takeaway spoof

It's not lunch time yet, there are no takeaway orders, Zhang Ya is sitting in the restaurant in a daze, the more he thinks about what happened in the past few days, the angrier he gets.When he walked around to the gate of the police station just now, he hesitated for a while whether to go in. If he was asked why the suspect was at his house, would he be punished as harboring a criminal?Hold!Forget it, let's go back and drive him away directly, don't make trouble for yourself.

"Cuckoo! Cuckoo!"

At this time the phone rang, Zhang Ya thought it was the homeless man's call, and took out the phone angrily, but it was his girlfriend's call, but judging by the recent trends, he might soon become his ex-girlfriend .Zhang Ya was in a fit of anger, hung up the phone directly, and continued to be angry.If you become an ex-girlfriend, you can be an ex-girlfriend. The biggest trouble now is the homeless man at home. It's really bad luck for eight lifetimes!He touched the amulet in his wallet, took it out angrily, and put it back.

After delivering food for a day in a daze, Zhang Ya felt very tired after thinking about going back later and finding a way to drive away that scoundrel who was disgusting and perverted and died to the suspect homeless man.

As soon as the door was pushed open, the homeless man was still lying in his bed!

"Fuck off! Dirty my bed!" Angrily, Zhang Ya jumped over and lifted the quilt, picked up the pillow and swung it vigorously on him.

The homeless man curled up his thin body and shrunk to the corner of the bed, his cloudy one-eyed stared at Zhang Ya through the gap in his arm, and Zhang Ya felt a little nervous when he looked straight at it.

Fuck me!He doesn't want to kill me, right? You should talk to him at this time to divert his attention, right, right, that's how it's played on TV.

"Hey, you, what did you say that there was a ghost thinking about your upper body that night?" Zhang Ya took a step back, holding the pillow in his chest to his chest with some fear, then as if thinking of something, he threw the pillow on the ground in disgust .

"literal meaning."

"Then I've delivered so many takeaways, why am I still alright?"

"Your birth date is hard."

Zhang Ya froze for a moment, "Fuck! How do you know my birth date!"

"Check, check..."

"Are you looking up my birthday horoscope to find out if our horoscope is compatible?"

"Ah."

Zhang Ya broke out in a cold sweat now, it seemed that the target of this homeless man was himself, but unfortunately that day his colleague became a scapegoat.It's over, it's over, I'm going to die!Zhang Ya really didn't know what to do now, the cold air from the air conditioner made him feel even colder.Why don't you continue talking, right, right, divert his attention, and don't let him keep thinking about killing me.

"Well, I don't know your name yet..."

"Shen Rong..."

"Oh, Mr. Shen", the moment Zhang Ya blurted out this title, Zhang Ya himself was a little confused.This moment was terrible, the homeless man jumped straight at him, throwing him to the ground at once.

"Fuck! What are you doing!" After the homeless man threw Zhang Ya down, he leaned on him and kissed him. When Zhang Ya shouted, he even stuck out his tongue. How disgusting, "Oh...you stop...shut up", the homeless man was quite strong, Zhang Ya didn't push him away for a long time, his face was flushed from being kissed, and he had difficulty breathing.A few minutes later, the tramp, ah no, Mr. Shen finally let go of Zhang Ya, he straightened up, that cloudy one eye was still staring at him, Zhang Ya felt hairy.Zhang Ya immediately struggled to get up, retched and ran to the toilet to brush his teeth.

That night, Zhang Ya hit the floor in fear, but when he woke up the next day, he was on the bed again with that disgusting homeless man in his arms. Han's body is also cool.

"Damn it! Damn it!" Zhang Ya pushed him away with disgust on his face, shaking goosebumps all over the floor, retching, and went to wash his face and brush his teeth.

Being so tormented these past few days made Zhang Ya sleep very badly, he felt sleepy when delivering food, and almost got into a traffic accident in the afternoon.When it was time to go home at night, Zhang Ya was even more frowning. Thinking about that disgusting tramp, the tramp who wanted to kill him, and maybe even the tramp who wanted to fuck him, he was not happy at all. stand up.

