sound of silence

As soon as Pan Qiqin rushed downstairs, he almost collided with the person standing at the gate. If he hadn't braked in time, the two of them would have collided into a ball...

After standing still, he hurriedly looked at the pale face who seemed to be frightened for a while, and his heart almost burst out.

"Senior... Senior... You... looking for me?" Shen Jingyu's automatic delivery made Pan Qiqin so excited that he stuttered.

But seeing that Shen Jingyu's face was getting bloody, she nodded, and then found a booklet and a pen from her upper pocket... But for some reason, after thinking about it, she put it away again, coughed dryly, and said with difficulty: " I... come... get... NOTE... BOOK..."

Seeing that he was struggling to speak, Pan Qiqin suddenly thought of what he had to say instead of write that day, and couldn't help feeling a little flustered. He nodded quickly and said, "I...go get it right away..." Then he turned and went upstairs.

The item was handed over to Shen Jingyu, but Shen Jingyu didn't even look at it, nodded, turned around and left.

Pan Qiqin was taken aback by his indifference, and couldn't help but stop him: "Senior!"

With his back on his back, Shen Jingyu stopped in her tracks.But did not look back.The atmosphere between the two was extremely awkward.

"...Senior..." Pan Qiqin spoke again.

This time, Shen Jingyu finally gave face and turned around.However, he just stared at Pan Qiqin with a blank expression on his face...

Such an expression caught Pan Qiqin by surprise.In desperation, he had no choice but to bite the bullet and say, "Senior... um... can we talk?"

Shen Jingyu remained silent, and after a long while, Pan Qiqin could only forcefully say: "Senior...let's talk inside..." He subconsciously looked around and pulled him into the door of the apartment.

But Shen Jingyu took a step away, struggled, and said angrily: "What are you doing...!" After finishing speaking, he gave him a bitter look, turned around and walked away, Pan Qiqin gasped in shock, , had no choice but to quickly grab him and said, "Okay, okay, don't go inside, let's go outside to talk! I have something to ask you!"

Shen Jingyu still threw him away without even looking at him.

In desperation, Pan Qiqin didn't care about others, rushed to his front, and said urgently: "Senior, let me finish asking the question, and when I have the answer, I won't pester you!"

But seeing Shen Jingyu's chest heaving violently... After a stalemate for a while, he calmed down and said, "You...ask...ah..."

Pan Qiqin quietly watched his reaction, feeling like an upside-down five-flavored bottle, sour, astringent and reluctant to let go.However, if I wanted to ask him, I couldn't finish the conversation in a few words, so I softened my tone and said, "Senior, can we find a place to sit? It will be fine after a while! I won't take too long..."

As soon as the words came out of his mouth, Pan Qiqin suddenly felt as if he was coaxing a girl, and he didn't feel a little hot, but such words were indeed effective, Shen Jingyu blinked, stared at him for a long time, then nodded...

The park looks a bit shady, the trees in the dark night and the sparsely populated people make people feel a kind of unease for no reason.

Pan Qiqin didn't want to bring him here, but he couldn't find a place where they could have a good conversation without being disturbed.

In the gazebo, the two sat opposite each other.The summer night wind was very cool, but Pan Qiqin felt very anxious.Because, in front of him, he was completely silent.The voice is silent, the expression is silent, and even the feelings seem to be silent.

It's only been a week, and this man, who used to see his eyes with light, seems to have completely lost interest in him now, which makes Pan Qiqin extremely depressed. However, the matter has come to this point, and he can only bite the bullet and say: "Senior...I want to ask you first, that Senior Liu...besides telling you about Notebook being with me...do you have anything else to say?"

Liu Bangqi had been very cold towards himself since last time, and Pan Qiqin expected that he would absolutely criticize what happened that day...but he still had a glimmer of hope, praying and praying, hoping that he would not add fuel to the flames no matter what, but, As soon as he saw Shen Jingyu's tight cheeks that were suddenly bitten and his reddened eyeballs again, Pan Qiqin knew it was ruined...

Pan Qiqin had no choice but to stretch out his hand urgently, held Shen Jingyu and said, "Senior...you listen to my explanation first..."

If he doesn't move, Shen Jingyu shakes him away excitedly. At the same time, he takes out a booklet and a pen with trembling hands, and writes: "What do you think? Do you care what he says to me? Do you really care?" ?”

