PS. 1437

五

Three days later, Mom's funeral.

When I opened my eyes in the morning, I felt that the air was very heavy.

After Xiaojie knocked on the door, he opened it and walked to my bed.

"What's wrong?" I lay on the bed and looked at him.

"I miss Mommy so much." He sat down next to my bed.

"Me too." I said, looking at the ceiling.

Then neither of us spoke.

I heard Jay sobbing and felt my cheeks wet.

After a while, I got out of bed, sat next to Jay, and rested my head on his shoulder.

"Sister, Mommy is fine now, isn't she?" He asked me in a thick nasal voice.

I nodded.

"It's good that she will bless us, isn't it?" he asked again.

I nodded.

"But I miss her so much, I really want to see her smile at me again, just one more time..." Xiaojie buried his head between his knees, like a helpless child.

"Xiaojie, Mommy's smile is always in your heart, isn't it? When you close your eyes, you will see it, have you forgotten?" I sat beside him and whispered to myself listen.

The two of us sat on the ground like this, weeping quietly until my cell phone rang.

It's from the etiquette company.Tell us they are going to the hospital now.

We got up silently, washed and washed silently, got dressed silently, got into a taxi and went to the hospital silently, neither of us said much.

At the entrance of the hospital, I actually saw the familiar 911.

As we got out of the car, I saw the teacher get out of the car in an all black suit.

"Teacher? Why are you here?" Xiaojie spoke before me.

"I calculated the time, and I think you should come to the hospital by this time." The teacher said.

"Doesn't the teacher have class today?" I asked again.

"I just didn't have class today, so I came here because I was worried about you two." She answered me.

"I'm really sorry, I asked the teacher to run again." I looked at the teacher and said.

"Don't worry about it, go to your business first, I will wait here, and then we will go to the funeral home together." The teacher urged us.

After Xiaojie and I nodded, we went to the morgue of the hospital.

"It's a lifeless cold." The words came to my mind as I pushed open the mortuary door.

It's November now, and the recent weather is a typical autumn tiger. The sun hanging high in the sky makes people have the illusion that it's still summer.But in this space, it seems to be so cold that even time can condense... Probably because it is a time and space without a trace of life.

The people from the hospital and the etiquette company skillfully helped my mother to tidy up her appearance and change her clothes. The two of us watched quietly. Until the end, I walked up to Xiaojie and helped my mother put on her favorite dress. earrings.

Then watched the staff put Mom into the coffin.

The moment the coffin was closed, I felt the sound, which was so soft that there was almost no sound, resounding in my heart like thunder.

I think that will be the most unforgettable voice in my life.

When we followed the coffin out of the hospital, the first thing we felt was the dazzling sunlight, which was in sharp contrast to the cold atmosphere just now. We all put on the sunglasses that we were going to cover our eyes at the same time.

We watched the coffin get into the car.

The next thing I saw was her still glaring figure wearing sunglasses.

"Are you okay?" the teacher stepped up to us and asked.

We nod.

"Let's go, I'll drive you there." After the teacher finished speaking, she led us to her car.

In the car, we did not speak.

Today is not a day for chatting, at least not yet.

The subsequent procedures were all carried out mechanically, and I was in a state of dissociation, completely unaware of what I was doing, just listening to the instructions from my ears, acting like a puppet.

When will I come back to my senses?The moment before Mom was to be cremated.

But I was not particularly excited. There were many relatives and friends crying in my ears, but Xiaojie and I were calmer than anyone else. Maybe in their eyes, we two are very cold.

I don't know what Xiaojie is thinking, I just feel that the whole person is taken out, is it because I hide my feelings and emotions?It wasn't until my mother's coffin was engulfed by raging flames that I suddenly felt unprecedented sadness. It seemed that all the sadness and tears gushed out from the bottom of my heart like a tsunami at that second. What does it feel like to fall? I only felt that my eyes went dark, my body lost all strength, my center of gravity was unstable, and my body fell backwards. I thought I couldn't hold on anymore.

"Come on!" The teacher supported me from behind and whispered in my ear.

"Sister, you still have me." Xiaojie realized that something was wrong with me, and leaned over to help me up from the other side.

With the support of the two of them, I barely survived the whole process, until the teacher gently wiped my cheeks with toilet paper, and I realized that I had already burst into tears.

"You, learn to be sensitive to your emotions, don't just know your reason from beginning to end." On the way we were going to the cemetery, the teacher said while driving.

This seemed to be the first time I saw a worried expression on the teacher's face.

Finally, the difficult day is over.When the sun is about to set.

We stood silently in front of my mother's grave, without saying a word, just standing.

"Xiaojie, let's fill this side with bellflowers another day." After the silence, I said.

"Okay." Xiaojie reached out and took my hand.

From now on, the two of us will depend on each other for life.

"If you need my help, just tell me, you know?" the teacher said standing behind us.

I nodded.

"Xiaojie, you know your sister's personality better than I do. If there is anything, you can tell me, okay?" The teacher looked at Xiaojie.

"Okay, I see, thank you teacher." Xiaojie said with a smile.

I know, Xiaojie has grown up.

