the name engraved in your heart

After that night, Ah Han found that Birdy was farther away from him.

Before that, BBirdy would treat him as a good buddy, but after that night, he began to treat him as an irrelevant stranger, even if they met in school, they would turn a blind eye to him.If, that night, Birdy hadn't kissed him suddenly, maybe Ah Han would have accepted it all resignedly, but that kiss changed everything.

Ah Han knew that Birdy didn't have feelings for him, but why did he ignore him?

Ahan walked across the court and watched Birdy play on the basketball court from a distance.

Although Birdy's injury is not completely healed, but he can't wait to play. Birdy scored a beautiful layup, shouted happily, and inadvertently met Ahan's eyes, he immediately turned his head and pretended not to see Ahan.

Ahan felt a tearing pain in his heart.

He would rather be hated and hated by Birdy than be ignored like this, as if he didn't exist in this world.

As if he never existed in Birdy's heart A few days later, a notice on the bulletin board caused an uproar.

The bulletin board was crowded with people, and Ahan was at the forefront, looking at the notice coldly, as if he wanted to keep every word in his heart.

He squeezed away the classmates around him, and when he left, he saw several female classmates comforting the tearful class, and there was no trace of pity on his face.

Ah Han returned to the classroom and found that Birdy was not in the classroom. He asked his classmates and found out that he was called to the discipline office for class. The bell rang. Ah Han felt a little uneasy, hesitated again and again, and skipped class, sneaked to the discipline office. When he arrived at the door of the training office, he heard the commotion of people inside, followed by a loud "bang". He immediately rushed to Birdy, and saw him lying in front of the iron cabinet from the door, and a middle-aged man was angrily beating him. The kicking dean is dissuading: "Mr. Wang will cause trouble if you hit like this!" "What does it matter to you if I teach my children a lesson?" Birdy's father turned around and kicked Birdy hard again with a fierce look on his face! "You incompetent guy! None of your three sisters are like you! If you knew it earlier, you shouldn't be so forceful!" The instructor also couldn't bear it, and came up to dissuade him: "Mr. Wang is a school, so let's save some face for the children. Let's go!" "Damn! Don't worry about it! This girl is broken! It's hopeless!" Birdy's father became furious as he scolded, knocked away the instructor, picked up a chair and was about to throw it on his son !A figure suddenly appeared, stood in front of Birdy and blocked the chair for him, but was also beaten to the ground at the same time!

"Zhang Jiahan! You're crazy! Go away!" Birdy pushed Han away.Ah Han stood up staggeringly. When he saw Birdy's father waving his hand, he wanted to give Birdy a slap. He instinctively grabbed his hand and shouted: "Please don't hit me again!" Birdy's father was stunned and stared at Ah Han. With a glance, he shook off his hand fiercely. Birdy stood up slowly, his father saw his son's hopeless look, and his heart became angry again, and he stretched out his hand again to hit his son, but Han unexpectedly held his hand again!

"Please don't hit him again!" Ah Han begged. "Fuck! Who are you to him? I gave birth to this girl, how I teach her a lesson is my family's business, and you have no control over it!" Birdy's father felt that he couldn't hold back his face, and was a little annoyed.

"Go away! Zhang Jiahan! It's none of your business here!" Birdy also chimed in.Ah Han shook off Birdy's father's hand, walked up to Birdy, glared at him and asked, "Why is there nothing to do with me?" Anything related to you is related to me!

Han shouted in his heart, "I was the one who fell in love, not you!" Birdy said loudly, as if he was tired of Han's meddling.

Ah Han suddenly turned his head and said loudly to the instructor: "Instructor! It's me who wants to love! It's me!" The instructor was a little stunned: "What are you talking about?" Ah Han straightened his chest and said loudly: "Instructor , It's not his fault, it's all my idea!

It was me who was talking about love, and I also launched the hot air balloon, and one more—suddenly, someone punched him hard on the cheek, and Ahan was caught off guard and fell to the ground.

When he slowly raised his head, he was surprised to find that it was Birdy who hit him. Because of anger, even his head was still shaking slightly, "You don't mind my affairs!" It was the first time he saw Birdy's expression like this, angry, confused and distressed, he even felt that he saw contempt in Birdy's eyes!

Yes, he is so humble and cheap, knowing that Birdy is so indifferent to him, but still pretending to be affectionate!

