1921

Saturday, November [-]th cloudy to light rain

Although we talked with Ye Aichen and we became lovers, but——

But I don't know how to get along with Ye Aichen!

How do I usually get along with Ye Aichen?Can't remember.All I know is that now I receive a message from him, hear him say a word, or even walk by his side, and I feel very happy and embarrassed.

I don't want to use the word shy.

Although it is true.

Yesterday was fine, we went to class separately, and then I went to work part-time, and he also had his own things to do, and we rarely met each other, only at night when I went back, I had a face-to-face meeting, and then I went back to my room to sleep.But today, the two of us have a common meditation class, and after the end, we are free, and we spend more time together, and I start to feel nervous before going to class.

Ah... why am I still so anxious after our relationship is clear?

Maybe I'm still not confident enough.

I'm still worried about whether Ye Aichen really likes me.

Am I so useless, do I really deserve to be liked?

The phone vibrated, I glanced at the teacher who was talking on the podium, and unlocked it in the drawer, it was sent by Ye Aichen.I glanced at Ye Aichen suspiciously, opened it and read on.

"Do you want to go out together this afternoon?"

Go out with Ye Aichen?

I thought about it. If there is no emergency, I will always be free after the meditation class.I don't have anything else I want to do, going out with Ye Aichen is also a good choice.But... together with Ye Aichen...

Wanting to go with him, but not wanting to go with him, I hate myself for being ambiguous and indecisive.

"Ah."

Finally, I agreed.

No matter what, we are together now, I can't let Ye Aichen down with these thoughts.I have to get rid of these things quickly, and I can't moan about it.

After receiving the reply, Ye Aichen smiled at me, leaned towards me, and reached out to hold my hand under the table.Suddenly, I didn't know where to look. I could only stare blankly at the notebook in front of me, my heart was pounding, and I blushed.

What if someone else sees it?

I was thinking about this question in my heart, but I was reluctant to let Ye Aichen take his hand away.

His hands are really big and warm.

Because he had to take notes, Ye Aichen didn't hold it for long. After the teacher changed the two slides, he let go of his hand and picked up the pen to write.Suddenly losing that warmth, I feel relaxed and a little bit lost at the same time.

It would have been nice if it had been longer.

After lunch in the school cafeteria, Ye Aichen said to go home and rest for a while, and then go out after waking up.

There were a lot of students coming and going on the road. We walked side by side, with a punch distance between us. I could touch him by waving my hands a little wider.A flash of warmth, I really want it to stay in my palm and not leave.

When we got to the community and got into the elevator, it was just the two of us.The moment the elevator door closed, Ye Aichen stretched out his hand to rub my hair, smiled and squeezed my hand into his.I stroked my hair with the other hand, felt the warmth from Ye Aichen's heart, and leaned towards him unconsciously.

Turn on the air conditioner, draw the curtains, Ye Aichen asked me to have a good sleep, and said he would wake me up later.

I lay on the bed, looked sideways at the hand next to me, shook it, and pressed it to my face.Thinking of Ye Aichen's smile just now in the elevator, I pulled the quilt over my head and hid in the bed.

How could Ye Aichen smile so beautifully, it's too foul!

I don't have the habit of taking a nap, and with my cold feet, I thought I couldn't fall asleep.But it may be that the air conditioner in the room was turned on fully, or it may be that the quilt was thick enough, and my body gradually warmed up, and I fell asleep in a daze.When Ye Aichen knocked on the door and called me, I was still a little confused about the situation, and lay on the bed for a while, until I told myself that I had to go to class before I had to get up.Put on your clothes, open the curtains, stretch yourself, turn off the air conditioner, pack your schoolbag, pick up the mobile phone next to the bed and prepare to go to school.When I saw the [-]:[-]pm displayed on my phone, I panicked. I actually overslept and slept until the afternoon!Ruined!I don't know if there is roll call for the class in the morning?He hurriedly opened the door and ran out, seeing Ye Aichen standing in the living room, his head gradually came to his senses, remembering that he had attended class in the morning, and now he was going out with Ye Aichen.

I scolded myself for being stupid in my heart, went back to my room and put away my schoolbag, tidied it up, and then went out.

"Go and wash your face, I've put away the water." Ye Aichen said to me.

"Oh."

I went to the bathroom, went to the bathroom, washed my face, and made sure I was fully awake before going out.

Ye Aichen has packed up and is waiting for me at the porch.As I changed my shoes, I asked him where we were going.

"Didn't you say you wanted to watch a movie? Let's go to the movie first, then have a meal and go shopping. Is there anything you want to buy?"

"I haven't thought of it yet."

"It's okay, I'll watch and think about it when the time comes."

