Pet me, are you addicted?

Tu Hao left me forever, my love died, and my life became a pool of stagnant water, dirty and smelly.Pushkin said, if life deceives you, don't be sad and don't worry.

But I often fantasized that if life hadn't lied to me, Tu Hao would still be by my side, there would be no quarrels or complaints between us, and he would still hug me and kiss me like before.

The appearance of Hu Ge shattered my fantasy, and I realized that I was still the one who swallowed loneliness after all.Tu Hao will never appear in my life again, maybe he never existed at all.

Hu Ge's casualness and publicity are fully revealed in front of my eyes. It seems that his loneliness has something to do with him, but he is releasing his loneliness to his heart's content.

"Are you up so late?" I asked.

"I'm in a bad mood," Hu Ge said.

Hu Ge lives alone in Daxigou, an old house with two bedrooms and one living room.Originally, he lived with his roommate, but later the roommate moved away, and now he has to pay three months' rent, but the roommate has not sent him the money for a long time, and he might have to bear the rent of the next apartment by himself.

Hu Ge said that he has a boyfriend who is out of town.He loves his boyfriend very much, but he still feels lonely.This reminds me of me and Tu Hao, but Tu Hao is not in a different place, but in a different world.

I asked him why he endured the pain of being in a different place instead of finding a boyfriend?Hu Ge said that his boyfriend has his own life and it is not convenient to disturb him. As long as he visits him once a month, he is very content.

Everyone has another life of their own, and feelings like ours cannot exist in this circle of life.This is like Tu Hao's life circle as a doctor. He belongs to the world of patients, to a distant African tribe, and to the kingdom of nothingness.

The loneliness suppressed in my heart seemed to have found a window, so I decided to meet Hu Ge.Hu Ge is looking for a job and has plenty of time.Because the next day is Monday, if you want to go to Hugo, you have to wait until next weekend.So, I want Hugo to come over.

Hu Ge lived with me for more than two months.During the month, I went to Guangzhou for a business trip.This month, Hu Ge lived with my colleague Han Qing.

"Is it close to where you live now?" I asked.

"No, I'm in Nanping." Hu Ge said.

"Well, I want you to come and stay with me for a week. My roommate is home."

"No."

"Okay, I'll find someone else to accompany me."

"Well, your BF?"

"He's going to class, college town. I'm just a little scared sleeping in the house by myself."

"Scared ass."

"I have been used to it since I was a child. I don't know what to be afraid of, and I am afraid of what I think of."

"I'll have a rest tomorrow, and then I'll go and move things."

"what?"

"There are still some clothes, quilts, and stereos at your place. If the moving is over, I will put the keys at your place. I will tell you before I go over."

Hu Ge, just like the place name "Daxigou", the place where you live is indeed a bit shabby.Along the way, we passed a section of quaint stone road, like a relic left over from the period of the Republic of China.After bypassing many buildings and following the stairs, I finally followed you to your home.The house is very old, it should be a flat in the 80s.Such a house also has the advantage of being warm in winter and cool in summer.Although the air conditioner in the room was not turned on, I didn't feel hot.This is a two-bedroom house, you said, you live here alone, your roommate has moved out, and now the other room is vacant.In your room, there is a bed, a desk, a wardrobe, and a bookshelf.There are a lot of books on the bookshelf, you said he has been taking the postgraduate entrance examination.You turn on the computer and play music, the computer is from Sony, and the music is from Ayumi Hamasaki.After showering, we lie in bed while the computer plays a Thai horror movie.You like horror movies, and I can't watch them, especially when I'm alone.At the most scary time, I tightly closed my eyes.Once those horrific pictures come into my sight, they will remain in my mind forever, and they will come out to scare me when I am alone.

Go to your home again, the temperature has become very high.Mayday, midsummer light year, the rhythm of the stove.You took me to take the recently opened track line 1, which is the first subway in Chongqing.This is actually the first time I took the subway. There is no subway in Changsha.I didn't start digging tunnels until my graduation year.You deliberately took me into the first compartment, and through the glass, I could see the driver's cab and the sight of the far ahead when the train was moving forward.After taking the subway, we bought a watermelon, took a spoon, and ate half of it each.You said you wanted to watch a horror movie, but I stopped you.So, you find a comedy called "Crazy Nuns".

Dragon Boat Festival, the company has three days off, I will go to your place for dinner.I went to the supermarket to buy some vegetables and roast duck.You made your own set meal at home.I am in charge of playing computer games in the room.In comparison, you are really much more diligent.After dinner, you found another horror movie to watch, called "Dead Silence".I don't have a special preference for dolls, so I'm not afraid of this movie, but the atmosphere of the whole movie makes me shudder.Because half of the time, I either close my eyes tightly, or yell, or hide under the covers, so I have no idea what the whole plot is talking about.You watched it with great interest, and kept explaining the plot to me while calling me a coward.And I freely admit that I am indeed a coward.Because I didn't have time to close my eyes, I just saw a few scary pictures, and my mind was full of horrible fantasies.

