I'm dying

I feel that I have been too unlucky recently. I fainted on the main road for no reason, and was sent to the hospital for no reason. Now the doctor took the examination report and told me that I was terminally ill for no reason.If it weren't for the handsome doctor in front of me, I really want to throw the table and leave.

I glanced at the badge on his chest and said, Dr. Chen, could there be a mistake?

Dr. Chen had a straight face, as if I owed him money. Although he looked handsome this way, the words he said were not so pleasant. He said that the inspection report could not be wrong.

Well, I tried to accept this fact, Dr. Chen, what kind of disease did you just say?Just the one I got?

Dr. Chen said, blood cancer.

Oh, don't tell me, the name is quite bluffing, it sounds like a terminal illness at first glance.

Dr. Chen added that it is often referred to as leukemia.

Oh, I've heard of this, it seems to be quite easy to die.I asked Dr. Chen, is it the disease that cannot be stopped once the bleeding occurs?

Dr. Chen sighed, that's called hemophilia.

Oh, then how can I treat my leukemia?

You belong to acute leukemia, it is best to go through hospitalization today, and then receive chemotherapy.

When I heard that I was going to be hospitalized, I was a little unhappy. I asked Dr. Chen if he couldn't stay?

Dr. Chen said coldly that leukemia is very easy to be infected. Once a severe infection occurs, it will directly cause death, so I suggest that you should be hospitalized as soon as possible.

Looking at Dr. Chen's ruthless and handsome face, I still didn't go through the hospitalization in the end.Dr. Chen didn't persuade me much. There were several patients waiting in line behind him. He just told me to think about it before I left.

I took the medicine prescribed by Dr. Chen back to the rental house, took the medicine according to the instructions, and lay down on the narrow single bed.

I touched my head, then my chest, and then my stomach. I felt that everything was fine and I didn’t have any discomfort. How could I have leukemia? Could it be? Misdiagnosed?

I turned over and sat up, and the more I thought about it, the more I felt it made sense, so I decided to go to another hospital for another look.

As a result, a few hours later, an old doctor who was over 50 years old and looked very professional sat across from me, told me what Dr. Chen had said, and advised me to be hospitalized for treatment.

I sighed and decided to accept the gift that fate gave me.

I went back to Dr. Chen and told him that I had made up my mind.Dr. Chen didn't seem surprised at all, and called a nurse to take me to the hospital.

I obediently followed the nurse to pay the money, changed into the hospital gown and sanitized it, and went to the four-person ward.In fact, I wanted to live in a single room, but it was too expensive and there were no vacancies, so I had to live in a quadruple room.The nurse is kind and kind, and she stayed to help me organize my things, and asked me why I was alone, where are my family members?

I said I haven't told my family yet.

The nurse nodded understandingly, but still advised me to inform my family earlier, and I understood what she meant.After she helped me tidy up my things, she left. I sat by the hospital bed alone, feeling a little lost.

In the evening, Dr. Chen opened the door and walked in. After chatting with other patients on the hospital bed, he came to my bedside. I sat up and looked at him.

how do you feel?he ask me.

I don't feel anything.I'm telling the truth.

What tests did you do today?

I reported to him all the tests I had done, and he nodded, saying that he would have to do some more tests tomorrow, and then we could make a treatment plan.

I heard that chemotherapy is very painful. I was a little nervous. I asked Dr. Chen if he knew how painful chemotherapy was.

Dr. Chen said it was quite painful, so he endured it and passed it.

What kind of doctor is this? Can't coax a patient? After hearing what he said, I feel even more uneasy.

Dr. Chen looked through the medical records hanging at the end of my bed, came over and put his hand on my forehead, and said that my body temperature was a bit high in the afternoon, and told me not to catch a cold at night, because my disease would be difficult to treat once I had a fever.

His hand was a bit cold, but it felt comfortable on my forehead. I looked up at him and asked if he would come to see me tomorrow.

He withdrew his hand on my forehead, hung the case back to the end of the bed, and told me that I would patrol the ward every day, take a good rest, and cover the quilt at night.

I nodded obediently at him, watched him walk out of the ward, and closed the door of the ward.

The next day, I don't know if it was a psychological effect. I felt that I was indeed a patient. After walking a few steps, I was panting from exhaustion, my face turned pale, and a thin layer of sweat appeared on my forehead.After all the examinations were completed, I was already a useless person, lying on the hospital bed, unwilling to move or speak.

Yesterday the nice and kind nurse stood by the bed and asked me how I was feeling.

Do doctors and nurses like to ask the first sentence when they see a patient?

I said I felt like I was dying.

The nurse vomited three times in a row, and insisted on forcing me to vomit too, saying that it would not work.I was forced to have no choice but to vomit three times, and I felt even more tired after vomiting.

She helped me cover the quilt, let me rest well, don't think too much, and reminded me once again to contact my family immediately.

I was so sleepy that I fell asleep before she left.

It was night when I woke up. I opened my eyes and was startled by the figure at the end of the bed.I said to Dr. Chen who was looking at the case, don’t other doctors visit the ward in the morning?Why do you always come here in the middle of the night.

Dr. Chen glanced at me and said, I came this morning too, didn't you see me?

Looking back, I'm not really sure if he came in the morning.The main reason is that a lot of doctors rushed in to wake me up in the morning, I was in a daze, how could I have the time to see who the doctors in front of me were.