We bought popcorn and drinks and sat down in the middle of the screening room.

"There are so few people." There were only a few here and there, I counted them, and with Ye Aichen and me, there were only five people.

"Is there a feeling that we have reserved the venue?" Ye Aichen asked me as he put popcorn between us.

"Yes." I inserted the milk tea straw and took a sip, "Is this movie not good? Why are there so few people?"

"The score is not bad, it should be just that people's schedules are different, and there are probably more people at night." Ye Aichen said.

"Oh."

What Ye Aichen and I watched was a comedy animation - "Penguins of Madagascar". In fact, I thought Ye Aichen would choose an American blockbuster or something, but I didn't expect him to choose this one.

"Take it easy on comedy," he said.

I'm not used to eating while watching a movie in the theater, so although I bought popcorn, I didn't eat a few bites, only occasionally when the plot tends to be flat, I think of eating two bites.I reached out to grab the popcorn and unexpectedly caught a hand.I quickly retracted my hand, but was caught by that hand.Ye Aichen spread out my hand and wrote something on the palm of my hand with his fingers.I habitually wanted to look down, but because the entire auditorium was only brightly lit on the screen, I couldn't see what was written clearly. I had to follow his strokes with my heart and imagine what words he wrote in my mind. .

He first drew with his index finger.

１？

Then another click, then a circle, a hook, and a spiral.

[-]? [-]?What's next?

At the end is a semicircle.

what exactly is it?

My other hand followed his movements, and after writing what Ye Aichen wrote twice, I suddenly understood, and fireworks exploded in my head.

I turned my head away from looking at him.

Ye Aichen didn't let go of my hand, but clasped his fingers with mine, holding the words we just wrote firmly in our hands, and he didn't let go until the light came on at the end of the film.

We went to a place not far from the cinema to eat the steak buffet. Unexpectedly, there were quite a lot of people, and we waited in line for a long time before entering.This is a pirate-style restaurant. Ye Aichen and I chose a seat in the middle to sit down. There are various partitions around to divide the area, making it less monotonous.

I think Ye Aichen and I didn't take much, but when we ate and went out, I felt very full.In my perception, no rice is not really full, but this time it was really too full, so that I walked around the shopping mall with Ye Aichen for a long time before I digested it a little.The two of us kept going around that area like fools, and we could be seen again after a while in the places we had been.

Ye Aichen asked me if there was anything I wanted to buy, but I didn't think of it after walking around a few times, so I shook my head.Ye Aichen pulled me into a life department store, and under the guidance of the salesperson, I made a selection and bought a hot water bottle.

Without a purchase target, the two of us headed home in no time.Halfway through the bus, it started to rain lightly.After getting off the car, Ye Aichen and I ran into the community and got into the elevator. When we got home, Ye Aichen wiped himself with a towel and urged me to take a shower.

Although the rain in November was light, it was also very freezing. I took a shower and changed Ye Aichen every now and then.Ye Aichen came out covered in steam, and asked if I wanted to watch TV for a while.

I had nothing to do, so I turned on the TV, nestled on the sofa and waited for Ye Aichen.Ye Aichen came out of the room, hugging a quilt, and holding the hot water bottle he just bought in his hand.He covered me with the quilt, then got in himself, and stuffed the hot water bottle into my arms.

"Your hands are always cold, and you will use them to cover your hands in the future."

I hugged the hot water bottle, and my heart became warm.

I put the hot water bottle between us, "You can hold it too."

"Use it, I just took a shower, it's not cold." Ye Aichen said.

"Oh."

It was raining non-stop outside the window, and the rustling sound came in faintly through the glass.The variety show on TV is currently performing a funny game session, and the host is explaining to his heart's content.Ye Ai sat beside me, covered with the same quilt as me, leaning on the sofa looking happily.Holding the hand warmer in my arms, the peace, serenity and happiness felt unreal.

I thought I would never have such a life in my life, but Ye Aichen helped me realize it.

It would be great if this warmth could last a lifetime.

It would be great if Ye Aichen could be by my side forever.

With my hands wrapped around my knees, I buried my face in the quilt, leaving only one pair of eyes watching the TV.The surroundings were so warm, and the TV programs were so joyful, but my heart felt inexplicably sad, as if a hole had been opened, and the cold wind was blowing straight in from there, making my heart cold.

Obviously feel very happy, but can't help but become pessimistic, fantasizing about the future that hasn't come yet.I couldn't help but think what if one day Ye Aichen doesn't want to be with me anymore?What if he thinks I'm not as good as he thinks?What if one day in the future the adult finds out about our relationship and makes him leave me?What should I do in case he gets bored?

If even he abandons me, then I...

