Personality

We haven't been in touch since then.During that period, I took another drama and prepared to release my new single. Every day was crowded with announcements, and I even had very little time to sleep.Although the work is very busy, sometimes even the head is not clear.But I still miss him every day like a fool.I thought he knew me.A man, who would like to worry about three meals a day all day long, and who would like to squat next to the bathtub with foamy hands and wash a lot of expensive clothes.If you don't love someone so much, no man will be willing to do these trivial housework.

But the fact is that Kazuya didn't seem to understand my intentions at all, he didn't look for me, and he didn't call me.It seems that I, who is willing to learn how to cook for him, is just a dispensable decoration in his life.

During that time, I was wracked with thoughts and doubts every day.I miss this person who always treats others coldly, and wonder if he ever cared about me.What bothers me the most is what kind of ulterior secret Kazuya is hiding.If it was just an ordinary medical record, why did he keep it in such a secret place, and why did he suddenly lose his temper and even refuse to listen to my explanation?

There is no answer, the answer is in his heart.No one can know, including me, the person he once said seriously to believe in me.

During the days when I was cranky, I started to notice a few things.And also strange and even weird habits a lot.If the rabbit doll is pure fetishism, then I really can't think of what effect they have on Kazuya.I've never seen and opened them, at least not while I was around.I asked him, will reading fairy tale books help to write good works of suspense?He didn't answer me, just smiled and said, Ren, your food is probably burnt.I smell mush.

This is the case every time, and when I think about it now, He Ye hardly talked about himself in front of me, and he never directly answered the questions I raised about him.

Whether it was done on purpose or by nature, I really have no way of knowing.

It was a gray evening in November and it was very cold.I just finished the day's announcement, and Kazuya's face can't help but appear in my mind again.Holding the silent mobile phone, my car waited for the green light at the intersection.The crowd of people coming off work always seems to be extremely turbulent.One after another, unfamiliar faces with different identities, unrecognizable, came over like waves after waves.My new advertisement is being played on the huge TV screens on the streets of Shibuya, the voices of people are disorganized, and the chug of the car engine is like a huge glass cover, covering the pedestrians in a hurry.

Ever since I was with Kazuya, I gradually started to look at the world from another angle, not blindly indulging in it and paralyzing myself with alcohol and tobacco.Instead, he stood on the edge of the hustle and bustle of the world, watching calmly and coldly.Staying out of the situation in this way will make your eyes sharper and calmer.I am also learning to be such a person.

Kamenashi Kazuya, this man probably doesn't know that he can make Akanishi Jin, who is extremely stubborn, change so much for him.Never mind, I said to myself, one day he will know.

When the green light was about to turn on, I was about to start the engine, but unexpectedly met Kazuya.He didn't see me, walking alone among the crowd with a big bag of food.We hadn't seen each other for a long time, and I was no longer the cynical Akanishi Jin, but he didn't seem to have changed at all, still doing his own way.He is a person who stubbornly runs according to his own way and trajectory.He has become a universe by himself, and no one can interfere or try to change his life, and no one can change him.I stared at him for a long time, and finally got up the courage to rush out of the car and call him.Whether he ignores me or not, I will do the same.

However, the strange scene I saw at the end made me stop.

Passers-by were in a hurry, the red light on the sidewalk was already on, and Kazuya's hurried footsteps suddenly stopped.On the zebra crossing where no pedestrians crossed, he was the only one left standing there blankly.I saw in the sharp brake sound that he completely ignored the scolding of the drivers and gently covered his eyes with his hands.Weird behavior, I have always known that Kazuya's personality is different, maybe it is because the writer feels too lonely.But seeing his strange behavior on the street today, my heart is unstoppably surrounded by some uneasy emotions.

He ignored the surprised gaze cast upon him, or rather he didn't notice it at all.Just stood quietly in this posture for dozens of seconds.Then he took another step and hurried through the constant flow of traffic.At that time, I suddenly realized that he might have seen some pictures broadcast on the street TV, which caused him to act so strangely, but when I looked up, I only saw the ending picture of the news text flashing on the TV wall .

I couldn't control myself, and I followed him in the car, wanting to see what he would do next and where he would go.I admit, at that moment I felt more defeated and depressed than ever.When I thought I had entered Kazuya's world, I discovered that Kazuya's world, the world that has always been mysterious and unexplored, is still a confusing mystery.I thought I opened the door that had been closed in his heart, but found that I was still the person standing outside the door, ignorant of the sadness.

He didn't go anywhere else, but returned to his apartment.He looked very hurried, as if he was on an extremely urgent appointment.He never noticed that I was following, and I felt like a thief, driven by strong curiosity and anxiety, and followed him all the way upstairs.

Opening the door of the apartment, he actually didn't even bother to close the door and went straight in. The key was still in the keyhole and kept shaking.

Suddenly, there was an extremely uneasy premonition in my heart, as if I smelled something that was about to happen.Without warning, I thought of that boy.

At the end of the long corridor is the bathroom.I unconsciously stepped lightly, I don't know why I want to control my breathing, whether it's because I don't want Kazuya to find me, or for other reasons.

Can't think of anything, and the closer I get to the bathroom, the more blank my mind becomes.Can't think at all.I can only obey the strong desire in my heart and approach the bathroom step by step.

The sound of the clock, ticking, ticking.That "The Scream", and another Edwardian work that I went to buy with Kazuya - "Karl Johan's Evening", hung on the wall where I pressed my finger, and the color seemed to become more intense and bleak.like a metaphorical clue.

I heard the sound of my heart beating violently.

This time the bathroom door was not closed, it was just ajar.I completely forgot what I had been telling myself to trust Kazuya before. With a prying heart, I quietly stood outside the door and peeped through the crack of the door.

Hearing that slow language again, the speaker obviously couldn't express himself clearly, mixed with the voice of weeping, echoing in the empty bathroom.I saw Kazuya's back, standing in front of the sink, trembling uncontrollably.Before I had time to open the door and rush in, I went to ask He Ye what happened.And that inexplicable boy, why did he come to Kazuya again and again, why did Kazuya always try to comfort him.My hand was already on the doorknob, and in front of the huge mirror in the bathroom, I caught a glimpse of Kazuya crying alone, murmuring and repeating a sentence in an incomprehensible language.

Not dreaming.At dusk, at the hour of magic.Kazuya was standing in front of the huge mirror in the bathroom, almost crying convulsively. I could clearly see that it was not Kazuya in the mirror, but a young man with a sad face, saying the same sentence repeatedly, what they said It's the same sentence.They are not two people, they are one person.

Who are the teenagers, and who are they, and what are they weeping for?Who is crying again?

All I saw was Kazuya alone in the empty bathroom.

For the first time, I feel that language is a completely useless thing, and it is not enough to express my panic and fear.An unprecedented panic overwhelmed me completely, completely killing me.