takeaway spoof

"Hey, your takeaway, please come out and get it!"

This evening, Zhang Ya’s takeaway order was at a shop on the second ring road opposite the unfinished building last time. After delivery, he wanted to ride a small battery and run as fast as possible. The battery heard a scream coming from the direction of the unfinished building, the heart-piercing sound seemed to be screaming out his lungs, Zhang Ya panicked, and quickly activated the small battery to deliver the next takeaway.During the delivery, the mobile phone flashed the news that someone jumped from the unfinished building. The time was not long after he heard the scream just now. The pictures were all mosaic. Through the screen, he could imagine how miserable the person died. .But when I went home to watch it again at night, the news was gone.

Zhang Ya stared at the homeless man sitting in the room for a while, and asked, "Hello!"

The tramp responded by squinting at him with one eye.

"The unfinished building died again today, did you know?"

"Well, the XXth."

"What!?" Zhang Ya jumped over and grabbed the homeless man's T-shirt collar, thinking that it was his own clothes, he let it go with some distress, "You make it clear, or I will vote you in soon Go to the bureau!"

"It's okay," the hoarse voice of the homeless man paused, "It's nothing to do with you anyway..."

"□□Mom! Tell me clearly!" Zhang Ya ignored his T-shirt and shook the homeless man vigorously back and forth.

"There is an array downstairs, and it will stop after 49 people die..."

"Then a bunch of people are going to die!? Fuck! You said you asked me to go there to deliver food, do you want me to die too!"

"I didn't find that formation at the time, or I would call you to deliver food elsewhere..."

"Then kill me somewhere else? Get out! Let me tell you, I don't have any spare money to support you!"

"It's okay, I don't eat, it doesn't cost you money."

Zhang Ya stared at him with wide eyes, "Are you cultivating immortals or becoming spirits!?"

The two looked at each other for a while, and the homeless man didn't know what he was thinking, so he leaned over and kissed Zhang Ya.

"Is it disgusting!" Zhang Ya pushed him away in disgust, but the homeless man refused to let go of him.

Zhang Ya struggled to stand up, trying to push the homeless man away, but fell down on the bed with him instead. The homeless man was really strong, and Zhang Ya couldn't get up under his pressure.After the homeless man pressed him on the bed, he started sticking out his tongue to lick his lips, Zhang Ya saw that purple sticky tongue trying to get into his mouth repeatedly, his whole body felt bad.

"Open your mouth!"

Zhang Ya realized some kind of crisis, stretched out an arm to tightly cover his mouth, hum, no opening, no opening.

The homeless man stared at him with one eye, stretched out his hand and twisted Zhang Ya's waist fiercely, Zhang Ya screamed in pain, and with this opening of his mouth, the homeless man's soft and slippery little tongue took the opportunity to stick out. It got into his mouth, and even started to pick off Zhang Ya's clothes. Zhang Ya's pullover T-shirt was pushed up to his chest, exposing his entire chest and belly.Zhang Ya felt very bad, it was over, this guy really wanted to fuck me, raped first and then killed!what to do!Zhang Ya instantly filled his mind with ghost stories about the beautiful female ghost who seduced passing young men one after another in the dark night and sucked their spirits dry.

The tramp's tongue hooked Zhang Ya's tongue in Zhang Ya's mouth for a while, then finally pulled it out, and now it was on Zhang Ya's chest again.Zhang Ya was hardened by his tossing, but he couldn't push him away.

"Did you miss me?" The hoarse voice rang in my ear again.

Zhang Ya trembled all over, took the opportunity to turn over and rolled off the bed, and took two steps to the door as if fleeing for his life, but he was pulled back before his hand reached the doorknob.At some point, the bedside lamp was turned off, and Zhang Ya in the darkness only felt that he was really going to be cold at this moment, and he regretted not being cruel enough to drive him out.

The homeless man wrapped Zhang Ya tightly with his hands and fell backward on the bed, turned him over again, then wrapped his legs around Zhang Ya, and took out his hands to caress Zhang Ya's face carefully.

"If you want to die, give me a happy death..."

Before Zhang Ya finished speaking, the homeless man stuck out his tongue and licked his lips again and again.Zhang Ya desperately propped up his upper body on the bed with both hands, panting and met the eyes of the person below him.

"You don't remember me at all..."

"What kind of hatred and what kind of resentment you say clearly, let me die to understand!"

