under fern mountain

That night, Shi Ran kept his eyes open in the room until the wee hours of the morning.It wasn't until the bedroom door opened a crack, a familiar smell came in, and Pei Haojie went to the other side of the bed, that Shi Ran fell into a drowsy sleep.

Neither of them slept well.Shi Ran fell into a drowsy sleep, and was constantly awakened by the sound of wind and rain and the sound of turning over. Even in a dormant state, anxiety and impetuous emotions were still lingering.Pei Haojie, on the other hand, had dreams one after another, and those dreams were dark and heavy, one after another, almost devouring her soul.

The next day, Shi Ran woke up naturally before seven o'clock, while Pei Haojie slept until noon.Shi Ran called him halfway, but he either couldn't wake up or couldn't wake up at all.

It wasn't until 12:30 that Shi Ran's order of takeaways arrived that Pei Haojie woke up to the sound of the door opening.He had a splitting headache, as if he hadn't slept all night.

The bedroom door was not closed tightly, it was ajar.In the narrow vision, Shi Ran gently put the takeaway on the coffee table, then squatted down, and started to take out all the things that were packed last night.He didn't have any special expression, and his movements were small, and he handled it lightly, as if he was afraid of waking someone up.

Pei Haojie realized that even though the two broke up unhappy yesterday, Shi Ran should still be looking forward to today's outing.He started preparing for dinner last night, and he hasn't even given up this morning.He was looking at the afternoon, and the people inside hadn't woken up yet, so he realized that he couldn't go today.

His expression was calm, strangely without the unhappiness after splashing cold water, but Pei Haojie felt sore and soft in his chest.

He wanted to say something, but just as he opened his mouth, Shi Ran closed the box.He raised his head as if feeling something, and met Pei Haojie's eyes through the gap.

Shi Ran didn't say anything, just carried the box and disappeared into the gap.

Regarding this outing, the two tacitly kept silent.

In the afternoon, Shi Ran was preparing the company's materials, and Pei Haojie was working in the game room. It was obviously a weekend, and the two of them were busy with their own tasks, so they could go on for hours without saying a word.

In the evening, Shi Ran cooked the meal and offered Pei Haojie the soup, but the atmosphere no longer melted away as easily as before.The two of them were eating the food in their bowls, chatting with each other from time to time, mostly around the topic of food.

The air became heavier than before.

Shi Ran took the initiative to talk to Pei Haojie twice, both in very calm tones.While he was drinking tea and analyzing the conflicts and problems between the two of them, Pei Haojie sat opposite him smoking silently.

There are many abundant and rich emotions in his body, but he finds that no matter what he can't release them to Shi Ran.

"Your analysis is correct, precise, and correct." Pei Haojie said after listening.

Shi Ran was obviously choked, and didn't know how to answer: "Do you think there is something wrong?"

Pei Haojie shook her head, put out the cigarette, and leaned on the table to approach him: "There is nothing wrong. But of course, emotional problems can't be solved only by methods."

He bypassed Shi Ran and walked back to the room.

Shi Ran felt that Pei Haojie had become different from before.

In the past, no matter what Pei Haojie looked like in front of others, she was always clear water in front of Shi Ran, and she could see to the end at a glance. Now Pei Haojie has many emotions that Shi Ran can't understand.Shi Ran tried to have a frank talk with him several times, but Pei Haojie's attitude was not much different from the last conversation.Very cooperative and understanding, but nothing else.

Once when Shi Ran drank, he suddenly felt unbearable when he came home. He stormed into the room and turned off Pei Haojie's computer, forced him onto the bed, and had sex with him very forcefully.

When the climax was approaching, Shi Ran bit his shoulder hard, almost bleeding from the bite, and cried deliriously while saying, "Go to hell, go to hell, go to hell!"He couldn't even tell whether he was crying because of too strong pleasure or because of sadness.

