In order to survive, I do many jobs

The long aftertaste of summer has finally passed, and the cool autumn has officially occupied the whole of Tokyo.The maple leaves outside the window are in full bloom, and the sidewalk is covered with rustling dead leaves.

It is not only the season of harvest, but also the season of decline.Recently, articles describing Wusao in newspapers have started a new round of popularity, and reading them makes people feel chills and sneeze.

Personally, I love autumn, although the newspaper articles are particularly poignant and heartrending.

Not for anything else, just because - autumn is the season of crabs!

Osamu Dazai & I: Crabs!Long live! (raise arms and shout)

King crab, forever god.

How can there be such a perfect ingredient as crab in the world?Whether it's the mini black bean eyes or the big red pincers, they are so cute and attractive.Supplemented with a fat general's belly and a majestic outer shell, it is a miracle in the history of evolution that there is no fault in it.

Although it is a little troublesome to remove the crab shell, this mischievousness shows the innocence and playfulness of the crab meat, which is harmless.After the storm, there is a rainbow. The complicated process perfectly sublimates the final fruit, which can be described as the finishing touch.

Eating crabs is not only a need for food, but also a baptism of philosophical and spiritual exchanges.

People as picky as Osamu Dazai fell under the claws of the crab, which shows that the crab is the king who rules the world.

Osamu Dazai and I are really good at eliminating crabs. The grandmother who sells crabs in the nearby vegetable market is very impressed with us. My daily communication with her is very similar:

Her: "You are here."

Me: "I'm here."

She: "The goods have arrived, you check."

Me: "No need, I want both,"

Grandma quickly packed and weighed the money. I willingly offered my wallet to recharge my faith. Osamu Dazai picked up a crab tongs. A sharp corner is exposed.

Only in the matter of eating crabs, Osamu Dazai is very easy to understand, without any twists and turns, his emotions are clear at a glance, and his whole body is full of desire for food, which is so cute.

Although we in offshore Japan don’t have to stick to the season when we want to eat crabs, but seasonal dishes are high!Crabs with seasonal halo bonuses are completely different from the usual coquettish cheap crabs. They are so pure and sacred that people can't stop. How can we, who claim to be masters of crab cuisine connoisseurs, not look forward to the annual crab carnival day.

The first crab salvaged from the fishing boat in the early morning, bathed in the sea water and the breeze, gathers the essence of heaven and earth, gathers the aura of the sun and the moon, with excellent appearance and excellent appearance.No need for complicated cooking skills, just steam it in the pot, dip the peeled crab meat in the vinegar with minced ginger, a mouthful of heaven.

That's right, Osamu Dazai and I are both steamed and dipped in vinegar, and spicy crabs are heresies.However, our good friend Mr. Odasaku and his five cubs don't think so. They are all terrible spicy parties.

Don’t go to Mr. Oda’s house for dinner again. The turkey noodle seasoning package last time brought too much shadow to Osamu Dazai and me.In the past few days, I have dreamed that I raised a rooster that can lay eggs, and Osamu Dazai hugged the male mother who hatched eggs and repeated to me endlessly: the egg-laying rooster, the fighting chicken among the roosters oh yeah...

Too brainwashed, let me take it easy.

In order to eat the freshest turkey eggs, bah, I mean crabs - blame Dazai Osamu, what kind of turkey is it to mention, turkey is a Christmas arrangement, how can you change your mind during crab time, crabs will Crying - to eat the freshest crabs, we decided to get up early to catch the morning market.

Let Osamu Dazai get rid of the seal of the bed and get up early with me. He absolutely loves crabs.The soul of the foodie finally defeated the lazy cancer, and I shed tears of relief like an old father.

Osamu Dazai: What is the difference between getting up at four in the morning and staying up all night?

"That's the way it is, Mr. Odasaku, do you want to go to the morning market with us?" Dazai Osamu and I blocked Oda Sakunosuke at the door of the house, with a red turban on our foreheads to boost morale, full of fighting spirit, as if we were about to board Warriors on the battlefield, fighting for righteousness.

Although his righteousness is for the lord, our righteousness is for the crab... well, it's all about the details, ignore it.

"Okay, I'm just going to go shopping." Oda Sakunosuke, who was woken up early in the morning by us, didn't have the slightest sign of getting up. He took the red scarf I handed over very calmly, and joined our morning market team to go shopping together. .

Mr. Odasaku is really reliable. Although he can't bargain or pick dishes, he and Osamu Dazai stand behind me as the door god, which is quite cool and impressive.