The homeless man stretched out his hand tremblingly to caress his cheek, that cloudy one eye reflected a little bright moonlight, and there was an emotion that Zhang Ya couldn't express.Suddenly the hands shrank, and Zhang Ya was embraced into the cold embrace again, "No way, how could I be willing to let you die..." The homeless man's voice was very thin and soft at this time. In Zhang Ya's ear, it seemed to be talking to himself.

"I...I really don't know you", Zhang Ya only felt that it was very cold now, not only because the homeless man's body was cold, but also his heartbeat was the only one in the chest where the two were close to each other.Could it be that she had some grievances with him before she was alive, and turned into a walking corpse to seek revenge after death! ?

"I've been looking for you for a long time..." The homeless man didn't want to let go at all.

"Big, big brother, listen to me, when is the time for retribution, why don't you all look away..."

The homeless man was silent for a while, and then said again, "I can't let go, I've long been used to you being with me and protecting me..."

No!I'm not!I don't!I have never done anything!If not calling 110 is considered protecting you, then should I ask Taoist monks to take your body temperature and heartbeat away?Zhang Ya shouted in his heart, but he didn't dare to say what was in his heart, "Okay, then, let's sleep, this position is not, uncomfortable."

"Okay", the corpse tramp finally loosened his legs and let go of Zhang Ya.

Just as Zhang Ya was about to get up, the homeless man seemed a little worried and wanted to grab him, "Well, Mr. Shen, Mr. Shen..."

The zombie tramp stopped moving.

"I, I'm going to wash my face and brush my teeth before I come back to sleep. Wait, wait for me."

"it is good."

The dangerous person finally lay down obediently, paid attention to his mobile phone and went to the bathroom secretly, he closed the door, squatted inside trembling and flipped through contacts, and finally decided to send a message to a buddy who used to hang out with.

Brother Kun, help!

Zhang Ya turned on the faucet, brushed his teeth, washed his face, and waited for a reply.

What's wrong, brother, did your wife punish you for kneeling on the washboard, or are you out of money?

no no no!There is someone in my family who wants to kill me!He said he had a grudge against me long ago, and he came to seek revenge!

Brother, this is your fault. If you do something wrong, let others accompany you. You can’t kowtow and pretend to be pitiful. People’s hearts are full of flesh. If he kills you, he will go to jail, right? Why bother?

No, Brother Kun!That enemy is, is a living corpse! !

Hold!You are out of your mind!Did you take drugs today?

no!Brother Kun, you have to trust me!

Alright, alright, give me a good apology, if it doesn’t work, you can call 110, that’s it, don’t talk, my little baby is still waiting for me

Zhang Ya finished brushing his teeth with difficulty, he looked at himself in the mirror, it seemed that a big death letter had been written on his face. 110?Don't be beaten up again and say that you are his accomplice in the murder in the unfinished building. It would be great if you have a phone number from a Taoist temple. Why didn't you ask for one when you went to Qingyun Temple last time.

Zhang Ya suddenly thought of the safety talisman, and he quietly glanced through the door, and saw that the living corpse was still obediently lying on the bed.He took a few deep breaths before he opened the door and walked out from the bathroom. Let me see how much cash is left today.

He quietly took out the amulet and stuffed it into the pocket of his T-shirt, before he slowly sat down on the side of the bed.

"Ah!!" Suddenly a cold hand rested on his shoulder, making him cry out in fright.

"Come to sleep", a hoarse voice rang in his ears, Zhang Ya didn't dare to turn his head to look.

"Okay", he had no choice but to lie on the bed stiffly. It was the first time Zhang Ya felt that the bed was so difficult to sleep on.

"Hug me~"

Zhang Ya turned sideways stiffly, stretched out his hand again stiffly, and placed it on the cold body with the determination to die.

"Cackling", Zhang Ya's scalp tingled when he heard a burst of laughter, and goosebumps rose up his arms.He opened his eyes, and it seemed to be the voice of the living corpse in front of him.

"Close your eyes."

Zhang Ya obediently closed his eyes

"Good night", accompanied by a hoarse voice, a kiss gently landed on Zhang Ya's lips.

Help, help!

No one could hear the cry in Zhang Ya's heart. The homeless man pulled his hand so that Zhang Ya could hug him better. Then he found a comfortable position and placed his bandaged head on Zhang Ya's. arms.