Pei Haojie suddenly hugged Shi Ran who was biting and scolding tightly, his movements became fierce, and his eyes became sharp, as if he crawled out of that lifeless body for a moment.

It's a pity that Shi Ran was drunk.

He failed to understand what this meant.

When he got up in the morning, he remembered his embarrassment last night, and he didn't want to get out of bed for a long time.

When she walked out of the bedroom, Pei Haojie was frying eggs, humming a song, and seemed to be in a good mood.Shi Ran is like an eggplant beaten by frost, in stark contrast to Pei Haojie's state.

On the bed yesterday, his anger was completely defeated by Pei Haojie's desire.

"Leave after dinner." Pei Haojie quickly put fried eggs and toast on the table, and looked at him with a smile, "Did you sleep well?"

Shi Ran yawned and stared at him.

"Yesterday he was so aggressive that he wanted me to die." Pei Haojie said.

"I'm drunk, don't think about it." Shi Ran lowered her eyes.

Pei Haojie looked at him, and slowly restrained her smile.

Shi Ran made many attempts, thinking that he tried his best, but the situation was only bad or bad.If it was Pei Haojie, he would probably become more frustrated and courageous, but Shi Ran was not him after all. After being bruised several times, he lost confidence in himself.

He remembered many things from the past.Before he met Pei Haojie, he was never good at dealing with feelings.After the two got together, Shi Ran once asked Pei Haojie why he liked himself like this.

"Although it's clumsy, it's also very sincere." Pei Haojie touched his eyes at the time, "Your eyes are connected to your heart."

Five years later, Shi Ran stood in front of the mirror, touching his eyes, only seeing exhaustion and confusion from inside.

The two of them seemed to have entered a dead end, bumping into a wall no matter how they walked.They used to be dissolute and arrogant, but with their love for each other, everything they did was right and charming.Unlike now, both of them are cautious, walking on thin ice, but it seems that they still say everything wrong and do everything wrong.

They just live the life of lovers like two roommates.Even sometimes sitting together watching variety shows, we can watch for a long time without any communication.

After seeing the cold air and half-cold bed several times, Shi Ran signed up for the evening flower arrangement class at Cicada Room, from 07:30 to 09:30 every day.Tietou and Li Qing'er didn't know anything about their situation, but they were very welcome.

When Shi Ran casually mentioned this on an ordinary night, Pei Haojie just paused and said calmly that he knew.

The dispersal of time and energy did not make Shi Ran so anxious anymore.

It is said that the flower arrangement class teachers in Cicada Room were selected by Li Qing'er herself, and they are all teachers with many years of experience and sent to Japan for training.The atmosphere and rhythm of the class are just right, and Shi Ran obviously feels that a lot of burden and negative emotions are taken away every time.After class, Li Qing'er would occasionally invite him to sit in the tea room on the second floor to chat with him about the recent situation of the cicada room and the content of its management.She said that the income is not bad, even better than they imagined. Although it is not the best state yet, there is a lot of room for improvement.

"Tietou said, we leave the most important management here to you, and now he is taking over. When you come, I will kick him out!" Li Qing'er said with a smile, "Especially about tea, We don't know as much as you do."

Shi Ran was really moved this time, not just talking.

"I... can try it first, the full-time working hours during the day may not be available for the time being."

"It's okay, the time is flexible anyway." Li Qing'er said.

Around ten o'clock, Shi Ran returned home.

There was no one in the living room, the lights in the bedroom were on, but Pei Haojie was not in.

After Shi Ran changed his clothes and took a shower, he went to the game room to have a look, and found that Pei Haojie was sitting on the bay window with a brain wave reader, looking as if he had fallen asleep.

He walked slowly to the window sill, and stood in front of Pei Haojie, watching his face carefully.Pei Haojie was no longer what he was when he first met him, his outline seemed to be a little harder, more angular and masculine.

