dissatisfied [campus]

"That is to say, if there is no accident, I should not be reduced to go to a university with you."

First, with the current gap between the two of us, it is impossible to go to the same university, because it is impossible for you to be admitted to B University.

Second, if you don't get into B University, then I can only take the initiative to lower your score to accommodate you, which is even more impossible.

In a simple sentence, it expresses a top student's greatest contempt for a bad student.

Xu Ji savored it carefully for a break before he understood the meaning.

Xu Ji was stunned for more than ten minutes, and it was not until math class that he cursed in a low voice: "...Damn!"

Looking at Xu Ji's dumbfounded look, the corners of Jiang Yu's mouth were grinning to the back of his head when he smiled, and he was worried about Zhang Dongxu on the podium while smiling, so he could only borrow a book to cover his mouth firmly so that he could not be found.

In fact, Jiang Yu didn't mean to tease Xu Ji on purpose. Since he saw Xu Ji's study status and grades during the summer vacation of his first year of high school, he no longer had any hope for Xu Ji.

Although Xu Ji has worked a lot recently, his grades cannot be improved overnight, let alone a top university like B University.

One cannot be blindly confident, being down-to-earth is the last word.

Jiang Yu always looked at things with an almost indifferent attitude, very calm and merciless, which seemed a little whimsical for Xu Ji.

Until the end of school at night, Xu Ji still had a cold expression on his face, and he just didn't say a word to Jiang Yu all day.

Seeing that people are going to be hard to coax, Jiang Mi can only talk to him in a different way.

Jiang Yu: "Remember to wait for me at the old place tomorrow morning. I'll go there after breakfast with my grandpa."

Xu Ji: "Yes."

Jiang Yu: "Remember to bring the paper of the last quiz, and I will tell you about the wrong questions by the way."

Xu Ji: "Yes."

Jiang Yu: "Xu Ji is a fool."

Xu Ji: "Yes."

Jiang Yu: "..."

No matter what Jiang Yu said, Xu Ji's reaction was extremely cold.

Looking at Xu Ji's state, Jiang Yu was really helpless and funny.

Xu Ji seemed aloof, but in fact he was more arrogant than anyone else. He kept everything in his heart and only waited for others to take the initiative to guess.

Seeing that Xu Ji couldn't calm down for a while, Jiang Yu was not in a hurry to coax him.

At this time, the night was slightly cool, all the classes were studying at night, only a few day students shuttled in the forest path, and the whole campus was as silent as if they were in the endless deep sea.

This is the happiest time for Jiang Yi every day.

A long, long time ago, Jiang Yu once made a plan to never marry and fall in love in his life. He knew that he was different from "normal men" since he was a child, and he never thought of compromising on this.

The real Jiang Yu has never been an obedient boy, he just wants to do what he wants to do forever.

He used to think that as long as the day comes when he can fully control his life, he will have a showdown with his parents, even if he spends his whole life alone to achieve his goal.

But now, he is walking side by side with the person he likes.

Such a scene, Jiang Yu never dreamed that it would happen to him.

Not far away is the intersection, and when the two of them are about to part again, Jiang Yu can see Ms. Rong's car parked outside the north gate from a long distance away.

"Xu Ji, do you know..." Jiang Yu suddenly sighed, "When I was in elementary school, I liked to read extracurricular books. At that time... I thought my mother looked like the kind of European medieval woman described in the book. The archbishop is cruel and violent, and he keeps saying that it is for the good of everyone..."

Xu Ji glanced at him, but said nothing.

Jiang Yu didn't care, and continued on his own: "Sometimes I think, after being with you...I feel like a heretic who betrayed the bishop."

After waiting for two seconds, Xu Ji, who had been silent all this time, sneered: "Xueba is different, he talks like this—"

Before he finished speaking, Jiang Yu suddenly strode in front of Xu Ji, and Xu Ji, who was caught off guard, bumped into the toe of his shoe.

Before Xu Ji could stand still, Jiang Yi tiptoed against the tip of his nose.

Then I heard Jiang Yu whispering: "I will only be your pagan."

Xu Ji raised his eyes to meet Shang Jiang's eyes.

Clean, serious, firm.

At that moment, an electric current hit Xu Ji inexplicably.

At first, it was as numb as listening to an earthy love story. The next second, when I wanted to laugh, I met Jiang Yu's clear eyes again, and I couldn't help but soften my heart in an instant.

With complicated emotions in his heart, Xu Ji held back for a long time, and finally gritted his teeth helplessly: "You fucking..."

I really can't help you.

Jiang Yu laughed loudly, his big eyes were narrowed into slits.

The next morning, Jiang Yu left his grandfather's house smoothly to meet Xu Ji.

Since this semester, in order to meet Xu Ji more often, Jiang Yu has made excuses to live in his grandfather's house whenever the holidays come, thus successfully avoiding Ms. Rong.

