There is a kind of love you know

Others say I'm stupid, but I don't think I'm stupid.They look at me like that only because I have a good temper.I also have emotions, but I always hide them in my heart and don't show them.For example, the fact that I like Xu Jinyi, I have always kept it in my heart, and I didn't let anyone find out, and I don't want anyone to find out.

Why do you like Xu Jinyi?Maybe it's his sunny appearance, and I'm gay, so it's normal to like boys, of course I think so.

It is said that people with a good temper lead a good life, but I don't think so, such as the current situation.

"Xiao Wei, please help me to be on duty. My girlfriend is waiting for me outside." A boy in our class who was not familiar with me looked at me pleadingly. I really wanted to refuse, but on the surface I agreed kindly.

Who made me the best talker in our class, so I have my share in any dirty work team.I really want to be unknown, but I am used to treating others with a good temper, so I always get into trouble, so now I can't even say no.I hate my personality, but I can't change it.

I am the only one left in the classroom now, I feel very quiet, but a little lonely, and I am also a lonely person.Without good friends, good brothers, and good parents, if things go on like this, I may die alone.Sometimes I want to laugh at my hypocrisy, one thing on the surface but another on the inside, and people like me probably live the most tiring life.

"Stupid." I said to myself, sweeping the floor with a broom, seemingly serious and casual.

The sunset is beautiful, but I hate its coming, that means I should go home, and I don't want to go home, if I don't have a home.But no matter what, I still have to go home and face my... so-called parents.

Fortunately, I cleaned very quickly. I finished cleaning before the school closed, and I was ready to go home with my schoolbag on my back.In fact, I just finished it at this time, and I can procrastinate as long as I want and don't want to go home.My home is not too close to the school, so I have to take a car, but I don't like to take a car, I like to walk, so I always walk home, just to delay the time to go home.As for the fact that I hate going home because my dad might get drunk when he comes back in the afternoon, and then smash the house to pieces, and sometimes beat me.Of course he only went to drink when he was arguing with my mother, and my mother has been putting up with my father. I know that one day, our family will be torn apart, but the time has not yet come.

If life can always be beautiful, I may live in that so-called dream forever, how could the reality be like this!

By the time I got home, the sky had already darkened, as if gloomy, and the moon hadn't come out ahead of schedule.I had a bad feeling. When I opened the door, I saw things littered all over the floor, as well as some shards of glass and china, and the picture frame of our family together fell on the ground.My mother was sitting on the sofa crying with disheveled hair, her body was bruised and purple, and it was as if she hadn't seen my son.

I stared blankly at the scene of our house. Although I was used to it, I was still troubled.I put down my schoolbag and clean the house.Such a situation can only mean that my dad came back from drinking today and vented his anger on the things in the house. It is probably because of my mother again.I probably know the conflict between the two of them, maybe I don't know, I only know that neither of them like me.

If you don't like me, why did you give birth to me?I really want to ask, but I don't think it makes sense.

My father and my mother got married to carry on the family line, and took a woman he didn't love, and my mother married a man she didn't love, leading a life in dire straits.The only warmth I feel is the love from my grandparents, other than that, no one has ever given me warmth, no one.Is such a miserable life mine?The answer is so sure, all I can do is accept, or unconditionally!

I cleaned it briefly and went into the bedroom, and sure enough, I saw my dad drinking from a bottle. His face was red from drinking, and there were scratches on his arm, probably from a fight with my mom. , It's just that his eyes are so dull, which makes me suspect that he is not the head of state who caused this domestic violence at all.

I stood at the door of the room, whether I entered or not, I could only stand there in a daze, and my dad was even more angry when he saw me, but I don't know what he was angry about.

"You little bastard still knows you're back! What time is it now!" My dad stood up drunk, swayed his body and looked at me, obviously feeling that he was already drunk and unconscious, but he always felt that he was not drunk at all, just Just pretending.

I looked at him silently, unable to say anything. It would be a lie to say that I have no affection for my dad. At least he was very good to me when I was young, but after high school, it became more and more serious. The more he couldn't hide his dislike for me, he began to show the same eyes as my mother.At first I thought it was because of my bad grades, but later I realized that he hated me and would show his face to me. It wasn't until he hit me when he was drunk for the first time that I really understood that my dad is How much you hate me.

With my mother's ignorance, my father's appearance is scary, and I can't resist it.

"Talk to you, why don't you answer! You are dumb just like your mother! It's an eyesore!" My dad walked towards me unsteadily, I knew what I was about to face, but every time my feet rooted The same, can not move.

I was terrified in my heart, but the real thing was that I looked at my dad with a blank face, which angered him even more.

He kicked me, and I was kicked to the ground, holding my stomach and frowning in pain.

"I told you not to talk! I asked you to show me! I will kick you to death!" My dad yelled angrily, kicking me one after another.

I accepted his kicking and beating silently, rolled and dodged, but couldn't dodge.He kicked very hard with each kick, and I felt that my internal organs were shifting a little, and my body hurt so much that I hugged my head unconsciously.He used a lot of force, and every kick hurt my nerves, but I was powerless to resist, so I could only let him kick without anyone to stop me.

After kicking, I vomited a mouthful of blood, unable to move, and lying on the ground in despair, let him kick enough, and he stopped.My eyes were blurred, my mouth was full of blood, and I couldn't lift it up with any strength, so I could only open my eyes dimly.