"I really don't know what you're thinking now." He remembered that Pei Haojie said that in the game, he was shielded from the five senses of the outside world, "I wasn't calm at all when I was analyzing with you. Actually, I looked at you, I was just thinking about how to jump up and bite you, and then kiss you, not playing cards according to the routine, and scaring you."

Shi Ran laughed to himself as he spoke: "Then you might blame me for my poor kissing skills...if it was before."

"But I didn't dare. I was afraid that you would look at me like a madman."

"Obviously we were both crazy before."

Shi Ran's hair was almost dry, he stood in front of Pei Haojie and talked a lot, and finally returned to the room wrapped in a towel.As soon as he put on the bedding, mental and physical sleepiness swept over him immediately, and he soon fell asleep.

If he suffered from insomnia that day, he would find that Pei Haojie hadn't come back all night.

When the horizon gradually brightened, Pei Haojie opened his eyes.The air on the bay window was cooler than inside the room, the curtains were not drawn, thin air was flowing, and the ice blue standby screen was reflected on Pei Haojie's face.He slowly took off the brainwave spectrum reader, and saw that the time was five in the morning.

Shi Ran told Pei Haojie that he wanted to go to the Cicada Room to help, Pei Haojie seemed to have expected it a long time ago, and was not very surprised.

"What about work? You still go to flower arrangement class every day."

"I won't take part in the course after this period. Let's see how the income is. If it's okay, then... I'll concentrate on this side."

"Very good." Pei Haojie said.

Shi Ran raised his eyes: "Also, last time we talked about looking at the house, when will you be free? Let's screen it and make an appointment to see it?"

"Okay, you can send it to me after screening, and I'll make an appointment." Pei Haojie said.

"Oh." Shi Ran lowered her head and did not speak.

Pei Haojie took the dishes and chopsticks of the two to the sink: "Go to work, I'll wash it later."

Since graduation, Shi Ran's work has never been easy.Tiredness, anxiety, and stress seem to have become a daily state.Tie Tou and Li Qing'er offered him a better choice, but Shi Ran was tempted by this choice because of his emotional difficulties.This is how people are. When one aspect cannot be satisfied, they will subconsciously find satisfaction on the other side to balance themselves.It's just that he didn't expect that when Pei Haojie supported him for so long, he couldn't make up his mind, but now it was their dead-end relationship that pushed him to make a decision.

Shi Ran handed in his resignation at the end of November.It was the boldest decision he had made in years.

The company tried to keep him twice, but Shi Ran's attitude was the same.After all, the relationship with his boss and colleagues has been there for so many years, and the company didn't make things difficult for him, and asked Shi Ran to leave after the end of the year for a handover.

This also means that he will be very busy at the end of this year, so the moving may have to be postponed again.

Pei Haojie was still the same.He is now earning more and more, and the rhythm is still busy. The two of them are getting along lukewarm, and it will soon be Christmas.

That night, after Shi Ran booked a restaurant with Pei Haojie for the next day, he fell asleep while thinking about what to buy for Christmas.

The winter in the north is dry and cold. Even if there is constant rain and snow, the air is so dry that static electricity can be rubbed everywhere.Shi Ran was so thirsty in the middle of the night that he was awakened by thirst. He stepped over Pei Haojie to get the water glass on the bedside table in a daze, and his fingers seemed to be scalded by something.

After Shi Ran finished filling the water in one breath, she subconsciously glanced down at the bedside lamp.

He couldn't fall back asleep after seeing it.

Pei Haojie closed his eyes, the brainwave spectrum reader composed of net-shaped metal sheets wrapped his head, and the slender silver cables hung down the window to under the bed.

Shi Ran lifted the sheet, and a host was quietly hidden under the bed.

He recognized this host, it was the one that Pei Haojie put away after he replaced it last year.

At this moment, the main unit flickers slowly and emits a faint light, echoing the switch light on the cable—like the slow breathing of a machine.

The author has something to say: Yesterday’s dialogue part was found to be a bit ambiguous, so I revised it, and interested friends can go back and read it