Nancheng, nothing old.

She said that it is always easy for people to stop for the short-term happiness in front of them.Courage and vigor slowly disappear in the comfort of the status quo. It may have been with us, expecting us to fight hard, but it can't bear our hesitation, and will eventually leave us alone.

The comfort in front of me is a lonely road. I have no choice whether to take it or not.

I said, always have to go, the world is always changing, and it is not always as beautiful as we wish.Didn't it say that if you want to wear a crown, you must bear its weight?If you choose to like a girl, it is harder than others.Not to mention a good girl like Sister Qinghan.

Lu Yi'an smiled and said, "I'm a good girl too."

She always likes to change the topic, and we both laughed through the mobile phone, and then talked about irrelevant things, which ended the conversation on the occasion of the New Year.

I also went back to my hometown for Chinese New Year that year. I stayed there for three days, visited relatives, paid homage to the ancestral grave, and my parents came back with me.Probably because of the third year of high school, and being an only child, this year has been very boring.Parents go to work on the eighth day, and we resume classes on the seventh day, a day earlier than them.In my hometown, except for a female classmate who married early on the street, I didn't meet a single old friend.

How to go, how to go back.

On the fifth day of the lunar new year, my parents invited Zhang He and her father to dinner in a serious manner. I wanted to call Su Yan, but she has not come back home for the New Year.

Zhang He's father had a good impression of me and said a lot of compliments to my parents.His leg was injured when he was young, and he walked with a limp. When he was old, he couldn't do without crutches. Zhang He was next to him, a very filial daughter.When he retired, Lu Yian was just a sophomore in high school. When he talked about education with my parents, he also talked about Lu Yian.Said that she was an excellent girl, and I was similar to her, a down-to-earth good boy.

I didn't expect that one day, I would step into the list of good children in the teacher's mouth.However, Lu Yi'an has always been a good student, even though she was not very good at studying, she has always been a good student who is loved by the teacher.

Have special skills, such as calligraphy or writing or sports or music, actively participate in various school (social) activities, be gentle and polite with people around you, and be patient. Finally, I was admitted to a good university and got a good job , rarely disappoints those around him.There are quite a few such people in this society, and they often look upright and good-natured, and occasionally they are loved by others.

Su Yan said that Lu Yian is this kind of person, and so is Zhang He.They can't tear off the skin of a good person after wearing it for a long time, and they always hope that they can do everything they can to make everyone happy.However, this kind of people often end up distributing the evil consequences that they cannot bear to those around them, and no one who loves them deeply will be spared from eating them.

Although I don't understand why Su Yan said this, when Zhang He's father mentioned Lu Yi'an, I would think of her words.Since I met Lu Yian, I have hardly heard any negative words about her. She has always been a child of other people, and all I heard from her parents, teachers and classmates were praises. Neighbors also love to use her as an example to teach My own child, such as me when I first came here at that time, she is excellent, except that my classmates once discussed her sexual orientation enthusiastically.

When I was eating, I couldn't help turning my head to look at Zhang He, watching her serving dishes for my father, talking with my parents, her manners and speech were very decent, and everything she did was understandable.After all, she is different from Lu Yian in this point, Lu Yian is much more self-willed, I am afraid of suffering the consequences of Lu Yian, I have to think that she is different from Zhang He, so I can feel at ease.

Years later, the smoke-free battle belonging to our high school seniors will really start, and the time goes by so fast that it makes people panic.

At that time, the spring in March in the south was very good, and the summer in June was not hot, like this every year.There are some young trainee teachers in the lower grades, and a large group of people always pass by the window. During the physical education class, it seems that we can hear the sound of other people's youth running in the wind, and we are the only ones who are very quiet.Our youth is temporarily dead until the middle of May in the third year of high school.If you study, if you don't study, you won't disturb others.

There is a model exam for the whole school every two weeks, and a test for the whole county every month. Often the teacher finishes explaining the test questions just after the results are counted, and the next exam is coming. Everyone is too busy to care about other things.

Every time I got the results of the mock test, I would sneak in a long phone call to Lu Yi'an.She affirmed every progress I made, and also suggested and encouraged my deficiencies. We could talk for a long time each time. I talked to her about many things, including life, study, parents, friends, and everything except her.

Calling her and talking a lot with her was the only way to relieve stress in my urgent life in the third year of high school. I imagined her smile from her voice, and many photos of her were posted in the room. It is a must-see A photo of her is placed in front of the book, so that when I read the book, I can imagine what kind of mentality she used when she went through these experiences.I can only use these methods to get me through the boring and stressful days. In the end, more and more photos of Lu Yian are pasted in my room. The small room studied until late at night.

Since the end of 08, I have received mailed materials from Lu Yian from time to time, including her self-made summaries, which made Li Sumian envious, but I did not hesitate to share them with her.

I think, even if I don't like Lu Yi'an, she still became my life mentor in that year, and I am satisfied when I think that she has a part of her busy time with me alone.