Before Ahan had time to recover, he had already rushed towards Birdy and beat him hard, as if he wanted to vent all the anger hidden in his body. The grown-up looked dumbfounded, "Why did you do this to me? Why? Why?" With every punch he threw, Ahan almost shouted why at the top of his voice? !

What did he do wrong?

"I'm asking you why? During the scuffle, Birdy asked back: "What's wrong with me? Can you leave me alone? Why are you doing this to me? Why?" Why?Ah Han himself also wants to know why the answer is that he can't let go?

"Okay! Stop both of you! If you continue to fight, both of you will be given a major demerit!" The instructor shouted from the side.

But the two boys continued to wrestle together as if they hadn't heard of it, until a figure rushed in and first pulled Ahan away, then pushed Birdy away, and at the same time shouted: "Okay! What the hell are you doing?" Hearing the news, he rushed over Father Ou stretched out his hands and stood between the two of them.

Ah Han and Birdy gasped, staring at each other, Birdy suddenly turned and ran, Ah Han immediately wanted to catch up, but was stopped by Father Ou, who could only watch him run away.

Still not playing enough? "Father O said sharply.

The instructor stood up at this time, and said to Father Ou reproachfully: "Didn't I say it a long time ago, the men and women in the club should practice separately! These two are from your wind band, Father, what do you do now?" ?” Father Ou led Ahan to the small musical instrument room.

When the bell rang after school, a few students who came to the orchestra practice room first blew their instruments in twos and threes. Ahan, like a deflated ball, sat slumped on a chair with hollow eyes and a wound on his forehead was still bleeding.

Father Ou took a medicine box, put it in front of him, and motioned for him to treat the wound by himself. He just glanced at the medicine box, and continued to slump on the chair without moving. "The college entrance examination will be in more than a month—" Father Ou hadn't finished speaking, but was interrupted by Ahan lazily: "Yes, there are still 41 days..." Father Ou looked at him intently, suddenly smiled, and said : "You are a little different" "Is there? I don't think so" Ah Han said dutifully that yes, he has indeed changed.

He became less happy. He became miserable, depressed and confused.

"I remember when you first joined the brass band in the first year of high school—" Ah Han interrupted Father Ou again: "Father, can you start quickly? Can I leave after the tutoring?" He just wants to leave this place now place.

Get away from all the places you've been with Birdy.Father Ou smiled and said, "What is counseling? I think it's good to fall in love. I just want to hear your story, how did you start, and which class of girls are you?" Han was stunned, and looked up at Father Ou. Maybe this person can understand, he thought in his heart but hesitated to say it out?

After all, that is not something that can be casually discussed in front of people.

In the eyes of adults, it is even a shameful and immoral taboo.

But Father Ou just looked at him kindly. Finally, Ah Han took a deep breath and said, "Father, can I have a cigarette?" He needed to divert his attention temporarily before he could calm down and tell his secret to Father Ou. Smiling and starting to roll cigarettes, Ahan looked at Father Ou's expression focused on cigarettes and hesitated, do you really want to tell them all?

So where does he start?

Have you admired boys since you were a child?

Do you like Brother Rong?

Or start with Birdy?

Father Ou rolled the cigarette and lit it and handed it to him.

Ahan took a deep breath, it was a pleasant rose scent, his eyes were sore, because he thought of Birdy again. If he didn't say it, he thought he would collapse sooner or later!

After all, there is a limit to the amount of grief and pain a person can bear. "Father, can I... really tell you?" , the first time I saw him, I thought, I fell in love with him..." Father Ou, who was listening with a smile, seemed to realize something, and the smile disappeared slowly. "You mean summer vacation? Your summer vacation before your third year of high school? "Father Ou asked.

Ah Han nodded, but the addition of new female classes only happened after the summer vacation.

Father Ou looked at Han with slightly shocked eyes. The young child was tearing up, and the pain of helplessness and bewilderment was on his face. He wanted to say something, but in the end he couldn't bear it and didn't say anything.

"His name is Birdy," said Ahan. Father O took a deep breath.

From Father Ou's expression, Ah Han knew that he had understood.Ahan smiled wryly, took a puff of his cigarette, turned his head and deliberately asked in an old-fashioned tone: "Father, what was the craziest thing you did when you were young?" Young is not crazy! "Father Ou, who usually treats these children generously, suddenly became extremely serious, but didn't you keep telling us that if we want to be crazy, we must take advantage of our youth?" Profiterdumoment Ahan retorted.

