sound of silence

Pan Qiqin leaned aside silently after getting dressed, watching Shen Jingyu tidying up in a hurry, the folds of the sheets, the scattered clothes... Half an hour ago, all the evidence of the two people's love was covered up and thrown away. Throw it away, clean it up, as if it never happened.

Seeing the room getting more and more tidy, Pan Qiqin became more and more anxious. At the same time, he also remembered that he didn't come here to enjoy the love of Yuhuan this afternoon!

Everything was in order, and Shen Jingyu still walked around every corner of the house very uneasy, until he was sure that there was no trace of Pan Qiqin's presence, and then dragged him out of the house.

@@@@@@@@@@@@@

In front of the elevator, while looking at her watch, Shen Jingyu was busy watching the elevator climb up...

At this moment, Pan Qiqin suddenly discovered that in Shen Jingyu's heart, Su Hongwen didn't seem to be just the boyfriend who broke up with him, he even felt that Shen Jingyu cared about his existence quite a lot.

Of course, it is necessary to be restrained when having sex in other people's homes, but Pan Qiqin just feels that something is wrong!But maybe it was because things happened too fast, and there was no time to think about it, so I could only let my mood fall into the bottom...

"Senior..." Seeing him so nervous, Pan Qiqin was impatient. He really wanted to smash his watch, but he had to hold back and said, "Didn't you break up...Why do you care so much..."

Shen Jingyu glanced at him absent-mindedly, and immediately stared at her watch urgently.

"Senior... even..." Pan Qiqin didn't finish talking, the elevator arrived, and Shen Jingyu hurriedly pulled him in.

As the elevator slid... as the time passed by, Shen Jingyu's chest heaved faster and faster, and his face became paler. He only counted the time on the watch and answered the question he just asked, meaning "He is almost here Come back in time."

Su Hongwen's residence was on the highest floor. The elevator stopped two or three times in the middle, and five or six people came in. When they reached the first floor, seven or eight people were about to go upstairs. Dozens of people huddled together at the elevator entrance. Shen Jingyu subconsciously pushed Pan Qiqin, anxious to get over the crowd, but after only two steps, his right arm tightened, and he was suddenly pulled back.

"where you go?"

As soon as the voice appeared, Shen Jingyu was stunned on the spot, because it was Su Hongwen!

But seeing Shen Jingyu's eyes wide open, almost unable to call out, he swallowed with difficulty, only to realize that Su Hongwen didn't seem to see Pan Qiqin who had mixed into the crowd and walked to the gate, then he calmed down and shook his head, Stuttering: "No..."

"Are you hungry?" Su Hongwen said with a gentle smile, "You bastard, you are so lazy, if you weren't overwhelmed by hunger, you would go downstairs?" He raised the plastic bag in the other hand and shook it in front of his eyes: "I bought it! Your favorite red noodle!" Said and handed it to him.

Holding the hot noodle thread, Shen Jingyu's heart felt like a bottle of five flavors had been poured down, and the sour, bitter, sweet and salty suddenly felt numb in both shoulders.

For some reason, he couldn't help but raised his head in a daze, looked towards the door, and looked at Pan Qiqin from afar.

In fact, it's just a moment.Just for a split second.But it feels like a century.

The minds of the two of them were wandering in various ways... Their eyes were also talking... The problem is, after all, Pan Qiqin didn't understand Shen Jingyu's silent voice like Su Hongwen did—

He couldn't hear the language conveyed in Shen Jingyu's eyes, and he couldn't see clearly the confused thoughts in his heart. He only knew that he didn't want Shen Jingyu to follow him into the elevator like this, but there was nothing he could do.

"What's wrong?" Su Hongwen noticed Shen Jingyu's dazed expression, and subconsciously looked back following his eyes.

Pan Qiqin couldn't believe it himself, the moment he saw Su Hongwen looking back, he would be so timid!He ran away without thinking about it!

Running so fast, Pan Qiqin couldn't clearly see the scenery around him at all. The people, cars, and objects, one by one, were like shadow puppet curtains, rushing away to the corner of his eyes one by one. He didn't know what to do. I really don't know where to start acting out the drama that has come down!

Was it because he was afraid that Shen Jingyu would be hurt?Or are you afraid of facing the impending conflict?All of a sudden, he couldn't figure it out, he just felt distraught...he just wanted to escape from the scene! !

"...Qin!" Suddenly, Shen Jingyu's reluctant voice sounded in the distance—

If his voice hadn't become so damaged, he wouldn't be able to hear it in this noisy street!But also because of its damage, Pan Qiqin didn't have the courage to stop, but ran even more hastily!