When Pan Qiqin saw these crooked characters in the dim light, his heart felt as if he was falling into a cold cellar.

Shen Jingyu looked at him quietly, and suddenly showed a sad sneer, and wrote: "What do you want to ask me? When you fuck me, am I happy? Isn't it?"

The words emerged one by one under his trembling pen, and Pan Qiqin almost didn't have the courage to read any more, but he had to read it again!

Shen Jingyu raised his eyes to look at him, and the tears that had been stubbornly clinging to his eyes finally fell down, but he did not show weakness, but instead took a deep breath, smiled and said: "If... it's like this... , then I...can...answer you, yes, when you...fuck me...I'm really...quick...happy..."

Pan Qiqin's heart twitched, and he said painfully, "Senior, I beg you not to say that! I didn't mean that, so don't belittle yourself!"

But Shen Jingyu said in a cold tone that he had never seen before: "Okay...okay, then...you...want to ask me...what?"

Pan Qiqin stared at him blankly for a long while, then swallowed his saliva, and said with difficulty: "I... want to ask you, did you really commit suicide because of me seven years ago? Did you really commit suicide just because I rejected you...?"

Shen Jingyu turned his eyes away after listening to him finish asking the question... He paused for a minute before saying: "It's none of...your business...I committed suicide...it's none of your... business..."

"But... Jingxin said that you drank pesticides not long after the orientation meeting... Also, why did you break up with Su Hongwen?"

Shen Jingyu raised her eyes and glanced at him lightly, her face full of desolation.

Pan Qiqin couldn't help gasping, lowered his eyes and said, "If...you don't want to say...I won't force you..."

"Yeah?"

Pan Qiqin stared at him, unable to respond.He felt his heart throbbing and his mouth remained silent. He knew that he liked Shen Jingyu like this now, but he couldn't let go of his transformation...

Shen Jingyu is not stupid.I just looked at him for a while, took a deep breath in despair, and began to write quickly...

After writing for a long time, Pan Qiqin had a feeling of uneasiness, as if he suddenly thought of something, he quickly grabbed the booklet, tore off the paper in an instant, crumpled it up, and said excitedly: "I don't want to know, I don't want to know anything. ! The past is all over, I know there is a fart!"

At this moment, Shen Jingyu shouted with big bloodshot eyes, "I... want... you see, you see!"

It was the first time that Pan Qiqin saw such a furious expression on his face, he was startled, and could not help swallowing dryly, "Senior...these..."

"That's why I...suicide...and...break up with him..."

I'm not a saint, really, I'm not.Why are you testing me like this!

Pan Qiqin's heart roared, gasping, gasping heavily, two pairs of red-threaded eyes met each other unceremoniously—

+++++++++++++++++

Should I tell the truth?Shen Jingyu looked at Pan Qiqin silently... his mind was racing...

In fact, after the orientation meeting, I just wanted to go shopping and relax.So, I walked into a park, sat down, stared blankly, and mourned my failure.However, not long after, someone suddenly approached so excitedly...

Don't ask me what he looks like, I can't see clearly, at that time, it was really too dark.

As soon as he came over, something didn't feel right to me.Because I suddenly found that I was in a lustful and uncontrollable place.Beside me, there were shadows in twos and threes, and there were unusual groans in my ears. I was really a little scared.But he could only pretend to be calm.

He circled and circled around me, talking a lot.For some reason, I felt myself gradually calm down.Because I found that he was just attracted by me!He wants to have a relationship with me, or to say, have a relationship.

In the park on a summer night, there is no wind, and the hot and dry air makes people full of lust.I can clearly feel the steaming heat on his body and the greedy torches in his eyes.So chaotic, so crazy, so obscene.

At that moment, I was stunned.I suddenly thought, when I was looking at you, was there such an unbearable light?So, you always run away in panic?

Realizing this, my heart broke in shana.Like a demon, I suddenly picked up a small stone and wrote on the ground: I have no experience.

He was startled, and smiled, as if he had discovered a gem.

"I can teach you..." he said anxiously.

If you want to say that I give up on myself, I don't mind going crazy suddenly.I only know that at that moment, I don't want to lock myself up anymore, and I don't want to answer myself anymore.My desire is already burning inside me, I want you.Want it so so much.So, in fact, I'm just as filthy as this man!so nasty!so-

The process...I think, I'm not very comfortable...Maybe...The whole situation is not very good...Because...

