Xiaosong made a "hmm" sound, and for some reason a shameless sense of shame arose in his heart. This feeling almost swallowed him up. He drooped his eyes and lowered his head even lower.

"Where do you plan to go after quitting your job?"

Lin Xiaosong slowly caught the man's gaze: "I want to hide at home for a few months, I'm afraid I'll get a big belly and others will laugh at me." Worrying about being thought of as lazy, he added, "I'll find some part-time jobs online Do it, you won’t waste money.”

Chu Yi didn't say anything, his jaw line was tense, his eyes were like ice balls, cold and cruel, "When did you quit your job, tell me, and I'll send you back."

The man's cold words fell on Lin Xiaosong's ears. He knew the meaning, but he still asked redundantly: "Where are you sending me back?"

Chu Yi threw away the cigarette in his hand and glanced at him: "Go back to your hometown."

Lin Xiaosong raised his eyes in surprise: "What about that child?"

Chu Yi stared at him, and finally said lightly: "It's boring after the play." Then he changed the subject directly, "Do you still live in the place before? Let's go, I'll drive you."

Chu Yi walked to the parking place, turned around and looked back, but saw Lin Xiaosong was still stuck in place, he had no choice but to walk back, his tone was cold: "Let's go?"

Lin Xiaosong looked up at him, his eyes were a little red: "I don't want it either, but no hospital is willing to give me an abortion. You made this child too, so you have to be responsible."

With a cold face, Chu Yi habitually reached out for a cigarette, but lost interest when he touched the cigarette case. He stared at Lin Xiaosong, his voice slightly hoarse: "How do you want to be responsible?"

The sense of shame hit Lin Xiaosong again, and what Chu's mother said before was tantamount to execution by Ling Chi. He suppressed the inferiority complex and fear all over his body, and said sullenly: "Marry me."

What is marriage?Chu Yi has never thought about this question. Rather, he is not yet thirty, and he is in his prime. Even if he really reaches the age to start a family and start a business, the boy in front of him will not be his ultimate choice.

"I told you that I don't plan to get married in the near future."

Lin Xiaosong said timidly, "I can wait."

Chu Yi was silent for a while, and said almost cruelly: "Don't waste time, I won't marry you."

These words were absolutely resounding, Lin Xiaosong was stunned for a long time, unable to recover, he just asked over and over again, "What about that child?"

"You are not suitable to stay in Beishi at all. You have no education, no skills, and you can only wash dishes for the rest of your life here." The man's voice was extremely cold, but it was true.

Lin Xiaosong's eyes were blurred with tears, and he yelled, "What can I do! I have a younger brother at home, and my parents won't allow me to go to school. What can I do!"

After many years, he still cared very much about other people mentioning that he was uneducated. No matter how much money he earns and how expensive clothes he wears in the future, when others look at him, they will say, oh, it is that Lin Xiaosong, a jackass.

After calming down a bit, Lin Xiaosong had a different look on his bloodless face, like sarcasm, or self-deprecating, and more of anger at his own weakness. He stared at the man with red eyes: "Son, you also No more, right, then don’t kill yourself!”

The plastic bag in my hand fell to the ground, and the oranges and pears rolled all over the floor.

Chu Yi's patience was basically worn out. He took a few steps forward and turned his head to warn: "I'll count to three, do you want to go?"

Lin Xiaosong rushed up, grabbed the man's hand and pressed it on his stomach, speaking fiercely: "You touch him, you touch your child..."

"Have you had enough trouble?" Chu Yi shook off Lin Xiaosong, and carried him into the car, "Get in the car first."

Lin Xiaosong was almost hysterical, his hair was unkempt, his eyes were all red, and he was crying like a child who didn't know the world.

Chu Yi threw him a slip of paper, remained silent for a long time, took out a card and handed it over: "Take it, there is 20 in it, I deposited it at the bank a few days ago."

The man finally couldn't bear it, took out a piece of paper to wipe Lin Xiaosong's tears, and coaxed softly, "Don't cry."

Lin Xiaosong broke down even more, clutching the card, crying until his whole body trembled.

Chu Yi pressed his shoulders, and his voice was low and tender, like the imprints on his skin countless times in the middle of the night: "Songsong, I'll just be the bad guy this time, you go."

Lin Xiaosong finally came to his senses, and looked at the man with red eyes: "Brother Chu Yi..." He wanted to say something more, but he couldn't cry anymore.

Without finishing the last sentence, I threw away the card and got out of the car.The past year and a half was nothing but a nightmare carefully woven by God for Lin Xiaosong. He was so intoxicated by it that he forgot his identity.

There is a line in "Evil and Poison": I once asked myself, am I the person you love the most?But I don't want to know now.If one day I can't help but ask you, you must lie to me.Even if you are reluctant, don't tell me that the person you love the most is not me.

This old movie from the 90s was watched by Lin Xiaosong and Chu Yi in the living room, and after a long period of blankness, they would turn up and down on the sofa.

How ironic, a man wants to get rid of you, even he is reluctant to tell a lie.

Lin Xiaosong picked up the fruit that fell to the ground just now, repeating the familiar poem over and over in his mouth: "I am a thousand times dead/The man who always sleeps towards the left/I am a thousand times dead/Forever towards the left The woman sleeping on the right/I am the beginning of a thousand funerals/The friendship from afar/I am the climax of a thousand funerals/The trembling consonants of the mother's throat..."

Carrying two bags of fruit, he read all the way to his rented house, lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling and reading.

I read until my throat became hoarse, and I fell sleepy and fell asleep in the middle of the night.

The next day, Lin Xiaosong had enough to eat and drink, and went to work as if nothing had happened.

A few days later, he submitted his resignation to the manager and left this place called Beishi—it is said that it is rich and rich, and it is a veritable city that never sleeps. According to legend, it is rich everywhere, and it can make money that others can't spend all their lives.