"A... Chin..."

Just like that, in his ears, the stalled and horrified call was like a turntable jumping needle, repeated repeatedly, so that he couldn't ignore it, and finally stopped at a corner... staggeringly turn around...

But seeing Shen Jingyu's figure approaching quickly, he didn't slow down until he was about ten steps away from him.

In front of him, his handsome face was already flushed with blood, his chest heaved for no reason, and finally put his hands on his knees, gasping for breath, his eyes were fixed, like a thousand words, earnestly keeping himself in check.

Beside him, a passer-by gave him a suspicious look. For the first time, Pan Qiqin felt unmatched arrogance, and he didn't want to avoid his affectionate and embarrassing gaze at all.

Looking at each other, Shen Jingyu slowly calmed down, stood up straight, his eyes gradually turned red, and after a long while, he finally moved his lips slowly, as if talking...

Pan Qiqin stared at him blankly for a long time. For some reason, although there was no sound wave, he felt as if he heard his voice... very soft, very soft... very low, very low... very small...

What identity did you use to find me?Say it…

-----Pan Qiqin suddenly felt astonished!what should I do?what should I do?Reach out, pull him, take him away?

But... what next?

Turn yourself into a comrade, and reshuffle all your friends, relatives, and relationships?Then access any tagged premises?In the future, there will be no wife, no children, no normal life circle... nothing...

It's just sex...a different sex trick...is there such a price to pay?

Suddenly, Pan Qiqin began to regret everything he had done during this period.

He didn't understand what he was doing during this period, how could he squeeze himself into that narrow and shameful world for no reason!

Obviously, since puberty, I have never had a desire for a man!Will hug him, purely for stimulation and early adopters!No, there is still a little... a little bit of greed that I don't want to admit!Regardless of that little bit, I was silently urged to help... silently added...but I didn't want to become "that kind of person" even if I died!

Seeing Shen Jingyu walking towards him slowly... Even though his face made his heart beat faster than any girl he had ever seen, and the physical embrace made him more confused, Pan Qiqin felt that he was like a ferocious devil , is calculating himself step by step, trying to pull himself into a bottomless black hole world!

Don't come here again... Don't come here again... Pan Qiqin felt that his mind was beginning to clear up, and his visual nerves gradually felt how suspicious the strange eyes from around him were. Subconsciously, he finally took a step back!

This step back was very small and slow, but it successfully stopped Shen Jingyu from advancing.

Shen Jingyu stared at him with eyes full of red silk, and looked at him in disbelief. It seemed that the consistent silence had already made him realize Pan Qiqin's idea of ​​retreating quickly.

Why did you come here... just to sleep with me! ?

Pan Qiqin really wanted to pretend that he didn't understand, but the silent questions, every word and every word, clearly surfaced on his pale face one by one!Teach him that he can't ignore it at all!

"Jingxin said something happened to you...that's why I wanted to find out...Senior, listen to me, I don't think I'm...that...gay..."

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

"Jing Yu!" Around the corner, a familiar and furious face suddenly appeared, and at the same time, a voice full of anxiety and excitement came over, cutting off Pan Qiqin's rebuttal suddenly.

"What are you doing? Why all of a sudden..." Su Hongwen panted, and looked at Shen Jingyu for a while in bewilderment, but after seeing Pan Qiqin, he immediately understood the whole situation, and there was nothing wrong with it!

Su Hongwen's eyes turned from blankness to jealousy. He forced himself not to look at Pan Qiqin, but gritted his teeth and said, "Jing Yu...what do you want to do?"

Looking at Su Hongwen, Pan Qiqin couldn't help but feel guilty for a while. Now he is an "adulter" for real. wake up!

But seeing him stepping forward suddenly, pulling Shen Jingyu with lightning speed, and then wanting to slap him down in the street with a big slap—

Seeing this, Pan Qiqin suddenly opened his pores, jumped up unconsciously, and suddenly sent out a punch. Before Su Hongwen's palm could touch Shen Jingyu, his eye sockets were knocked back several steps by the heavy blow. Su Hongwen covered his eyes , his whole face suddenly distorted and pale, he jumped up suddenly, and when he was about to fight Pan Qiqin, Pan Qiqin grabbed Su Hongwen with his left hand and pinched him with his right, and immediately pushed Su Hongwen against the wall, almost breathless.I could only desperately grab Pan Qiqin's hand...