A few days after Mom left, I was still worried about Xiaojie.Since he was a child, he has always been a brother who followed me, would fall down after running, and always needed my care.And my mother always told me to take good care of Xiaojie.

I always feel that I have to take care of him. He is a younger brother who needs my care.

But before we all found out, time has quietly changed all of this.His frail body turned into a strong shoulder that could block the wind when I wasn't paying attention; his face holding a Mandarin math textbook and asking me questions turned into deep and steady eyes when I was busy with my homework .

He seems to have changed from a younger brother to a family member who can take care of me.

I think, I really don't have to worry about him, but I should think about myself.

"Sister, can I tell you something?" He said suddenly before getting into the teacher's car.

"Say it." I looked at him.

"It seems terrible to say that, but I feel a sense of relief." Xiaojie said with a little guilt.

"I understand, I actually feel the same way... It seems that the ease of one thing is really over." I said with a smile.

"Let's go, let's go eat." The teacher said.

"This time I finally followed." Xiaojie smiled.

The time I spend with the teacher seems to be inseparable from eating. I am also at the dining table, and the teacher's "net worth investigation" reveals a lot of things.

But I have to admit, I really enjoyed my time with my teachers.

What should I do to get closer to the teacher?I really want to know.

That's what you call "possessiveness," right?I want to "monopolize" the teacher.

Looking at the side face of the teacher driving, I figured out what I was thinking, but I didn't feel happy at all. Instead, I had a strong desire to escape.

Maybe run away and the feeling will go away.

It is impossible for me to "monopolize" the teacher.This feeling should not arise.

I decided to gradually distance myself from the teacher before I got deeper and deeper.

It's hard to do, but I have to.

I forced myself to look away from the teacher's face, looking at the swiftly moving street scene outside the window, and wondering what the hell I was going to do next.

After a while, we arrived.

"Sister, I will help you get the teacher's phone number today." Before the teacher came to our side, Xiaojie quickly whispered such a sentence in my ear.

I stared at him with wide eyes.

Please don't, I just made up my mind to keep my distance.I said in my heart.Of course Xiaojie didn't hear it.

During that meal, I was nervous from the very beginning, trying to find a chance to tell Xiaojie not to have a dick, but I didn't have the chance.

Most of the time, the two of them are talking, and I just listen quietly. In the group, I always play the role of sitting quietly and listening to everyone’s speech. It’s not that I’m particularly autistic, but I just like it On the side, observing everyone, the changes in expression, tone of voice, and body movements.

I didn't get a chance to talk to Xiaojie until the teacher went to the bathroom.

"You don't want a cock, you know?" I said.

"How can I not care about you, mother-in-law?" He asked me.

"I don't have anything to do with the teacher, so no need." I looked at him and said.

"How do you know if you haven't tried it? Don't give up before you start." He said seriously.

"The expectation is great, but the disappointment is also great, isn't it?" I honestly said my thoughts, and I knew Xiaojie could understand.

"What are you afraid of? Even if there is nothing wrong with it, it would be nice to have a good teacher," he said.

"Oh, but humans are greedy animals..." I protested.

"Sometimes greed can be a driving force for progress." He said so suddenly, it sounded like nonsense.

"It's better...you're just talking nonsense." I said angrily.

"What are you two talking about?" The teacher's voice suddenly appeared.

"Oh, no... just some trivial housework." I quickly played stupid.

"Yeah, is that okay? Housework." The teacher asked.I don't know if it's my illusion, I seem to see a trace of disappointment on the teacher's face...it must be because I am too tired, I told myself so.

"Very good, the two of us have always agreed, so we talk about everything very quickly." Xiaojie answered, deliberately emphasizing the words "very much agreed".

"Oh, that's good. I'll take you home. My eyes are almost closed when I see Yunxian." The teacher said with a smile.

"Yunxian... Teacher, you can just call her girl, everyone calls her that. I'm really not used to hearing her name all of a sudden." Xiaojie is really a bitch.

"Can you?" The teacher looked at Xiaojie and then at me.

"It's okay, it's been my nickname since I was a child." I said.

The teacher smiled.

"By the way, can I ask the teacher's phone number?" Xiaojie said suddenly.

"It's okay if the teacher finds it inconvenient to give." I continued.

"No, it will be easier for you to find me if you need help with anything." The teacher said, and then read out her mobile phone.

Xiaojie glanced at me, took out his mobile phone and wrote it down, and I had to follow the same action.

In this way, my dear brother helped me get the teacher's mobile phone number.

"Oh, by the way, can you come to my lab tomorrow at five o'clock in the afternoon? I'll give you some TOEFL and GRE materials, take them back and have a look, and tell me what you want to do. Get your English test done." Before we got out of the car, the teacher stopped me suddenly.

"Oh yes, I forgot. Thank you teacher, I will be there tomorrow." I really forgot all about it, but fortunately the teacher reminded me.

"Teacher, do you want to sit down?" Xiaojie asked.

The teacher looked at me and smiled meaningfully.She must have thought of the first time she came to the house, it was a recreational smile.

"No need, you two go to bed early, thanks for your hard work." The teacher said with a smile.

The two of us were at the door together, watching the taillights of the 911 disappear from sight before going upstairs.

What a tiring day.