Zhang Ya didn't know when he smelled the fragrance of the vagabond's body and fell asleep in a daze. When he woke up again, he was still holding the vagabond in his arms like before.The body that was relaxed in the comfortable sleep suddenly tensed up, the person in the arms seemed to sense something, moved, and stretched out his arms and legs to hug him.

"I, I'm going to get up, I'm hungry, I'm hungry, I'm going to buy something to eat..."

The zombie tramp finally let go of him, "Are you coming back later?"

"Ah? I, I, yes, yes, I need to maintain the small battery. It was broken last time. I will go to work directly in a while."

"Okay, I'll wait for you to come back at night." After the homeless man finished speaking, he kissed Zhang Ya on the mouth. Zhang Ya jumped up in shock and rushed to the bathroom.

After washing up, he rushed out the door and rushed to the fast food restaurant.

Food delivery, yes, food delivery makes me happy!

It's a pity that there was no meal at ten o'clock in the morning, and the kitchen was preparing lunch, so Zhang Ya could only lay down on the table and chair bored.

"No! It's because the takeaway has killed me!" Zhang Ya stood up abruptly from the table.

The boss at the cashier was taken aback by his shout, "What are you crazy about!"

"Me, my girlfriend disliked me for being a food delivery talent, so she left me." Zhang Ya leaned back on the table weakly. Fuck, if it wasn't for going to that shabby end building to deliver food, I would be here now Is this a bunch of crap?

"Don't be sad. Anyway, there are five social insurances and one housing fund. Although the money is not much, it is still a serious job. If there is a better job in the future, I will not stop you. Water flows down, and people go up. Do you want to go somewhere..." The boss thought that Zhang Ya was so negative because he was broken in love, and he was still trying to enlighten him.

Zhang Ya lay on the table, touched the amulet in the pocket of his T-shirt, and angrily threw it into the trash can. Fuck, money cheating thing, that living corpse hugged him as if nothing had happened last night!

After finishing delivering food in the afternoon, he sat in the shop and had dinner with his colleagues. While eating, he was still thinking about the latest things in a daze.Ever since I went to that unfinished building to deliver food, I have been pestered by that living corpse, a living corpse with a cold body, no breathing and heartbeat, and no eating. Thinking about having such a thing at home, I really feel like I can't live anymore.Is that thing trying to kill him slowly by sucking his energy, it's cold, or it won't go home at night.

The more Zhang Ya thought about it, the more sad he became, the corners of his mouth pulled down.

Seeing his dejected look, his colleagues joked with him, "What's the matter, did you quarrel with your girlfriend again?"

"Bah! I don't have a girlfriend now!"

"It's broken in love, it's okay, it's okay, don't be sad, you look like a dog, it's not a problem to find another one, I heard that there are still people chasing you, right?"

Now Zhang Ya wanted to cry even more, he thought to himself, yes, there is really someone chasing me, he is at my house, he wants to rape me first and then kill me!I'm going to be cold!Thinking about it, he couldn't control the transparent liquid from the corner of his eyes.

"Don't cry!" The colleague handed over the tissue in a panic.

After Zhang Ya finished delivering the takeaway in the afternoon, it seemed that it was going to be dark, and he was walking slowly on the way home pushing the small battery, feeling 1 times in his heart that he didn't want to go home.He wanted to stay in a hotel for one night, but he found that he didn't bring his ID card. If he went to his mother's place, he would have to explain a lot, oh, forget it, let's just make do with the night on the bench in the park, anyway, it's not too late cold.

"Cuckoo! Cuckoo!"

"Hello", Zhang Ya saw that it was the homeless man's call, and after thinking about it, he still frowned and answered it.

"Have you gotten off work?"

"Ah, yes, I'm going to sing for my colleague's birthday. I won't be going back tonight." After speaking, Zhang Ya hung up the phone and sat down on a bench in the park, with only moths and mosquitoes under the street lamps as his companions. Looking at the bright lights coming from the houses in the distant buildings made him feel very uncomfortable.Alas, I really want to go home and lie down on a soft bed, but there is a living dead person waiting to suck his energy and kill him!

Zhang Ya curled up on the seat in the park, and fell asleep after thinking about it. In the middle of the night, he woke up from the cold. It was not the coldness of ordinary nights, but the kind of bleakness that penetrated people. Could it be the homeless man? Come to him now!When I opened my eyes, there was nothing. In fact, it wasn’t so cold when I hugged the homeless man to sleep at night. After a while, Zhang Ya fell asleep in a daze again, until the next morning when he was swept away as a homeless man. Han woke up.