In mid-March, I had just passed the provincial entrance examination, and the results came out in early April.I still clearly remember my score at that time, 564 points, that was the closest I got to my dream.Only this time, I didn't share it with Lu Yian. When I was satisfied, I felt a little apprehensive.

For me, it was a good grade. I started to receive the envy of my classmates and the attention of my teachers. When my parents saw me, they smiled all day long and wanted to put less pressure on me. I felt a little proud in my heart. For the first time in 18 years, I wanted to do something well, and it took me a year to do it. It would be great if it was done.

Compared with my smooth journey, Li Sumian's journey was much more bumpy.Zhao Yi’s performance in the physical examination in the city in April was very good. If there is no accident, the North Sports will be safe. Li Sumian, who made an appointment to go to Beijing together, is much more dangerous. During those times, she rarely talked to me except for asking me exercises. .

During the [-]-day countdown to the college entrance examination, I told others about my target university for the first time at the college entrance examination mobilization meeting.I thought how great it would be if I could succeed.

In the middle of May, Lu Jiang came to see me from Chengdu, and came suddenly.

At that time, the atmosphere in the school was much more relaxed. The teachers of various subjects no longer emphasized learning, and there was no intensive training. Everyone just wanted to maintain their state.We seem to have gone back to the past, only a few people in the physical education class are studying hard in the classroom, and most people walk around the school in a loose manner.I do some questions every day, repeatedly consolidate book knowledge, read some short stories, and even try to write occasionally, and I never study until late at night.

Lu Jiang came to see me at this time.

She followed Zhang He into the school, appeared in front of my classroom, and walked straight to my side.At that time, few people recognized her.Standing in front of me was Lu Jiang, with short hair, wearing an orange T-shirt and white sweatpants, and her body looked more muscular than when I first met her.She had a sunny smile on her face, which was a little dazzling, and her small sunken eyes became bright, and I almost didn't recognize her.

She put her hands on my table and said handsomely, "Hi, Jiang Ming."

I looked around, and a third of the people were looking at me. Li Sumian raised her head from her book and asked in a low voice, "Lu Jiang?"

I didn't answer her and pulled Lu Jiang out of the classroom.

She has changed a lot, but she is healthy.

She said that after I left, she went to see a psychiatrist and had five courses of treatment until the end of last month.

Lu Jiang's face was always filled with a smile, a public smile, no longer the shy and quiet girl who only talked and laughed with Wang Xiaoyu before.

She said, "Jiang Ming, I'm recommended to go to college, majoring in radio and television journalism."

"Lu Jiang, you are amazing." I said sincerely.

"What about you? Sister Zhang He said that you are also in good condition recently."

"I don't know yet, it's an unknown anyway."

"You have to remember what you said to me at that time, I will wait for you to come to see me by high-speed train in Shanghai."

Lu Jiang even changed his tone of voice.At that time, she was like a budding flower, but now she finally bloomed openly.

Lu Jiang and I only walked together for one break, and I still have class in the afternoon. She said that she was going to visit the school, so she went to Su Yan's "FORHER", and we agreed to meet Zhang He and the others in the evening.

I went back to the classroom, but the teacher hadn't come yet, Li Sumian asked me in a low voice, "Is that Lu Jiang?"

With my affirmation, Li Sumian said like a nympho: "The change is quite big. I didn't expect that Lu Jiang with short hair is quite delicate. People like it."

I think it's probably because her confidence is so easy to attract people.

"She was recommended to Shanghai University."

"Wow! That's amazing,"

Li Sumian propped her chin and looked at me with admiration, even though she was not envious of me. "But her grades have been very good, which is normal."

Li Sumian came closer to me.

"I thought Wang Xiaoyu's death was a hurdle for her, but I didn't expect that she is doing well now." Li Sumian turned to look at the classroom sideways, and said disdainfully: "Look at those people who criticized her and excluded her, now they are worrying about their future. The world is still fair, good people should be good.”

She always seems to know a lot of things.I want to tell her, it’s not like this, Lu Jiang, who you couldn’t see, was in so much pain at that time, but all this is unnecessary, now it’s fine, isn’t it, I don’t need to emphasize Lu Jiang’s pain in the past, she’s fine now .People like to talk about those difficult things in the past, euphemistically calling it "reminiscing about bitterness and thinking about sweetness", but I always feel that there is some taste of showing off in it.It doesn't have to be.

That afternoon I asked my teacher for a leave of absence for evening self-study. At this time, many people study at home at night, so it was easy for me to ask for leave. It happened that Zhang He was free at night.We walked with the crowd after school, and I picked her up on my bike to go straight home after the evening party.

FORHER, after getting acquainted with Zhang He, to be exact, after they thought I liked Lu Jiang, I came here many times.Many times, I didn't know that Zhang He and Su Yan were half gay until I broke through the relationship between Zhang He and Su Yan.