Entering the summer vacation, the temperature in Huolu Chongqing reaches its peak.You work in an educational training institution.It coincides with the release of the last part of "Harry Potter". You said please let me watch it, and it is still at Jiefangbei.So, we made an appointment to meet at Jiefangbei on the weekend.In a week's time, I revisited the previous seven movies in one breath on the Internet.Then, I went into the theater and ended her.The theater in Jiefangbei is not necessarily the best, but it must be the most crowded.Several of your colleagues are also there.After watching the movie, the few of us took a taxi home together.You returned home five kilometers with me.You told me that your colleague is a foreign language teacher with a monthly salary of tens of thousands.I doubt it.A few days before his business trip to Guangzhou, Hu Ge's rent expired and he came to live with me.It just so happens that I am leaving Chongqing for a business trip, so you have my room alone.

After that, for nearly two years, Hugo and I had very little contact.The only time he called me and asked me what the blisters were.I told him it was just normal blisters.He said that he had also grown recently, and he was worried that he was infected with AIDS, so he went to see a doctor.In the end, he comforted me and said, don't worry, luckily it's not, maybe it's just syphilis, which can be treated.Hu Ge asked me to see a doctor too, saying that syphilis might deteriorate into a terminal illness if left untreated.

After more than a year, I am about to leave Chongqing, and I will meet you for the last time.At that time, you lived in the Jiangbei Campus of Technology and Business University.We spent the last night together, and accidentally looked at your computer, and the chat software popped out of the window, it was that kind of information, it seems that you still don’t change your nature!

"In Chongqing? Do you need a companion?" I asked.

"Yes. Are you MB?" Hugo said.

"Fuck! You don't know who I am?"

"We talked about it before."

"Are you Hugo?"

"Yes. Liu?"

"Ou Yue."

"Oh, hehe, who am I talking about? Are you working or studying? I play every day. Are you in Chongqing?"

"I'm in Chongqing, forget about me so quickly."

"No, I don't have your records. The computer was reinstalled. You took me in like this at the time, and I will never forget the kindness you gave me. Let's go out and play together when you have time, go swimming? Are you at work?"

"No, I've resigned and I'm going back to my hometown."

"Ah? You've been admitted to graduate school? Then where are you now? Come and stay with me for a few days. I'm planning to go back to Sichuan anyway. There's nothing to do these days."

"Where are you? I'm in Shapingba."

"I'm at Jiangbei Technology and Business University. I have classes in the afternoon, from 1:5 to [-]:[-], and I'm free at other times. When are you going to leave?"

"The ticket has not been bought yet, and it will take a few days.

"Have you been admitted to graduate school?"

"No!"

"You didn't take the exam? Then why did you resign? Don't you want to be in Chongqing?"

"Yup!"

"Oh, what a pity. Come over this afternoon!"

"How do I get on the bus and where do I get off?"

"At the terminal of 863, you take 863 at Chenjiawan and get off at the terminal Jinyuan Century Plaza."

After getting off work on Monday, I still couldn't help going out. I met Hu Ge at KFC in Daxigou.Hu Ge said he took me to his home.Before we got home, he ate something with me at a street stall. He had already eaten, so he watched me eat.

There are many old houses in the area of ​​Daxigou, so it can be regarded as a relatively historical area.Along the narrow and rugged stone road, like climbing a mountain, Hu Ge took me to the place where he lived.There is no elevator, and it looks like a unit house built in the 80s of the last century.

It was a little dark in the room, but it was very cool.Hu Ge was obviously afraid of the heat, so he turned on the air conditioner.In his room, I saw a bed, a desk, and a bookshelf, most of which were books for postgraduate entrance examinations.

Sometimes, knowing that they are just ordinary friends, they always take it seriously.Maybe it's because I have deeply experienced the pain of losing someone forever, so I unconsciously care about Hu Ge.

Three months passed quickly, and Hu Ge's house was on lease, so I asked him to move in and live with me first.This is just a temporary cohabitation, and Hu Ge will move out when he finds a suitable house.

We are sure of each other in our hearts, he still cares about the boyfriend who got married in a different place, and I still love my dear Tu Hao who is far away in heaven.

Zither has fifty strings for no reason, and one string and one column think of Huanian.Time flies like water, and we are no longer by each other's side.What's left?

One day, in Proust's world, I discovered a secret in my subconscious.It turns out that although you disappeared in my real world, you always exist in my subconscious.As written in "Reminiscence of Things Past", "The essence of love is that the object of love is not a real thing, it only exists in the lover's imagination."

I used to think that when I closed the last page of "Reminiscence of Things Past", I would write a complete story.And now, that's all.For a long time, I always dreamed of you.Sometimes you are far away, I run to you, and when you get closer, you suddenly move away from me.Sometimes you are always in front of my eyes, I look at your face, approach you gently, and hug you in my arms.The moment I woke up from the dream, I could clearly remember every scene in the dream. After just a few minutes, my memory was severely weakened, and the you that appeared in the dream became more and more blurred in my mind.I continued to lie on the bed, tried to close my eyes, and tried to enter the subconscious state, but the speed of the stream of consciousness was beyond my reach, leaving me with infinite loss in reality.