Well, to be honest, I found out after I agreed to his request that he was not alone, but three!

What kind of memory is that, I don't want to say.I just remember that when I informed Feng Yu to come, he cried on the spot... Heh... he was like an idiot, he kept looking at me and didn't dare to touch me, he just kept asking me, can I ask Bunch to come over...

When Bunch came over, the two of them dragged me to the hospital...I found out later that they thought I was raped!I'm afraid I'll be infected with AIDS!

After I figured out what they were thinking, I really dare not tell them that I did it voluntarily, even if there is no wound on my body, my mouth smells bad, and the bottom and back are full of blood, I think this answer is right for them. It might be even more cruel!

No, not maybe, I thought, that would be cruel.

The two of them were running around in a hurry outside the ward. On the one hand, I would not let my family know, and on the other hand, they had to help me deal with the follow-up.

Suddenly, I feel so sad.

Within a few days, I chose to drink pesticides.It's just that he didn't die.

However, with this experience, it is not difficult to step out again, because basically, there should be no more exaggerated excitement than that time.

Qin, wherever I go, I always attract the attention of many people, and each of them looks at me so fascinated, but I am paranoid and suffering because of your indifference.Day by day, I gradually forgot about you.But also used to these surround.

So, it has nothing to do with you, right?

Shen Jingyu lowered her eyes and began to write...

In fact, before I met you, my life was chaotic. Any dark night park, gloomy bushes, dirty public toilets, obscene small movie theaters, and even big and small gay night streets and PUBs that you can imagine, all have mine. Footprints... one person, two people, many people, I've been there.I have done every pose and method you think of──

Therefore, suicide can be said to be an inevitable way.Just sooner or later.

As for Hongwen, although he loves me, he has never dared to touch me, because he dislikes me—

Pan Qiqin knew that the word "dirty" was not written in the end, leaving only a long line.

The short words, the light tone, omitted the process of lust, and also subtracted his mood of drinking pesticide.It can be seen that he still cares about this past.However, Pan Qiqin didn't have the energy to ask for details.

I always feel that on the crumpled paper, the words are jumping and twisting, like an evil spirit possessing, and each of them has turned into a picture of Shen Jingyu making love with any blurred face... His The corners of his eyes are caressing, and his smile is obscene, but all kinds of expressions can be classified in one sentence, that is, he has given up on himself for his own life before he knows when.

The moonlight penetrated into the gazebo, illuminating the tabletop brightly, and Pan Qiqin felt that there was some familiar smell in the air.

The confrontation between the two seems to have happened a long time ago...by the way...at that time...the man in front of him was confessing his love to him!However, at that time it was the setting sun that penetrated the hearts of the two of them, but now it is the moonlight...

Pan Qiqin rubbed the paper with a bloodless face, his heart jumped from wild drama to gradually calm.

Without asking anyone for confirmation, Pan Qiqin knew that Shen Jingyu had lied again.

He absolutely believed that his rejection back then was the trigger, but it definitely would not have happened after his lustful life.It's just that all this chaos is really beyond my own responsibility.As for the unfinished word "dirty", it made a strong commentary on Su Hongwen's words that day.

Some people say distorted memory, sinful.

Pan Qiqin only realized it deeply today.Yes, this sentence really makes sense!

If I hadn't deliberately driven this man out of my memory, perhaps I would have participated in his past long ago.

Now, the sequence of the entire memory is out.The sense of guilt also penetrated deeply into my heart...

"Senior...I probably understand...your matter...I think we must make it clear..."

Shen Jingyu glanced at him empty-handedly, picked up a pen and paper and wrote: "What else can we talk about?"

Looking at each other for a while, Pan Qiqin finally stood up, walked in the gazebo thoughtfully for several times before softly saying: "...wait...I...haven't thought of it..."

Shen Jingyu watched him turn and turn in the pavilion, and finally sighed slightly: "Aqin...I... never expected...you...love me...but...the premise is...we can't...see each other again..." After finishing speaking , Shen Jingyu lowered his head and wrote again, and gently pushed the paper in front of him.

