thinking far away

With a sallow complexion and a thin body, no longer the glamorous appearance of the past, Lu Si held Lu Wan's hand and called her over and over again.Lu Wan opened her eyes slightly, and stroked Lu Si's hair with difficulty. Lu Wan had worked hard for many years and became sick. After giving birth to Lu Si when she was young, she didn't have a good rest and went to work. The root cause of the disease was that she couldn't hold on and fell ill.

Lu Si's one-year working money was used to treat Lu's mother. After the operation, he took medicine every day for laboratory tests. After a period of treatment, Lu Wan's health gradually improved.On the contrary, Lu Si ran around the company hospital all day long, his body became thinner and thinner, his face was pale, and he looked more like a patient.

Lu Wan patted Lu Si's hand to persuade him: "Sisi, can we die? My illness will never get better, and all your savings have been spent on me. I can stay on this for a few years. ? Mom doesn’t want to see you working so hard, I feel sorry for you, you listen to me, you’re dead.”

Lu Si refused: "Mom, what are you talking about? Aren't you getting better soon? Healing is useful. You love me, but I don't love you. Do you let me watch you sick and uncomfortable?"

"I know my body well. I didn't take good care of my body when I was young, and it will come back with revenge when I get old. Sisi, I don't want to stay in the hospital for the last time. There is no chance for my wish to come true, now I just want to go home and live my last days quietly, can you help mom realize her last wish?"

Lu Si went home to cook porridge for Lu Wan, but her hands couldn't control her, and the basin fell to the ground with a loud noise.Lu Si stood blankly staring at the bowl in a daze, and slowly leaned against the side wall and slid down, his body shook violently, bit his wrist and cried.He will lose his mother, and his mother will abandon him...

Lu Si went through the discharge procedure the next day, and he sent Lu Wan back to Anxi, and stayed with her until she died.Lu Si woke up in the original room, surrounded by thick darkness like a monster with a mouth wide open to swallow him, Lu Si sat up with his knees wrapped around his knees, and buried his face in his arms.The voice in my heart kept repeating, Qi Yuan, Qi Yuan...

Lu Si stayed with Lu Wan in Anxi for a long time. Lu Wan lay in a rocking chair and basked in the sun in the yard. Lu Si lay on Lu Wan's lap and hugged her waist. Lu Wan followed Lu Si's hair and asked him: " When will you find a girlfriend to show me?"

Lu Si was silent for a while before saying, "Don't worry."

"How can I not be in a hurry, I still want to see you get married and have children in my lifetime."

"Mom, don't say that, you can live a long time."

"Silly boy, I have nothing to miss, only you to worry about."

"..."

Seeing that he didn't speak, Lu Wan sighed, "You're still waiting for Qi Yuan, aren't you?"

Lu Si raised his head in shock: "Mom, you..."

Lu Wan smiled helplessly: "I know, I know. You like him. I originally wanted you two to separate, but he left before I could stop you. I don't need to tell you again. When you are old You don't understand anything when you are young. But you haven't had any contact with any girl in the past few years, so I understand..."

"Mom, I'm sorry..."

"You don't need to apologize to me, you didn't do anything wrong, but I spent my whole life waiting for that person, I don't want to see you make the same mistakes... You are my son, I depend on you for life, and I wish you well in whatever you do. He has been gone for almost seven years, and he hasn't contacted you for so many years. Does he still remember you? Will he come back? There is still a change of heart between men and women, let alone you two men? I don't want to see you go the wrong way ah."

Lu Si's eyes were dim: "Mom, I don't know, but I don't want to give up."

"Mom won't force you. I'm almost dying. What else can I not think about? The only thing Mom didn't do wrong in her life was giving birth to you. You are sensible and obedient. You have never complained about not having a father since you were a child. What I am most sorry for is also you."

Lu Si hugged Lu Wan and shook her head: "Mom, can you stay for a few more years? You can stay with me... Don't you want to see me happy? When Qi Yuan comes back, I will bring him to see you, okay? Don't leave me, I beg you, don't go, I only have you...you go, what should I do? Don't go..."

Lu Wan hugged Lu Si without answering, the leaves were rustling by the wind, leaving only a sigh drowned in the wind.

After all, Lu Wan couldn't make it through. When Lu Wan passed away, Lu Si held the funeral alone. He was wearing a black suit and was thin. He sat in front of the tombstone and looked at the photos of Lu Wan before his death. His eyes were slightly blank. In the photos, Lu Wan smiled like a flower and his eyes were gentle. , as before.He couldn't cry anymore, but his heart was twisted together and dripping with blood.

Hearing someone calling him from behind, he turned his head and saw Chen Lanzhi and Tang Jiyu standing together. He didn't bother to explore why these two people were together, but just nodded to Tang Jiyu in response.