"You... dare to touch him again, try how I can treat you!" He said with a wave of his hand, pushing him aside fiercely.

Su Hongwen staggered down several steps, and coughed several times before recovering his complexion, but his eyes stared at Pan Qiqin with hatred, and panted, "You...you...cough..."

"What about me?" Pan Qiqin coldly took out a business card, threw it in front of him and said, "My name is Pan Qiqin, and now I want to take him away! If you need anything, come to me! Don't touch him!" "

How could Su Hongwen be humiliated in the street!As soon as Pan Qiqin turned around, he rushed towards him. However, Shen Jingyu seemed to have seen Pan Qiqin's ruthlessness only today. Su Hongwen, who was half a head taller than him, was hit by him with his lips broken and his teeth broken. It was blood, and Su Hongwen seemed to have nothing to do with him, he stretched out his hand to block him twice, and was immediately knocked down again.

Seeing Su Hongwen fell to the ground in embarrassment and scrambling to avoid Pan Qiqin's fierce kick, the noise of pedestrians around him gradually grew louder. He said "I killed someone!" and said "I killed someone" on the right. Hurriedly embracing Pan Qiqin's waist, trying to pull it away, but with just such a pull, Su Hongwen turned over instead, and punched Pan Qiqin with both fists straight into Pan Qiqin's stomach, even hitting Shen Jingyu behind him. flew out.

Pan Qiqin hugged his stomach and snorted, then broke away from Shen Jingyu's embrace, stretched out his long legs, and kicked Su Hongwen who was about to lean on him to the ground.But he couldn't help but sit down.

No one around dared to persuade them to fight, but more and more people gathered, Shen Jingyu was really afraid that something would happen to Pan Qiqin, so he hurriedly tried to escape.

But in Pan Qiqin's mind, the fantasy picture of Shen Jingyu being punched and kicked by him and sent to the hospital suddenly appeared, so his anger towards the man in front of him became even more difficult to dissipate... I wanted to beat him twice more, if it wasn't for being beaten by Shen Jing Yu pulled abruptly, losing his mind long ago.

"Okay! Okay!... You go... You go... I'm blind, I'll see how long he will stay with you!" Su Hongwen sat by the wall unconsciously wiping the blood stains on his face, and said viciously...

"Bitch! I'll see when you'll be abandoned by him again!"

Su Hongwen yelled at the street without dignity, Pan Qiqin stroked his stomach, pulled Shen Jingyu, and walked straight in silence.

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

The two sat quietly for a while, and Shen Jingyu started the car...

It could be seen that Pan Qiqin was full of anger.Shen Jingyu couldn't guess what he was thinking now, so he could only keep silent.

The atmosphere was silent for a while, and finally Pan Qiqin couldn't help it: "Why don't you hide every time he strikes? You don't fight back? Just let him hit you and hurt you!" He turned his face and looked at Shen Jingyu angrily. , sternly said: "You were not like this before! Where did that strong and stern Shen Jingyu go? Why have you become so weak now! Like a woman!"

Shen Jingyu held the steering wheel and listened to his words with a blank expression...

"Senior, you...what happened to you? Why did you become like this? Could it be that just because you like men, you have completely lost yourself? Don't you feel like you are trampled on by others?" Pan Qiqin became more and more uneasy. Feeling resentful in my heart, seeing that Shen Jingyu didn't refute, I couldn't help but become even more angry: "Shen Jingyu! You talk! He obviously hurt you, why do you turn back?"

Almost at the same time, Shen Jingyu tilted the steering wheel with all his strength, ignored the car coming from behind, drove straight to the side of the road, and stopped violently.

Pan Qiqin was taken aback by him, but he was very angry, so he ignored the dissatisfied trumpets, and said even more angrily, "What are you doing! Don't die!"

Shen Jingyu still didn't look at him, only turned over the car, and found out the pen and paper again, but for some reason, Pan Qiqin got nervous, snatched the pen and paper on the spot, threw it towards the window, and said angrily, "What's the matter?" Words speak for themselves!"

Shen Jingyu didn't seem to expect him to do this, her face turned blue and she was stunned.

"Shen Jingyu, what exactly do you want now, tell me!"

Shen Jingyu gritted his teeth, and got out of the car suddenly, Pan Qiqin reached out to catch him, and got out of the car instantly even more angry... However, Shen Jingyu didn't leave, just walked around, staring at the haystack silently...

Pan Qiqin knew that he wanted to find the pen and paper that he had thrown away, so he couldn't help saying angrily: "Shen Jingyu, I told you to use..."