One more person has more power. In addition to the fresh and plump hairy crabs that made Dazai Osamu's heart flutter, Mr. Odasaku and I also bought a batch of mackerel that was just fished out of the sea.Even though Osamu Dazai refused in every possible way, but today the mackerel is on sale, Mr. Odasaku and I, who are thrifty and housekeeping, will not pay attention to his unreasonable request.

No one can say no to discounts and specials, no one!

Mackerel and crab are standard on our table.Under the influence of Osamu Dazai and I's preferences, both are popular ingredients that we always have at home. There are many ways to eat them without getting tired of them. The more you eat, the more delicious the better.Our love for them is like Mr. Oda Saku's obsession with super spicy curry rice, and it doesn't need to be repeated, everything is self-evident.

However, Osamu Dazai, who was knocking on the bowl at the table and happily waiting for the meal, would always fall into a mysterious silence the moment he saw the mackerel, and his whole body was written all over the same kind from the hair to the heel. Tragic rejection and protest.

Osamu Dazai: "No, Qianye, why do you add mackerel every time... Could it be that you are deliberately targeting me?"

Osamu Dazai: The crab in his mouth suddenly tasted bad.

No, persecuting you only accounts for 99% of the reasons, and the most important 1% is because I want to eat it myself, please don’t speculate on me with the greatest malice.

No matter how Osamu Dazai expresses his protest, it can't change an indisputable fact - I am the top chef who dominates the kitchen, and a tenth-level handicapped person who waits to be fed to his mouth has no right to protest.

The "tenth-level life disability" here is just a metaphor of mine. Of course, Osamu Dazai is not a decadent otaku who does not work hard in his limbs and does not distinguish between grains and grains. You can tell by his nimble hands when he picks the lock. Osamu Dazai is a man of hard work.

Although laziness and fishing are his normal state, and this person really can't take care of himself at all, but his hands-on ability and imagination are really top-notch, which often amazes me.

For chestnut:

One day not long ago, when I came home from school, I was about to tidy up the stock in the refrigerator as usual, and make soup for Jiaojiao at home.

To be honest, I quite like cooking, and everyone knows the joy of feeding cats. Putting Osamu Dazai on a diet can be listed as one of the ten most memorable achievements in my life.

The first thing I do when I get home is naturally to go back to my room and change into my school uniform.When I went downstairs in my home clothes, my guardian Osamu Dazai was lying on the sofa humming as usual. The demonic song of martyrdom reverberated throughout the living room, and I couldn't help singing it out of brainwashing.

Osamu Dazai & me: "Lulululu, it's not okay to die for love alone, but it's okay for two people, eh~"

Speaking of which, there are indeed two people here... Hey, goodbye, the water quality in the river is not good recently, and it’s no problem to enter the water, but I don’t want to swim with the ups and downs of household garbage in the water, it’s not refreshing at all.

In the tune of the song of dying for love, Dazai Osamu and I received the identity cards corresponding to the black cats who eat salted fish and the cats who are preparing to cook, took our seats, and started tonight's warm family comedy time together. The first round of the act, Action!

Everything was so harmonious and friendly that I couldn't detect the signs of tragedy in time and strangle it in the soil, I hate it.

No, it's never my fault.What is blinding my eyes?What made the famous detective lose his judgment?What makes the beautiful girl show her gorgeous face?

It's him, it's him, our friend little Nezha!

Bah, please forgive my brain corrupted by strange lyrics, where did the little Nezha come from, I am talking about Dazai Osamu-a god-like strange man.

God is the God of neurosis.

At that time, I was still a poor and innocent girl. I didn't know the gift given by fate, and the price had already been secretly marked.

When I walked into the kitchen, an indescribable smell poured into my nasal cavity, which made me tremble instantly, and I was as awake as a ghost.

In the psychedelic perspective for a moment, the beautiful and moving sister Sadako seemed to be hanging upside down on the ceiling and waved to me, and said to me kindly: "Master, come and play~ Come on, come on~"

No, no, no luck.

How about this taste?It's not bad smell, and it's pretty good after careful tasting.But the more I thought about it, the more something went wrong, and the more I thought about it, the more I was terrified. I was completely ignorant and couldn't smell its specific raw material from the gas molecules diffused in the air. Now that I think about it, it might come from the other side of the underworld.

The specialty of hell is not an ingredient that living people like us can get our hands on.

Mysterious items were gurgling in the black frying pan, and I stared gravely at the foam spreading from the edge of the lid.It is not an ordinary white bubble, but a poisonous colored bubble, blue, blue and purple mixed together, very strange.

