door of eternal life

[The text of this chapter: Can the obsession that is almost madness stop like a storm, and can the remaining love be settled.Tomorrow, whose hand will he hold. 】

Zilan could see that Qing was touched. She had already clearly laid out in front of Qing what Qing didn't want to see, what she didn't want to admit, what she ignored, and what she didn't see. Qing is smart. Let Qing think and decide for himself.

She patted the back of Qing's hand lightly and said, "Have a good rest, I'm leaving."

Qing sank into the sofa alone in thought.

In his heart, the pillar that has always supported his love for Yu, the only remaining pillar after so many years of wind and rain, was already unstable in the wind and rain, and now the quilt was gently twitching. After dropping a brick, it fell down instantly, silently, and there was not even a speck of dust.The last ray of his fantasy about Yu was like the last remaining string on a guqin, which could no longer play a pleasant tune, but could only make a mournful cry, and now it broke with a "嘡".

Yeah, stop kidding yourself.He is always unwilling to admit that he loves the wrong person now, but this Yu is no longer the same Yu as before, is this Yu worthy of his love again?Does he really still love Yu so much?He could no longer use his poor self-esteem to defend Yu feebly.

It's wrong, it's wrong.

What he expected from the beginning to the end was a perfect love between two people wholeheartedly, but he couldn't get it in this life.

After these disasters one after another, he has been reborn from nirvana like a phoenix, and his feelings for Yu are like the memory of his previous life, which has been carried over to this life in succession.Since he was discharged from the hospital, when he saw Yu again, he no longer felt so much heartache for Yu's behavior, and he no longer felt at ease for his kiss. In fact, he didn't feel much in his heart anymore, as light as The boiled water was as light as air, and Yu's words and deeds could no longer deeply touch him.In the hospital, seeing Yu bringing Shan Min here, he was more angry, because he felt that since he and Yu were still together, and since he was still a patient, Yu should think about him more or less. However, Yu threw his feelings aside again. How light is he in Yu's heart? !So he is angry, he mourns, and he weeps for himself.But now that I think about it, what is that?What else can I care about?Didn't he already make a choice when he decided to start that journey?Although that choice was extremely passive and tragic, he desperately wanted to break free from his attachment to Yu. That humble and greedy self had already drowned in that lake at that time, and the remaining bit of attachment , as if the tumor had been removed from his body.

Thinking back to when I was young, and now, I have been with Yu for more than ten years, but the pain in my memory is more than happiness, so much that it completely drowns out the happiness of the past.But he doesn't hate Yu either, he can't hate him, he can understand how much Yu wants a normal family, and part of his own reasons for the hurt he suffered, for Yu, now, he is more sympathetic , "Happiness based on the pain of others is not true happiness."

Now jump out of the original absurd mentality, think about it calmly, all these years, it wasn't that he loved Yu so much that he couldn't help himself, what Yu did had already made him heartbroken, but that he had been I am competing with myself, and I am having trouble with myself.That incorrigible perfectionist disposition made him obsessed with his first love, which was forever, perfect, and indulged in life, so obsessed that it was almost magical, so that he couldn't see anything, and couldn't see anything clearly.But there has never been perfection in this world, because this world does not allow perfection to survive. Perfection is like a dazzling flower. It needs the whole world to be filled with clean air, pure water, kind feelings, and selfless dedication. , beautiful humanity, pure love, and such a world has never existed.Perfection is doomed from the day of its birth.But he always thought that the love between him and Yu was different and exceptional, so he stubbornly fought against the world, just to achieve "perfection", but his own strength was so small and weak that he could not win the fight. His head was broken, his bones were broken, his tendons were broken, and after so many years of disappointing his youth, he realized how unworthy his struggle was.

When he heard his sister say "Kuo is married", his heart skipped a beat and he felt so painful and nervous.It never occurred to him that Kuo would get married.He once thought that Yu would get married, and that Bin would get married, but he never thought that Kuo would.He has always believed that Kuo should always be by his side, and has long believed that Kuo will be burdened by him in the end, but why does he think so?Why does he think so?Where does his confidence come from?

