Nancheng, nothing old.

I knocked on the door lightly, but there was no response. I just pushed the door lightly and went in, but luckily it wasn't locked.Lu Jiang sat on the bed, holding a notebook, her hair hanging down covered her whole face.

She looked up at me with a smile on her tear-stained face.

"She wants to be a director."

"Then are you going to help her finish it?"

"But she doesn't love me."

"But you love her."

I went and sat next to her and hugged her.Suddenly she threw herself into my arms and started crying loudly.The cry was full of sorrow, and my shorts were wet with tears. I put one arm around her and patted her shoulder with the other, only to realize that she was really skinny and hideous. of.

She sobbed and said: "When she was 13 years old, she kissed me for the first time. At that time, I subconsciously didn't want to have any contact with anyone but her. Sometimes I think I may not be gay. I just like it. She. She is like my oxygen. If I leave her for a second, my body will react badly."

"But I know I am. I have never liked boys since I was a child. I just met her first and fell in love with her first, so I have no way to love other girls."

"When we were 14 years old, our relationship was discovered for the first time, but at that time, no one took it seriously, we just invited the parents. Although there were always people who pointed at us afterwards, she always had a look He is holding me bravely. Even though he is not a few months older than me, he still wants to be brave and stand in front of me in everything."

"During her first year of high school, her father wanted her to go to Mianyang Middle School, which would be closer to home, but she couldn't help me begging, so she stayed in Chengdu with me, but she always met a lot of junior high school classmates. They added fuel to the news and spread it in the new school. I really hate that person. What a big deal it is. He just moved his mouth and changed the lives of Xiao Yu and me. Then my father would not let me go to Mianyang to find him for the whole summer vacation. She, she didn't come to see me, and I found out later that her parents wanted to transfer her to County J. The quality of education in County J is much worse than here. I wanted to transfer there, but my father was different. In the end, my uncle secretly helped me, It was only after Mi Weichengcook’s father reluctantly agreed.”

"However, God always seems to be against us. We transferred back from there in half a year, and were ordered to transfer by the school. Dad was going crazy. From 14 to 17 years old, we have been tossing. Parents finally began to guard against us. They I think homosexuality is an outrageous thing. But I think as long as she is with me, I am willing to do anything, but this time she does not want to be with me. She is going to Mianyang, and I am in Chengdu. Sometimes we see each other once a week, sometimes twice Zhou Cai met, and she came to see me secretly. We were supposed to meet that day, and I have been waiting for her, but she will not come again. "

Lu Jiang was still lying on my lap, her pants were wet and uncomfortable, and her heart was even more uncomfortable. She was complaining like a child, and she was very wronged, but I had nothing to comfort her except listening to her.The window in her room was not open, but luckily the curtains were not of the blackout type, barely allowing the light to come in and relieve the depression in my heart.My hand unconsciously patted her back again and again, her body was still twitching.

I listen to her.If possible, I wish I could be like an adult. She wants me to complain about her grievances, and I will uphold justice for her.Unfortunately, I am not.

"I don't care what other people think, but she does. She is afraid of other people's eyes, afraid of disappointing others, just because she loves me, she will toss with me and pretend to be brave to stand in front of me. I didn't care about anything at first, but why So many people are concerned about things that have nothing to do with them, we are just two insignificant people in this world, and have no influence on them. They want to take pleasure in me."

"They take pleasure in me, so I will let them and hide from them. If they are unhappy, I will do what they want, hide in the corner secretly, hide from here to there, and hide again." Come back. But where can I hide for a long life, to the sky?"

"Jiang Ming, where can I go?"

"Wherever I go, no one will be satisfied."

"I should go see Xiao Yu."

"But I'm afraid that after seeing her, she will ignore me, and I'm afraid alone."

I hugged her tightly, and she said she was afraid, my tears couldn't stop flowing, flowing down my cheeks and into my body, cold and sticky.

"I always thought Xiaoyu loved me like I loved her, because her love made me fearless, but now she says she doesn't love me, she says I'm gay but she's not, she says no to me just because Don't want me to be alone with the baggage of being gay. She just seems to pity me."