I wondered: What does Osamu Dazai cook to make rainbow bubbles?It has already involved my blind spot of knowledge, which kind-hearted person is willing to Google it for me?

Even though my curiosity scratched my heart and lungs, I didn't have the courage to lift the lid of the pot of fate to see what big treasure was hidden underneath.I admit that I am cowardly, I still have a beautiful life, and I don't want to give away my head for nothing.

With a small expectation of cherishing life, I decided to have the courage to ask the culprit—the biggest suspect with an innocent face in the living room.

Stop pretending, no one else can do this kind of thing except you!Tell me the truth, Chef Ben, what did you do to my little kitchen?It's just a little kitchen that's less than a year old!

"Mr. Dazai...what's in the pot?" I asked tremblingly on the door frame, my face was ashen, my eyes were filled with despair and a trace of imperceptible hope, like a flame in a strong wind, dying, about to die. dog leash.

No, no, give me an answer that normal people can accept, even poisonous mushrooms are fine!How in line with your style, I will try my best to convince myself that I will never question you.

Although I did say that I hope Osamu Dazai can share some of the housework, cooking is definitely not included in it.

Leaving aside the issue of the indistinguishability of sugar and salt, I am afraid that if I eat the food he cooks, I will eat wonderful poisonous mushrooms. Sent to the hospital for gastric lavage.

The earth is too dangerous, mom, I want to go back to Mars.

"Oh, is the stew ready?" Osamu Dazai took off his earphones, sat up from the sofa happily, and ran to the kitchen cheerfully.

It was the first time I saw him devote himself to the culinary career so actively, and my heart panicked as if five hundred deer were rushing about desperately.

Don't bump into it, you'd be stupid if you bump into the child again, so let me breathe.

At this moment, the harbinger of the end of the world is unfolding before my eyes, and saving the world is only in my mind.As a partner of justice, I resolutely risked my life and followed Osamu Dazai, watching him lift the lid of the pot of fate full of expectation with awe-inspiring eyes.

Me: Don't you really think the colorful bubbles are scary?Be honest, did you pour Skittles and dish soap into the pot!This is a new pot!

Since the fried seafood and fried rice burned the pot that day, I bought two new pots when the supermarket sold pots and bought one and got one free.I thought they could live until the next spring no matter what, but Osamu Dazai took advantage of my absence to kill them like this.

What a cruel man, he is unwilling to let go of innocent little pots, I am sad and weep.

As the gap between the lid and the cooking pot gradually widened, the door to a new world slowly opened for me.Behind the door is a gorgeous light, the BGM of the horror game is playing in my ears, and the mysterious smell is menacing.

"Completed!" Satisfied, Osamu Dazai poked the unknown item in the pot with his chopsticks, and said to me in a mysterious and flaunting tone: "Would you like to try it at Qianye? This is my favorite work."

"May I ask what your work is...?" I grabbed his arm, only dared to stick out half of my head, and treated the thing in the pot with the same nervous attitude as I would treat a time-bomb.

"This is Vibrant Stewed Chicken!" Osamu Dazai maintained a high level of excitement, turned into the UP owner of the gourmet area, and explained to me in detail from the recipe to the production process.Many of these steps made me break out in a cold sweat, and I deeply felt that this should not be a field that people should set foot in.

This vivid on-site cooking teaching class is more serious than when he taught me criminal training in Hong Kong and Heilongjiang. Which mountain gate did I enter and what kind of teacher did I worship?It's not nice to meet people, it's not nice to meet people!

Osamu Dazai not only passed on the recipe to me, his beloved disciple, but also tried to overpower Amway, trying to pull my thinking to the same level as his, and then use his rich experience to defeat me.

I've seen through Dazai Osamu's plot, he can't succeed!

Osamu Dazai personally did the whole stewed chicken from the plate to the decoration, and he proved to me with practical actions that this is indeed his "proud work"—a "proud work" that he could cry for me without even tasting it.

Me: ... Please excuse my refusal.

Although I am an out-and-out chef, please don't treat me and Akutagawa Ryunosuke as the same species. I am a rational chef, and I don't belong to the same faction as the radical chef next door.

Excessive butchering will simply lose the ability to think, and will not do anything except copy Rashomon's crazy output, which is very useless.But the rational chef is different. I can face Osamu Dazai’s coquettishness unmoved, and while frantically taking screenshots in my heart, I coldly reject his unreasonable demands.