"No one can accept me like this, no one. So, let's do what you said last time, I will always be my silence, and you will always be your cold silver. We will meet on the white website. "

The music flows.The two looked at each other.

In the past, when breaking up with a woman, no matter who marked the end, there was always a burst of crying and crying, but now with this man, there is no breaking up, and of course there are no earth-shattering pleadings and entangled dragging, only clear and clear. Clear dialogue and a piece of paper.But the difficulties in my heart far surpassed any previous life and death.

Pan Qiqin looked at the paper several times, and finally couldn't help trembling and said: "Jingyu...give me a little time...okay..."

Shen Jingyu's brain exploded, and he felt a burst of suffocation in his heart, and he almost couldn't breathe.

In order to express emotion to this man, she has almost completely lost herself, not only allowing herself to be yelled at by him and abandoned in front of everyone, but now let him hug and penetrate her nakedly.Now that he has finally come to his senses, why now he seems to be...

"What... is... to give you... time..." Shen Jingyu asked cautiously, pulling her heart.

"I don't have a clue about...that..."

"Which... one?"

Pan Qiqin casually kneaded Shen Jingyu's "breakup" declaration into a ball...the only sound of the two people's breathing was left in Jingshi's gazebo...then, he took a deep breath and walked slowly towards Shen Jingyu...so that there was only one step away from each other …

This kind of atmosphere made Shen Jingyu's whole face flushed inexplicably. He wanted to run away, really wanted to run away, because he had a premonition that if he got down again, he would fall into a vortex of pain again, and he couldn't extricate himself from it. However, Pan Qiqin's turn It's so fascinating...

"Brother, where are you now?"

"…What's wrong?"

"Two people came to your house to look for you... they said they were your seniors... something urgent..."

"...my senior... who is it?"

"Well, the surname is Liu, and the other surname is Qiu..."

"Well... I'm in the sports park next door, you... bring them here, I'm in the gazebo on the swing..."

Shen Jingyu was lying on the gazebo table, while Pan Qiqin sat aside, turned off the phone, stretched out his hand, and stroked his hair slowly and affectionately.

The three men stood outside the gazebo, all a little irritated by this scene.

In those few years, Qiu Fengyu watched helplessly as he went from a normal routine to a prostitution, from a resolute and proud character to a brittle one. No matter how many times he said or scolded, he still remained the same. Take care of me, in the end, Qiu Fengyu could only silently take care of this ghost who often wandered the streets at midnight and missed the gate.

Perhaps, he wanted to prove something!Qiu Fengyu tried to think about his mood.It's just that it's really hard to understand.Isn't it first love!Why lose your soul?

Day by day, seven years, just when Qiu Fengyu and Liu Bangqi were almost getting used to such a morally immoral Shen Jingyu, he suddenly changed again.

He began to relearn the long-abandoned esophagus language in peace, and went to work in his brother-in-law's company in peace, and wrote many rich and gorgeous poems in peace...

And every verse has been posted on the Internet, confusing lonely urban men and women... Every verse also makes people who read it feel that his heart is like a mirror.

It's just that he couldn't imagine that all this change was because he saw a picture of the most boring man in the world! !

Now, Qiu Fengyu's eyes almost popped out... But the entire surprise was not as vivid as Pan Qifei's expression.

Pan Qifei's face was almost livid, even weird, or rather, it was a kind of coolness rising from his heart.

"Brother... who... is he..."

"He's my senior..." Pan Qiqin didn't look at him, but had a serious expression on his face. At the same time, Shen Jingyu, who was lying on his stomach, trembled on his shoulders, and didn't look up, just patted Pan Qiqin away to caress his hand.

Pan Qifei's heart twitched coldly, of course he knew that this man was his "senior", but he didn't want this answer.It's just that the current atmosphere is very quiet, there is really no reason to get mad on the spot

"Fei, you go back first, we have to talk about something..." Pan Qiqin retracted the hand that was suddenly slapped away by Shen Jingyu, then raised his head and said.

Only then did Pan Qifei realize that the other two wooden figures were standing still.Their expressions were quite stiff, as if they were here to find fault, but these two were brought by themselves, so they really couldn't go back with such peace of mind.Brotherly love is deep, Pan Qifei almost immediately put aside the surprise just now and said: "Let's go back together...you can talk if you want to, lest people listen to me and go aside!"

