lonely

He looked at me in shock, probably not able to accept that my mind had jumped so far.

I was also extremely shocked when I realized that I had said something incredible.I hurriedly remedied: "No, no, I didn't, I just wanted to say, Tong Jiang, he was on the phone with his boyfriend just now, so I, I didn't..."

I'm already a little incoherent!

He grabbed my hand that was flustered with excitement, his brows were tightly frowned, and his mouth was almost pursed into a straight line.

I looked at him helplessly and thought, it's over, Zhao Ling is angry with me!

He struggled to speak, with a vicious tone, "Tong Jiang is gay, yes, what's the matter, you feel disgusted? Do you think you look down on me?!" He kept his mouth shut and didn't answer my question, but at this moment, I was afraid that he would ignore me. His rhetorical question attracted attention.

I quickly shook my head, not wanting him to misunderstand me, so I grabbed his skirt tightly and explained seriously, "I didn't look down on him, and I didn't feel disgusted, Zhao Ling, don't do this!" How could I look down, I didn't even have time to envy!

I can't see whether he believes it or not. I'm like a begging dog. I'm a little scared and embarrassed.

I am withdrawn, indifferent, and not good at interacting with people, only Zhao Ling, rampaging in my world like a ball of fire.

I am willing to let go of those high self-esteem now, I just ask him not to leave me.

But I am already like this, does he still believe me?

I slowly let go of the hand that was grabbing his skirt, and I could hardly control my facial expression, and I could even feel its physical reaction of being convulsed by what I was about to say.

I tried to slow down my voice and breathe calmly, and said, "Zhao Ling, I like you."

A long silence.My heart suddenly let go, but the silence gripped my heart and choked my breath, my throat tightened, and I couldn't say a word.

Zhao Ling seemed to have been immobilized and remained motionless.There was a shocked expression on his face that had been struck by lightning.

I suddenly felt ridiculous.

As if he wanted to pretend that nothing happened, he asked hesitantly, "What did you just say?" He seemed to have just recovered.

I looked at him, angry and hated, gritted my teeth, "I said," he suddenly begged, his lips moved, as if he was begging me not to speak.

I smiled maliciously, "I said, I like you." With the pleasure of revenge and endless sorrow.

His face suddenly turned pale, the pain was abnormal, and his eyes suddenly became extremely deep.

I think I may never be able to be friends with him again.I seemed to be punishing him and myself, "Well, I like men too, but I still like you. Do you feel disgusted? Do you look down on me too, Zhao Ling, you are a bastard!"

After I finished speaking, I ran back to the house, took my mobile phone and wanted to leave.I can no longer face him.

He stood at the door, looked at me with a deep expression, and held me back just as I was about to rush out.My heart seemed to be hit hard by something, and I lost my strength.

He spoke, sad and helpless, and said,

"Chen Yan, how can you like me!"

"Chen Yan, pretend those words never happened, we are still brothers, okay?"

"Chen Yan, you should graduate smoothly, find a good job, marry a wife and have children, and live your life happily."

He seemed to be about to cry, and I lost all anger in my heart, and my heart ached so badly.

I comforted him, "Zhao Ling, sexuality is innate, I can't change it, you don't have to feel guilty, even if I don't like you, I will like other men."

He suddenly seemed very excited, and the force of grabbing my wrist suddenly became heavier, and he pushed me closer. "Other...men?"

I looked into his eyes, and suddenly there was a kind of expectation in my heart. There was a huge hope in front of me. I seemed helpless but actually wanted to stimulate him. I said: "Yes, other men, I will hold hands with him, hug him, Kissing, even having... bed"

Before the last sound of the last word could be pronounced, I was dragged into a warm embrace. I don’t know if it was me or his heart was pounding. aroma.I hugged him back with all my strength, as if I wanted to strangle him, I tightened my arms more and more. I wished I could rub him into my flesh and blood, so that I would never be separated forever.

The previous pain, entanglement, helplessness and struggle seemed to be melted into this embrace.I've never been happier than I am right now.I want to be desperately grateful, grateful for everything.

But I still asked with great piety in my trembling voice, "Zhao Ling, do you like me?"

He froze for a moment, and I could feel the head on my shoulders lift up and down again.Unparalleled joy rose in my heart.

As if he was afraid that I wouldn't believe it, "I like you, Chen Yan, I like you, Chen Yan, Chen Yan, Chen Yan..." He said it over and over again, his slightly hoarse voice was full of affection, not gentle enough.

I trembled all over, and my heart was about to be bewitched by him.

I responded with all my enthusiasm, "Zhao Ling, I like you too, Zhao Ling..."

I finally poured out the emotions that I suppressed all day long, and the realization that the person I like also likes me also made me incoherent with excitement.

I cried "wow", like a child who has been greatly wronged. Once the tears flowed down, I couldn't stop crying. Weeping uncontrollably, I couldn't speak.

Zhao Ling hugged me with one arm and patted my back with the other to comfort me, feeling distressed and helpless.He didn't ask me why I was crying, and he didn't try to persuade me not to cry.He knows what I need.

Finally I stopped crying so hard, I asked him, "Zhao Ling, why did you do that before, why did you say those things, you still blame me, I'm going to be scared to death..."

I said a lot, but my mind was the same, I said what came to mind, my word order was confused, and my meaning was unclear. He always responded gently, without any impatience, and didn't care about my random accusations.