At first Rong Xiaoying was a bit reluctant, after all, she had always controlled Jiang Ni's whereabouts tightly, but after Jiang Jianzhong learned that Jiang Ni was willing to get closer to his grandfather, he immediately succeeded in persuading Rong Xiaoying, and by the way Packed some of Jiang Qi's daily necessities to grandpa's house.

Jiang Jianzhong has always been unwilling to quarrel with Rong Xiaoying on trivial matters, and he will be cowardly when things happen, but when it comes to important matters of vital interests, Jiang Jianzhong still wants to take charge of the overall situation.

The main purpose of Jiang Yu's meeting with Xu Jiduo was to accompany him to the hospital.

Department of Psychiatry, First Hospital of S City.

Looking at Xu Ji's inspection report, Gu Mingchuan was relieved.

"Your condition is getting better and better recently. As long as you reduce the medication regularly and quantitatively according to the doctor's advice, you can stop the medication within three months."

Hearing this, Jiang Yu was even more excited than Xu Ji. He suppressed his excitement and asked, "Really? Then, is there any other precautions?"

"Keep in good mood." Gu Mingchuan laughed, "Keeping a good mood is very beneficial to his condition."

It's very simple.

Jiang Yu breathed a sigh of relief when he heard the words, and then raised his eyebrows at Xu Ji: "Your illness is almost cured!"

For nearly half a year, Jiang Yu has been persistently accompanying Xu Ji for treatment.

Xu Ji suffers from insomnia every night, and Jiang Yu hides under the covers and calls him to play videos, and he is so sleepy that he falls asleep and never hangs up the phone; Xu Ji always takes medicine and sees the doctor as he pleases, Jiang Yu insists on bringing him to come on time Seeing Dr. Gu, staring at him to take the medicine according to the doctor's advice; Xu Ji would occasionally be very fierce and irritable when he got sick, and Jiang Yu would hold his hand tightly, comforting his emotions over and over again...

In the seventh year of Xu Ji's treatment of bipolar disorder, all these things finally improved completely.

Xu Ji was infected by Jiang Yu's emotions, and couldn't help but bend the corners of his mouth.

Gu Mingchuan reminded: "However, we still need to take more precautions. This disease is very easy to relapse. After the condition is completely improved, we need to observe it for a few months. During this period, we must avoid major mood swings..."

As soon as the words fell, Jiang Yu couldn't help becoming nervous again.

Xu Ji on the side looked indifferent, he frowned and looked at Gu Mingchuan: "Okay, don't scare him."

Seeing Xu Ji defending his shortcomings so much, Gu Mingchuan smiled and looked at Jiang Yu: "It's okay, it's okay, don't worry, as long as you maintain the current state, everything will be fine."

After explaining the doctor's order, Gu Mingchuan suddenly changed the subject: "Jiang Yu, can I have a chat with you alone?"

Jiang Yu and Xu Ji were a little surprised, hesitated for a while, and finally agreed.

Xu Ji first went to wait outside the corridor, leaving Gu Mingchuan and Jiang Yu to talk alone in the office.

Gu Mingchuan refilled the cup in front of Jiang Yu with water, and made a gesture of wanting to have a long talk.

"You are the fourth person I have ever seen to accompany Xu Ji here." Gu Mingchuan smiled at Jiang Yi, as if recalling something, "I still remember the first time I met Xu Ji, he I was only ten years old..."

Gu Mingchuan used to study clinical medicine and psychology abroad. After graduating with a doctorate, he went directly to the psychiatry department of the First Hospital of S City.

In China, there is always an extremely serious prejudice in the definition of mental illness, which is either covered up by shame or indifference.

Especially for a disease that is difficult to judge like depression, it is not understood by everyone.

In the spring of seven years ago, Gu Mingchuan came into contact with the youngest patient with depression since he was diagnosed.

Xu Ji was only ten years old at that time, and he was in a very bad state when he was brought here. The long-term insomnia and loss of appetite made the child look very weak. He was thin and pale, with sunken eye sockets. People's eyes are out of focus and numb, and because he showed a tendency to self-harm and violence at school, he has now suspended school and returned home.

At that time, the child's father brought him to the hospital, but the other party obviously didn't understand what depression was, and was just anxious when he could get a diagnosis certificate from the doctor to help the child go back to school quickly.

So blood was taken, electrocardiogram, electroencephalogram, measuring table... Under the urgent urging of my father, the depression was diagnosed and the corresponding medicine was prescribed within a few hours.

The man held the medical certificate and looked at the dazzling data on it, frowned and asked, "Doctor, when will my son's illness be cured?"

"I can't give you the exact time, after all, it depends on the child—"

Before the words were finished, the cell phone in the man's pocket suddenly rang loudly. He took out the cell phone to look at it, and then went out to answer the call.