I dare not think about it, the more I think about it, the more desperate I become.

I hate my sentimentality, I hate my worthless thoughts, the more I hate it, the more I feel that I am worthless at all, and I don't deserve Ye Aichen's kindness to me.

I took a deep breath silently, trying to spit out the emotions of moaning, self-pity and worrying about gain and loss in my heart, but instead my eye sockets became sore and hot.

Really, too useless.

I lowered my head and buried my face in the quilt, clenching my teeth, not to let myself be defeated by this fragility.

If Ye Aichen saw it, he would think I was crazy.

Fortunately, the lights in the living room had been turned off long ago, only the light of the TV screen was on, so he probably wouldn't have noticed.

I won't let him find out.

"Are you sleepy?" Ye Aichen's voice came from above his head.

I rubbed my face against the quilt, then lifted it up a little bit, and nodded, not letting him see my expression at the moment.

"Go to sleep then."

The surrounding was suddenly empty, Ye Aichen stood up to turn on the headlights, turned off the TV, and then walked over to take the quilt back.I put the hot water bottle in my hand aside, stuffed the quilt into his arms for him, and put on his shoes to turn off the light in the living room after he walked into the room.

Walking to the door of the room, Ye Aichen came out from the next room and stood in front of me.

"Wu Zi, what happened?" Ye Aichen asked me tentatively.

In the whole house, there is only the light from Ye Aichen's half-closed door, and the rest of the house is dark.Before I could turn on the light in my room, Ye Aichen stopped me, and the hand that was on the switch didn't press it down, so I took it back.Ye Aichen standing in front of me blocked most of the lights behind him, but I still didn't dare to look at him.

I shook my head and said nothing.

There was no sound in the quiet room, and the air seemed to be still.After a long time, I heard Ye Ai's faint sigh.

"Wu Zi," he said, "I hope you can tell me something, don't be alone." He was silent for a while, "Aren't we lovers? I hope you can just rely on me a little , exercising the rights of lovers."

I was very conflicted. On the one hand, I wanted to exercise the right of a lover to tell Ye Aichen about my cowardly thoughts as Ye Aichen said. On the other hand, I didn't want Ye Aichen to see my unbearable side. Afraid that he will be disappointed and disgusted.The two sides are fighting and I don't know which one to choose.

"It's okay if you don't want to say it, I'll wait for the day you are willing to tell me. Promise me, don't make yourself too tired." Ye Aichen touched my head, "Okay, aren't you sleepy? Go to sleep."

Ye Aichen turned back to his room, and I reached out and grabbed the corner of his clothes.

I know that Ye Aichen is taking care of my mood, he is caring about me.He has never forced me to do anything, and every time he finds that I am unwilling, he will give up immediately, and even help me reject other people.He has always been so kind and gentle to me.Is it okay for me to rely on him a little bit?

Ye Aichen turned around and stood where she was, without urging me, just waiting quietly.

I knew he was waiting for me to sort out my emotions.

"Ye Aichen, why...why do you like me?" I hoarsely asked the question that has been haunting my mind for a long time, "I am neither good-looking, nor outstanding, and I am not good at anything. I am not worthy of your liking at all." The place."

"In fact, I already fell in love with you when I came to my senses. What you said is indeed a favorable condition for one person to have a good impression of another person, but what I like is you, not what It is external conditions that make me like you. In my eyes, you are very good, very good, and the best person I know." After a few seconds, Ye Aichen replied seriously.

"But..." I want to refute, it's because he hasn't met anyone better, and the me in his eyes is completely different from the real me, I'm not the good person he said.

"Compared to people I haven't met in the future, I believe that I know more about this matter with people I have known for 13 years. We have gone through 11 years together, except for the two years apart, the 11 years It's been enough time for me to know you, just like you know me. These [-] years have told me that you are a very good person, and I also believe that you are my one. So, Wu Zi, you can be a little more confident a little."

"You don't understand...you don't know what kind of person I am..." I whispered more and more quietly, my voice choked up, "I have a lot of bad emotions and pessimistic thoughts, all you know is It's just me on the surface...I'm actually, really bad...you'll hate me if you know..."

If Ye Aichen knew the real me, he would definitely stay away from me.

Instead of knowing to leave in the future, it is better to tell him before it starts, so that I should be able to return to my life alone, and I should be able to go on alone.

As if a certain switch had been turned on, I gave up and uttered all the dark me, the timid me, and the sensitive and thoughtful me.

"...When I saw the girl next to you before, I was actually very jealous. I was worried that you would be snatched away by her. I even wanted to hide you. Only I know where it is. I treat you as a I am the only one, so I also think that you are the only one in my heart. But I know that you do not belong to me, but I still think that way. At that time, I didn’t find that I like you, but I already thought so. When I found myself After liking you, this kind of thinking is even worse. How can I be so selfish and ask you to be mine alone?