"You don't...love me...you go away!" Before Pan Qiqin could finish speaking, Shen Jingyu finally shouted loudly!

Pan Qiqin could hear how angry he was in these difficult words, but what shocked him the most was the sudden tears falling down Shen Jingyu's pale face.

At that moment, Pan Qiqin suddenly understood how bad he was.

Don't I love him... don't I love him...

What exactly is going on?No matter how hard I tried to push him away, this tearful resistance pierced through my heart like a sharp arrow.

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

I thought he was the one who could still laugh and laugh after having sex with me.

Comrade.Isn't that the case?

On the street, in the park, in the PUB, or even on the Internet, as long as the eyebrows are slightly raised, the limbs are twisted, and the words are cold, you can let each other indulge in love - they have no soul, only lust, no love, only depravity ah...

But why, facing his roar, Pan Qiqin felt so guilty!

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

Pan Qiqin turned on the computer, and awkwardly typed in the search bar: Comrade.

All of a sudden, there are countless gay dating sites, gay websites, gays, lesbians... ha, there's even a church! !

Pan Qiqin smiled wryly for a while, then clicked into the website, and looked at the countless commentaries and readings on the website... For several years, he has been on the Internet, but this is the first time he used it to enter the world...

It turns out that this is what it means to come out of the closet... um... GAY... T... ah... there are still points...

Flying between pictures and words in a daze, gradually, a man's body, a man's lust, a man and a man's world are formed in front of his eyes.Pan Qiqin couldn't help touching his lower body...

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

"What the hell are you up to? Your eyes are so red these days, you've turned into a panda! Don't try too hard! ㄟ is a wolf~" The colleagues saw Pan Qiqin lying on the table again at noon, and couldn't help making fun of it ambiguously!

Pan Qiqin closed his eyes, lying on the table tiredly and did not answer...

...Say it, you don't think I'm crazy...

I don't even know what I'm doing...like a lunatic, I went in and browsed all the gay websites I could see and enter...

Since breaking up on the road that day, the connection with Shen Jingyu was disconnected again.

It's just that in the past few days, I haven't missed him as much as before.He felt that probably his curiosity had been extinguished!

The only puzzling thing is that when the night is quiet and desires are full, the objects of masturbation fantasies are suddenly no longer just the naked bodies of beautiful women... It also includes the man who keeps coming into view these days.

I'm going crazy... I actually made myself look gay!

"Ah Chin... look outside!"

Pan Qiqin was finally shaken awake. Through the dense glass window, he saw a person who was extremely disgusted, but it also drove most of his drowsiness away in an instant...

This guy... really came to him!

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

In fact, if you look carefully, Su Hongwen's talent is not bad.With gentle facial features and a burly physique, if you don't know that he can move his hands and feet, he is a simple and considerate medical staff, giving people a strong sense of security.

It's just that today, he looks haggard, his complexion is blue and yellow, and he looks a little sick.

Perhaps it was because his way of winning love was too unattractive, Pan Qiqin suddenly felt sympathetic to him, so he didn't give him an angry look, and just led him silently to a closed reception room.

Su Hongwen didn't want to make trouble either, so he flipped his hand, put a long black bag on the table, and said in a deep voice, "...this... belongs to him, he needs it for work, but after a week, he didn't come back to get it, I think... He...doesn't dare to come back, you can give it to him!"

Pan Qiqin had a hunch that it was an exquisite Notebook.

"...Thank you..." For some reason, my impression of him softened again.

"He has my key, and I didn't change the lock. If he wants to go to my place to get something without touching me, you tell him that I will work the night shift this month, and he can come to get it in the morning!" Su Hongwen's eyes were blank. Hanging down and saying: "You... If you are worried, you can come with him!"

Pan Qiqin looked up at him in silence for a while, and finally let out a long breath: "I don't understand..." He shook his head in disbelief: "You... If you like him so much, why do you want to touch him again? Feet! If I hadn’t told me calmly, actually… I wouldn’t…”

... intervene?

Pan Qiqin swallowed the last sentence, because he felt that saying this sentence seemed too self-whitening...Don't say that he knew the existence of this man a long time ago!Later, this time, the misfire was still intruding and having sex on someone else's bed!

"Do something?" Su Hongwen finally revealed the first annoying sneer of the day: "You will understand later!!"

"What do you mean?"

Su Hongwen stared wide-eyed, put his hands on the table vigilantly, his originally sickly expression suddenly glowed strangely and said, "Why, before you fucked him, didn't you even know what kind of person he was?"

