Personality

He didn't like him at first, but with the dim light, he felt as if he had seen his face somewhere before.

He thinks this is just an illusion, because in his day and night life, there is no one who knows him well except the editor of the publishing house.

He has no relatives and no friends.He wandered around the world until he returned to Japan. At the age of 13, he finally went to Italy with a woman who was completely unknown to him. The woman asked him to call him mother.But she never raised him, nor hugged him like other mothers.

He didn't even understand why she came to find him and took him away from the small town where he grew up.Every day, he watched him wear lipstick that looked like blood, step on high heels, dress up and show off, leaving only a little money for him to eat.He gets along with himself in a strange country, dealing with life and all the subtle things in his heart.Just like the 14 years he spent with his grandmother and different foster people.

He will fall asleep with the broken rabbit doll that has been mended many times, he will tell himself fairy tales, and he will be very persistent in making a person believe that the world is beautiful.

This person is more important than his long-term isolation due to deafness, his mother who came to take away his mother seven years after his death, and his unknown father.This boy has a nice name, Girasole, which means sunflower in Italian.Always facing the sun, even if he can only hide in the shadow behind the light, looking at his smile will make him feel happy.

Girasole is his only friend, the whole secret.He loves Girasole as a shadow loves its master.

Girasole is a sunflower blooming in the sunshine of Turin, Italy, and he is a nocturnal animal that travels ambiguously under the sky of Tokyo, Japan.

At that time, his mother remarried.He can only return to Japan alone to make a living.Start to look for things in your own illusions in this gray city.Something you don't have in yourself.

When he was 20 years old, he met him.In a bar called CLOSED.If it wasn't for meeting him again later, if it wasn't for the murder later.Maybe they really can only look at each other through the drunken crowd and the blurred and coquettish smoke.Nothing will happen, and the story will not have such a violent beginning and end.

In his world, it may be dark but also very simple.Just him, and Girasole.After leaving Italy, Girasole rarely came out to talk to him.Although he sometimes looks in the mirror, he can still see him.

He felt very alone, and lonely.Seeing the name Jin appear on the list of candidate protagonists, his heart beat violently a few times, and he chose him almost without hesitation.He couldn't explain the emotions that rolled in his heart when he saw him again, he could only tell himself hypnotically.This person is just a little bit special than the others, that's all.

It wasn't until the moment he learned that he was suspected of being arrested that he understood the true meaning of the nameless emotion that had been circling in his heart.He's just an isolated kid dealing with the world in his fierce and direct way.Once he understands what love is.

So he goes to see him at the detention center, so he says to him in the shadow of a sunny fence: I believe you, Jen, I believe you didn't kill him.

He had no reason to believe him, to believe that there was no shadow in the smile he gave him.

Fall in love with someone and trust him unconditionally.

Love comes as soon as it is said, so fast and far beyond his imagination, even though he is still the man with the expression of not being playful, sitting in the corner smoking a cigarette coldly.But he knew better than anyone else that this was just a protective shell he had built since childhood.Because no one will protect him, because his deep inside is too soft, because he still can't find a suitable way to love him and accept his love.

Love is belief, love is patience, and love is kindness. When he learned to love someone as Kamenashi Kazuya, he would rather believe that love is such a simple appearance.

He remembers the fear that consumed him with anxiety as his therapist tore away the mask of politeness and started blackmailing him.He couldn't let his Ren know about this. What he cared about was not the criticism and strange eyes of the world on a schizophrenic novelist.All he cared about was this man.The person who will learn to cook for him, curl up on the sofa and wait for him to come back, kiss and hug him, and never smile at him.He can bear all kinds of discriminatory gazes, but he can't accept that the person he loves leaves him after he finds out that he is a psychopath with split personality.

Unable to find any way to solve this matter, the beast in clothes actually recorded his confiding in hypnosis into a tape, and asked him for money again and again.There is no other way but to give money, keep giving money.

