sigh youthful glitz

In this way, I was promoted from the second year of high school to the third year of high school. This year was uneventful, but I always felt that there was a kind of emptiness that could not be dispelled. Only by devoting myself to study can I relieve this pain.Wang Xiaoyong and I are still good friends, but we no longer fight with people as often as in the underworld. They see that I have changed and gradually become more honest.The teacher and other classmates said that I have changed a lot. Once the teacher even praised me for being sensible, but they will never know the real reason for my change.

In the lonely nights, I would put his photo on the bedside, and experience the intoxicating pleasure on the bed with his breath. I took the trouble to reminisce about the scenes of that day, and sometimes I couldn't believe it was true.But when I woke up the next day, the feeling of emptiness and loss was even worse.But I hid it very well, I didn't go to him, and I didn't tell anyone about it. I want to keep this secret to myself.

I will inquire about his news very carefully and cleverly, or pay attention to his every move quietly, and then recollect it carefully.I acted like I didn't care about anything about him, because I actually did.In fact, if I meet him one day, those details will be reproduced over and over again like a movie.Sometimes I even imagine some scenes, imagine where we met, what we said, and even think that I believe it is true.

His grades have always been good, but his personality has become withdrawn and indifferent. He was originally introverted, but later developed to the point where he doesn't want to talk to anything except books, and he doesn't care about anything. He is often alone in a daze.I inquired about these, and really don't remember how much thought it took.I would be very excited when I hear a little news about him, but sad when I think about it again and again. I know that the reason why he became like this is largely due to the harm I did to him.I used to think that if I were him and had been humiliated like this, I might as well die.

Later, I was admitted to a good university in this city. He lived up to expectations and went to a far away place to attend the best university. The distance between us was very far, and he would not come back during the winter and summer vacations.I tried hard to forget him, but found that everything was in vain. Deliberate forgetting can only show that I was thinking.I am 20 years old, and many problems will not be as simple and naive as before. At that time, I already knew what homosexuality is. I have had several girlfriends one after another, and I was very close to them, but I didn’t feel at all when I was with them. Even if it was making out, I would only recall that unforgettable Sunday with him over and over again. screen.I also understand that I actually liked him the first time I saw him, otherwise I wouldn’t remember all the words he said to me clearly, and I wouldn’t get angry because he didn’t speak kindly enough to me. When those details reappeared one by one, I stood on the shore of time, and only then did I deeply understand what it means to be a fan of the authorities.But when I understand, the pain has already been cast.

Whenever I find a new girlfriend, I will make up my mind to treat her well, but the end result is invariably a breakup.Every one of my girlfriends said that being with me doesn't feel sweet at all, I'm not romantic, and I don't have any silly, crazy cuteness in love.In fact, they don't know that I will be abnormal, stupid and crazy only in front of the person I really like.I often write letters to him. I never narrate but express my emotions. Those letters are estimated to be understood by no one except the two of us. Sometimes I ask him for forgiveness, sometimes I mean that I like him, and sometimes I write something that is not salty. Words, but none of these letters have ever been sent out. I know that it is useless to do these things, but if I don’t do this, I will not be able to relieve the pain in my heart. I put those letters in one place.I'm going to keep it a secret to myself.

During the winter vacation of the second year of college, the two classes in our high school got together to have a class reunion.When the teacher called me, my mood was very complicated. I knew what I was looking forward to and what I was afraid of. I cleverly found out that he had gone home, but he would not come to the party. I was very disappointed and said that I would not go up.The teacher was also really patient, and later called me a few times. I felt a little embarrassed, but I still went that day.

In that big karaoke hall, as soon as I entered, several people cheered: "Didn't you say you won't come! After all, you still gave us face!" Wang Xiaoyong's voice shook my ears even more. boom.While joking with them, I glanced at everyone. I believe that the moment I saw Li Zhenyun, he was as shocked as I was.He originally had a smile on his face, but at that moment the smile froze and his face became very pale.And I myself don't know what kind of weirdness it has become.

Fortunately, everyone was very excited that day, and no one paid attention at all. I exchanged greetings with a few classmates who hadn’t seen each other very much, and then fell into an unusual silence. , thoughtfully.He is thinner and more handsome than I imagined him to be.In fact, I don’t know how many times I have thought about this face and all his expressions. Now that the real person is in front of me, I have an unreal feeling. I feel how poor my imagination is. What I imagined about him Everything is not like that in reality.He just sat a few meters away from me, but I felt so far away.It is clearly within reach, but it feels like a world lies between them.

Wang Xiaoyong and the others roared all kinds of songs, and everyone rushed to grab the microphone.At the end of the song, he and I were probably the only ones who did not sing. At first they were afraid that they would not be able to grab the microphone, but now that they were tired of singing, they began to pay attention to us.

Wang Xiaoyong suggested that we sing a song together, which made me very embarrassed.I understand what this guy is thinking. The conflicts between the boys many years ago should have been laughed off. He wanted to use this excitement to resolve the previous conflicts, but Li Zhenyun is probably the only one who understands my embarrassment.And I reckon he's more embarrassed than me.I kept regretting why I didn't grab the microphone in the first place, so that I wouldn't become the object of collective attention now.

They couldn't drag him and I dragged him again. I saw that the frail man was forced to dodge left and right by their jokes, but there was always a faint smile on his face. His smiling eyes are the ones I have never forgotten in the past few years. At that moment I suddenly had an urge to be desperate, and I even wanted to tell them, this is the person I love, and I have never loved anyone else except him.But I just moved my lips. I have never been a courageous person.

The fight that day ended in our failure. I ended up standing on the stage with him. Finally, they agreed not to sing together. I sang "Sorry, I Love You" first. At that time, the Four Heavenly Kings were still very popular. I could sing There are not many songs, but they sang well, and their applause rang for a long time after singing.I smiled wryly, only I can understand why I sang this song, every line in it is my heartfelt voice to a person.

It was him, his face was a little red, but he started to sing. I seemed to have heard that song before, but I didn't listen carefully. Now that he sings it, the feeling is quite different. I didn't expect his singing to be so good. It's so good, I really didn't expect it.When he sang the first sentence, there was thunderous applause, and I was always intoxicated by his singing.That melody is really beautiful.I kept looking at him without paying attention to the screen until he finished singing. After we sat back in our seats, I whispered to a classmate what song it was. You" ah.

This meeting did not change anything. After the party, I dare not go to him alone. He returned to school soon. I think our fate in this life may only be on that Sunday, or occasionally in a place with many people. Time to stand together and sing, that's all.

The hole in my heart is getting bigger and bigger, but there is no way to fill it.I found a girlfriend again. At a class meeting in my junior year, everyone sang and danced. When it was my turn to perform, I sang the song "Just Like You". At the end of the song, I suddenly found it difficult to control myself. After I finished singing hastily, I sat on the seat and buried my head in my hands, refusing to lift it up. No one noticed, only a girl looked at me silently.She is my last girlfriend in college.

Later she said cautiously that in that class meeting, she instinctively told her that I sang that song because of a lost relationship. She also said that from my expression at that time, I loved that person very deeply. The child is really happy.I could hear her imperceptible jealousy, but I had nothing to say. I really don't know what she would think if she knew the truth.

We still couldn't be together in the end.Because she peeked at the letters I wrote.After I found out, I coldly said the breakup.She was very wronged, she felt that there was no secret in it, it was just a greeting to a good friend, and she naively asked me why I didn't send it, I didn't bother to say anything, I just knew that we were done.In fact, she loves me very much, really loves me.