Pet me, are you addicted?

The first time I met Liu Jiating in the provincial capital was that night.This is our reunion after three years. We walked around the West Lake.That's right, it's the West Lake, and the provincial capital also has a West Lake.I also just learned that there is also a West Lake in the provincial capital. My first impression of the provincial capital West Lake is that it is delicate and elegant.Although it is said that the West Lake in the provincial capital is not like the West Lake in Hangzhou, "the water is bright and sunny, and the mountains are empty and rainy." But the West Lake in the provincial capital also has its own unique beauty. The water in the West Lake is quiet and elegant, just like a lady .

Three years after graduating from university, Liu Jiating still failed to marry herself, not even a boyfriend.I said casually to her, let's try to have a relationship.After saying this, I regretted it, thinking that I must have been brainwashed by my mother.Liu Jiating thought about it seriously and asked me what to do with my sex life.Of course I know it's impossible. At our age, it's impossible to maintain a platonic love.After vetoing this plan, Liu Jiating began to treat me as a relationship counselor, telling me about her latest prey.

The reason why Liu Jiating often contacts me is to talk to me about emotional matters.She totally treats me like a free relationship counselor.And my rich non-mainstream love history seems to be able to cope with any difficult problems from her.Since I came out to them, Liu Jiating seems to be more enthusiastic about me, and Liu Jiating, like me, has never had a public relationship experience, which made me suspect that Liu Jiating is a jerk.

Later, Liu Jiating often talked to me, and the scale of our communication greatly exceeded the normal topics between men and women.I keenly feel that Liu Jiating's sexual indifference is like a very traditional woman, and I think it is precisely because of this that she cannot grasp the hearts of men emotionally.But I don't know how to tell her that in this materialistic age, traditional character doesn't know whether it's a good thing or a bad thing.

Liu Jiating's new prey this time is her colleague, but not from the same department.Liu Jiating felt that every time he passed by her desk, he would sneak a few glances at her.But this is only what Liu Jiating thinks. According to my guess, Liu Jiating should secretly glance at him every time he passes by.

Liu Jiating refused to admit it, insisting that the other party was secretly in love with her, and she was just passively agreeing.After hearing Liu Jiating's story, I felt very worried, because I didn't feel there was love between them, but only ambiguity.In the unfamiliar stage of meeting for the first time, ambiguity may increase mutual affection for the further development of the relationship.However, they have known each other for at least a year and a half, and their ambiguity has already delayed the best time for dating, and the mystery between them has disappeared.

Sure enough, my guess turned into reality a few months later.That day, Liu Jiating almost cried and called me out to meet her. "I'm really not going well in both career and love." She complained to herself.It turned out that in terms of work, the company recently promoted employees, but Liu Jiating's department did not get a single job.As for love, because she couldn't bear the passiveness of the other party, Liu Jiating sent him a text message to break up the relationship.

Obviously, Liu Jiating is a simple woman with complicated thoughts, always making simple things complicated.I told her that breaking up the relationship was too impulsive.I can understand Liu Jiating's impulsiveness.But her fickleness surprised me.A few days later, she told me that she had withdrawn the letter of resignation from the other party.Woman, what a fickle chameleon.

This time I went back to my hometown to start a new life, maybe it was the time when I least thought of myself in the past 20 years.I wouldn't have come to talk about me as a villain if this return hadn't first confirmed—at least temporarily—my importance to my mother, and the importance of my hometown to me.

Many times during this time, I would relive the conversations with my mother when we were enjoying the shade on the balcony on the second floor every night in summer from another direction.Since we had dinner at that time and there was still some time before the Golden Theater, our family did not have the habit of watching news broadcasts, so we sat on the balcony to enjoy the cool.

Now when night falls, we stay up late, and after dinner we can't wait to sit in front of the screen.In the past, when enjoying the cool on the balcony, it was a pleasure to see the night sky under the sky against the long stars, or to find the brightest star in the night sky.

Now, the surrounding houses are built higher and higher, and there is no good view to look up at the starry sky, and the fun no longer exists.In the evening, the setting sun hung on the top of the mountain and slowly set, and the rare sunset glow reflected the corner of the sky in the west.The thin grandmother walked vigorously and fed several captive chickens and ducks, and everything seemed peaceful and peaceful.After a while, at one end of the village, the afterglow of the setting sun has disappeared, while at the other end, the moon has risen, and the moonlight will soon illuminate the entire village.