Only him and Xu Ji were left in the office, and the atmosphere instantly became quiet.

Gu Mingchuan looked at Xu Ji with an indifferent face in front of him, the child sat there like a puppet that had lost all vitality, as if he had no interest in the things around him.

From the communication with the child's father just now, Gu Mingchuan roughly understood that Xu Ji became like this because of the sudden death of his mother, but he is not very clear about the specific situation.

"Yang Yang."

Gu Mingchuan spoke softly.

He heard the man call the child like that just now, so he speculated that it was Xu Ji's nickname.

"Would you like to talk to uncle?" Gu Mingchuan tried his best to speak in the gentlest tone, "Just now uncle heard from father that Yangyang's mother is a very gentle and kind person, would Yangyang want to talk to uncle about mother's affairs? Mom Isn't she nice to Yangyang? She will take Yangyang's hand to and from school every day, cook a lot of delicious food for Yangyang, and take Yangyang to the amusement park on weekends..."

Gu Mingchuan is good at using psychology to make the other party take off his defenses. Every word he says seems to break through Xu Ji's psychological defense.

Xu Ji's originally expressionless face also began to fluctuate, and the corners of his mouth slowly tightened.

"Yangyang, you must miss your mother very much, right?"

As soon as this sentence was finished, Xu Ji seemed to be shocked by something, his whole body trembled, and his breathing became rapid.

Gu Mingchuan stopped talking, and he stared at Xu Ji quietly, watching Xu Ji's mouth pursed into a line, and his eyes blinking faster and faster.

In the next second, big tears rolled down from the corners of his eyes.

Gu Mingchuan listened to Xu Ji's suppressed crying and said word by word: "Mom...Mom...I killed my mother..."

Since then, every time Xu Ji came to receive treatment, he would cry non-stop, and Gu Mingchuan also heard many things from him.

In the world of children, there is only the difference between good and bad. They don't quite understand the things between adults, but their minds are often the most sensitive, and they can most feel the emotional changes of everyone around them.

With the help of Gu Mingchuan, Xu Ji slowly opened his heart, and his condition eased.

But Xu Ji's parents seemed to be very busy, and they couldn't always bring Xu Ji to the hospital for examination on time, so Gu Mingchuan's treatment could only be intermittent, and the delay lasted for more than half a year.

In the middle, Xu Ji's father brought the child to the hospital several times, and the rest were brought to the hospital by the nanny at home.

Later, Xu Ji came to the hospital less and less often, from once a week to once a month... Later, Xu Ji never came to the hospital again.

Gu Mingchuan tried to communicate with Xu Ji's father on the phone, but the other party always used various excuses to prevaricate, and the words also revealed complaints and doubts about Gu Mingchuan's poor medical skills.

Gu Mingchuan had no choice but to force his family to bring the patient for treatment.

Until that winter, three months after seeing Xu Ji for the last time, the nanny brought the child to the hospital again.

At that time, Xu Ji seemed to be much more energetic, his whole body was no longer skinny, and his face became ruddy.

As soon as she saw Gu Mingchuan, the nanny said enthusiastically: "Doctor Gu, let me tell you, our little Ji is completely cured now. Before that, he was not sick at all, but was caught by a little devil! The first two months , Mr. Xu took Xiao Ji to Thailand to find a master to tell his fortune, and when he came back, he practiced things and changed the family's Feng Shui. It won't be long before the child will be fine..."

Hearing this, Gu Mingchuan was momentarily dumbfounded.

I would rather believe in these things than a doctor... For the first time, Gu Mingchuan felt a sense of powerlessness.

Then, blood drawing, electrocardiogram, electroencephalogram, measuring table... Gu Mingchuan gave Xu Ji a comprehensive examination again.

Surprisingly, the results of the diagnosis report showed that Xu Ji was indeed cured.

"Yangyang," Gu Mingchuan looked at Xu Ji, "How are you feeling recently? Do you still have insomnia and nightmares? Do you still think of your mother—"

Before the words finished, Xu Ji interrupted: "Uncle Gu, I've been fine recently."

"That's it." The nanny on the side urged, "Our family's Xiaoji is already well, Dr. Gu, please give us a diagnosis certificate, the child is still waiting to go to school."

Gu Mingchuan opened his mouth, but he didn't know what to say, so he could only give them a certificate in the end.

Seeing the back of Xu Ji leaving, Gu Mingchuan fell into deep thought.

The child seemed to have "returned to normal", but there was always a hint of coldness in his words, and even his eyes were calm, like a pool of stagnant water.

Gu Mingchuan has heard before that some mental patients will turn on the self-protection mechanism, so that they will look "very normal" on the surface, especially if the mental illness such as depression is dominated by subjective wishes, if the patient completely establishes a psychological If the precautions are unwilling to cooperate, even the doctors will be helpless.

I really don't know if he really got better or got worse.

