drink moonlight alone

"I'm sorry." Zhou Qingyan's voice was low and hoarse, as thin as a mosquito, hidden indistinctly in the sound of the rolling tide.

I don't know if Zhou Weiyue really didn't hear clearly, or if he was stunned by what he heard, he asked in a daze: "What?"

"I said," Zhou Qingyan closed her eyes, then opened them again, staring straight at Zhou Weiyue with clear and bright eyes, "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry to leave without saying a word, leaving you alone in Buddha City."

As soon as the end of the sentence fell, a gust of swift wind blew up from the coast instantly, lifting the hem of the clothes, blowing against the face and brows, adding some lingering stickiness.Zhou Weiyue let go of the hand that was glued to Zhou Qingyan's wrist just now, and when it slowly slid down, her fingertips seemed to slip across Zhou Qingyan's palm, Zhou Qingyan's heart was itchy when he touched her, and then she raised her head, Zhou Weiyue has already looked away, looking at the mottled sea.

It is actually not as difficult as Zhou Qingyan imagined to announce this long-overdue apology. A sympathetic, blatant apology is much more upright and magnanimous.Zhou Qingyan knows that now is not the time, he has too many secrets, too many unspeakable, he can only greedy for an opportunity and break a small gap, time and time again, hoping that one day it will collapse Only by forming a huge open hole can we get a glimpse of the sun.

From the corner of the eye, Zhou Weiyue didn't speak, and she lowered her eyes and didn't know what she was thinking. The lengthy silence prompted Zhou Qingyan, even if she didn't show it on the surface, to burn inside and feel helpless.

Zhou Qingyan scratched his cheeks and ears for half a second, closed his eyes and settled down, and then said anxiously: "That..."

"sorry."

Zhou Weiyue's blurted words interrupted Zhou Qingyan's words, inexplicable and groundless, Zhou Qingyan could only stare in a daze, and slowly asked him in doubt: "Why?"

"All kinds." Zhou Weiyue tilted his head and smiled innocently. He took two steps forward until the sea was below his knees. "Although it may be too late to confess now, but..."

As the sea breeze raged, Zhou Qingyan heard a lot from Zhou Weiyue's mouth, which he had never known before, those hidden behind Zhou Weiyue's breezy and exquisite thoughts, the not-so-good childhood and darkness.The memory before the age of seven has already been covered with a thick layer of cloud shadow for me, throwing it in the long river of memory, it is futile to try to know the details, but Zhou Weiyue is different from himself, that memory is in his heart. In life, it is the most vivid, which is fiercely engraved in his blood bones, even if he wants to forget it, he will never forget it.

Before Zhou Weiyue was called Zhou Weiyue, he used to have a family and was not rich, but he was more than happy.When she was three years old, her mother was diagnosed with terminal colon cancer. Chemotherapy made her once amiable and beautiful face sallow and thin. After repeated heartaches, Zhou Weiyue passed away in the spring when she was four years old.Over the years, it is not only the mother who has been suffering from illness, but also the father. The huge medical expenses almost make the head of the family breathless. Losing part of the family income, it is so difficult to support a family alone. It takes a lot of courage.

At first, Zhou Weiyue's biological father still stubbornly pulled the child away, took several odd jobs, and tried to breathe in all kinds of trivial matters and loans.In Zhou Weiyue's memory, her biological father once said to him with a smile even though his face was tired and there were wrinkles under his sagging eyelids - our children don't have to be the most extraordinary, but they must be the most happy and healthy.

This is the kind of gentle and strong father who agreed to take him to buy a birthday cake on his fifth birthday, but after taking him to the door of a dilapidated and old orphanage for children, he turned and left the house without looking back. The end of the long road.

"To this day, I still don't understand why someone who is full of love is so determined to trample on this emotion."

"When I was seven years old, after my parents took me out of the children's welfare home, I used to envy and envy you for having a healthy family. Even though I knew my parents were busy, they always missed many important moments, but That's it, they have never touched the idea that their children are their own burdens, and they even know better than anyone else that they love you so much that they are willing to add a burden to you, adopt me, and bring me to you, just so that you can not be alone grew up."

Zhou Weiyue paused, and hummed a faint smile in a low voice, "While I hate you, I also try my best to please and respond to you, just because I am afraid that one day, you don't need me anymore, and I will Lose it all again."

