Continuation of "Gone with the Wind"

Chapter 41 Jack's Thoughts

"It's true that people are not as good as heaven. It's up to people to make things happen. God always has trouble with me. Even if I imagined a thousand possibilities, there was still the thousand and one kind of accident that caught me by surprise. I don't know the result. What's the matter? Miss Scarlett didn't react at all when she sat there listening to me read the poem, and she didn't know if she understood it. It doesn't matter whether she understands it or not. There was no reaction at all. I don’t know what he meant, or he found something and deliberately didn’t say it. His words made sense. The carriage was indeed suspicious. Why didn’t I find it at the time. The coachman didn’t look like a good person. His eyes are as thieves as those of a mouse that has stolen something. The owner of the carriage looks like a decent man. He is obviously a respected doctor. However, why do I feel as if I have seen him somewhere? He looks at me as if he has known me for a long time, but he can’t remember who he is like me. That’s fine. , the way he looked at Paul was even more strange. I can't even describe what kind of look it was. It seemed like a father looking at his son. No, it was a lone wolf who suddenly found his cub. It was even more exciting than this scene People, I felt scared when I looked at it." Recalling the feeling at that time, Jack still had lingering fears. In order to divert this feeling, he quickly changed the topic and continued to write, "I will talk about this later. Mr. Ritter went out and did not know. What did you do? The clothes are all dirty. Could it be that he didn’t believe me and went on a field trip? When he came back, his face was so serious. I don’t know what he found. It’s okay if he didn’t believe me. Anyway, I’ve experienced this kind of thing a lot. Miss Scarlett didn’t believe me in the past, and it’s still the same now. I felt very sad at the time, and I’ll get used to it. But if he suspects that Miss Scarlett arranged all this because of this, I’ll be self-defeating. It's my fault that I kicked out. If there is any misunderstanding between the two of them because of me, I will really be guilty. I wanted to be a matchmaker, but ended up playing a mandarin duck. I have to be more cautious in the future. After all, this matter It was I who wanted to help them on my own initiative, and I can’t help more and more. It’s not enough to just have a good heart, and you have to have a good brain. The two people in front of me are not so easy to fool, but this is interesting.” Now His mood is no longer simply wanting to help them rebuild the old ones, it seems that the matter of these two people has become a rather difficult math problem for him that has completely aroused his interest, and he will never let it go until he solves it.Although it's a little disrespectful to think so, it seems to discredit the word "good deeds", but he feels that it gives him more motivation.

It is not easy to solve a mathematical problem. I can no longer introduce unknowable variables without fully understanding the meaning of the problem, just like Paul who is lying on the bed now.He didn't know what he was thinking. He clearly agreed that he would pretend to be injured when he fell down. He would be fine if he had a sense of proportion, but why did Paul pull himself? Didn't he know that it was dangerous to do so?Now he owes him a life, and he will never pay back this love for the rest of his life.He knew that Paul would not let him pay it back, and he also knew that he must pay it back, even if it was unclear.This is my own business. If I implicate other innocent people, I will never feel at ease for the rest of my life.Thinking of this, he suddenly had a different feeling, as if he had finally found what he was looking for all along, it was this feeling of peace of mind.Deep down in his heart, he always felt that he had a very strong anxiety, and this anxiety had always been lurking in the deepest part of his body, flowing through his body like an underground river, eroding his thoughts, once lightning The crazy thoughts that usually flashed through his mind were brought by it, no, more precisely, it was brought about by him wanting to eliminate this uneasy feeling.In order to make it disappear, he thought of many ways, and finally found that only by doing some good deeds can he gain some peace in his heart.What exactly is he afraid of? Is it destruction, separation, or something more terrifying?Thinking of this, the pain that he still remembers swept over again, trying to overwhelm his thoughts like last time, but this time he did not give in, but endured the tearing pain to forcefully recall.Some broken pictures slowly emerged, and gradually spliced ​​together with difficulty. It felt like using needles to suture the wound without anesthesia, but he still endured it.A dilapidated picture appeared in my mind, a house more beautiful than Tara, a doctor with a kind smile, a tidy campus, a quiet library, everything seemed so harmonious.Just before he had time to think clearly about the relationship between these images, everything suddenly disappeared, and then some horrible scenes jumped into his mind, the dark crowd, in addition to Americans, there were also his own compatriots, They were all running around like crazy.The raging fire, the ruined walls, the corpses of innocent people, and myself in a daze.The picture came to an abrupt end here, and the originally incomplete picture collapsed in an instant, becoming pieces that were even more fragmented, and it became almost impossible to connect them together.With the disappearance of the picture, the painful feeling also disappeared without a trace, instead of slowly receding like a sea wave at low tide after a long time after he gave up resistance like last time.So, he won, but why didn't he have any joy of victory?Is this the past that I have forgotten?If it is really so unbearable, then why does he recall it?In the past, those people said that he brought misfortune to them since he was born, and that he was a disaster star, so he was sent to the United States to fend for himself.I finally forgot about this painful experience. Is it possible that something even more unfortunate will be repeated in the United States?No, never!