Sometimes, I will walk alone on the empty lawn in front of the house.The moonlight shines on me and passes through my body.I turned around, sometimes following my own shadow, sometimes being followed by the shadow, like a pair of twin stars moving in a circle according to certain rules.

But more often, I sit opposite my mother.Although she doesn't show it often, I can feel that her inner confusion towards the evil son in front of her has become more and more intense.We tried to communicate, just like I used to chat with her when I was a child. However, although she and I have returned to the close distance, the distance between our hearts has been difficult to close.

In addition, I tried to explain to her over and over again that it was not a disease, everything was normal, and it was not normal when it was corrected.Whenever I talk about loss of interest, I swear that I will never mention this matter again in the future, just treat it as a person in two worlds, and don't have anything to do with it.

I was disappointed that my mother had no time to learn about these things, and she acted restless.So, I racked my brains, hoping to find a few metaphors, such as being left-handed, to explain that I am normal.When my mother retorted that most people born left-handed end up right-handed, I couldn't think of a better metaphor.

I felt that my imagination and judgment had weakened, and I even began to question whether homosexuality was really normal.I feel that the night sky is not only not beautiful, but also dark and irrelevant.Not because I see many concrete differences between the night sky and the night sky I remember, but because I have moved away from the places I experienced when I lived a different life, so between these places and me, There is no longer that kind of analogy that can make a happy memory happen in a moment without knowing it.

I don't quite know what its nature is, but I sadly think that my imagination and judgment must have been weakened, so that I can't see the beauty of the night sky, and I even start to question things I used to be so sure about.I told my mother that my only request was not to get married.Yes, I can live without a boyfriend, and I can live alone for the rest of my life, but I must never cheat a woman and live with her for the rest of my life hypocritically.Compared with marrying a woman, I will be happier and happier alone.

My mother's understanding of this kind of thing is shallower than I imagined. She cares more about the eyes of others than about my happiness or my life, which adds to my sadness.She said to me: "How can it be possible to be a bachelor all your life? What will everyone think of you in the future? You will be killed by everyone's contemptuous eyes, and people will laugh at you for having no offspring." As we talked, I found tears in the corners of my mother's eyes. .

In the end, my mother made a statement, hoping that I would let nature take its course.There are layers of people, and these layers are different, there is a man-like character, and there is a woman-like character.People show one level at times and another level at other times.

To this day, I'm still not convinced that such a thing as being gay is normal.Because of the long-term contact and acceptance of this phenomenon, I have established a kind of identity in my heart, and I am not willing to violate those identities I have generated, even if I have not signed these identities.

Speaking of mother, she is a very strong woman, but she has a paranoid side.I remember the first time I talked about this topic with her, it was when I was working in Chongqing.At that time, not long after Li Lei and I broke up, I was talking to my mother on the phone under the shade of a tree in front of the library of Gongshang University.

She said to me: "Don't be afraid, child, you can tell mom about anything, you are my sweet baby." So, I told her that I don't like women, but men.While I was waiting for my mother to be angry or cry bitterly, she laughed and said, "Son, you haven't tried it at all, how do you know you don't like women."

This sentence disrupted all my thinking for many years, and made me realize that the road is not as simple and clear as I used to think.What I find most gratifying, however, is that I have finally begun the long journey of coming out to my mother.However, what troubles me is that my mother has not made any progress in this aspect for so long.

For a whole month, stay in this country house full of idyllic scenery.In this kind of residence, there is usually a small courtyard next to the building.There are usually a few poultry raised in the courtyard, or a few fruit trees and flowers planted.In the corner of the building, there is usually a swallow's nest.There was nothing luxurious about the walls, just a few old posters of past stars against a gray and white background, which made me hallucinate during the hours I spent in bed.

For the whole month, I spent most of my time in my room. From the room, I could see the fruit trees in the courtyard and the poultry foraging under the fruit trees. The green leaves on the branches were shining in the sun, and the fruits on the branches From green to red.I feel happy looking at this scene through the window, just because I think in my heart: "My world alone is unique and beautiful."

Until my sight crossed the courtyard, I saw Phoenix Mountain in the distance.The Tea God Temple on Phoenix Mountain is painted in dark red and dark blue in the vast green picture, which looks different only because it is far away.It is not an image of the temple, but the temple itself, showing before my eyes the distances of places and ages, and in an entirely different tone amidst the glistening verdure, Represented in my square window frame, the tone is so dark that it seems to be painted on it.