That night in the unfinished building, Lu Daochang set up a dharma altar, and was going to perform a practice to save the ghosts gathered in the building.He found that there was a magic circle in the basement parking lot, and it must be the magic circle that was causing the trouble.However, after tossing about the ceremony all night, those ghosts did not succeed in overcoming it, and on the contrary, they aroused their resentment somewhat.This made the old Taoist very puzzled, so he had to let the non-Taoist personnel evacuate temporarily, and only stood guard around the building, and then set up a suppressive magic circle in the building, and then checked again.

Back on the road, Zhang Ya, who had delivered food all day long, was in a daze. In addition, he didn't sleep well last night. He was riding on the small battery and felt that his head was very groggy now, and he couldn't even figure out the way. Turning around in the middle of the alley, when he looked up, he found that the front of the small battery was facing the direction of the unfinished building. The moment he saw the building clearly, he felt a chill in his heart.He stood dumbfounded at a small three-way intersection, and wanted to go back, but found that the small battery could not be pushed no matter what the wheel was stuck or something.The unfinished building was getting bigger and bigger in Zhang Ya's pupils, and in Zhang Ya's eyes, it seemed as if it was about to rush towards his face.

"Beep!" A rapid car horn sound woke Zhang Ya up.

"I'm sick! I'm stuck in the middle of the road! I can't hear the horn for a long time! Are you deaf!" The driver stuck out his head and scolded him a few words.

"Bah! Want to fight, don't you?" Zhang Ya suddenly felt very angry. The man looked at Zhang Ya's tall and tall appearance and the tattoo under his rolled-up long sleeves, then shrank back into the car and drove away.

In fact, Zhang Ya was very grateful for the car horn, it really made him feel cold just now, it was colder than facing the dead man in the room.

Turning around, there was a person standing under the street lamp a few meters away. Who else could that person be if he wasn't the living corpse tramp who was stuck in his house!

He got closer and closer and closer.

"Well, I, I'm preparing to go home," Zhang Ya hemmed and defended himself, "I got confused and turned to the wrong place..."

"I know." The homeless man came over and kissed the corner of Zhang Ya's mouth, then stepped on the back seat of the small battery, "I'm here to pick you up."

"Okay", Zhang Ya resisted the urge to cry, activated the small battery, and drove in the direction of his rented house cautiously.

When he drove to the downstairs of the rental house, the dim light in the window gave him a warm illusion.He took the time to lock the small battery, and then he was pulled up the stairs by the arm, but Zhang Ya's whole body stiffened due to the intimacy that seemed to outsiders.

At the door of the house, Zhang Ya was still fumbling for the key, but the homeless man found the key out of nowhere and opened the door.

"You, how do you have the key to my house!"

"The one your girlfriend dropped last time."

"Oh", Zhang Ya was dragged into the house with a face of reluctance, the homeless man seemed to be very happy to hug him, and even leaned over to kiss him.

"Tell me how long I can live."

The homeless man who didn't know whether he was dead or alive was stunned, and stared at him for a long time without speaking, which made Zhang Ya feel that he was going to be completely chilled.

"You said you would always be with me..."

"Bah! I've never said such a thing before!"

The homeless man tilted his body and rubbed his head against Zhang Ya's chest, "Can we live together from now on?"

"Bah! Get off! I don't like men!" Zhang Ya suddenly felt very angry, who wants to live with such an ugly man, he is not a living person!It's all because of your self-indulgence that you rely on me!

Zhang Ya pushed away the bodyless homeless man, and angrily sat down on a small table beside him and began to eat the meal he had brought back.Seeing this, the homeless man poured him a glass of water. Zhang Ya ate a bit salty and wanted to drink some water, but when he looked up and saw the dirty long nails, he couldn't help feeling sick in his stomach.

"I've washed my hands, they're not dirty, and after a long time, the color has changed," the homeless man explained blankly.With trembling hands, Zhang Ya reluctantly picked up the water glass and took a sip.

"Well, did you do that unfinished building at night? Why bother to kill me!" Zhang Ya raised his head angrily and looked at the homeless man who was living in his house. Seeing the one-eyed staring at him firmly, he lowered his head a little timidly.

"You lost the amulet?"

"Ah? What amulet?" Zhang Ya continued to bury his head in his meal, pretending he didn't know anything.

"Then let me accompany you to deliver food in the evening."

"what!?"