He was literally going crazy, yelling at his lover hysterically.In fact, the medical record did not record too many things.But he has been overwhelmed by the fear that the secret may be revealed at any time.He has no way to treat him calmly as usual.

In the days of separation and no contact, his hallucinations are so abundant.It's just that it is no longer like a big flower blooming gorgeously like before, but a shameful face threatening him, twisted into huge vortexes one after another, swallowing him bit by bit and burying him.

The first time his will collapsed was in Turin, Italy, where his mother left him with a wandering painter, and his body belonged to Girasole.

When and when is the tipping point on the brink of collapse again?It was when he saw the news of the world tour of the photo exhibition on the fourth anniversary of Sogno's death on the streets of Shibuya that day, he returned home to face the tearful Girasole, and at the same time watched his love face the end of disillusionment.It was the same doctor who called him to his clinic late at night and brutally pushed him down on the sofa.

When he touched the fruit knife on the table and slammed it into the doctor's back, his fantasy of killing him for a moment of peace had been fulfilled.Throwing down the knife, he staggered back, opened the door and fled, accidentally kicking over the aroma lamp that helped hypnotize him.

He thought he had killed him.Covered in blood, she hid behind the curtain and trembled, and was hugged tightly by her lover who was looking for her.

Only then did he finally know that he also loved him unconditionally, no matter whether he was a patient with split personality or whether he had killed a doctor who threatened him.

Dang Ren changed into clean pajamas for him, hugged him into the soft blanket, pressed an affectionate kiss on his forehead, and watched him drink the milk mixed with sleeping pills.

You need to sleep well, you know?His smile was as gentle as ever, as if nothing had happened between them, no one died, no one went crazy.

He closed his eyes, feeling limp and powerless.However, the body who took sleeping pills for a long time did not fall asleep peacefully because of the subtle effects of the two pills.He can still hear the sound of him cooking porridge for him in the kitchen, and his heart is wandering between heaven and hell, vacillating.Paradise is a small apartment in which a lover lives, quietly listening to his voice in the dark night.Hell is a crime that is about to be exposed to the sun after dawn.There is no tomorrow, no future destination.

Everything is coming to an end.

He heard the sound of him picking up the key and going out. There was no salt in the kitchen, so he probably went to buy salt.There was a silent silence in his heart.Waiting for him to come back, he will be at ease with him.But 10 minutes later, he did not come back.It only takes 24 minutes from the apartment to the nearby 5-hour supermarket, and it only takes 10 minutes to go back and forth.After another 10 minutes, he still didn't come back. He began to worry about whether he had encountered an accident on the road, and he was restless, but his body could not move, so he could only open his eyes and wait in the dark.

An hour passed before he came back.While he was relieved, he was suddenly hit by a flash of thought in his mind.

He didn't dare to think deeply, as long as he saw his lover's face and his smile, he would feel at ease.

When the news came out, he stood in the sun for a long time holding the newspaper.Ren fell asleep sleepily on the bed behind him, with a sleeping face as clean and innocent as a newborn baby.He quietly came to him, quietly looking at his sleeping face.He really wanted to light a cigarette, but his fingers trembled, and the cigarette fell silently on the carpet.The liquid that hadn't appeared for a long time suddenly became uncontrollable, and quickly slipped from his eye sockets, warming his icy fingertips.

He covered his mouth and cried hard in front of his sleeping lover without making any sound.

The newspaper said that the doctor's fatal injury was in his chest instead of his back, and the fire caused by the overturned aromatherapy lamp lit the curtains. He remembered very clearly that the aromatherapy lamp he kicked over was placed at the door, very far away from the curtains. distant.

Who went back to create this fire again, without leaving any evidence or traces.

Probably from that time on, he began to doubt, and also began to understand that their love can only be fulfilled and lasted in this way.Other than that, there is no other way.

Suddenly, he felt that he could understand.He is experiencing this kind of love that challenges all moral norms and the limits of humanity.