Personality

I sat across from Kazuya and stared at his face as if this would be the last time I saw him.I want to remember his face, the seemingly slight curvature at the corner of his mouth, his hard chin that seems to have been sliced ​​off by an axe, and his face that has always been soft in the clean morning light, Soften it down.It seems to be pure and white after washing with clean water.He is my Kazuya, not anyone else.

This person is the person I will never forget in my life, the only person I have ever loved.

Kazuya, have you finished the thing that is as important as me?

Jen, that thing doesn't matter anymore, it's over.

Kazuya……………

Jen, drink up the banana juice, I just squeezed it this morning.

Taking the cup that Kazuya handed me, I drank up the glass of yellow banana juice with a straight neck. It was very fresh, but the taste was a bit strange.

Jen, who were you waiting for last night?

My fork jerks and falls next to the plate of pasta.It turned out that He also knew that I was going to find that person.

And also, I just want to do something for you.

You've done enough for me, Jen.Kazuya looked up at me, his eyes full of hopeless sadness, as if he already understood the sacrifice I made for him.Then does he know how much I love him?Even if he doesn't love me, I love him the same, from the beginning to the end.

The person you were waiting for is dead, and he will never appear again.Kazuya's calm expression seemed to be talking about an extremely ordinary thing.A third life, the third person we've ever known to die.

I couldn't make any sound for a long time, cry or smile, nothing.Picking up the dropped fork, I fiddled with the pasta that was also specially made for me.

Italy, Italy again, as if this place had become the nightmare of my life.

I hope never to bring it up again.

Probably this is the first and last time, and he also made breakfast for me.

The morning light grew brighter, filling the living room, and He sat in front of me.I remembered the first time I saw him in CLOSED, the silent and lonely man sitting in the corner, wearing a white or black striped shirt, drinking a glass of Bloody Mary.I finally understood that it turned out that I fell in love with this person at first sight.From the first sight, I fell in love with him, willing to fall into the dark vortex for him.

Kazuya, I love you.No matter who you love, I love you the same.I smiled and confessed this inner confession to him, tears slipping silently down my cheeks and dripping onto the gray checked tablecloth.

I picked up the pasta and wanted to remember the taste that was left to me.

Kazuya rushed up suddenly, grabbed the fork in my hand, and swept the spaghetti to the ground. The white ceramics shattered, and the tomato sauce splashed all over the floor, like blood spreading on the carpet.

I stared blankly at Kazuya standing in front of me with tears streaming down his face.Kazuya cried more than I did, covering his mouth and shaking his shoulders.I wanted to stand up with a smile and hug him without making him cry.But he couldn't use any strength in his body, and his vision gradually began to blur involuntarily.

Kazuya supported me, who was weak all over, and we slowly fell to the floor, he hugged my shoulders tightly, I couldn't see his face clearly, only heard a very low sorry.

Kazuya said to me: Ren, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I love you.

I should have told you about this earlier, that I actually love you very much.

I can't make a sound in my throat, and my vision is getting blurred. The last thing I remember is the familiar temperature of He and Ye remaining between my fingers.

He left, leaving only a silver ring, and the whole world has since cooled, frozen, until barren.

I later learned that the reporter died in a car accident. His car lost control on the highway, the brakes failed and crashed into the guardrail next to him, and he died on the spot.And the dish of pasta that I also cooked for me contained potassium cyanide, colorless and odorless.He had it in his own portion of pasta too.

Kazuya probably already thought about it, and die with me.He knows that without him, I will not live alone.

But he didn't do that after all, he just walked away from me after I drank the sleeping pill banana juice.Never appeared again.

The police thought he was a major suspect because someone recognized him in the coffee shop where he was arguing with the reporter.Witnesses later emerged, proving that he showed up at a psychiatric clinic before the fire.As a suspect in two murder cases, he completely lost all traces.But there was no substantial evidence to convict him.

And for me, there are some mysteries unraveled, some mysteries that emerge.Where did he go, dead or alive.No one can tell me, I can only choose to believe that he is still alive.Living in an unknown corner of the world.He once told me that when he no longer wants to write, he will buy a house by the coast of California, bask in the sun every day, and plant many plants.So I lost a huge sum of money to the firm, ended my star career, and came here.

Basking in the sun every day, planting many, many plants.I believe that he is still alive, that he still remembers this little secret between us.One day, he will definitely appear in front of me.At that time, I will definitely rush forward and hug him tightly, not letting him leave again.

After the story was finished, the expression on JIN's face slowly returned to its original calm, and his eyes were filled with bewilderment, as if he had lost his direction.At this time, Jin was completely different from the man I was familiar with who was immersed in the sun and showed charming smiles to everyone he knew.At this moment, he is just a man who can't find the trace of his lover and feels dejected alone.His eyes were already aging in an instant, waiting, waiting endlessly, but he didn't know if the person who was waiting would come.Will it have rested in some unknown time and place.

He said to me who was thinking: F, I have something I want to show you.

I nodded and said: OK.

We didn't talk, we came to his house. I have been to Jin's house before, and I always feel that his house is a little different from other people's houses, but I can't tell the difference.It's only now that I suddenly realize where the difference is.The whole house was comfortably and elegantly furnished, but there was not a single mirror, not a single photograph.

JIN's voice was tinged with sadness that I couldn't ignore, he said: I never took any photos with Kazuya.Some only have this one.

We stood in front of a large wall covered by a large piece of black cloth. JIN tore off the huge black cloth, and what appeared in front of my eyes was a teenager sitting quietly in front of the window sill.Holding a large bouquet of gorgeous sunflowers.

It's obviously just a black and white photo that couldn't be simpler, but it allows me to clearly feel the world in which the boy lives, with such colorful and brilliant colors.

Even if I hadn't seen this picture, I could guess that it was the Girasole under Sogno's lens.

JIN was standing next to me, and I could clearly see the conflicted expression on his face.

What he loves is not Girasole in the photo, but the person he loves is Kamenashi Kazuya who lived with him and lived with him.

I can imagine JIN's inner conflicts and struggles when facing this photo every day, wanting to find traces of shadows behind the sun.Because the love between them has been living in the shadow of another love.

Until today when this story was written, when Girasole was exposed in front of the world as Sogno's real lover, it was already seven years after Sogno's death. During this process, Kamenashi Kazuya's name was completely withheld.No one knows the reason, the world sees Sogno's lover, only has one name, one identity.That is Girasole.

When Sogno's secret residence in Turin, Italy, was presented to the world, there were only countless sketches with light strokes, which covered the walls that were originally covered with traces of thumbtacks.Some people say that these sketches are a souvenir from Girasole to Sogno, and some people speculate that the wall was once covered with intimate photos of the two of them, but no one can be sure whether these speculations are true, because there is no one Photos stay.There are only one sketch after another that is unknown by whom, allowing the world to speculate and imagine the angelic smiles of Sogno and Girasole.

I said: Jin, I forgot to collect the clothes to hang today, can you help me?

JIN nodded slightly and followed me back to my big house.I saw under the street lights, but there was no familiar blue car.There is still no message on my phone.

JIN has been very quiet, as if still immersed in the past and unable to get out.We collected all the clothes, and I sat on the sofa and folded them one by one, and Jin kindly went to help me make some light vegetable salad.

After all the clothes were folded, I raised my head and asked JIN who was cutting tomatoes and cucumbers in the kitchen.

I have a story too, would you like to hear it?

Jin looked at me with some surprise, but finally nodded.