My dad, who was already very drunk, looked at me with a sneer, as if he wasn't looking at me, he squatted down slowly, grabbed my hair, and asked me to look up at him.

"You little bastard! Let's see if you'll show me any embarrassment in the future!" After saying that, he slapped me, got up and went back to the bedroom, and closed the door heavily, and then there was a crackling sound from inside.

I lay on the ground, feeling extremely cold, and wanted to call my mother, but after a while, I realized that my mother had already left and left me at home alone.She is such a person, my dad hit me, she just looked at me coldly, her eyes were like a stranger, sometimes she just left and ignored me, even if I was alive or dead!

Lying like this, I feel that I have nothing but pain and my dad hit me hard, the slap in front of me made my ears ring, and the place where I was kicked by him, I think it’s fine if I didn’t pass out .Surrounding me is the smell of blood, which I vomited out. I don’t know if the internal organs were kicked by my dad?Maybe not, otherwise how could I still be conscious.

Why don't I fight back?I have been asking myself, but I can't get an answer, it was before, and it is now.

Looks like I'll have to spend the night on the floor, how sad!

Sleeping on the floor all night, plus my dad kicking and kicking, made my body almost unable to move, but I still tried to get up.But I woke up too early, and all I could feel was the pain in my body. With heavy steps, I went to wash up.It would be nice if I couldn't move, but that seemed impossible, as I felt pain whenever I moved.I wanted to call to ask for leave, but after thinking about it, I thought it was okay.Apart from my face looking swollen, the abnormality of my body would not be noticeable, and no one in the class would pay attention to me.I packed up the books I was going to use today, and sadly picked up my schoolbag and set off for school.

With this kind of me, I can't walk to school as I like, otherwise I may pass out because of the pain in my body before I get to school.

In the car in the early morning, there were very few vacant seats on it. I sat quietly in the parking space, looking at the rapidly retreating buildings, and my mind was just blank.Sometimes I wish the car didn't stop, just kept going, and it wouldn't end there.

With my thoughts, I have arrived at the next station.Enduring the pain, I got out of the car and saw the crowds who came to class one after another, all walking together, feeling a little lost.Anyway, I'm used to being alone, so why should I care?Thinking like this, I walked to the school with small steps.

There were many students who came early in the class, and they were all talking and laughing. I walked through them like a transparent person, and sat in the last seat.No one pays attention to me, they only come to me for help unless they have trouble, I am ignored by everyone.Although I have long been used to it, sometimes I really hope that someone will notice me, even if it is only for a while.

When the class bell rings, the students in the class quiet down. Sometimes I listen to the teacher's lecture, and sometimes I think about other things, so that I can waste my time.

Life is really long, how long is a lifetime?Who can know?

There was physical education class in the morning. I endured the pain from the wound on my body and went to class, keeping my head very low.

The midday sun shines on the earth, giving people such a poisonous light.

For the first time today, the physical education teacher did not let us run, but only said that seven boys were selected to play against Class Four.

I'm a little excited, it's not because I'm happy not to run, but because Xu Jinyi is in the fourth class!

The teacher picked seven tall boys to go, and I, other boys, and a group of excited girls in our class watched from the sidelines.

Seeing Xu Jinyi's handsome face appear in the arena, I was very excited, but unfortunately I couldn't be as excited as a girl, I could only shout in my heart.

"Xu Jinyi, come on!"

"Come on, Class Four!"

"Come on, Class Four!"

Thinking of all kinds of cheering voices on the opposite side, my eyes only followed Xu Jinyi's figure around the field. Every time I saw him score a goal, I shouted for him in my heart, completely forgetting that I was in the second class.

And the students in our class are all like watching the fire from the other side. They don't shout like those in the fourth class, they are just quiet.

Is such a class united?I couldn't help but think of this in my mind, but I am also a member of this class, so what right do I have to say that?I didn't do it myself.

The game is over, the fourth class won, so easily won, the score between our class and their class is 24:47, the difference is too far.

The joy of victory broke out in their class, but our class can only be depressed, and even some people don't care.

I can only laugh that this society has corrupted some people's hearts. Will I become like that in the future?Or is that already the case?

I thought, I still wanted to look for Xu Jinyi, and I found it so easily.

He is so dazzling, but I am so humble, a person like him may never have an intersection with me in his life, and I don't expect an intersection.

I don’t know if it’s because Xu Jinyi casually let his eyes go, I saw him looking in the direction where I was standing, my heart was beating very fast, but for a moment I realized that there were actually many people standing beside me, how could he be looking at me? And me?It's just me delusional.

I lowered my head and stared at the ground under my feet. The concrete steps are already a bit old, and I don't know when new ones will be installed?

The physical education teacher blew his whistle, and I went to gather.

Standing in our class, I am so ordinary, who would pay attention to me?

After class, the classmates all disbanded. I stood where I was, and I couldn't help but look up at the dazzling sun, feeling lost in my heart.

And when I saw Xu Jinyi not far away, talking and laughing with the boys and girls around me, my heart beat a little faster.

But in fact, Xu Jinyi never set his eyes on me, didn't even look at me, just walked beside me.

The classmates beside him blocked my sight, and the last thing I could see was Xu Jinyi's back.

I smiled bitterly and walked back to my class with heavy steps.

The sun hurts so much when it hits my back, but I can only insist on walking alone, no one will care about me.