"...You say I'm good, but I'm not good at all. Sometimes I get tired of being entrusted with things by others. It's obvious that others trust me as a friend, but I complain to them in my heart , I hate them, and sometimes I want to avoid them. I am not sincere at all when I treat my friends like this. If I am really as good as you say, how can I have such thoughts about my friends? I don’t even have the most basic sincerity I can't do it, and I don't deserve to be their friend at all.

"...I'm not motivated at all, and I just think about fooling around all day. I know I can't do this, I know I'm alone and I have to work hard, but I still indulge myself. On the one hand, I want to be independent. On the other hand, I still rely on my family. But, obviously I hate that home, and obviously that home is no longer my home, but I... I still shamelessly regard it as my last retreat. However, I have no retreat at all. ...I've obviously been left behind...

"Ye Aichen, do you know? I'm really happy when you say you like me, because I thought I could finally have a family. But, do you really like me? Will you really not leave me? In the future What if your family finds out? Can the two of us really make it to the end? Will you get bored of me? Will my rewards not be equal to yours? I am full of these questions, knowing that I should believe You, but I still can't help but worry. You let me be more confident, but I can't be confident... You are so outstanding, so dazzling, how can I be worthy of you when I am so humble?

"I... I... I have nothing... Do you know? Ye Aichen... If even you have to leave in the end, what should I do? I..."

Like many years ago, I couldn't go on talking and just kept crying.

Unpromising as always.

I knelt down and covered my face.

In fact, I still have a lot to say, but I can't go on.I don't know if Ye Aichen can understand the fear in my heart, after all, I always fail to convey my meaning.I don't know if he can accept me like this, after all, the real me is so unbearable.

I yearn for those warm and beautiful things, because I am in a dark abyss, so even if there is only a little bit, I want to try my best to grasp it.I know that it is dangerous to think like this, because it is easy to go to extremes and cause irreparable consequences.I don't want to let myself become like this, but I can't stop my desire for light.

I also want to treat life positively and become the same person as Ye Aichen, but I can't help but be pessimistic and negative in my heart.

I always thought that I just need to listen, but now I realize that I actually have a lot to say, and I have a lot of grievances, sadness, confusion and want to tell others.Some things, once realized, are very difficult to change back to the way they were.The chaotic emotions in my heart were crowded in my heart like a bank burst, but I could only sob, unable to speak in tune.

Seeing me like this, Ye Aichen should be very disappointed.

It's over for the two of us...

I buried my only warmth with my own hands.

Deserve it.

Her trembling body was hugged into her arms, Ye Ai knelt on the ground and hugged me, her chest vibrated slightly.

"I'm sorry, it's my fault. I was so happy to be with you, but I didn't realize that you have so much anxiety and panic. If I could be more careful, I wouldn't make you so sad. I'm sorry, Azusa. "Ye Aichen patted my back lightly, and slowly said to me: "I'm very happy that you are willing to be jealous for me, which means you like me too. Just like you said, you want me to take your As my only one, I also want you to regard me as your only one. Xiao Zi, do you believe it? You have always been the unique existence in my heart, no matter in the past, present, or future."

"No one is perfect. People have all kinds of emotions. No matter how good a friend is, there will always be something that will be overlooked. So having negative emotions towards friends is not a big deal, nor is it It’s as insincere as you said. There will always be some small frictions and gaps between people. What we can do is to ensure the sincerity of the relationship. If there is dissatisfaction, we can communicate with the other party. Maybe the other party does not realize that he makes you unhappy. , so you need to tell him/her.

"We are all learning to grow, and no one will be smooth sailing. It doesn't matter if you can't walk alone, you can walk together. When you can't walk, I will push you behind, drag you, even if you use all kinds of martial arts It will also lead you to the future. You don’t want to rely on that home, it’s okay, you can rely on me, I will always be your retreat. You don’t have nothing, you have me. And I have you. You want Your home is already here, right? You see, you are here, I am here, we are together, this is our home."

"In the past, you may have been alone, but in the future, you will no longer be alone. You have me, and we will go down this road together. Don't worry, I will never let go of your hand, never will .So, can we be together?"

……

Ye Ai spoke softly in my ear, the hole in my heart seemed to be gradually plugged up, the cold wind blowing inside was also discharged from the body through tears, and gradually became warmer.

I saw that lonely child hiding in the corner slowly disappearing, and I thought, I can also get happiness.

Because, here is Ye Aichen.

Because, we are in this together.

The author has something to say:

It would be great if I could convey Wu Zi's mood a little bit.