Father O was speechless.

The siphon coffee pot on the side was making a sound, and the aroma of coffee began to fill the air. The light in the room was gentle. Father Ou stood up suddenly, and said angrily: "But you can't hurt others!" Father Ou's abnormality made Han feel Curious, ask: "Who did I hurt?" Some people who love you, like your parents. ""Just because they love me, should I give up my own love? Can't I live for myself? Will I know how to love others?" Han refused to accept, stood up from his chair and protested, "You have to believe in God!" "Father Ou seemed to be forced to panic, and couldn't help spit out this sentence, as if the final answer to all the questions came from the belief in God.

"I never didn't believe it!" Han said, "Then you have to believe that God will keep you from sin!" "I don't believe God will ask us to go against our will and be a false person!" Han's voice getting bigger.

"Pay attention to your attitude!" Father Ou said sharply, "Your self-righteous love has made you arrogant!" Ah Han stared at Father Ou for a long time, then sat back on the chair, returning to the previous dejected look.

"Father, didn't you talk about your first love in front of us once? He was my first love. When I looked at him, he also looked at me. At that moment, the air seemed really sweet. So, Father, you should understand how I feel, don’t you?” Ah Han said that when he thought of himself, Father Chuou couldn’t help but smile slightly, then sighed softly, and said, “But it’s not okay to like the same sex.” “Why do you want to It is stipulated that if you like a person, you must distinguish between the same sex and the opposite sex? Does liking mean liking? It is a feeling. Deep in your heart, you just understand that you don’t want anyone except this person!” Han said: “I only know that I am He was all in his heart, wanting everything from him, including his feelings, even Father Ou turned around suddenly, turned his back to Han, and quickly recited the Rosary in French, as if trying to calm himself down.

Like, I can't accept Ah Han's blatant confession.

Ahan didn't let him go, and forced him to ask: "Father, have you never had desire?" "God wants people to stay away from desire." Father Ou turned around and looked directly into Ahan's eyes. uncertain.

"Then why did God create human beings with all kinds of emotions and desires?" Han asked, "That was a kind of trial!" Han laughed, "Trial? Father, you smoke, drink coffee, drink alcohol, and listen to music. It’s all a kind of desire? I don’t believe anyone can resist desire!” Father Ou immediately said: “The New Testament Galatians Chapter 5 says that God listed seven deadly sins: arrogance, greed, lust, gluttony, anger, envy and sloth. It is to let people escape, especially lust!" "But what I want is not desire. Desire is just physical proximity. What I want is for him to accept me in his heart!" Ah Han said, let's go!You have totally misunderstood God! Father Ou didn't want to listen to Ah Han's words anymore, and waved him to leave. Ah Han was even more dissatisfied, and asked, "Didn't God say: 'Ask, and it will be given to you! Seek, and you will find; knock, and you will be given." Open the door!" I kept knocking on the door, Father, didn't you hear? You have never loved anyone like me, so you will never understand! My lord has no idea what we are thinking!" At that moment, Father Ou's chest rose and fell rapidly, as if he wanted to refute, but in the end he turned his head away, took a few deep breaths, and endured it. Seeing that Father Ou didn't answer, Han felt even more depressed. He looked around and saw a bottle of wine, took it and opened it. Father Ou hurriedly snatched it back and said, "Who will allow you to drink my wine?

"Then do you care if I'm a man or a woman? Did God allow you?" With a loud "snap", Father Ou slapped Han hard.

Ah Han was beaten to the side of his head, and it took a long time before he turned his head slowly, his lips trembled, and tears filled his eyes, he still endured it stubbornly, not wanting to let the tears fall.

The wound on the forehead was still bleeding, Father Ou turned around and picked up the tissue and handed it to him, but Ahan didn't take it and Father Ou had to wipe the wound for him himself.

Both physically and mentally were severely traumatized. When he felt the sudden tenderness and care, Ahan was so emotional that he couldn't control himself, and his voice was trembling: "Father, didn't you say, you have to be brave? Didn't you say that if you were braver at the beginning, your first love Will it not end?" "At that time, I didn't know you liked boys!" Father Ou was helpless, "So I can like girls, but I can't like boys? What's the difference between these two kinds of love? Tell me!" Ah Han is eager to know if the answer is wrong?Or this world?