"Don't you count your happiest when you get off work every day? Why are you crying every day?" A colleague joked with him, "Does your girlfriend ask you to go back and kneel on the washboard every day?"

"Bah! How can any woman want to live in that small rental house with me!"

Zhang Ya went back with an unhappy expression on his face. When he opened the door, the homeless man was still in his room, even wearing his clothes and sitting on his bed.

"Fuck! Do you want my clothes anymore! Go to whoever you like, don't let me disgust you!" Zhang Ya threw up the quilt angrily.

"Zhang Ya..."

"What...what are you doing?" Zhang Yaliu froze when he heard the man calling him.

As soon as the words were finished, Zhang Ya who walked to the bed was pulled by the homeless man and kissed him.The tramp pulled Zhang Ya down on the bed and wrapped his body around him so that he could not escape.

Hold!It's going to kill people!While Zhang Ya was thinking this way, he was kissed by the homeless man. The soft and slippery little tongue of the homeless man in his mouth gave him a strange pleasure. He also felt that the homeless man under him was pulling his clothes. kill! ?

Under Zhang Ya's struggle, the two of them rolled under the bedside lamp, and the light flickered to illuminate the horrible and disgusting face of the homeless man, so frightened Zhang Ya sat up all at once.

"Fuck! Die!"

Just as Zhang Ya straightened up, there was a hasty knock on the door.

"Damn Zhang Ya! I called you and you didn't answer!" Zhang Ya's girlfriend slammed the door untimely, "Open the door!"

"Wait, wait a minute!" Zhang Ya was straddling the homeless man at the moment, their clothes were disheveled, and their posture was very subtle. He was thinking of hiding the homeless man quickly when the door was kicked open.

"You!" His girlfriend looked at the two on the bed in shock, and Zhang Ya looked at her with the same expression.

"Damn it!" Accompanied by his girlfriend's scolding, a key hit Zhang Ya's face.

"Wait! Listen to my explanation!" Zhang Ya jumped up from the bed and chased him out.

"What are you explaining? We're all caught in bed! Let's break up!" His girlfriend threw Zhang Ya away and tried to hold her hand.

"No, I..." Zhang Ya was about to continue explaining, when he felt someone tugging at the hem of his clothes, when he turned his head, it was the homeless man who was also chasing him.

Zhang Ya angrily slapped off the three fingers that were pulling at the hem of his clothes, and shouted, "Get lost!"

"Hmph!" Seeing that they were still chattering, the girlfriend turned her head and left without hesitation.

"No, no, I'm not telling you to go away..."

"Squeeze out the rented house with your little boyfriend!" The sound of high heels falling on the floor became farther and farther away, and now it really became an ex-girlfriend.

emm...how should I explain to my mother...

Zhang Ya got angry, turned around and pushed the homeless man hard behind him, the homeless man fell to the ground with a bang, and almost fell down the stairs, seeing him curled up in the corner of the wall and raised his head, looked a little bit helpless Poor.Zhang Ya stared at him for a while, and finally closed the door with a bang, so angry, you just stay outside and get lost wherever you like!

Zhang Ya returned to the house, angrily tore off the sheets and quilts, and threw them into the trash can.He crouched angrily by the trash can and looked at the sheets and quilts inside, thinking that it would cost at least dozens of dollars to buy new ones, he frowned for a while, then he picked them up and threw them into the washing machine, and then washed them himself After taking a shower, I fell into bed and fell asleep.

At night, he felt a little cold, vaguely felt that there was something in his arms, and opened his eyes in a daze. The white thing in the darkness seemed to be the bandage on the tramp's body. Zhang Ya was so scared that he sat up all of a sudden, and focused his eyes. At first glance, it turned out that the embrace in his arms was a quilt.Zhang Ya pulled up the quilt and waded back, but his heart was still beating wildly, which kept him awake for a long time.He stared at the ceiling with his eyes open, and after a while he got up again to check whether the door was locked. He inserted the key into the lock hole, "I'll see how you pick the lock!"