I skipped this topic and asked him, why do you patrol twice a day?

He said, I am happy.

He put down the case, approached me, and said, I heard from the nurse that you haven't contacted your family.

I nodded.

He said that it is best to inform your family members of your illness in advance.

I looked up at him and asked him, is it because my disease is easy to die suddenly?

He didn't speak.

I smiled at him and said, Dr. Chen, has any patient complained about you before?

He asked, why complain me?

Because you are so handsome, you disturb the patient's mind and make it impossible for the patient to recuperate at ease.

He looked a little helpless and said no to me.

I said to him, then you will have the first complaint soon.

Before the first chemotherapy, I still called Ms. Han.In fact, if I can, I really don't want to tell her that I'm sick, but I can't help it. I won't get better in a while, and it may never get better again, so I have to tell her.

As I expected, Ms. Han burst into tears on the phone, repeating whether it was a mistake, how could it be, was it a mistake.

I patiently said to her over and over again, there is no mistake, come and see me.

Ms. Han arrived in the ward the next day. Her eyes were red and swollen, and she looked like she had been crying for a long time.I opened my arms to her and said, Ms. Han, I haven't seen her for a long time, why don't you come and give me a hug.

She hugged me gently, as if I was a piece of porcelain, I heard the low sobs in my ears, and said, Ms. Han, you haven't cried enough yet.

Ms. Han is a fragile yet strong woman. She pretended to be calm, grabbed my hand, and said that she had checked on the way here, and the cure rate of leukemia is very high now, with an 80% chance of being cured. Don’t be afraid. , to receive treatment well.

Look, this is the great Ms. Han. She was crying just now, her eyes were swollen, and her voice was trembling, but now she comforts me and tells me not to be afraid.

I sighed and hugged her again, letting her bury her tears in my shoulders.

The chemotherapy process is very difficult, and every minute and every second is painful.

After it was over, I hugged Ms. Han and told her, Mom, I am in so much pain.

Ms. Han's tears fell on my face one by one. She hugged me and coaxed me with the tone of a child to sleep, "Be good, go to sleep, it won't hurt after you sleep."

I wanted to wipe her tears, but I couldn't even raise my arms. I curled up in Ms. Han's arms and heard her murmuring over and over again, "Mom is sorry for not giving you a healthy body. Mom is sorry for you."

I thought to myself, what an unfilial son I am, for making Ms. Han so sad.

Fortunately, after the chemotherapy, Dr. Chen gave me a small red flower sticker.He said that it was given to him by the little girl when he was treating a little girl, because I was very brave today, so I was awarded it.I used to always see Angeng giving Li Moxi the little red flower, and I was still very envious. Now I have my little red flower too, so happy!

10

But Xiaohonghua did not stop me from resisting chemotherapy. Anyway, if it hurts, I will die. If it doesn’t hurt, I will die. Why can’t I die comfortably?

When I said this to Dr. Chen, he looked very angry. He looked at me without speaking for a long time, and finally walked away.

11

When Ms. Han left at night, I slipped into the stairwell alone.I overheard Ms. Han crying secretly here before. I sat on the steps where Ms. Han sat at that time, thinking whether I should cry too.

Before I could think about crying, Dr. Chen pushed open the door of the stairwell and walked in, holding a lighter and cigarettes in his hand.

I asked him, are you here to smoke?

He nodded and pocketed the lighter and cigarettes.

I looked at him with my chin in my hand, and said it's okay, you smoke.

He shook his head and said, I don't smoke in front of patients.

He walked up to me and asked me, what are you doing here?

I thought about it and said, look at the scenery?

Dr. Chen looked around the stairwell and said to me in a very mocking tone, where is the scenery?

I said it's here, it wasn't there just now, but now it is.

He smiled, this is the first time I saw him smile, don't tell me, it's not as good-looking as when he had a straight face.

12

Dr. Chen suddenly took off his white coat. I was a little excited and a little scared, and I stuttered. Are you here?

He looked at me speechlessly, what are you thinking?

I looked at him innocently, not thinking about anything.

Dr. Chen threw the white coat on me and said, "You can't catch cold now, and don't wear so little to run around outside in the future."

oh.I was a little disappointed and put on my white coat.

Dr. Chen sat next to me and asked me why I didn't want to do chemotherapy?

I said it was because of the pain.

He asked again, what else?

I turned to look at him and suddenly hated him a little bit.

I said nothing else.

He saw that I didn't speak, stood up after a while, and said to me, it's windy here, go back after sitting down, I'll get the white coat later.

13

I don't know what time Dr. Chen came at night. Anyway, he didn't come when I fell asleep. When I woke up, the white coat at the end of the bed was gone.

Dr. Chen, who was wearing a white coat during the rounds, entered the ward, and he didn't know if he was wearing the same one as yesterday.

Not long after the ward round was over, Dr. Chen walked into my ward again.He took a post-it note from his pocket and asked me if I put it in.

I took a look at it, and there was a little red flower painted on it by a very clumsy painter. If I hadn't painted it myself, I might not have recognized it as a little red flower at this time.I looked up to Dr. Chen and said, it's not me.

Dr. Chen asked suspiciously?

I say yes.

Dr. Chen gave me a strange look, put the sticky note back in his pocket, and said that it was not you.

I nodded without guilt and watched him leave the ward.