Father Ou could only say: "If he doesn't love you, don't force him. This is profiterdur Ahan immediately said: "I can feel that he cares about me too!" "Caring is not necessarily love, let alone what the Bible teaches We must learn to control our own desires and not let others fall into sin..." I don't know why Father Ou's eyes showed pain when he said this, as if even a priest has unknown love and pain, but Unspeakable, Ah Han finally broke down and shouted at Father Ou: "Then I will go to hell! I would rather go to hell now! Anyway, homosexuals should go to hell!" He said it out.

The fact that he thought it was ugly and dirty.

He likes men.

He is a priest of the same sex, you go back to your heaven!Maybe someone in hell can understand how I feel! Ah Han thought, perhaps, he would have a better life in hell.

Tears finally fell wantonly, he turned around and wanted to leave, but was held back by Father Ou. Father Ou looked at the bewildered lamb in front of him, and thought to himself, why didn't I get lost when I was young?What the child in front of him needs is understanding and comfort, not just denial. Just like you, I am very rebellious and always want to do things that others dare not do. At that time, I was often beaten by the priest of the Catholic Church. Once, I was beaten badly, so I left. I wanted to go as far as possible. Good! Who knows that not long after I left, everything changed.” Nearly 30 years ago, Father Ou’s hometown set off a quiet revolution. Since then, the world is no longer controlled by the church. , the Catholic Church quickly lost its influence on society, the energy that was once imprisoned by the Church began to be released, and people finally bravely stood up to express themselves. The world that young Father Ou once hated was different.

But he never thought that the revolution that he escaped from his hometown and failed to catch up with would happen again on this land nearly 30 years later. The island after the lifting of martial law is very much like Canada after the peaceful revolution. Looking at all these changes in Quebec, he was both excited and worried.How will the new forces change the society after the old ones are gone?Can this young man in front of him bear all these huge social changes?Will you be more at a loss and lose yourself?

The wound is bandaged.

Ah Han raised his head, and suddenly asked: "Father, do you miss home?" Father Ou lowered his head to pack the medicine box without raising his head, and said, "No matter where we go, God will be there." After crossing the ocean and coming to this foreign land , Father Ou told himself that he should not regret leaving his hometown.After packing up the medicine box, Father Ou put one hand on Han's head, and picked up the cross hanging around his neck with the other, and began to pray. The low voice of prayer made people feel at ease. Han closed his eyes, and he was already scarred. His tired heart was washed by the sound of devout prayers, and in that short moment, his mind enjoyed a peace that he hadn't had for a long time.

Until the sudden knock on the door interrupted the long-lost peace. Father Ou ignored it and continued to pray, but the knock on the door continued to ring persistently, unwilling to stop.

Finally, after the prayer was over, Father Ou answered the door and whispered a few words to the people outside, then closed the door and said to Han, "Your mother called and said that Birdy is at your house now," and Han rushed in. At the door of the house, I saw Birdy sitting quietly on the sofa in the middle of the living room, while Ah Han's father was sitting on another chair, and Ah Han's mother was standing aside. Both of them were looking at Birdy, seeing Ah Han coming home , both turned their heads, Han's father asked his son in a rush: "What are you doing at school all day?" "What's wrong with me?" Han looked at his father impatiently.

The father stood up excitedly and pointed to his nose: "People say you stole his girlfriend and deliberately broke their relationship!" Lies are lies.

Why are there only lies left between him and Birdy?

There were tears in Ahan's eyes, and his breathing was unconsciously short of breath. He looked at Birdy who was sitting on the sofa as if nothing had happened, and didn't understand why he would treat him like this?

He rushed to Birdy and asked loudly, "What are you doing at my house? What do you want?" Birdy slowly stood up and said, "I just think that we should study hard when the entrance exam is coming. And uncle and aunt You should know about your behavior at school, right?" Ah Han was so excited that he wanted to pounce on Birdy and beat him up again, but his father was the first to attack him and pushed him away forcefully, saying, "You kid, why don't you like that?" Face? Why rob someone’s girlfriend?” “I didn’t rob his girlfriend!” Ah Han couldn’t argue, knowing that no matter how he explained at this moment, his family would not believe it.

