sigh youthful glitz

I graduated from college and found a good job, but because I couldn't get a house, I still had to live with several people, which was always uncomfortable.

I have been fighting for the opportunity to go abroad. Subconsciously, I want to leave this sad place and start a new life in a place where no one knows me.I didn't find a girlfriend again, because I knew that I couldn't escape the ending of breaking up.I also understand that there will be no result with him, and my only choice is to leave.

I also sometimes think that there are many people who are better-looking than Li Zhenyun, and I don’t know how many people are better than him. He is a lonely person. All in all, if I have to list a few reasons why I like him, I will be very embarrassed. .Until one time I saw an inexplicable sentence: just this one.I laughed, and then sighed deeply. I feel that feelings are really mysterious. Some people will really make another person remember for a lifetime, and they will die or live for him. Maybe this is fate.It was meant to be.

Another time I randomly found a book on opera, which was left by a colleague sitting next to me. I flipped through it, and there was a sentence that said "Love doesn't know where it starts, and it goes deep." I have always hated sour poetry, I don't learn Chinese well, but this sentence made me stunned for a long time, and I was melancholy for a long time.

I understand that I was poisoned by him.Only he himself is the antidote.

I won the opportunity to go to the United States, and before I left, I had to meet him anyway.I don't know if I will come back, or how long it will take to come back, and I don't know if I come back one day, whether things will be different.In short, I have a hunch that it will be difficult for me to see him in the future.After a little effort, I found out that he was working in a neighboring city, only a two-hour drive away. When I was sitting in the car, I sighed in my heart why I was always so far and so close to him.

Then I finally met him.Meeting is actually not as awkward as imagined, what we said is a bit illusory, I always wonder if his hatred for me will decrease a little after so many years, of course, it is impossible to forget, or, he He has long regarded me as a passer-by in his life, or just someone he dismisses, anyway, we are alone, I can't see anything abnormal in him, he is very indifferent, and a little indifferent.It seems that we are classmates who have a normal relationship but haven't seen each other for a long time.

I looked at his house that day, and I could see that he lived alone, very clean and tidy, just like him, I told him about the difficulties of applying for a visa, but they were all innocuous words, and he listened silently After I finished speaking, he asked, "Are you going to come back later?" I felt hot in my heart, but I said in a strange way: "I probably won't come back. I finally went out. It's so boring to come back, that's why I came to see you, I can't wait to see enough of my old classmates, but fortunately you are close to me." He didn't say anything, just lowered his head slightly, and I looked at his hair. On the forehead, it still made my heart flutter. I hesitated, and asked in a low voice: "Do you have a girlfriend?" He was silent at first, but then he said: "No, never." Okay to ask again, some things are embarrassing for both of them.

My expression is very calm, but my heart is turbulent. Looking at the faint smile on his face, I suddenly feel very sad. This person only knows how cruel I have been to him. He doesn't know how many times I have I can't sleep at night, I miss him all night, how many times I don't think about food and drink for him, and drink away my sorrows. When I have a high fever, when I talk in my sleep, I always say his name. These are the people around me. Tell me, I have worked so hard to find his phone number, dialed halfway and then stopped. In short, because of him, I have lived a life of mental disorder for many years.

I also sometimes think that when I see him one day, I will tell him all this, knowing that he will despise me and hate me, at least, he knows that someone has loved him so deeply in this life, but at this moment, he is sitting In front of me, I shrink back again, I don't even have a trace of courage, this secret, only I will know forever.Not to mention death.Not to mention death.

He still looked at me silently, his eyes were complex, with a touch of depression, thoughtful.I thought, I have to leave after all, since I don't have the courage to speak out, I'd better leave early and don't bother him anymore.

Just when I was about to leave, he suddenly called my name softly, and then said, "Can I ask you a question?" My heart was beating wildly, trying to stay calm, his face suddenly turned red , seems to regret saying this sentence, but he can't take it back, I only heard him say: "A long time ago, Xiao Li threw away my clothes, and I knew the next day, because he told me , I want to know, why did you go to find it, wash it and return it to me?" After asking this sentence, his breathing seemed to have stopped.And I felt like the sky was falling down.

It's such a simple sentence, we all understand it, and we don't understand what the other party is thinking.My instincts allow me to cover up and hold me back once again.

I said in a voice that I couldn't hear, I'm sorry, I didn't think about anything else, I felt that I was too much, so I wanted to make up for it, but I know it's useless to say anything now, but we won't meet again in the future, I hope you Forget about that unpleasant event.

After a long time, when I think back, I feel that what I said was not human.

His eyes were a little dim, and he whispered, I won't take it to heart, I just hope that you will live happily in the future.

And so we bid farewell.Sitting in the car going back, my heart was ashamed.I have listened to Bachelbel's "Canon" hundreds of times, and I couldn't stop crying.

I went back to my dormitory, and another month passed in a daze. When it was time to leave, I sorted out my things indiscriminately, said goodbye to my colleagues in a hurry, and got on the plane to China.Since then, I have lost contact with everyone in the country.I did it on purpose.I am afraid to hear news that he has a girlfriend or is married. I am willing to live in my fantasy world, no need for pain or sweetness.

Take the hit of reality.