Yes, I am so duplicity.I'm not afraid that Osamu Dazai will cry for me to see, the pear blossom with rain version of Maomao... Isn't that better!Sudden Excitement.jpg

"Try a bite of Qianye sauce, I'm very confident! Both Ango and Oda Saku said it was delicious!" How could Osamu Dazai give up so easily, and he would never be reconciled to not persecuting his poor ward.

"No." I crossed my hands on my chest, drew a big cross, and my face was full of rejection.

Absolutely not, being sent to the emergency department by ambulance in the middle of the night is too embarrassing, save me some face, I am also a BOSS person anyway.

"Qianye sauce~ try it, it's really good!" Dazai Osamu held his stewed dynamic chicken, and circled with me in the kitchen without giving up, trying to feed me anyway.

I darted left and right, up and down, forward and back, and used my height advantage to deal with him in a narrow space, defending my life to the death.

For the first time, I was so thankful for my smallness.

What's wrong with the dwarf!You tall people can't even imagine how flexible the little dwarf's body is!Look at this bandage spirit, it can't help me at all!

The magic of our love in the kitchen goes round and round, thinking of you, thinking of the heart, night and day... Bah, why am I singing again, is the music library capacity overloaded?Come back and let me clean up the memory.

However, it turns out that the kitchen is not a place for chasing and fighting, and the result of not listening to the teacher is that both of them have received a beating from fate.

The floor of our kitchen is tiled, and the cooking pot in Dazai Osamu's hand is full of soup, and you know the tiles, it's okay if there is no water, but when it sees water...

With a sound of "baji", I stepped on the tiles and slipped on the sole of my foot, and a head hammer went straight to Osamu Dazai's right hand, the position of the refrigerator door threshold.

After this blow, I am afraid that it was not a concussion that was sent directly to the ICU. I was really terrified at the time. If my smart brain was damaged by a stewed chicken, I would not be able to die in peace.

In desperation, Osamu Dazai dropped the cooking pot in his hand without hesitation, quickly took me into his arms with his right hand, retracted his arms, and firmly protected my head.

As the cooking pot fell to the ground with a clang, Osamu Dazai's shoulder hit the refrigerator due to the impact. "Hmm!" He snorted muffledly, with unconcealable pain in his voice, but he didn't let go of his hand protecting me.

With pots hitting the ground and soup splattering, tonight's family comedy officially turns into a moment of horror.

Today's Soul Question: What turned the villainous duo who frightened the enemy into a talented player who failed to perform?Why is my rich stage experience taken away again?At the scene of a car accident, how does the duo, whose wings were broken on the road to chasing their dreams, regain their dreams?

For the above content, please pay attention to today's program - "Anhe Family's Rice: Vigorous Stewed Chicken Special Collection", the special star Mr. Osamu Dazai recommends it to you.

At the end of the show, we will also open the reservation channel for the dishes of this episode. Friends who like it, don’t forget to call the number at the bottom of the screen. The first [-] friends who make reservations will be eligible to try Mr. Dazai’s masterpiece first.The number of places is limited, buy more and get more free, you will earn if you grab it, and it is better to act than to act.What are you waiting for, come and buy now!

Now, let us turn the camera back to the two injured sand sculptures in the kitchen——

"Mr. Dazai! You didn't get burned, did you?" I sucked in a breath of cold air while curling up in Dazai's arms, and asked him reluctantly.

The soup on the ground was still steaming hot, and most of my trousers were splashed wet, making me hiss.But because I stood in front, Osamu Dazai should not have been burned.

"...Arm hurts." Osamu Dazai complained in a low voice, "Qianye rub it for me."

"Wait for me to change my clothes...do you still have burn ointment at home?" I supported his uninjured arm, and he held my waist for balance. We maintained the posture of conjoined twins, bouncing out kitchen.

During the movement, the disabled duo looked at each other, not understanding why the situation had reached this level.

It was obviously just a dark dish, but Osamu Dazai broke an arm, and I broke a leg. Both were injured. Only the green radish in the kitchen that absorbed most of the essence of the soup was the final winner.

not good!How did the winner turn black in the end?Ahhhhhhh it's dry!it's dead!

"Mr. Dazai, is this the masterpiece you want me to have a bite of?" I pointed tremblingly at the green radish that was still alive a few minutes ago. The dying leaves speak of human atrocities.

It's a disaster for no reason, I've suffered for you, Xiaolu, I will definitely give you a burial.

"Maybe it's because I added too much dish soap." Osamu Dazai said indifferently, as if he wasn't the one who tried to murder me earlier, "Don't worry Qianya-chan, Ango and Oda Saku have tried it, and it didn't work at all. question."