Because he doesn't want Kuo to leave him, he wants to monopolize Kuo's feelings, monopolize his care, consideration and pampering.During these two hospitalizations, he always hoped that Kuo would stay by his side to accompany him. He wanted Kuo to take care of him, because it was very comfortable to be with Kuo. , I always look forward to Kuo Neng coming back to the ward soon.He couldn't imagine Kuo being kind to others, and he didn't want to.

Didn't he already recognize Kuo's feelings for him, just like Florentino's feelings for Fermina, isn't that the love he wants most?

Didn't he think that if he didn't fall in love with Yu first, he would definitely fall in love with Kuo?

Didn't he ever wish that the first person he fell in love with would be Kuo?

Didn't he already know that no matter how time flies and how the world changes, in the end, even if the whole world leaves him and everyone betrays him, Kuo will definitely be the only one who stays by his side person?

Didn't he also stay true to his heart, and wanted to give himself a chance to reconcile him?At that time, between Bin and Kuo, he never considered giving Bin a chance at all, but directly chose Kuo, which was a matter of course.It's just that at that time, he was still immersed in the almost crazy obsession with "perfect first love", and he mistook all that obsession for his love for Yu.

Thinking about the past, in those sufferings caused by Yu, every painful and difficult moment, every time he sat alone in the dark at a loss, he had a vague hope that Kuo could stand by his side, he wanted to stretch out his hand to Kuo, so that Kuo held him tightly, so that he would not be lonely, helpless, or sad; when he was entangled in the nightmare and couldn't breathe, frightened and panicked, in the dream he also stretched out his hand to Kuo for help. , hoping to be redeemed by Kuo... For a long time, Kuo has always been in his heart, like a big mountain, standing firmly behind him, guarding him silently.

It turned out that he had already fallen in love with Kuo unknowingly. This love, just like Kuo falling in love with him, did not have a clear time boundary, but accumulated bit by bit with his life. Yes, like a dusty and independent, beautiful and transparent flower, it blooms quietly in the valley of time, exuding a faint fragrance.

He never thought that Kuo would marry just because he loves Kuo, and love is selfish and must be monopolized.

Perhaps Kuo had already taken root in his heart long before Yu, growing silently year after year, but his eyes were always following Yu's figure, and he ignored Kuo who was always standing there.

For so many years, no matter how ruthless or capricious he is to Kuo, Kuo has never left him. Since childhood, Kuo has paid for him as many as the sands of the Ganges River, and less than one ten-thousandth of a feather.It is undeniable that Yu Zeng gave him happiness, but more pain and torture, and even humiliation.

He actually made the same mistake as Yu, and he almost missed such precious wealth.

At this moment, he was so eager to grab Kuo immediately, as if if he was a second late, Kuo would be snatched away by someone else.However, he also clearly knows that wealth will never be taken away by others, and no one can take wealth away from him.

Qing Yang raised his head and stroked his forehead and sighed, like water passing by, years passing by like water, ten years have passed all the way, what is left between him and Yu?

Back then, I lost my original intention when I slept in a happy night. If you ask me now, I am full of deep meaning and light with the wind.

The past has passed, and it is too late to correct it, but now and in the future, he can actually have a nearly perfect love between two people wholeheartedly, he and Kuo.

Yu, one day you will understand, compared with this vast universe, this infinite time, what is the most important thing in the short life of a person like a mayfly.Yu, you once got it but didn't cherish it.I don't want to be a stepping stone in your life anymore, stepped on by you, ignored by you, otherwise you will never understand.Yu, you have exhausted all the affection and patience I can give you. I don't want you anymore. I want to hold Kuo's hand and walk with Kuo for a lifetime.

Qing immediately picked up the phone, took a deep breath, and seemed to spit out all the turbid air in his heart. Without the slightest hesitation, he decisively and firmly sent a message to Yu.

He said to Yu: "Yu, let's break it, I don't want to go on like this."

He didn't use the word "breakup" because he felt that since he and Yu's hands parted many years ago, they had never been together again.He even wanted to say to Yu: "I don't love you anymore." But he didn't say it after all, and there was always some anger in this sentence.Although for so many years, since the time Yu turned his back on him, his love for Yu has been slowly fading, slowly dying, and lingering until now, but love, it doesn’t mean that it’s gone if it’s gone, after all, he loved it wholeheartedly. Yu, still loves so deeply, but now, if his love can be divided into ten shares, then Yu only owns half of the share, and the nine and a half shares are for the rich, and as time goes by, the half share also will be broad.

