I'm dying

14

When Dr. Chen came to make the rounds at night, I asked him, have you seen Mr. Tumor?

He said he had seen it.

I asked again, do you think we are very similar to the heroine and the doctor in it.

Dr. Chen asked me, are you teasing me?

I said yes, hahaha.

Dr. Chen said that only those who are obedient and obedient to chemotherapy can tease me.

I withered instantly.

15

Ms. Han didn't respond after hearing me say that she didn't want chemotherapy, she just calmly asked me to think again.

After a while, she said she was going to the bathroom, and she didn't come back after walking for a long time. I got up and walked to the stairwell, and I saw her crying on the steps again.

I walked up to her and said, Ms. Han, how old are you and you still hide and cry, don't be ashamed.

Ms. Han hugged me, cried and said to me, if it hurts too much, I won't be treated, let's go home.

I hugged her back and didn't speak.

She cried for a while, then said, Mom, please, please treat me obediently, please, Mom.

I raised my hand to touch her hair. Ms. Han didn't know how long she hadn't taken care of her hair. It was a bit dry and it didn't feel smooth at all.

She cried so hard that she begged me in a low voice to see if she survived.

16

I restarted chemotherapy, and when the second round was over, Dr. Chen gave me another little red flower.I asked him if this flower was also given to you by your patient?He said no, I said where did it come from, he said it was specially awarded to you, you are very brave.

I was very satisfied and fell asleep holding the little red flower. When my consciousness was blurred, it seemed that someone touched my hair.I wanted to open my eyes and ask Dr. Chen why he touched me, but I was so tired that I lost consciousness before I opened my eyes.

17

After starting chemotherapy, my hair fell out very badly, so I shaved my head straight away. Before I shaved, I asked Ms. Han to take a photo of me and set it as the screen saver of my mobile phone, so that when I miss my hair in the future, as soon as I turn on the phone You can see it.

After getting my bald head and returning to the ward, I took a selfie and sent it to my friend, and she called me not long after.

I don't know what's going on, but the moment the phone was connected, I suddenly wanted to cry, tears welled up in an instant, and I choked up and let out a sob.

But my hair girl probably didn't hear my choking, because as soon as she connected the phone, she laughed like a flower and asked me what happened to my hair.

All kinds of complicated emotions were surging in my heart. Just when I was ready to tell her about my illness, she suddenly complained and said, do you know that I drank a total of five bowls of milk and eggs today, which would kill me.

I was stuffed in my mouth, but the tears in the corners of my eyes were still streaming down embarrassingly at this moment.

She continued, alas, you don’t know, I’m so tired of confinement, my mother-in-law forces me to drink milk and eggs every day, and now I feel disgusted when I see eggs.

Ah, I answered.

On the phone, she complained about how her mother-in-law was so feudal and superstitious, forcing her to eat something she didn't want to eat every day, and not allowing her to take a bath.

I held up the phone and listened to her complain about her life.

Sigh, I won’t tell you anymore, my breasts are not going up today, I have a fever, and I feel very uncomfortable, I will talk to you someday when I feel better.

I hung up the phone, touched the dried tears on my face, and suddenly wanted to laugh.

18

Fa Xiao and I have been classmates since we were young, but we have not been in the same school since high school, and we are more than 2000 kilometers apart when we go to university. We can only get together during summer and winter vacations every year, but this has not affected our relationship.

After graduating, she went home and got married, and soon after she got married, she became pregnant and gave birth to a young man.And I came to Chengdu after graduation, rented a small single room here, and found a job with a low salary.

I had just quit my job half a month before I fainted, and I happened to be interviewing for a new job on the day I fainted.

Such a mention reminded me that not only did I fail the interview, but I also did not explain to the company afterwards. I hope that I will not be blacklisted by them. If I can be discharged from the hospital in the future, I may be able to re-interview.

Fa Xiao was very dissatisfied with my leaving home and coming to Chengdu, because we seldom saw each other.But since she was pregnant, even if I was at home, we rarely saw each other, not to mention that she had just unloaded her cargo and hadn't even confinement.

That's why I didn't tell her immediately after I got sick.

She now has her own little family, and although her life is frustrating, she also enjoys it.

I wrote her a letter and asked Ms. Han to give it to her later. Ms. Han didn't ask when I would give it to her, and silently put the letter away.

19

After writing the letter, I suddenly remembered something. I asked Ms. Han if she knew the password of my bank card.

Ms. Han said she knew.

I am surprised, how do you know?

She said that all your passwords are the last six digits of your father's ID card, so what's the point of knowing.

I thought about it, and found that what Ms. Han said was right, no matter it was my bank card or any other messy card, even the password of my phone card was the same, it was the last six digits of my dad's ID card.

In fact, I learned this habit from Ms. Han, and all Ms. Han’s passwords are also these six digits, which caused her card to be swiped out secretly by me frequently.

I asked Ms. Han, how did you feel when my dad left?

She said it was like the sky was falling.

I said, look, after so many years, the sky hasn't fallen yet.

Ms. Han sighed and said, yes, but now it seems that it is really going to collapse.