"That's no need...you sit next to me..." Pan Qiqin saw Pan Qifei's intentions in his heart.He couldn't help exhaling heavily.That's okay too!Let him stay here and know the truth first...

Yo!He wants to show his cards in front of his family!I can't think of it!Qiu Fengyu's dislike for him in his heart lost a tenth of a cent.

"Have you talked clearly?" Liu Bangqi's steady voice came over.

Pan Qiqin glanced at Shen Jingyu and said, "I...still thinking about it..."

The implication is that there is no agreement! ?Qiu Fengyu and Liu Bangqi looked at each other, half relieved, half not relieved, because they knew very well in their hearts that it was extremely easy for Shen Jingyu to open his arms to Pan Qiqin!The only thing that can help is to find out what Pan Qiqin means.

"What are you thinking?" Liu Bangqi approached the pavilion and said.

"...I might move out first... My family will take care of it slowly..."

Pan Qifei, who had been silent all this time, stared wide-eyed, looked at his brother, and said softly: "Brother, you want to move out? What are you doing? Why do you want to move out suddenly? I didn't hear you mention..."

Pan Qiqin didn't look at him right away, he was stunned, then took a deep breath and said, "Fei...I...was thinking...whether I want to be with my senior."

Pan Qifei stared blankly at his brother with his mouth wide open, and then looked at Shen Jingyu who was lying on the table... He could guess what his brother meant by those words, but he couldn't understand at all. When did his brother start thinking With a man? !

He shook his head and took a deep breath, afraid that he would suddenly lose control and say, "Brother! Do you know what you're doing?" He shook his head subconsciously, and at the same time looked at Qiu Fengyu and the others and said, "What's the matter Let's go home and talk now! No one can force you to decide anything!" Now, he almost felt that his brother's disguise was out of coercion.

Of course, Pan Qiqin could hear what his younger brother meant. He glanced at Qiu Fengyu and the two of them with ashen faces, so he could only say sternly: "Fei, I did it voluntarily. I'm considering whether I want to be with him... I... think I seem to like it very much." His..." Pan Qiqin smiled bitterly, and then took Shen Jingyu's hand that was hanging on the table.

Shen Jingyu hid twice nervously, but Pan Qiqin insisted on holding it, as if to show it to Qiu Fengyu and Liu Bangqi, and said, "I will talk to you clearly...but...Dad, Mom...you can help me hide it first. , I will look for another chance..." Then, he stopped looking at his younger brother, turned his face resolutely, and looked at Qiu Fengyu, as if he was checking whether he had passed the examination.

Well, the attitude is not bad, Qiu Fengyu was satisfied again, thinking, at least this guy will not act like a bird who has nothing to do with himself!

"Then... has Jing Yu also decided?" Liu Bangqi was extremely calm, and remained silent for a while, before finally speaking in a deep voice.

At this moment, Shen Jingyu slowly got up. Under the low light, his eyes were dim, and he didn't know whether he had cried or was dizzy, but his face was very rosy.He moved slowly to find something on the table...

Pan Qiqin immediately handed over the pen and paper cleverly.Shen Jingyu was quite meaningful, she glanced at him lightly, and began to write: "I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me!"

Qiu Fengyu and Liu Bangqi leaned closer to the piece of paper, they looked at each other and couldn't help sighing.I knew it would turn out like this.

"Jing Yu, you have to think about it, he's not straightforward!" Liu Bangqi said mercilessly.

Pan Qiqin's face turned blue, but he didn't refute.He just looked at Shen Jingyu silently.

Shen Jingyu sat in a daze for a long time, finally stood up, and walked out of the pavilion...

Pan Qiqin was startled for no reason, and almost wanted to raise his hand to grab him, but Shen Jingyu turned his head at this moment, and looked at the other four people silently.

I'm so tired... Really, so tired... Is it an illusion?Shen Jingyu didn't speak, but Pan Qiqin read the message.

I just feel that those black and white eyes are dazed, hazy, and extremely tired, and the more elegant facial features are even more haggard, as if I have suddenly aged ten years.

For some reason, Pan Qiqin had a bad feeling in his heart.

"you…"

Not daring to wait for him to speak, Pan Qiqin hurriedly interrupted: "One month, senior, one month, give me one month, I'll sort out all my thoughts...I'll go find you again!"