At noon the next day, Zhang Ya packed his things and went to work to deliver food as usual. He hadn't slept so well in the past few days.Zhang Ya went out with a happy face, but the smile only lasted downstairs. When he saw the homeless man, the smile on his face froze.On the side of the building was a broken cardboard box picked up from no one knew where, and the homeless man huddled on top of it, with a black plastic bag wrapped around his head, and a hole was dug out for people to watch.

Fuck, you know how to hide your ugliness!Zhang Ya turned his head in disgust and rode away on his small battery, but within a few minutes, the small battery returned.

"Zhang..." Seeing that Zhang Ya had returned, the homeless man huddled by the wall tried to reach him while crawling forward.

Zhang Ya quickly passed the stairs with a look of disgust, and rushed upstairs. When he came down again, he had a broken cardboard box in his arms.

"Here! Take it and roll!" He angrily threw the cardboard box to the homeless man, and then rode away without looking back.

When Zhang Ya was about to go home in the evening, although it was raining and he got wet without an umbrella, he was still in a good mood. After all, he finally drove that disgusting homeless man out of the house, so happy!But when he walked downstairs, the corners of his mouth drooped immediately.

The tramp is still there!

Zhang Ya stood at the stairs, and the homeless man stared at each other for a while.

"Damn! Why are you still here! Why are you pestering me! Do I have a grudge against you!" The homeless man stretched out his hand to pull him again, making Zhang Ya very irritable, "Get out!"

"Woooooo~" The homeless man pretended to be sobbing pitifully, while tightly hugging Zhang Ya's leg, so that all the passing residents would take a look at him.

"Fuck!" Zhang Ya picked up the homeless man, picked up his broken cardboard box with the other hand, walked upstairs quickly, opened the door of the room and threw him to the ground, he grabbed the shoes by the door and raised his hand I just wanted to hit him hard.

The tramp shrank back, and Zhang Ya suddenly knelt down.

"Brother, Mr. Shen, I beg you, please let me go! I kowtow to you!"

The homeless man sat on the ground tilting his head and looked at him for a while, then tore off the black plastic bag on his head, moved to Zhang Ya's side, hugged Zhang Ya, and leaned his whole body into his arms.

"Fuck! Can't you understand human language! I'll let you go!" Zhang Ya pushed away, and with a bang, the homeless man fell backwards, hitting the back of his head straight on the tile floor.

"Hey..." Could it be that I'm dead now, God please let me go, Zhang Ya cautiously leaned over and poked the person lying on the ground, "Are you dead?"

The homeless man curled up into a ball on the floor beside the bed.

No way no way!Thinking of this, Zhang Ya stretched out his hand tremblingly to touch the back of the homeless man's head.

No bleeding, great!Zhang Ya slumped on the ground all of a sudden, "Do you have any family members? May I contact you?"

The homeless man curled up on the ground sat up, raised his head, and stared at Zhang Ya with his cloudy one-eyed.

"Brother, don't look at me like that, I didn't do it on purpose just now..." Zhang Ya's voice became softer and weaker, and he even lowered his head a little guilty.

Seeing this, the homeless man came over again, stretched out his arms to hug him, and patted his back lightly, "It's all right..."

"Get out if you're fine!" Seeing this, Zhang Ya pushed him away again, but this time with less force.

At night, Zhang Ya lay on the bed with new sheets, and let the homeless man who was still living in his house sleep on the floor.He tossed and turned on the bed, and when he opened his eyes, that homeless man really pissed him off, what a piece of shit Mr. Shen, who looks so shivering, with a few broken things in a broken cardboard box, do you still think he is a brother? , how funny!Are you sick in your head?She even wanted to rely on him!Even if he likes men, it's impossible for him to fall in love with such an ugly tramp, and he doesn't look in the mirror before going out to touch porcelain!

Thinking about this, Zhang Ya raised his eyes to look at the homeless man who was huddled on the ground, and met that one-eyed man, Zhang Yuan's spine shivered when he saw it, and he turned his back to look away from him.This would be countless, and he started to think wildly again, didn't he want to kill me?Now what does it mean to hang around?Do you really want to rape first and then kill?What kind of shit is this? It's so annoying!Go to bed and go to sleep, and I will deliver food tomorrow!

When Zhang Ya woke up again, the homeless man crawled onto his bed again.

"Hold!"