When Yu received Qing's text message, he felt very inexplicable, so he sent a "?"

The content sent by Qing is still: "Yu, let's break it, I don't want to go on like this."

Yu wondered if Qing sent it by mistake, so he sent another message asking: "Qing, did you send it wrong?"

Qing didn't explain, just sent it again.

Yu stared blankly at the line of words, short, firm, and decisive. The house in his heart suddenly became empty.When the owner of a house left, the house immediately became empty, desolate, barren, and even lost the meaning of existence, and then collapsed, soundless, dustless, and quickly disappeared in time and space, leaving no trace of life. The traces were as clean as if they had never existed before, and they were so empty that he felt uncomfortable and couldn't breathe.

He sat down on the chair dejectedly, he never thought that one day Qing would break up with him, that Qing who had begged him to stay would offer to break up with him.Little by little with Qing, Qing's expression, frames and scenes shuttled before his eyes, the young Qing was pure and innocent, the young Qing was bright and handsome, and the shy and embarrassing Qing who had tasted the forbidden fruit for the first time, grew up The Qing is handsome and elegant, the affectionate Qing is bright and moving... There is also the sad and lonely Qing, the painful and desperate Qing, the Qing who glared at him... and the Qing who is lying on the hospital bed, as calm as water.Since when did he lose his green?Didn't Qing always stand behind him and follow him closely?Even during the years when he and Qing were separated, didn't Qing always love him and wait for him?At that time, Qingdu stayed where it was and did not get lost, so why is it lost now?Is it just because of a birthday incident that Qing is leaving him?Perhaps it was wrong for him not to say hello in advance, but wasn't he also afraid that Qing would not want to go if he found out?He also has difficulties, and didn't Qing's performance at that time also embarrass him?Didn't Qing promise to be friends with Shan Min last time? Although he didn't express his intention to have a meal together to explain, Qing should still be willing to be with him at that time.But now, in just two months, doesn't it mean that Qing doesn't love him anymore?How do you say that if you don't love, you don't love?In order to be able to be with Qing again, he took such a big risk, couldn't Qing see it?

He stared at the family portrait in front of him, stopped thinking, and gradually Shan Min's questioning eyes flickered in front of his eyes, and his sideways questioning echoed in his ears, she even had several arguments with him because of Qing, those things The quarrels, those disputes, and those images crashed into his mind in a disorderly manner, lingering, wrapping him tightly, making him anxious, and driving him crazy.Thinking about it for so many years, if you haven't been with Qing, hasn't he also come over, isn't he also living as usual?At that time, there was no quarrel in his family.Did Qing fall in love with Kuo?For the past few months, Kuo has always been by Qing's side, and every time he goes to see Qing, Kuo is always there.Okay, okay, since Qing doesn't want to be with him anymore, since she doesn't love him anymore, even if she loves Qing again, there is no need to cling to him, so let's do this, maybe it will be good for them, and each will live his own life. days, and his life can calm down again, after all, they can't be together like that forever, there will always be a day when the song ends.

He simply replied with two words: "Okay."

Qing looked at those two words, and sneered self-deprecatingly from his snort. He originally thought that Yu would ask him "why", but it turned out to be such a simple two words.

What used to be a myriad of thoughts, chaos and chaos, noisy and clamorous, and now the dust has finally settled.

Well, this is really the end, the pain, the torment, the humiliation, the sadness, the despair... it's all over.Qing leaned deeply on the sofa, tomorrow, tomorrow there will be more happiness waiting for him, a brand new and bright world.From now on, he has to think carefully about what he needs to do, and he has to take the initiative to hold Kuo's hand and never let go.Yes, tomorrow, Kuo will definitely come again tomorrow. He has to think about how to give Kuo a surprise, an explanation, to appease Kuo's devotion to him over the years, and more importantly, let Kuo know: Yun Ziqing loves Sikong wide.