"But homosexuality is not a burden! It's just the real me. This is the real me. It's the me that everyone can't understand but I still have to understand."

"She just doesn't love me. She fell in love with a man and left me a diary, but I can't even find her to ask her."

As she talked, she lay on my lap and began to cry bitterly. Her body was very light, but she lay on my head, but I felt that all her weight was on my heart.I kept patting her back, and finally hugged her, and wept together with my head on her back.I don't know why I'm crying, but seeing her cry makes me so sad, I don't want to watch her cry alone.

She said that my parents and my family are all people who need me to hide, and there is nowhere for me to escape in this world.

Lu Jiang finally fell asleep crying.I gently moved her on the bed, she is estimated to be less than seventy catties now, and it doesn't take much effort to hug her.

Coming out of her room, Lu Mingsheng sat on the sofa and looked at his phone.

"Jiang Ming, go take a shower. I'll find Xiaojiang's clothes to change for you. It's probably a little small, so I'll make it up."

Lu Jiang slept for a long time, until night.

I sat in the living room in her clothes and chatted with Lu Mingsheng.He said she hadn't had a good night's sleep in a long time, and maybe today's loud crying released some pain that had been building up in her body for a long time.

I took a nap in the guest room of Lu Jiang's house, and when I woke up in the afternoon, her parents had already gone home, her mother was cooking in the kitchen, and my father and Lu Mingsheng were on TV.Lu Mingsheng had already told them about me, and the middle-aged man smiled at me tiredly.

"Jiang Ming, don't be restrained, come and sit down."

I sat down next to Lu Mingsheng, remembered my purpose this time, and mustered up the courage to talk to her father like an adult.It would be fine if I were an adult, I'm afraid, but Lu Jiang in the room may need me.

"Uncle, let me take the liberty. What do you think of the matter between Lu Jiang and Wang Xiaoyu?" As soon as I spoke to me, her father's face immediately changed, and I had no choice but to speak boldly.

"Uncle, forgive my impoliteness, but when I met Lu Jiang at the beginning of the year, she was still a shy, outstanding and lovely girl. After seeing her again after half a year, she was only half alive. I know that uncle and aunt are also very worried about her. Afternoon When Lu Jiang talked to me a lot, she said that she was afraid of her uncles and aunts, and that she would not be able to satisfy you, so she had nothing to love in life."

When necessary, it doesn't hurt to tell some little lies. I bite the bullet and look at him and talk to him.But he just sighed heavily.

"Her mother and I don't mind the fact that she is gay anymore. In the past few months, we have learned a lot about the gay group from various channels. At the beginning, her mother and I were also afraid of neighbors and colleagues. Discussion, I am afraid that she will be so angry because she will not live a good life alone in the future, but seeing how much better she is now than before, of course the daughter is more important than face. I am afraid that Xiao Yu's death will only hit her too hard , the two of them have never been separated from their husbands and mothers, and never separated from their weights."

"Her mother and I are always worried. There is no legal protection for homosexuality. Now that she is young, we have to protect her. What will happen to her when we are gone?"

Lu Mingsheng reached out and hugged his elder brother. At this moment, this extremely fragile man "Brother, don't worry, Xiao Jiang will grow up, she will protect herself, and I will protect her. We should help her get through this together now." Difficulties, just like when Shuyun left me."

Lu Jiang's mother came out of the kitchen with dishes, tears still in her eyes.

I stood up and said to ask Lu Jiang to eat.

I found that Lu Jiang's door was not locked. It was clearly closed when I came out at noon.I gently pushed the door open and went in, only to find Lu Jiang curled up crying with his back behind the door, she must have heard what we said.

I walked over and pushed her shoulder, she turned around and covered her eyes with her hands, bit her lip and didn't cry out.

I said, Lu Jiang, can you be friends with me for a lifetime, counting from mine, and the time limit is indefinite.

A friend is, if one day, no matter when and where, I can't live anymore, I will come to you, you must take care of me and accompany me, and I will do the same.

She said yes.