Once again, he had the idea of ​​escaping. Why did he have to retrieve his memory? Is his current life not good?Why should he meddle in Scarlett and Rhett's business, what business did they have to do with him?As long as he doesn't care about these, he can feel safe.This thought was so strong, it was like a windfall that fell from the sky, tempting him unabashedly.It is so close to him, so close that he can reach it with his hand. As long as he is willing, the long-awaited peaceful life will open the door for him.Isn't this what I have always wanted?It was there before him, waiting for him to take it away.Why don't you?He stretched out a hand like sleepwalking, and leaned forward, trying to grab it, but he was in vain, and even fell off the chair.The sudden onslaught of pain made him wake up suddenly, it was his real feeling at this moment, those thoughts that he would gain a sense of security if he gave up only represented illusory peace, even if he got more rewards for it, and lived a better life. The life I always wanted was not him, it was just a coward who dared not face it, not Jack, not Lin Kejie.He has worked so hard for so long, will he give up because of a false sense of ease?Even if his past is unbearable to look back on, it only belongs to him, and it is his proof of his independence from the world. If he doesn't get them back, his life will be incomplete, and he will be no different from other mediocre people. Love the whole thing don't you?Some things can't end when they start, unless they are willing to end, no other force can destroy them, just like love.The love between Liang Shanbo and Zhu Yingtai, the love between Meng Jiangnu and Wan Xiliang, the love between Romeo and Juliet, the love between Catherine and Heathcliff, the love between Miss Scarlett and Mr. Rhett.There were too many tragedies in love, and he couldn't just sit back and watch new tragedies happen again.True love cannot be separated even by death. If you love each other, even if you are not together in life, you will be buried together after death; even if you cannot be together after death, as long as love is still there, their hearts will be together forever. enough.Love is an integral part of life, and there is no happiness in life without love.Fortunately, the two of them are not people who can survive just by living together, so the weight of love is more important, so they will definitely be together.

Finally figured out the problem that has been bothering him for a long time, and Jack felt relieved.He reopened the notebook, and neatly wrote down his favorite line of poetry in Chinese characters. It was a line from Zhang Xian's Qianqiu Sui:

The sky is not old, and love is hard to break. Heart like dual screen, there Chien knot.

Putting the notebook away, Jack didn't go to sleep right away, he kept thinking about what he should do in the future.He didn't dare to take Mr. Rhett's wisdom lightly. He was not his opponent yet, so if he didn't know what he had discovered, he should not act rashly.The meaning of today's poem is too obvious, not to mention that he has modified the following words, as long as Mr. Rhett can see it at a glance.He shouldn't be angry, he is doing it for his own good after all; as for Miss Scarlett, as long as she doesn't give up her efforts, it's fine even if she doesn't help her. He has seen her enthusiasm more than once, and no one can resist it. Can live.In this case, I don't have to worry about the two of them for the time being, and I can think about my own affairs.He took out the photo he had seen countless times from his pocket again, and tried to recall where he had seen her, but he still found nothing.Seeing that the night is already very deep, it is useless to sit here and think about it any longer. I'd better go to bed first and think about it tomorrow.

At this time, he heard a strange sound of footsteps. The reason why he called it strange was that it was very low and he had to listen carefully to hear it. Since it was coming in his direction, others would never hear it. It seems that the owner of the footsteps has something very secret that must not be known by a third person other than them.Just as he was about to ask who it was, he heard a voice deliberately lowered so that only the people in the room could hear: "Jack, are you asleep? If you haven't slept yet, I have something to ask you, please open the door .” Jack’s heartbeat was so frightened that it stopped for a few beats, he didn’t expect Mr. Rhett to come so soon.