Tang Jiyu touched his face and frowned: "Why are you so thin?"

Lu Si avoided his hand and shook his head, Chen Lanzhi stepped forward to put the bouquet on the ground and bowed.Lu Si looked coldly at what Chen Lanzhi had done and didn't say anything. His mother had exhausted all her love, hatred, sorrow, and joy just for this man. She told him to let go, but presumably if there was a chance, she would still want to leave before she left. Let's see him again.

"You..." Chen Lanzhi was still a little uneasy when facing Lu Si, "Are you okay by yourself?"

"Don't bother."

"I didn't know she was so ill, I couldn't come to see her for the last time, I..."

"You have never cared about her sincerely, and no matter how much you say, it won't help."

"You still blame me... I never thought of abandoning you all those years ago, and I've been feeling guilty for so many years."

Lu Si smiled sarcastically: "Can guilt bring back my mother's life? You never thought about abandoning us. It's because you never thought about being responsible from the beginning to the end. After all, you changed your mind when you were with my mother." gone."

Hearing Lu Si denying him, Chen Lanzhi's expression changed drastically: "I didn't! I was drunk, and I woke up and lay with a woman, and she made a fuss at my door, saying that she was pregnant and I was responsible. I don’t remember! I was also forced!”

Lu Si couldn't believe it: "You know you are responsible when she is pregnant? My mother is also pregnant! Why didn't you stand up and take responsibility when she was in the most difficult time?! You think you have taken care of everything and everything you do is That's right, but I never thought how unfair it would be to my mother!"

Chen Lanzhi was shocked, her voice lowered with sadness: "I don't know, I don't know about her... She didn't tell me, if she said it, it wouldn't be like this..."

Lu Si closed her eyes and was terribly disappointed with the man in front of her: "What do you think of my mother...? If you use me to restrain you, it would be an insult to her feelings. Have you ever known her?... You haven't, You have always loved yourself."

Chapter 12

Before Chen Lanzhi left, he wanted to take Lu Si away, but Lu Si resolutely refused. Tang Jiyu couldn't help holding Lu Si back: "Can you take care of yourself alone? Why don't you come with us, I can still be with you. Dad already knew he was wrong, and he wants to make it up to you now, can't you give him a chance?"

Lu Si was stunned: "What did you just say? What do you call him?"

"I'm sorry, Lu Si, I didn't tell you... I should actually be called Chen Jiyu. We are half brothers."

Lu Si pushed Chen Jiyu's hand away, and looked at the latter with a strange expression: "No wonder, no wonder...you have a wrong expression from the very beginning, you have been lying to me? Tang Jiyu, Chen Jiyu! Is it fun?"

"Lu Si, I didn't mean to lie to you. If I had told you that I was Chen Jiyu, would you still accept me?"

Lu Si just felt tired: "Leave me alone...you go, don't come to me again, okay? I don't blame you, but I don't want to forgive, so just be a stranger, okay? I don't want to leave with you , that is your home, not mine."

They are a complete family, no matter who was with whom first, there will be no place for Lu Si in the end.No one is right or wrong, it's just a wrong relationship delivered to the wrong person.

Chen Jiyu was silent for a while and asked him, "Are you still waiting for Qi Yuan?"

Lu Si turned and left and said lightly: "I promised him."

Three years later, the early winter was much warmer than usual. Lu Si bid farewell to the editorial assistant, wrapped up his coat and walked on the street.After Lu Wan passed away, he quit his original job and became a columnist for a magazine. In recent years, his spirit has been poor and his body can't afford too heavy work. It's better to support himself at home.

Just now the assistant lady discussed with him to write some interviews with talented young entrepreneurs, and after the selection of candidates was settled, she treated the little girl to a meal before leaving.The little girl first entered the society, young and cute, and always fantasized about the sudden arrival of unswerving love. She still remembers the first time Lin Miao saw him, she asked him with a puzzled look: "Why do you look so sad?" ?” He smiled lightly: “You don’t know me yet, why do you think I’m sad?”

Lin Miao observed that there was something in the corner of his eyes: "I always feel that you will cry in a second."

Lu Si couldn't help laughing. Girls are too sensitive, and he has experienced a lot. He thought that his wounds were hidden in his heart and healed by time, but he didn't expect that many years later, a strange girl would ask him if he was sad.She also asked him why he didn't find a girlfriend. He kept one action for a long time without speaking. She didn't ask him. He almost forgot what he insisted on for so many years. It was no longer an obsession, but a habit. .

Unknowingly walking into the rented community, Lu Si raised his eyes and noticed a black SUV that he had never seen before parked downstairs.