I helped her comb her hair that day, tied up her messy hair, no bangs at all, revealing a smooth forehead and beautiful eyes, just like the first time I saw her.Although her eyes are not pretty now, everything will be fine.

We went out to dinner hand in hand and we are good friends from now on.

Every meal Lu Jiang's mother cooks is Lu Jiang's favorite dishes. According to Lu Mingsheng, she showed a rare smile that day and ate more than usual. This is a good start.

Her parents thank me.But all of this actually has nothing to do with me. After all, Lu Jiang is just a girl. With parents who love her so much, all injuries will heal slowly. I just happened to come here and opened up this opportunity.

I didn't stay in her guest room at night, but slept with Lu Jiang. We turned off the lights and talked all night, just like ordinary good friends.

She said: "Ever since I knew I was gay, those girls have always alienated me intentionally or unintentionally. I can't even touch their sleeves, as if I would pounce on a girl. Jiang Ming, you really Don't you mind?"

I held her arm and said, "Let me tell you a secret, actually I also like a girl?"

"Is it Miss An?"

"How do you know?" I was taken aback. Someone knew what I thought was a secret.

"I can feel it, so I didn't resist contact with you at first."

"But she thought I liked you."

Lu Jiang didn't speak, she turned around and put her head on my arm.

"But I want her to think that I like you. I don't want her to know. Strictly speaking, I'm not gay. I didn't like anyone before I was 17. I think I should like a boy. But the first person I liked was her. It was love at first sight, or unconsciously. I don’t know how long this kind of love can last, maybe one day I suddenly fell in love with another boy.”

Lu Jiang said: "Jiang Ming really hopes that you don't like Sister Yi'an. Your liking her will probably never come to fruition."

"maybe."

I let out a long breath, I didn't think about suppressing myself at the beginning, and I was a little tired when I let this feeling grow freely.

"Sister Yi'an loves Sister Qinghan too much. She is the same as me. She would not be able to live without Sister Qinghan."

There was a sharp pain in my heart, and a sharp blade pierced into my atrium in this cool early autumn, pierced, burst, blood splashed everywhere, it hurt so much, my heart was gone.My body twitched, and I had to curl up into a ball to relieve the pain.I seem to be able to feel one ten-thousandth of Lu Jiang's pain.

She hugged me, but still said something that made me feel bad.

"Sister Yi'an likes to play basketball very much. Apart from writing, her favorite thing is basketball. When she was in junior year, she and her friends prepared to participate in the 3v3 competition among college students. Basketball."

"What happened to her?" I still wanted to ask unconsciously, unable to control it.

"In the winter of that year, Sister Qinghan's parents found out about her and Sister Qinghan. Sister Qinghan's family is considered a military family, and her father is also a soldier brother. The consequences can be imagined. I was just caught by my father. She was slapped and grounded, but Sister Qinghan's father twisted the bench and threw it on her. Sister Yi'an was protecting her, and she was knocked unconscious on the spot, and she lived in the hospital for almost the whole winter. No matter how vigorous the exercise is, she still throws the ball lightly when she plays now. The scene must have been tragic at the time, but Sister Yi An was unwilling to say. Sister Qing Han also had a complete falling out with her family, but after Sister Yi An was discharged from the hospital She was not angry, and she went to guard the door of Sister Qinghan's house every day. When she saw Sister Qinghan's mother twisting things, she followed her like a dog. This is Sister Qinghan's original words. She often followed Sister Qinghan's mother to the vegetable market, Going to the supermarket, and then slowly coming out of the closet, this can be regarded as a blessing in disguise."

"However, Aunt Li is so sad to know."

I remembered that Lu Yian always went to the basketball court. She said that she loved basketball very much, but she rarely played with others.My eye sockets started to heat up, and my nose was sore. I had to pull the sheets tightly to control myself from crying. If Aunt Li knew that her family Yi An Zuo was suffering like this, she would cry like that.

"So Sister Yi'an needs to stay with Sister Qinghan well, otherwise she will suffer a lot, her body can't bear a bench anymore."

Jiang Ming, it would be great if you didn't like Miss Yi'an.

Don't worry, I probably won't like her for long.

It won't be long.