Can I love you?

We drove to the nearby pass, silent all the way.It's not that I don't want to talk, it's that I don't know what to say.

When I arrived, she refused to let me get out of the car, "Linlin, don't send me in, just go back, or you will be hard to get a call later, remember to tell me on WeChat when you get home." She smiled and said to me, she It seems that I have been laughing, since we met yesterday, I have been laughing.I like her smile very much, but at this moment, I hate this smile so much, this familiar yet unfamiliar smile.

She stuffed 200 RMB into my bag, "This is the taxi fare, goodbye, Linlin, remember to miss me." She hugged me, then turned around and opened the door to get off, and then told the driver to send her to XXX.I stared blankly at her series of actions, and the car drove away before I had time to react. I looked out the car window, she was backing up, and slowly disappeared. At the last glance, she was still smiling.

I turned my head mechanically, looked at the front, forced myself not to look back, forced myself not to be sad, not to give up, not to shed tears.When I suddenly saw myself in the rearview mirror, tears were streaming down my face. I wanted to stop and stop crying.But I don't know why the lacrimal glands are particularly developed today, and the tears are not under my control at all, and they flow down drop by drop.I covered my face in self-deception, pretending that I didn't cry, and pretending that I couldn't see the mirror. If I couldn't see the mirror, I wouldn't see myself crying, so I didn't cry.

I know I'm deceiving myself, so what if I cover my face, the tears will keep flowing, I can't lie to myself, I can't lie to my heart, I don't want to part with her.I turned around before the corner, she was still standing there, vaguely, I saw her smile, so warm, so dazzling, like little stars in the dark, like twinkling stars in the night sky.At that moment, I regretted that I didn't say goodbye to her, even if it was just a goodbye.

Yes, I am reluctant, but I can't hold on to her, I can't keep her from leaving, I can't let her know that I am sad, and I can't make her worry.So I can't ask the driver to take the car back and say goodbye to her, just a goodbye, I can't.

After calming down in the taxi, I asked the driver to stop.After getting off the bus, I took another bus to go home as if nothing had happened. When I got home, I ate and chatted with my family as usual, but I didn’t dare to touch my phone.I remember she said that she would tell her when she got home, but I didn't do what she said, I didn't know how to tell her, even if I did, then what?so what?

It's just that I didn't expect that the result of not doing what she said was that she called my dad and asked if I got home safely.

"Hey, who is it?"

"..."

"Oh, Zoe, um, what's the matter, what's the matter?" Is it her?How did she answer the phone call?What's wrong?I immediately pricked up my ears when I heard her name.

"..."

"It's here, it's here, it was half an hour ago, why don't you go back to uncle's place to play for a few days?" Uh...Is it because I didn't tell her that I was home, so she called here on purpose?

"..."

"oh, I see."

"..."

"Well, okay, come back and play when you have time."

"Good good."

"..."

"Hmm, bye." Dad hung up the phone after talking for a few minutes.

"Did you tell your sister when you got home?" my dad asked me.

"No, I forgot." I made an excuse casually.

"Stupid, tell others when you get home, don't you know that others will be worried? You even called here on purpose, remember next time." My dad scolded.

"Yes." I agreed, will she be worried?

My mother asked me where I got the clothes. I looked down at the clothes I was wearing. Thinking about this time last night when we just finished shopping and went to the hotel, I forced myself not to think about it, but the more I do something deliberately, the more I feel. If I can't do it well, it's like I can stop myself from thinking about the past two days and her, but I can't help but think about it, and even think about it more.

Lying alone on the bed at night, when I close my eyes, all I see is her.Her beautiful side face, the way she smiles, the way she is happy, the way she pretends to be wronged, the way she is surprised, the way she frowns, the way she is gentle, the way she is serious...all are her, all are .I asked myself why I always miss her, why?The answer I finally came up with was that I didn't tell her when I got home, it was because of guilt.

So I finally reach for my phone, the one I've been putting on silent since I got home.There are a lot of messages on WeChat, but I haven't read them, and I don't want to reply.She sent me four messages, the last one was 2 minutes ago.

18:00 "Are you home?"

18:40 "I'm home, haven't you arrived yet?"

19:28 "Why didn't you reply to my message?" This message should have been sent after the phone call with my dad.

22:32 "Good night, sweet dreams."

After I read it, I didn't know what to reply, I thought about it, and finally I just replied with two words, "Good night." Then I went to sleep, I thought I would be better after replying, and I would not keep thinking about her like I just did , since I replied, I should feel less guilty.But I was wrong, my mind was still full of her, my mind was full of it.I couldn't control my thoughts, and in the end, I simply let myself think about her, and just promised myself that I would stop thinking about her tonight after thinking about it, and what happened before will happen in the future.My mind kept replaying what happened in the past two days, and what happened when we were young, just like watching a movie, and finally thought of being exhausted, thinking that I had no energy to think again, and fell asleep from exhaustion.In the last moment of falling asleep, I warned myself again that I couldn't think about it after tonight.

When I woke up the next day, I was the same as before, doing what I should do, eating and drinking as usual.Nothing appears on the surface, yes, it only appears on the surface.

She didn't reply to me last night, why didn't I reply to her message, I didn't explain and she didn't ask. She would say something to me, but never, maybe she was on the plane, I told myself.I know it's self-consolation, so what if she's on the plane now?I sent it to her last night. She didn't see it last night. She should have seen it this morning.I don't know what time her plane is. I thought about it for a day, did she get on the plane, how long would it take from Hong Kong to the UK, and whether she was safe in the UK.

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(づ??????)づ Linlin does not cry