The whole world prevents me from jumping into the river

Now you are obstructing me!

Tao An'an didn't dare to say.Having said that, Su Ruanruan doesn't believe it either, Su Ruanruan won't bear such inexplicable blame.

She didn't say anything knowingly, and fell into a moment of silence. Tao An'an was thinking, if she deceived Su Ruanruan in this time and space and achieved her goal of jumping into the river, then the rest of the living will remember her for the rest of her life because of this lie—— She, Tao An'an, has never been willing to tell lies, which is wrong, especially for Su Ruanruan, since lying means betrayal.

If she accepted Su Ruanruan, did not jump into the river, was happy, angry, sad, happy, and experienced beautiful things as if she was alive, fell in love with someone secretly but refused to admit it, went to a project to participate in a competition and waited for the final result, and studied hard to fight for it. The scholarship is then sent back home, after being harassed by a man, the girl I like stands out for me, I go to watch a play that everyone has rehearsed for a long time, and watch the youthful and clean bodies of the boys and girls on the swimming team up and down in the water...

She can also regard life as the last running race where the end can be seen, so she relaxes without any worries, and greets the last time with an idealized smile. She can try to speak clearly, like a handsome heroine in a TV series Confess to Su Ruanruan who she likes, and tell her that Su Ruanruan, you are a waste; she can treat her life as before, without any room for regrets, and she will have a unique experience in everything she does, send money to her family, and do hard work Part-time jobs, life is trivial, but she looks at them with fervent hope, because she knows that she will never have such an opportunity again; she can eat what she usually is reluctant to eat, and buy what she has been looking for for a long time and wants to give to Su Ruanruan Ring, to travel with mother... But these mean that Tao An'an will no longer exist in less than a hundred days, and no one will remember her.

Which option is better?She didn't have an answer, as Su Ruanruan said, everyone has no experience in life for the first time, they walk in the dark, and go wherever there is light.

What is her light?

There was a big storm in his mind, with rough seas, squalls, lightning and thunder, and all the ups and downs, uncertain, uncontrollable things, Tao Anan heard Su Ruanruan softly, with a gentleness that he hadn't used for a long, long time. But he said without hesitation: "I think life is always about wantonly living. Anyway, there is no next life. If there is a next life, then let's talk about the next life. Because of this, I don't remember and I'm not sure if it exists. Worrying about the next life, or something uncertain every day, is a disrespect for the good time now. If it were me, I might experience some wonderful and unexplainable things, causing me to worry about the future, the fixed date of death, then Now that I know that I am going to die that day, not on other dates, I will feel very stable, hey, so the rest of the time will become more planned, and I will be very happy instead. There is a word called living to death, you know That’s right, everyone is going to die anyway, compared to the sadness of having an accident the next day when an event is scheduled, you are happy knowing the date of death like this, aren’t you?”

Su Ruanruan's words seemed to have been brewing for a long time, and then she pondered for a few seconds: "However, the possibility of hallucinations due to stress is not ruled out. I will take you to see a psychiatrist tomorrow. But, you also study, you know Murakami Haruki's words, that is, what is it, death is not the opposite of life, but a part of life, you know that too? I agree with that sentence, don't waste your time thinking about such things."

Su Ruanruan's feelings are different from hers, she can't experience her own feelings personally, and she feels that she is clumsy and unable to express herself, and there has never been such a thing as empathy in the world, Su Ruanruan said uncharacteristically, It was already a pleasant surprise for her, as if she was begging the adults to go to the zoo, but the adults said they had no time, and then they took them to the zoo on Sunday, not to mention, and bought a big one that could be floated into the sky Go for the marshmallows.

"Go to sleep. It's getting late." Tao An'an remained silent, but Su Ruanruan broke the silence and pressed her shoulder, as if to encourage her.

A flash of lightning, a sound of thunder.The room was illuminated, revealing two faces with different expressions. Tao An'an raised his eyes and didn't say much. Looking at Su Ruanruan from her perspective, he felt that Su Ruanruan's outline was softer.And Su Ruanruan stiffened her neck, her expression froze when she was frightened by the thunder.

She went to sleep calmly, lifted the quilt and got in. Su Ruanruan hugged her knees and curled up, but felt unable to sleep. She was very concerned about Tao Anan's affairs, jumping into the river, jumping into the river, why the school river?The reason why the school's river is still uneasy is that the school leaders don't think the river is dangerous. At best, it's just a wider stream that can't drown people, and Tao An'an can fall into it again and again?

If what Tao Anan said is true, then there must be something strange about this river. She heard that people drowned in the river before, but she was only surprised that the depth of jumping into the river could drown people. The influx happened around her like a bomb, and she couldn't ignore the amount of information in this meaningless story mixed with truth and falsehood. She was determined to check it out and let Tao Anan live well before then.Where does Tao An'an have such a strong resentment?How is it possible, she has known Tao An'an for so long, and she has never seen her have such a hostile side.

The Tao An'an she knew was calm and peaceful on the surface, but she was a stubborn calf in her heart, and stubbornness was stubbornness, and in the end she still carried the kindness of duty, self-denial and return to courtesy, like every girl from a small town. The prosperity and opportunities of the city of Ludao, I feel that big cities are more fair, so I work hard, but I am not as restless as a girl from a small city. Tao Anan can settle down and do something, like a master who is hidden in the city Average, but the strength may not be that high, it is just an ordinary outstanding person who shines among ordinary people, and an outstanding person has an ordinary posture, which is what Tao Anan looks like.

What's so special about it?Tao An'an is not special at all, Su Ruanruan thought angrily, Tao An'an is not unique at all, she is not good at anything, but it is so strange, no one can replace Tao An'an.If one day Tao An'an disappears, there will only be one less stubborn girl in the world, and for her, there will be one less piece in her heart.It's obviously not special, not interesting at all, but a little bit good-looking, and it's this little bit of smile that sweeps her away.

She hugged herself tightly in frustration, the quilt behind her was lifted, and then the girl's cold legs and feet touched hers inadvertently, and her wrists were also cold, rubbing against her, even the palms of her hands were cold, just like that. On her body, she didn't move for a long time.

"Hey, who told you to hug me? Get up."

No one answered her, so she pretended nothing happened and closed her eyes with peace of mind.

Thunder roars.

"Are you asleep?" Su Ruanruan felt flustered again, a little scared, but tried to pretend she wasn't very scared, turned her face, Tao An'an was lying on her side with her eyes open, quietly looking at her :"No."