He has never been a gentle person, on the contrary, he has a bit of a bad temper, but he gave me all his tenderness and patience before, you see him like this, weaving a net early, I am willing to get into it, and never come out again Not coming.

Zhao Ling pulled me into the room when I was crying, and after crying, I was a little embarrassed, feeling a little weak and feminine.

I looked at him, my eyes were a little swollen, I guess they might be swollen from crying, I was too excited to cry just now, and my nose was runny, Zhao Ling wiped it off for me, it was inexplicably ashamed.

We are like junior high school students who secretly fall in love at the age of thirteen or fourteen, facing each other, embarrassed and speechless.After talking about everything, I don't know how to face each other, but at this time, as long as we are close together, we are extremely satisfied.

I hugged him and didn't want to let go, he smiled and patted my head.

"It's past one o'clock, go to sleep!"

I was still in the midst of great joy and couldn't get back to my senses. I was in a fog when I heard him speak, and I only grasped two words.sleep?

The term is a bit touchy for me, a virgin who just ended 18 years of being single.I can't control my thoughts again.Fortunately, I stopped it in time before it became more and more dirty.Just messing around with the relationship in bed, will Zhao Ling think I'm frivolous?For the sake of my own image, I decided to settle for the next best thing.

"Can you kiss me!" I was a little shy and excited, and my voice was unclear as if it was in my mouth.I acted like a baby unconsciously, and I couldn't control myself, I just wanted to be so tired.

He was stunned for a moment, and I also felt that it was not good, so I let out the words in a jerk.What a shame!

I turned around and crawled on the bed. Zhao Ling leaned over and hugged my waist and dragged me back. I was a little flustered and struggled unconsciously. I could feel my back against his chest, and I was almost surrounded by him. arms.His breath wrapped me, and he whispered in my ear, "You said it yourself, why do you want to run?" The warm breath sprayed on the root of my ear, which was a little itchy, and then made my scalp numb , his voice is deep, hoarse and sexy.I almost melted into his arms.

He turned me over and pressed me on top of me. He clasped my legs with his knees, put one arm around my waist, and lifted my neck up with the other hand. I was forced to lift my neck up, almost He couldn't breathe, his whole body was suppressed by him, and he couldn't move.

He lowered his head and kissed me, his eyes were so gentle that he was tired of death, and I could clearly feel his nervousness and excitement just like mine.

Contrary to the gentle eyes, his kiss was violent and passionate.He almost bit my lip, licked and gnawed, I opened my mouth slightly, allowing his tongue to conquer the city, his tongue searched wantonly in my mouth, his kiss was without a trace of skill, like the primitive instinct of an animal , Constantly attacking, I exchanged breath, exchanged body fluid, and entangled with him.

Because the head was raised, the body fluid continuously secreted in the mouth pressed against the mouth of the throat according to the potential energy of gravity. I was choked by my own saliva and struggled to raise my head. He hugged me tightly and lifted my head with one hand so that I could go straight I got up and hugged him, I opened my eyes slightly, my vision was blurred by the choked physiological tears, his offensive gradually slowed down, fine and long.

At the end, I hugged him while kneeling on the bed.There was a lingering panting sound in my ears, I buried my head in his shoulder and smiled, "Zhao Ling, you are hard."

He stared at me with wide eyes, his ears were red, he pursed his lips, unable to speak.

He obviously didn't intend to burn the fire to the end with this stick of dry wood. He actually hugged me for a while and went to the bathroom to take a shower. When he came back, the fire had already died down.

What a good boyfriend in China.

Hold.

At that time, I took off all the clothes on my body and hid under the quilt wearing only a pair of my underwear. The air conditioner was turned on in the room, and only one adjustable desk lamp was turned on. I adjusted the desk lamp to warm yellow. The atmosphere in the room couldn't be better.

He glanced at me, turned around and turned off the desk lamp, and fell into bed with the moonlight outside.

I quietly moved to the side, trying to put on my clothes, but he grabbed a handful of me, and directly pulled me over.My back is bent, like a bowed shrimp, and now my face is as red as a shrimp.

He smiled softly, stroking my back slowly.There are thin calluses on the palms of his hands, and there seems to be an electric current everywhere he touches them, which is numb and comfortable.

"Since when did you like to sleep naked?"

I didn't answer, just rolled into his arms, chest to back.I could feel his breath on the top of my head, and the touch of being naked gave me a strange sense of security.

I couldn't help pouring out.

"I've been missing you for the past few years, but you never come back. I want to go to the same school as you. I went to ask your parents. Your parents said they didn't know. I asked you again. You said you didn't make a decision, and you urged me I fill it out first. I thought, forget it, just fill it out, and then I filled in the university here on the volunteer form. My parents don’t know how to know it. I’m not allowed to come here because it’s too far away. I insisted on filling it out, so I quarreled with them, and then, here I am!"

"I guess they don't know yet, thinking I'm going to live with a classmate! Well, actually, I don't have to be stubborn. If it weren't for their bad attitude, I wouldn't have quarreled with them!"

"If you don't tell them when you come out, they will be worried. You should call later! You are too impulsive. If something happens to you, what will your parents do? What will I do?"

I turned to look at him smiling, and he kissed me.

"Why did you come here suddenly three years ago?"

He looked at me without saying a word, as if something was hidden in his eyes.He smiled.