"So I'm sorry, I was a terrible brother."

Zhou Weiyue always speaks in a correct manner, without any emotion in his tone. When ordinary people talk about the bad things in the past, they can't contain the indignation, sadness, and hatred, even if they feel sad after being indifferent, there is no trace to be found. He just looks like It's telling a story that has nothing to do with me. After finishing the story, I close the title page of the book, and there is nothing else.

But Zhou Qingyan was the only one who had been silent for a long time after listening to it, and suddenly the world turned pale, he could no longer perceive the smell and temperature of the space he was in, only the heart-piercing pain was left, reminding him of those unbearable things. Looking back, Zhou Weiyue's past has existed solidly.And my beloved younger brother, with contradictory emotions, disgusted and flattered at the same time, crossed the river by feeling the stones, staggered for a long and bumpy road, even if Zhou Weiyue opened his lips and said, Zhou Qingyan could no longer feel angry.

"elder brother?"

When he came back to his senses, his cheeks were cold and wet, but it wasn't rain, nor was the salty smell of seawater condensing on his face, because Zhou Qingyan deeply felt that the water was overflowing from his eye sockets and then falling on the corner of his mouth.Zhou Qingyan hurriedly raised her hand, wiped it on her face with the back of her hand, and said, "It's okay."

Seeing him crying, Zhou Weiyue lost her previous calmness, her eyes turned red in panic, and the water even diffused faster than Zhou Qingyan.He clamped Zhou Qingyan's hand that was ravaged so red that his eyes were red in worry, and asked hesitantly: "Are you angry with me? Then you can hit me, or scold me. If you can't, I'll teach you. "

After finishing speaking, Zhou Weiyue grabbed Zhou Qingyan's hand and was about to slap her face.

"No! No!" Zhou Qingyan was so anxious that he didn't care about 21. He struggled to break free from Zhou Weiyue's shackles, threw himself into his arms and hugged him tightly, "I'm not angry!"

"...don't cry."

A person who was crying tears, said this is true and has no confidence, but Shengzai Zhou Weiyue did not refute.

This hug took another season, and the last time we met again at the end of spring, I was full of lesson plans and had nothing to do, so I had to put my forehead on Zhou Weiyue's strong shoulder like a fool.Zhou Qingyan still remembers vividly that at that time, Zhou Weiyue was tangled in his peripheral vision, opened his hands and clenched his fists tightly, and finally fell powerlessly by his side, not embracing him as he expected.Maybe it was anger or accident, which made Zhou Weiyue not give him the hug that was touching and cherished after the long-lost reunion.

But his endless expectations were finally fulfilled today, one season later, Zhou Weiyue hugged her whole body, and patted her back every now and then.

"But bro, you cried—"

"I'm so sad!" Zhou Qingyan retorted in a muffled voice, the choking in his throat made him unable to speak a long sentence quickly, he could only blame himself for being a mother, and at the same time rejoice that Zhou Weiyue couldn't see his current appearance.

Zhou Weiyue seemed to be missing the point, but at this moment she blurted out and asked, "Why are you sad?"

"I just feel wronged for you, okay?"

"……Row."

Zhou Qingyan let go of the hug, and distanced himself a bit. The nasal tone in his angry tone made him limp, and he wanted to blame Zhou Weiyue for hiding him for such a long time, but he still thought about it. At this moment, he couldn't complain, so he swallowed the words reluctantly, "Don't you hate your father?"

"I mean, your dear father."

"I hated it, but so what? When I think about it carefully when I grow up, it's not incomprehensible. The responsibility of raising a child as an adult is too great, and he can't afford it. Compared with my mother, he has always been relatively independent. If you say it harshly, you might even be a cowardly person." Zhou Weiyue wiped away the tiny tears from the corners of her eyes, shrugged her shoulders, and smiled lightly, "If you can't find the rules to survive in the world, it would be too bad to talk about love and conceive a family. Responsible."

"Brother, are you really not angry with me?" Without waiting for Zhou Qingyan to comment, Zhou Weiyue hastily added a question after the words.

Zhou Qingyan raised his eyelids and stared at him, shook his head, and said, "Actually, I've always felt that way before."

"What do you think?"

"You're forcing yourself into the family."

The author says:

Sorry is true, pitiful is false, Xiao Zhou is still the actor Zhou