20

Today I am going to do something called a bone spur. I checked it on the Internet, and they all said that it hurts. This made me very nervous, and I almost didn't fall asleep the night before.

When Dr. Chen came to make rounds in the morning, I secretly grabbed him by the corner of his clothes, and he bent down and asked me what was wrong in a low voice.

I said I was going to have bone spurs today.

He nodded and said I know, what's wrong?

I said, will there be little red flowers after finishing today?

Dr. Chen patted my head and said that I didn't bring the little red flower today, but I can supply it tomorrow.

I nodded in satisfaction and let go of his clothes.

Doctor Chen straightened his clothes, walked out of the ward with a stern face and led a group of people who didn't know whether they were doctors or nurses, looking quite dignified.

21

Bone spurs are not very painful, nor are they painful, but for me now, it is not too painful.

The pain is after it's done.After the bone spurs, my bones hurt so bad, especially the butt, I couldn't move, it felt like it was blown off.

I lay on the bed and asked Dr. Chen why I didn't have any pain anywhere before I was hospitalized, but after I was hospitalized and started treatment, it started to hurt everywhere.

Dr. Chen asked me where it hurts.

I say ass hurts.

Did he say it was the pelvis? This is normal and the pain will disappear after two days.

I said my chest hurts too.

He suddenly became serious and asked me when the pain started.

I said it's just these two days, is it because I'm sleeping in the wrong position?

He squatted down and looked at me at the same level, saying that it was possible, but just in case, he still needed to check to make sure.

I sighed and kind of regretted telling him because he looked so sad now.

22

Ms. Han was interviewed by Dr. Chen, just like a teacher asking her parents to talk, Ms. Han was a little nervous, and even tidied up her hair before getting up and going to Dr. Chen's office.

Not long after she came back, her eyes were flushed.

I asked her, why are you crying again, did Dr. Chen speak ill of me to you?

Ms. Han sat by my bed, touched my smooth head, and said that Dr. Chen praised you for being brave.

I said he praised me, why are you crying? Is it true that no teacher has ever praised me since I was a child, and suddenly someone praised me, and you were so moved.

Ms. Han patted me on the head, and it was quite crisp.After the filming, her tears came out again, as if it was her who was beaten instead of me.

I sighed, and asked if the bald head didn't feel good when patted. If the bald head doesn't feel good, I won't cry. Don't cry. I'll let you take pictures when my hair grows out.

Ms. Han ignored me, and probably didn't want to see me, she got up and left the ward, and probably went to the stairwell to cry secretly.

23

In fact, I know what Dr. Chen said to Ms. Han. It is nothing more than that the effect of chemotherapy is not very satisfactory, and the healing effect is not obvious.

I don't need Dr. Chen to tell me that I can feel it myself.

In the past few days, not only did my butt hurt and my chest hurt, but other bones in my body also began to hurt one by one. The pain made me unable to sleep at night.

I also found a bruise on my calf today, I haven't touched it anywhere, but the bruise is huge and scary to look at.

I knew that I might not be far from the pin number.

24

In order to be able to meet the number of sales, I started to make preparations before the number of sales.

I emptied thousands of microblogs and circles of friends, as well as small pieces that had been treasured on my computer for many years, and I also threw them into the recycle bin with heartache.

I also divided my remaining property, which was not much, and I left all the hand-made figures that I have collected for many years to a netizen who I have known for many years. I packed them up, filled in the address, and asked Ms. Send it out for me after you leave.

I asked the landlord to cancel the rent of the room. The landlord saw that I had a shiny head and returned the deposit to me even though the lease had not expired.So I took a sudden windfall (only 1000) and happily took my mother to eat a Cantonese-style morning tea that I had wanted for a long time but thought it was too expensive.

After eating several trays of shrimp dumplings to my heart's content, I returned to the ward to start the last project, which was to pick a handsome photo as a posthumous photo.

25

Dr. Chen also participated in the process of selecting the posthumous photos. He first scolded me for being bored with a cold face, and then pointed to a photo on the computer screen and said it was good.

The photo he chose was taken when I was in college.It happened that it was snowing heavily that day. Although I am from the north, it was the first time I saw such a heavy snow in the Northeast. I was almost excited. I ran into the snow wearing a red down jacket and a red scarf, smiling like a [-] I asked my roommate to take a picture of me.

I zoomed in on the photo and took a closer look. It was really pretty. Dr. Chen had a good eye.

Let’s decide on this posthumous photo.

26

I almost passed today, Dr. Chen rescued me for a long time before resuscitating me.When I came back from the gate of hell, when I opened my eyes, I saw Dr. Chen's extremely handsome face, so beautiful that I almost passed by again.

Dr. Chen asked me how I was feeling.

I said it was fine, I saw my dad, he still looks like he is in his 30s, not old at all.

Ms. Han burst into tears beside her.

I winked at Dr. Chen and said in a low voice that you persuaded her not to cry, it was too ugly.

Dr. Chen put on an oxygen mask for me, let me have a good rest, and then helped Ms. Han out of the ward.

Although I just woke up not long ago, I fell asleep again not long after. I don’t know if I can see my dear dad again this time. If I can see him, I would like to ask him how his life is going to be. Will there be a room if I go down?