......

After that, Gu Mingchuan never saw Xu Ji again, and he gradually forgot about this little patient.

Until four years later, Gu Mingchuan ran into Xu Ji who was sent to the hospital for gastric lavage as soon as he walked to the hospital lobby at midnight.

一

Hearing this, Jiang Yu's heart couldn't help but tighten.

"At that time Xu Ji was pulled over by an ambulance. A group of doctors and nurses surrounded him and rushed to the operating room. As soon as I walked into the lobby, I heard Shi Yi report to the doctor in a loud voice, 'His name is Xu Ji. He is 14 this year and just now Swallowed a lot of pills that I don’t know what they are...’ Hearing this, I immediately thought of Xu Ji four years ago.”

Gu Mingchuan sighed: "At that time, Xu Ji had completely changed. He smoked, drank and fought every day, and his relationship with his family was also very bad. He was as stubborn as a little adult... They were underage. Both the operation and the prescription required a guardian. At that time, there was no one in Xu Ji’s house. His father and his “mother” were both away on business. When he was conscious, he stubbornly held on to the door of the operating room and refused to go in..."

"Later, I pretended to be Xu Ji's distant relatives, and managed the hospital through my contacts, so I hid the truth from Xu Ji's family members..." Gu Mingchuan looked at Jiang Yu, "You also know later, I Just like that, he has been treating Xu Ji intermittently."

Hearing this, Jiang Yu was greatly touched, and he sincerely said to Gu Mingchuan: "Doctor Gu, thank you very much."

"It's okay, it's okay, Xu Ji didn't give me any less money," Gu Mingchuan smiled, and said half-jokingly, "Speaking of which, I gave medicine to patients without authorization, which violated the professional ethics of being a doctor. The day was reported."

Jiang Yu said seriously, "Uncle Gu, we all know your intentions, thank you very much."

"I didn't tell you so much to make you thank me." Gu Mingchuan restrained his expression a little, and looked at Jiang Yu with some seriousness, "Jiang Yu, I think you should understand that the most important reason for Xu Ji's illness is Because of his biological mother."

"From childhood to adulthood, Xu Ji has always believed in his heart that he killed his mother, and even made his sister miserable." Gu Mingchuan analyzed, "He took everything on himself. , thinking that if he hadn't let his mother down, then his mother wouldn't have died, and his sister wouldn't have been hurt because of it. When it was even more serious, he even felt that if he hadn't been born, then all tragedies would have never happened. happened......"

The deep self-blame made Xu Ji feel at a loss. He made a complete denial of his own life. He was powerless and had no ability to change the defeat, so he could only live in chaos.

Thinking of this, Jiang Yu couldn't help feeling distressed, he opened his mouth, but didn't know what he could say.

At this moment, Jiang Yu felt that he was very close to Xu Ji, so close that he could empathize with Xu Ji's pain.

Today, Jiang Yu feels that he and Xu Ji are like playing with a jigsaw puzzle. The two have been finding each other's missing life from different populations, and then piece by piece to form a complete appearance of each other.

When Jiang Yu walked out of the office, he saw Xu Ji standing in front of the huge French window in the corridor, finishing the last stroke with his fingers on the glass.

Jiang Yu walked up to him and saw Xu Ji draw a picture with the dust on the glass.

The fingers outlined a perfect line one stroke at a time, and Jiang Yu's laughing image appeared on the glass.

Xu Ji heard footsteps, and he asked, "Does it look good?"

Jiang Yu smiled: "It looks good."

Jiang Yu paused, and said: "Jiang Yu, grandma said that you haven't drawn for a long time, can you tell me the reason? It doesn't matter if you don't want to say it."

"Because I'm very scared." Jiang Yu looked at the painting on the glass and said softly, "My mother taught me the first step of painting by holding my hand. I will think of her, and then I will not be able to draw any more.”

Jiang Yu remembered the painting he saw at his grandmother's house before, and asked cautiously, "So, aren't you afraid now?"

Xu Ji did not answer this question.

After being silent for a while, Xu Ji suddenly said, "Jiang Yu, do you know what majors are in the fine arts major of B University?"

Jiang Yu was startled, but didn't react.

"Fine arts, painting, and art design," Xu Ji said unhurriedly, "These three majors of B University recruit 79 art specialty students across the country, of which seven are recruited in S city. The minimum score is 475, and my last monthly test score was 305."

After hearing this, Jiang Yu seemed to understand something.

Xu Ji looked at Jiang Yu with a smug smile on the corner of his mouth.

"Jiang Yu, do you still remember Newton's first law?"

All objects always maintain a state of uniform motion in a straight line or a state of rest, unless an external force forces it to change this state.

Jiang Yu didn't know what Xu Ji wanted to say.

In the next second, Xu Ji whispered: "Jiang Yu, you are the motivation for me to change."