FORHER, for her.It is for "her" that Su Yan opened this city, and even opened this store.The outside is a normal drinking bar, and inside, where Lu Yian and I came for the first time, where there is no light, most of the comrades in this small town gathered in a silent environment.Everyone seldom publicizes it, and they all gather here tacitly to release their secrets for a moment.And I went back and forth and shuttled many times, but never once said a word or had a face-to-face meeting with these people, and it was the same with Su Yan's little bartenders.Subconsciously, I didn't feel like I was gay.

Zhang He and I went in and even met some classmates in the class, but they didn't know the secrets inside. They only knew that Teacher Zhang and the boss were good friends who had known each other since university.Inside, Lu Jiang and Su Yan were talking to a short-haired girl, surrounded by four or five people, and Zhang He and I only smiled with the two of them as a sign, and then went directly into the room—belonging to Zhang He and Su Yan. The secret world of words.

I was roughly the same as Zhang He at that time. I didn't think I was gay, and she wouldn't tell others that she was gay.We both love quietly, and love becomes a secret.In secret, pain or joy must be unknown to others. If this is the case, why not compare who is more sad in the days to come.Along the way, Zhang He's face was expressionless. She tried to hide her feelings with such a method. I dare not steal her method, and I kept a stiff smile on my face.I think we are both pathetic, there is no need to compare.Of course, I am luckier than her because Lu Yian doesn't like me, but Su Yan loves her deeply.

We were watching TV inside, and Lu Jiang and Su Yan came in soon.Su Yan said that he would help me make a cocktail. On a special day like today, it's okay for adults to have a drink.I thought for a while and asked her to make LadyBeGood for me.

"This is the only cocktail I've ever had. I drank it here with Sister Lu a long time ago. I really liked it."

Su Yan readily agreed.I leaned on the sofa, crossed my legs and told her, "Add five more grams of brandy."

Lu Jiang, who was sitting next to me, took a deep look at me, and then said with a smile: "It's true that when you turn eighteen, you will be unscrupulous." Her expression changed very quickly, probably only I saw it.I buried my head and ate melon seeds, not looking at her.Zhang He, who was pressing the remote control of the TV, answered, "Yi'an must add seven grams of brandy every time, because you like seven, you don't like five, do you?"

"Of course not. I just want to try. It's rare to have a chance." I want to try, but I want to try with less effort for anything that Lu Yian likes.

We drank, celebrated Lu Jiang being sent to Shanghai University, and wished that I could be admitted to the university of my choice.But that glass of wine, the astringent bitter wine, was less than one-third drunk.Maybe it's because of the extra brandy. I can only look at such a beautiful wine, but I can't drink it. I feel depressed after taking another sip.Or maybe, this is a wine that belongs exclusively to Lu Yian, not for me.

I heard that it is common sense not to be able to drink a certain kind of wine and not to be able to like a certain kind of person.

In the evening, take Lu Jiang to my house, in time for self-study next night.This was the first time I brought a friend home in this city. My mother was enthusiastic, but I cut off her enthusiasm and brought Lu Jiang to my small room.

Turn on the light, I should have guessed, that's why I forbid others from entering my room.

I don't want to use too many words to describe Lu Jiang's expression when he saw my room full of photos of Lu Yian.Either they think I'm hopeless, or they feel sad for me, or they think about my almost crazy behavior, it's hard to say anything.

The room was very quiet, and Lu Jiang's orange T-shirt was very dazzling under the light.She closed her eyes tightly, with a pained expression on her face.

"Jiang Ming, why are you doing this?"

Listen, her voice is also painful, for me alone is not the love of love.

"Why is this so? I thought I could stay with Zhixing for the rest of my life." I answered her why it was so, as if in a play, whether it was fake or sincere, I don't think I knew exactly in my heart at that moment, maybe I also wanted I will spend my whole life with someone, but this idea is too scary, maybe I just want to respond to her with a favorite sentence from a novel I read recently.

Looking at her painful face and listening to her painful voice, with a calm smile on my face, I talked to her while tidying up the bed: "Lu Jiang, don't think too much. After the college entrance examination, these photos will be put in the bottom of the box. I see Lu Yian once a day, and tell him once that I must be admitted to Beijing Normal University, you must know that I am not a good student like you, and I still need to work hard to get into a good university."

"Jiang Ming, do I see you sinking in mud every day?"

"No."

Early the next morning, I rode Lu Jiang to the station.I lay on the handlebars and pillowed my hands, watching her get into the car.There were not many people in the car, so she was able to sit in a good seat by the window, and I just watched her through the window pane.She opened the window and said to me: "Jiang Ming, I'll wait for you at the finish line." Her voice was not loud, but I could hear it thanks to the proximity of the car.We look at each other and smile, that smile is the wine glass of alliance.

"Then you wait for me. I must take the subway from Beijing to Shanghai to see you. This is an agreement."

The author has something to say: I feel that there are quite a lot of words in each chapter