"You!" Pan Qiqin leaped across the spot with one hand, grabbed him by the collar in an instant, and at the same time pushed him rudely to the wall, angrily said: "Keep your mouth clean!"

Su Hongwen was caught in a very embarrassing situation by him, but he said without showing any weakness: "Put it clean? I said the surname is Pan, how much do you know about him?" He pulled Pan Qiqin's hand away forcefully, straightened his clothes and said, " How long have you known him? Ten days? Half a month?—I tell you, I have known him for three years!"

I have known him for seven years! !Just as he was about to blurt out, what Su Hongwen said next stunned Pan Qiqin.

"I'm not surprised that you would intervene. I know that he liked you very much in college... I also know that he will become like this today, and it's thanks to you—" After a pause, Su Hongwen's eyes suddenly widened. Man Hanshuang sneered, "However, do you understand why we broke up?"

"You are cheap!"

Su Hongwen raised his eyebrows, and said again: "Yeah, well said! You bitch, did she tell you by Jingxin? Did she tell you that her brother wanted to break up with me, so I wounded him with a knife?" , put him in the hospital?"

Pan Qiqin's heart turned cold, and he suddenly had a bad premonition... But before he could figure it out, half of the answer had appeared...

"Do you know that I taught Shizuyu to weave this reason?"

"Speak...clearly..." Pan Qiqin couldn't help letting go of his hand...gritting his teeth and asking.

Su Hongwen took the opportunity to push him away, straightened his clothes, and then said calmly: "If I tell you that the whole thing is reversed, is it because I want to break up with him?"

"Shit!"

Su Hongwen said: "Bullshit? You don't believe it? If you don't believe me, you can ask him directly! You ask him why he was hospitalized at that time, why he separated from me? If he dares to tell you..." He smiled coldly and then Said: "I follow your surname!"

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

There are still things to distract you at work, but when you get home, Pan Qiqin is full of anxiety and restless.To keep himself from getting into trouble, he turned on the radio to make some noise in the room, to distract himself...

About Shen Jingyu.Ever since he knew he had lost his voice, Pan Qiqin had heard countless lies.He lost his voice by drinking pesticide to commit suicide, then he lost his voice because of a car accident, and then he lost his voice by drinking pesticide and suicide.Furthermore, the matter between him and Su Hongwen seemed to be based on countless lies.

Although he really didn't want to believe Su Hongwen, another voice in his heart told him clearly that he was telling the truth.Moreover, that would be a truth that I couldn't bear.Suicide, silence, lies, sex, everything about Shen Jingyu is blurred.

Pan Qiqin covered his head under the quilt... He really wanted to escape!Escape from this paradoxical situation!However, the two touches of warmth and sensual desire have already mixed up the feelings towards him in his heart like mud, water and soil are inseparable, no matter how hard he tries not to let this immoral wildfire, which has nothing to do with sin and worldliness, start a prairie fire in his heart Burning, still can't stop wanting to find out the truth!

I just don't want to be cheated...I'm just worried about your mood, I just because we are a little ambiguous...so it's normal to miss you and care about you...I don't have any unreasonable feelings for you...because I always love women, love woman!It's impossible for me...I can't become...love men just because I slept with you!

Pan Qiqin's heart skipped a beat, and he couldn't help tossing and turning—he couldn't figure out whether he cared about his broken heart instantly...or cared about the big lie he was hiding from himself!

As great as Brahma, he will get lost in lust, how can mortals easily escape the connection?If we can really escape, we can only say that there is no foundation of love for each other—and I really have no half for him?

A thought that he didn't dare to touch kept running in his chest, making him a little flustered and a little scared for no reason—

"Crack!" Frustrated, he grabbed it with his big hand and smashed the radio to the ground!The loud sound instantly cut off his messy thoughts that were almost derailed.

Not long after, a human head got into the door...

Seeing Pan Qifei sweeping straight into his room, looking at the radio with dismembered corpses scattered all over the floor, he couldn't help but widen his eyes, then turned to look at Pan Qiqin with a livid face, couldn't help worrying: "Brother...you... What are you doing?"

"No... nothing..." Pan Qiqin hid under the quilt and muffled, "You go out..."

"But...brother, someone is looking for you..."

"Who..."

"He said it was your senior... surnamed Shen... downstairs..."

After finishing speaking, Pan Qiqin turned over abruptly, stared at him for a long time, then jumped out of bed... and rushed out of the door.