1921

Thursday November [-] rainy

The situation between me and Ye Aichen is very strange.

It has been a month since that day, and Ye Aichen didn't explain more to what he said, but instead avoided me.

How funny, I was avoiding him before, and now he is avoiding me.

I don't understand why he is avoiding me, just because he said something like that?But didn't he let me forget, what is he doing now?Did he know that his behavior would make me remember what happened that day more clearly?

Restless.

Very restless.

I hate being so unclear.

The feeling now is the same as before my parents divorced. The whole person seems to be stuck in a swamp, my body is sticky, and there is clearly a rope that can be saved on the top of my head, but no one reaches out to grab it.Almost submerged by the swamp, why still refused to separate himself from the mud?Water is water, soil is soil, what is wet remains wet, and what is dry remains dry. Why do they have to be mixed together to form a puddle of mud?Can't there be a clear line?

It's hard not to go up or down.

Ye Aichen and I used to walk on our own roads, he had his Sunshine Avenue, and I had my small single-plank bridge, but now the thorns have to combine the road and the bridge, enclosing the surrounding sky, Push hard.If this continues, I think, my broken wooden bridge will collapse.

So last night, I sent a message to Ye Aichen in the middle of the night.

I said, let's have a good talk today.

After sending it out, I regretted it.

I really want to distinguish this sticky and ambiguous relationship, but what if Ye Aichen doesn't think so, what if he thinks it's the same as before, but I think too much?

Said to have a good talk, but what should I say?how can we talkAm I going to ask him directly what he meant by what he said that night?After getting his complete negation, can I breathe a sigh of relief and return myself to the correct position?Can I tell him that we are just friends?Can I really tell that we're just friends?Can I really hide my thoughts?Can I really guarantee that I will be back to the way I was before after this?

Maybe I can't even do it.

But after clearly distinguishing the relationship, I can at least always remind myself of the relationship with the other party and be alert at all times.One day, I can go back to where I started.

Ye Aichen and I have reversed class schedules today. He has a full class in the morning and a big class in the afternoon, while I have a big class in the morning, a full class in the afternoon, and another class in the evening.If we want to have a good talk, it can only be after my get out of class at night.

All day I was thinking about how to talk to Ye Aichen, how to word it, and I didn't think much about it in class.After class in the evening, my classmates and I walked out of the classroom and found that Ye Aichen was already waiting outside, and I don't know how long he had been waiting.After I said goodbye to my classmates, I walked with Ye Aichen along the relatively less crowded road in the opposite direction.

The weather has gradually turned cold, and it is still raining lightly today, which adds to the chill.I held an umbrella and followed Ye Aichen for a long distance, neither of us spoke.

I'm a little cold, I put one hand in my pocket, and the other hand pulls the long sleeve to half cover the hand holding the umbrella handle.He took a deep breath, and a cloud of white air appeared faintly, which would become obvious after a while.

I found that every time I talked to Ye Aichen, most of the time he spoke first, and it was the same today.It was I who wanted to talk, but after walking for so long, I didn't say a word, but Ye Aichen spoke first.

"I'm sorry, Wu Zi." He said, "I'm sorry for avoiding you all this time."

He actually apologized to me first!

I've done the same thing before and never apologized to him, I'm such a sucker in comparison.

For a moment, I didn't know what to say other than shaking my head.

"You said you want to have a good talk, so let me come first." Ye Ai took a deep breath, and then exhaled, "What I said that night was indeed impulsive."

I was still wondering whether I should take this opportunity to apologize to Ye Aichen, but when I heard him say this, I thought, I really thought too much.And he really just said it casually.

"I said I was talking nonsense and made you forget what I said. For that, I apologize to you." Ye Aichen stopped in his tracks, "I do regret what I said, but I regret it It's not the content of the words, but the timing of the words. Because I was stimulated by the two things that the girl confessed to you and you already have someone you like, my self-righteous self-control was defeated, and I impulsively threw myself Say what’s in your heart, I’m really bad at being like this.”

"Huh?" What... mean?

"I couldn't face you, so I chose to avoid it. But after receiving your message last night, I thought, this matter must be resolved, and I will be too sorry for you if I continue to escape. Wu Zi, I What I said was serious." Ye Aichen turned around and looked into my eyes, and said solemnly to me: "I like you, Wu Zi."

what?

Ye Aichen likes me?

Ye Aichen, does he really like me? !

It was so shocking that I couldn't believe it for a moment.

Ye Aichen smiled wryly, "Did I scare you? I'm really... sorry." He sighed, "Obviously, I wouldn't say it to annoy you, but in the end I said it selfishly, really, I'm sorry."

He lowered his eyes and said in a low voice: "Is it disgusting? Being told by me, who is also a boy, that I like it. Besides, we are still friends, and I... have failed your trust. I..." Ye Ai's voice suddenly dropped Broken, choked up, "I'm sorry, I'm really... sorry..."

I saw his shoulders tremble slightly.

"I'm sorry, Wu Zi... I'm sorry..."

After a while, he took a deep breath, then let it out heavily, and his mood seemed to stabilize.He stretched out his hand and rubbed his eyes, raised his head, and said mockingly, "I'm really worthless." He blinked, pulled the corners of his mouth, and asked beggingly, "Can we still be friends in the future?" ?”

I have mixed feelings in my heart.