"Aren't you saying no? People are suing the family! You are shameless, I want shame!" After the father finished speaking, he even wanted to teach him a lesson. Seeing this, the mother hurried forward to smooth things over, saying repeatedly: "Okay! Okay! It's over!" She looked at the indifferent Birdy, then at her son who was full of grief and anger, and his eyes were red, and said sadly, "Aren't you good at first? It's necessary to tear your face to such an extent for a girl. Is it? After you were all young—JBirdy saw that his goal had been achieved, and he didn’t even finish listening to the words. He picked up his schoolbag and was about to leave Han, but stopped him and asked again: "What do you want?" He had had enough To be treated like this!

It was Birdy who expressed his feelings for him first, and he responded almost immediately, but why did Birdy push him away when he was already deeply involved?

Was Birdy just toying with him?

Do not!impossible!

If it was just toying with him, what happened in the bathroom, how to explain it?

Ah Han was confused, and Birdy's indifference and betrayal made him even more distressed, as if Birdy had never had him in his heart. Said "So we are just friends now?" What if he doesn't have a girlfriend after he goes to college?" Ah Han's mother was at a loss and didn't know why Birdy said that, but in this case, she could only follow what Birdy said: "That's okay. Guan Bao, anyway, when he is still young, "Then what if he never has a girlfriend?" Although Birdy answered her, he looked at Han.

As he approached step by step, he was about to reveal his hole card, and Ah Han was forced to fight back: "It's none of your business whether I get a girlfriend or not?" "So who the hell has no guts? Can you stop annoying me?" I don't want to keep pestering me anymore, I turned around and left. Ahan was provoked, and actually shouted in front of his parents: "I like that woman! I like JBirdy, turned around suddenly, and shouted at him: "Zhang Jiahan! Don't you Don't be so annoying!" Han sneered: "I dare to say who I like, do you dare?" "Are you crazy? What are you thinking?" Birdy looked at him defensively, "If you think I’m so disgusted, just say it! In front of everyone, say it!” Ah Han’s mother had already given up trying to persuade the two to reconcile, and she looked at her son’s grief-stricken appearance, vaguely aware of a The facts are vague, but she dare not ask at this moment, "What are you arguing about?" Han's father also noticed that the conversation between the two was not right. Suddenly, Han's mother stepped forward, pulled her husband back, and said: "It's just children fighting, don't worry about it so much!" "I don't care about it? Look, this kid is spoiled by you!" Han's father pushed his wife away, stepped forward and grabbed Han's collar, and questioned : "What the hell are you doing? Tell me clearly!" Ah Han just gave him a cold look. He had never been treated so lightly by his son. In a rage, he raised his hand and wanted to beat him up. He raised his hand in the air, But he was held tightly by Ah Han, unable to move!He was astonished; when did this youngest son, whom he never looked down upon, grow into a strong man, not only taller than him, but also stronger than him?

But he still insisted: "You kid's wings are stiff, so you want to beat me back, don't you?" Ah Han's mother hurried over and pushed her husband away, saying: "Okay! I'll take care of it!" Ah Han The father took all his anger out on his wife and yelled at her with a blushing face: "You handle it? You handle it ass! If there is no one to control him, why is he like this now?" Ah Han's mother also broke out, which is rare. He yelled back at her husband: "How is he? After I gave birth to him, apart from blaming him for not being able to study, have you ever worried about him?" Ah Han was already distracted enough, watching his parents quarreling, he just wanted to hurry up At the end, he yelled at his father uncontrollably: "You don't need to meddle in your own business here!" Gritting his teeth, he vented all the resentment and anger that had been accumulated in his heart for a long time: "Why don't you go back to your home over there and die there? Already!" The curse on his father was actually just a diversion of anger, but at that moment, he had never hated this man so much!

Yes, he believed that his father worked hard to support the family. He was not grateful, but he couldn't accept his father's constant blackmail and negation of his family affection. Ahan's parents never thought that they would hear such words from him, they were all taken aback When the father came back to his senses, the son had already rushed out of the house!The mother chased after him, and when she reached the door, she saw that Ahan had already stepped on the bicycle and was riding forward frantically.

After riding for a short time, Birdy also caught up with him on his bicycle, and blocked him with a turn, "Where are you going?" Birdy looked okay, as if nothing happened at Han's house just now.

Ah Han gave him a hard look, but didn't answer. He passed him and continued to ride Birdy to catch up with him. He rode to his side and said, "It's okay? We can still be friends?" Ah Han kicked him down. His bicycle continued to ride forward at a fast speed.

Birdy got up in embarrassment and chased after him unwillingly.

The silhouettes of the two riding bicycles just disappeared into the night