Do not overread comprehension

【This is my story, not worth mentioning.

Apart from all the illnesses and misfortunes that have accompanied me nearly my whole life, I have no one with whom I can tell the truth.

I have no friends, and even close family is dispensable to me.

I was very lonely at first, but after getting used to this loneliness, I felt that this world where no one understands me, trusts me, and loves me is not actually lonely.

No matter what kind of relationship is between people, they cannot understand each other.

Why pray for love and respect when you can't understand it?

Thinking about it now, my youthful and ignorant anger and hatred actually look ridiculous.

No matter how angry I am, no matter how revenge I get on them, no matter how I live

As they said

it's all on my own

I don't know people

yes i won't compromise

yes i won't please

Yes, I don't know how to look at people's faces

it's that i can't hold on to what i want to do

It's me who can't stand humiliation and be tolerant to others

it's me who's going to get sick

it's me who's going to hurt

I made you angry on purpose

所有

Everything

as you said

it's my fault

So you clean up

half evil

just looking at me disappointed

let me down

fall to death

then

i will die

You just wiped your tears hypocritically and said bitterly to others

"Ah, the white-haired man is giving away the black-haired man!"

"I haven't received the filial piety of this child, and I haven't enjoyed a single day of blessing!"

"The child I raised in the palm of my hand is so cruel that he left us!"

So everyone started crying, as if it was their own child who died, and began to say

"Yeah, this heartless child, I think she died of a disease when she was a child, and she was sent to a big hospital with a car borrowed by my family. Why didn't she thank me when she grew up?" Woolen cloth!"

"That's right! I gave this child a few bites of food when she was a child, or else my parents would have starved to death, and they wouldn't be close to my family!"

"This child was cute and stupid when he was young, but he grew up to be more and more gloomy. He must have learned badly from the wild men outside! Didn't her father say it before he died, saying that this girl is not clean and should be a parent?" No matter how bastard you are, you won’t say bad things about your own children, right?”

"Then the child died unjustly!"

"That's right! If my daughter is like this, I don't need to do it myself, I will kill her first!"

Do you make you so happy by arranging other people's swear words like this?

I was seriously ill when I was three years old, and I almost never woke up. Occasionally, I woke up and coughed up blood.

My family is going to throw me out and let me die outside

It was I who dragged my life, cried loudly when I left the ward, and provoked the doctor, so you had to continue to keep me at home

I started to learn ballet when I was five years old. The teacher praised me for my talent. I might be a bright star in this circle in the future.

But my mother felt that the cost of learning ballet was too expensive, and she was too embarrassed to tell outsiders that my family was poor, so she kicked my waist with those feet that were used to wearing high heels, making it impossible for me to sit. lingering in bed

In the same year, more and more people came to collect debts, and more and more money rolled in, so my mother wanted to sell me to the back street as a child/prostitute to earn money for the family, but she was afraid of being caught, so she gave up

At the age of seven, I started to live with my grandmother

Grandma lives with uncle's family

Uncle called me a bastard, a wild, a child born of a dog

wanna kill me with a knife

I was called to grandma, I was finally saved

At the age of eight, my cousin who is four years older than me began to enter puberty and awakened /sex/consciousness/consciousness

He lied to me and wanted to have sex with me

After being noticed by me, I tried my best to get rid of him

After that, he began to hang around in Internet cafes and groups of gangsters, and began to steal things from home and sell them for money

After being discovered, it was pushed on me, and I was saved by my grandmother

Ten years old, my heart starts to throb

I was diagnosed with a genetic disease and my family refused to operate on me

I live on pills, but it doesn't help much

My family didn’t want to buy medicine for me, so I started doing homework for my classmates at school, and helped cheat on exams to make money

I went to middle school when I was 12

My father cheated me of my money, and I was excluded by my classmates because I was too mature and gorgeous

13 years old, my lesion got worse

Just breathing, will also spread dense pain

Dad lied to me, saying he was going to have an operation, and asked me to sign for him

I asked him, "Dad, I'm still underage, how can I sign for you?"

He left angrily, and then scolded me in the security room of the school, scolded me for being a bitch, scolded me for being unfilial, and scolded me for costing him a lot of money

The teacher called me down

In the small security room, he raised the wooden stick high and hit me hard in the eyes

My eyes can no longer see clearly

Somehow word got around the school

I was bullied at school

i have depression

My family said I was thinking too much

It's because I haven't suffered, I can't stand a little blow, and I don't know how to regulate my emotions

Then he started slandering me like crazy around the school

Then use your poor, honest appearance to win the sympathy of others

i started to hallucinate

and started self-harm

The pain of the blade cutting my body is far less than the pain of being betrayed and insulted in my heart

the teacher bullied me too

At 14, I started gambling/money like my dad

But my luck is better than his, earn more and lose less

It can be regarded as buying more medicine for myself.

My classmates bully me even more

They're gonna do worse things to me

The teacher didn't care

i started to rebel

I stole the fruit knife from home

The male classmate who took the lead was hacked, and he hid in the toilet of the school. During the next two days of school holiday, I kept blocking him at the door. He lit the lighter and threw it at the door, and if he dared to come out, he would continue to chop him.

I feel like I've gone crazy.

it's OK

No one can bully me anymore

16 years old

When I was at school, a man followed/got/me

This is the first time

I seek help from new teachers and family members

The teacher still didn't help me

family

family asked me

"Why doesn't he follow others and only you?"

"Why don't you find fault with yourself?"

"You are a girl who has grown up so much, you should also pay attention, don't always think about this kind of thing"

Why don't you come and help me?

17 years old

he is here again

this is the second time

gross

i hate men



Mom won't let me escape from her side

she changed my wish

my grades are good

I could have gone to a big city to study at a key university

She changed my volunteering to study in this small town full of painful memories

then

I'm not in school anymore

because

no matter where

none of them will let me go

same year

dad died

after returning from the hospital

frightened to death in sleep

I knelt in the snow for five days and six nights

these days

I'm the only one by his side

His pale face was covered by a white cloth, and I could still hear his breathing

Rain and snow

I kneel on the cold floor

roof leaking

This is an old house

no way

I persevered, survived

But the leg is broken

I can't walk or stand for long periods of time

even in bed

sleep again

I've been in pain too

My mother hopes that I can get this old house in the hands of my grandparents

i let go of all my pride

lowly prostrate on the ground

like a dog

compliment them

my depression got worse

hallucinations never go away

I don't know whose voice is next to my ear

i can't fall asleep easily

Can't easily wake up after falling asleep

i want to die

i start lying

Use lies

I am between these two families

to breathe

I've become less like myself

I see

i should die now

I am dead】