I originally thought that my liking would have no result, I would never say it out loud, and I would never hear Ye Aichen's response to me.But now, Ye Aichen actually said that he likes me.It's the first time I've seen him look like this.I was very happy to hear him say that, and wanted to tell him that I liked him too.

I remembered what Gong Ye said to me when I met Gong Ye. He said: "Ye Aichen really likes you. He always tells me how good and how good he has a classmate in elementary school. It's the first time I've seen him praise someone so much."

Ye Aichen likes me, Ye Aichen thinks I'm good, Ye Aichen thinks I'm excellent.

I'm happy, really happy.

I am really happy to be liked and affirmed by the people I like.

However, I suddenly lost the courage to confess.

Can a person like me really be liked?What does Ye Aichen like about me?I don't have any advantages, and my personality is introverted and gloomy. What do I have that Ye Aichen likes?I am not as good as Ye Aichen said, I am not worthy of such an excellent Ye Aichen.

I want to ask him, I want to know why he likes me.

However, Ye Aichen misunderstood.He saw that I hadn't spoken for a long time, his tone was lost, and he gave up on himself: "That's right, it's all like this, how can we be friends? It's me... I'm too greedy, I'm sorry." He was silent for a few seconds, pursed his lips, He pretended to be relaxed and said, "Okay, I've finished what I want to say. Wu Zi, what do you want to talk to me about?"

"I……"

"Say it all. Tomorrow... From now on, I will try my best not to meet with you, and I can't add trouble to you anymore. If you feel uncomfortable in the rented house, I can also move out. "

"No!" Hearing his words of not seeing each other again, I panicked in my heart and shouted out in a hurry, but I didn't know what to say, so I could only murmur: "No..."

Ye Ai Shen didn't ask me what I wanted to say, but just waited patiently for me.

I hate myself for being so entangled, I hate myself for being so indecisive, I hate myself for not being able to speak.He obviously wanted to say a lot, but he couldn't say a single word.He obviously likes Ye Aichen, but he doesn't tell him.Obviously want to be with him, but let him think that we are impossible.She obviously wanted to have him by her side, but she didn't even have a word to keep her.

I really hate myself like this.

If I continue like this, Ye Aichen will leave, definitely will.

Who told me... didn't answer him?

Lin Jian told me that if a person waits for too long, he will not be able to wait and leave.

"It's best to be able to figure out your own mind and not miss that person. After all, the feeling of waiting is really uncomfortable."

I have clearly figured out my own intentions, and I also know Ye Aichen's intentions, why should I let us miss each other?Why did Ye Aichen suffer the torment of waiting and finally leave hopelessly?

I don't want this.

No!

"Ye Aichen, we can't be friends in the future." I held the handle of the umbrella tightly, forcing myself to look into Ye Aichen's eyes without moving.

"Ah... I, I see." For the first time, I felt that Ye Aichen was about to cry, although he just nodded slowly and then stopped looking at me, but that's how I felt.

"Because!" I plucked up the courage and vented the feelings that had been lingering in my chest for many days, "I like you too!"

Ye Aichen suddenly turned her head and looked at me in surprise.

"Because I like you, we can't be friends anymore." I felt my eyes were a little hot and my hands were shaking, "I don't want you to be my friend, I want you to be my family, a family that will be together forever ,May I?"

Do it all at once, second time tired, third time exhausted.

I summoned up the courage to finally persevere to the end, and finally spoke out what was in my heart.The next step is to wait for Ye Aichen's answer.

I felt a little dizzy, my strength dissipated from my body, and I almost squatted down, but there was someone who reacted faster than my brain, and Ye Aichen held me tightly in his arms, preventing me from sliding down.

The umbrella that was originally in Ye Aichen's hand was ruthlessly thrown on the ground, and Ye Aichen's rough panting sounded in his ears.He repeated my name over and over again, and the hand holding my back trembled slightly.I leaned my head on his shoulder and put an arm around his back.

"I thought I never had such a chance in my life, Wu Zi." Ye Aichen said to me, "Thank you."

I finally heard no more apologies from him.This evening, what I heard the most was his "sorry".But where is he going to apologize?It's obvious that I should apologize, and it's also obvious that I should thank you.

Sorry, fell in love with you.

Thank you for falling in love with me.

The muddy umbrella was picked up and closed. Ye Aichen took the umbrella from my hand and walked beside me.

"Can I hold your hand?" Ye Aichen asked me softly.

I nodded embarrassedly.

Ye Aichen gently held my hand, and I held his back.The two of us were very close, holding the same umbrella, walking in the wet night.

There were no students who just finished class on the road, the street lights were not bright, and no one noticed the two boys holding hands in the dim environment.

I always feel a little unreal.

I actually fell in love with Ye Ai.

"I'm not dreaming, am I?" Ye Aichen asked me.

I smiled, the two of us actually thought of being together.

"No." I said.

"Even if it's a dream, I'm very satisfied to be with you."

I feel my face is a little hot.

For the first time, I hoped that the way home could be longer, and I didn't want to let go of the hand that was holding me.

The author has something to say:

Recommend a song: "Servant の心をつくってよ" (create my heart) by Ken Hirai

To some extent, it can be regarded as Wu Zi's mood.

(PS: This song is the theme song of "Doraemon: Nobita's Great Adventure in Antarctic Ice and Snow")