What a confident tone, I was immediately in awe when I heard this.

As expected of someone who can be friends with Osamu Dazai, Mr. Ango and Mr. Odasaku have stomachs comparable to that of Suehiro Tetsugu, and they lost out.

Although the ending was bleak, Osamu Dazai finally couldn't persecute me with his Vitality Stewed Chicken, even if he was a little bit scalded, it is a blessing.

"I'm going to get the burn ointment, Qianye hasten to change clothes." Osamu Dazai dug out the medicine box in the living room and urged me to go upstairs.

"Mr. Dazai, is your arm okay?" I reached out to check the situation, but I was afraid of poking his unknown pain point, so I gave up.

When Osamu Dazai hit the refrigerator just now, it hurt to look at it. There must be a non-slip blanket in the kitchen. I will buy it tomorrow.

"I'm fine. Qianye don't dawdle anymore, really, don't you feel hurt? You're still asking me at this moment..."

Osamu Dazai ruffled his hair a little irritably, looked at me with a sense of helplessness, and lowered his voice, "Hey, I'll bring you an ice pack. Qianye went back to his room to change into a dress so that I can apply the medicine. obedient."

"I know..." I nodded obediently, and glanced at his bandage-covered arm anxiously, planning to ask Osamu Dazai to take a look at me later, to see if I should apply some safflower oil or something .

Do you have safflower oil at home?Mr. Odasaku's house should be prepared, right?Go back and ask.

"Hiss——" As soon as I got back to the room, I bared my teeth regardless of my image, and jumped on the spot, painfully.

I carefully peel off the cloth stuck to the skin, the wet soup staining the fibers a dark hue.I looked down at the red patch on my thigh, and felt that the fleeting time was not good.

A strong villain will never succumb to pain... woo woo woo, it hurts so much, I'm hungry and hurt.

Thanks to Osamu Dazai, today's dinner is gone again.

Although I can cook again as a disabled person, I have PTSD about the kitchen filled with the "smell" of vigorous chicken at this time, and I don't really want to risk my life to accompany the gentleman.

Let's order a takeaway...Technology changes life, Mr. Liu, when will you open a takeaway section for Jungle? Wow, there are a lot of takeaway guys in my mackerel cult waiting to be fed.

Thank you world, thank you JK, I put on the short skirt again, and I was satisfied to find that the school uniform skirt of the ice emperor can just cover the burn, without showing at all.Perfect, I don't want to be questioned about my physical condition at school, which would damage my stalwart image.

Although I don't seem to have an image... don't be like this, people always have dreams, I can do it.

"Applying medicine, applying ice...it's so troublesome." I muttered and went downstairs, not very willing.

It's just a slight burn, and it will heal itself if left alone.But seeing Osamu Dazai's posture, I can only obediently follow the instructions in the instruction manual and take the medicine on time three times a day. It is very troublesome to think about it, and I make a lazy sound.

On the coffee table was an ice pack that had just been taken out of the refrigerator. Because it was hard and cold to apply directly, it was uncomfortable, but it was carefully wrapped in a towel and put aside for later use.I also folded the furry blankets to cover my legs. After all, autumn is not summer. Even if I only wear short skirts indoors, I will feel cold.

Osamu Dazai was looking down at the instruction manual of the burn ointment carefully, when he heard footsteps, he raised his head and glanced at me, reached out and patted the place beside him, motioning for me to sit down.

"It's only a little hot...isn't it necessary?" I sat sideways on the sofa hesitantly, put my legs on Osamu Dazai's thighs as instructed, and grabbed the hem of the skirt uncomfortably.

In order to make it easier for him to apply the medicine, we sat very close.The slightly raised legs left a small gap between the thighs and the sofa, and the feet could not touch the sofa. Most of the body's support was on Osamu Dazai, and if he was not careful, he would fall backwards and fall off the sofa.

In order not to cause secondary damage today, I tried my best to maintain my balance, and the fabric at the corner of the skirt was almost pulled bald by me.

"Just use this." Osamu Dazai finally read the instructions, picked out a tube of several burn ointments, and put the rest back into the medicine cabinet.

He unscrewed the cover, scraped off a smear of hoarfrost with his fingertips, looked up at me, slightly raised his jaw, and signaled me to show him the wound.

Wound……

I looked down at my knee-length skirt and fell into deep thought.

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Qianye: How about I come by myself?

Wait a minute, I'm not a third-degree disabled person, why did Osamu Dazai have to give me medicine?How things happened to this point, I can't figure it out!