every breath

In the hot summer of university graduation, the sound of cicadas was hot.

Zhuang Yu, who has not yet been selected by the company, is waiting for a job at home. He does not feel anxious like graduates of the same age.On the contrary, he's in a pretty good mood.

My mother also changed her usual nagging nature and stopped chattering at home—she found a like-minded partner who could gossip together in the activity center of the neighborhood committee.After eating at noon every day, she happily carried her small bag to the activity center to play.

Zhuang Yu pays close attention to the employment information on the Internet every day, and also selects companies to send a few resumes.But most of the remaining time is for him to show his talents in online games.

He occasionally gets an interview call, but most companies don't hear from him after one interview.There was only one creative game company, and he persisted until the final interview.

The interviewer at the end was unbelievably young, in his early thirties, with a gentle smile on his face, and after looking through his resume, he asked a question: "Mr. Zhuang, can you share with us what you have done so far? Craziest thing ever?"

In fact, he has a lot of things to answer, such as those desperate attempts when he was a child, such as the crazy behavior when he traveled with his buddies in middle school, and such as joining the band of his seniors in college and doing many ridiculous things with them.

However, these pictures went through his mind again, but he eliminated them all.

The interview room was very air-conditioned, but the sound of cicadas outside the window brought him back to that same hot summer in just a moment.Let him recall Qin Xuanyang's face.

He sighed involuntarily: probably all the summers to come, he would think of that person.

The interviewer asked with interest: "Why are you sighing?"

He met the bright eyes of the other party, did not try to hide it, but smiled softly as if facing a friend:

"Nothing, just thinking of a friend who won't be seeing you again. The craziest things I've ever experienced have to do with him."

It was five days after the interview that I received a call from Xu Ying.

Earlier that day, Zhuang Yu received a call from the creative company, saying that he had been accepted and asked him to come to the company to sign the contract at a certain time.

After hanging up the phone, Zhuang Yu took a bite of summer's iced watermelon, but it still didn't feel real.

That's how you get a job?Does that make you a social person?that's all?

After eating the watermelon, he stayed in a daze for a while, thinking about how to tell his mother about this, when Xu Ying's number popped up on the phone screen again.

It has been a month since that trip to the south, I don't know why Xu Ying called.He answered the phone wonderingly, before the word "Hello" came out, Xu Ying's slightly crying voice came over: "Is Zhuang Yu? Can you come over? Can you hurry up? Xuan Yang is not very well." .”

The so-called not so good is really an understatement.

Zhuang Yu took the night train going south, and it was already late at night when he arrived at the train station.Xu Ying waited for him outside the deserted train station. When she saw him, she jumped up and down, covering her mouth and crying.

Before he could figure out what was going on, she pulled him into a taxi and went straight to the hospital.

In the taxi, Xu Ying cried even harder, and couldn't even utter a complete sentence, let alone explain anything.But Zhuang Yu had already guessed what was going on.

So when he opened the door of the ward, he was fully prepared.

So when he saw the dying Qin Xuanyang lying on the hospital bed, he could already fully foresee what would happen next.

There will be no so-called miracles happening, just barely supporting it.

All the instruments beside the hospital bed, all the data recorded by the doctor, and every cell in Qin Xuanyang who is sleeping peacefully at the moment know that there will be no miracles.

But he is still alive at the moment.Although the time will not be long, but still alive.

That's the most important thing right now.

After arriving at the hospital and seeing Qin Xuanyang sleeping soundly on the hospital bed, Xu Ying's mood stabilized a bit and she was finally able to speak properly.Zhuang Yu sat with her in the corridor outside the ward, listening to her deliberately lowered voice.

"You may not know it, but he has a heart condition."

He nodded, without explaining that he had known this fact a month ago.

"His father passed away because of this disease, just two months before he was born. At that time, the aunt was very sad, but she still persisted and gave birth to him. But he inherited his father's heart disease, and it may happen at any time ..." She paused, took the tissue from Zhuang Yu, and wiped the tears from the corners of her eyes, "Auntie has protected him since he was a child and prevented him from doing any strenuous exercise. He has never attended a sports class since he was a child. class. He moved next door to my house after he was in junior high school, and I heard about these things later.”

"How is he now?" Zhuang Yu asked the most concerned question at the moment.

Xu Ying's tears were about to fall again: "It's very bad. During the day today, he almost... He doesn't have much time, Zhuang Yu. If possible, I hope you can accompany him."

Her eye circles were red, and she choked up: "I know he has always wanted to see you. He didn't say it, but I know."

Zhuang Yu patted her on the back comfortingly, trying his best to restrain the hot eyes.

"I'm actually not his girlfriend." Xu Ying's voice trembled, "When you came last time, he was actually not in good health. After receiving your call, he found me very nervously and asked me to accompany him Playing a scene. I didn't know why he did this at the time, so I cooperated stupidly. But these days he told me about your past, and I suddenly understood. I should have told you everything a long time ago, that would be It won't waste so much time."

"You didn't do anything wrong." Zhuang Yu patted her head and comforted her, "You have done a good job."

Xu Ying endured it for a long time, but still cried aloud: "He never wanted to involve you. He said that his time is running out, and there is no need to make you feel more uncomfortable."

"I know." He tilted his head slightly, trying to let the tears flow back.

But that was a futile effort.

No one is wrong, we are all just loving each other in the best way we think we can.

We all wishful thinking that it is thoughtful and gentle.

There will be no miracles.

Qin Xuanyang knew very well in his heart that the heart that was failing day by day would stop beating one day.Then the so-called soul - if there was such a thing - dissipated in his dead body.

He is ready for everything.

But that morning, when he opened his eyes and saw Zhuang Yu sleeping curled up on the sofa, he seemed to see the true face of a miracle.

He sat up slowly and stared at him for a long time before he dared to reach out to touch his face.

warm.Not a dream.

Feeling the slight touch on his face, Zhuang Yu opened his eyes in a daze, and saw Qin Xuanyang, who was sitting by the bed with a pale face, stretching out his hand with some difficulty, touching his face.

"Morning." Without explaining why he suddenly appeared here, Zhuang Yu said good morning to him in a very flat tone.It seemed that his appearance was nothing more than normal.

Qin Xuanyang took back his hand unexpectedly: "Why are you here?"

"My boyfriend is sick, so it's only natural for me to take care of him."

"Did Xu Ying call you here?"

He smiled and stretched his waist: "Do you have any breakfast you want, I'll buy it for you."

"Go back." Qin Xuanyang's eyes turned cold.

"Where to go back?"

"Where to go back and forth."

Zhuang Yu sat back on the sofa and met his eyes: "What if I don't?"

"The last thing I need right now is sympathy."

"Me too!" Zhuang Yu lowered his voice, but he could still hear the anger in his voice, "The last thing I need now is your self-righteous gentleness! Qin Xuanyang, do you think driving me away is just Do it for me!"

"I didn't think about whether I was kind to you. I only knew that your presence would upset me." There was no warmth in his words, and he deliberately turned his face away from Zhuang Yu, "Xu Ying will take care of me, she is the one My girlfriend. You're just adding to the mess."

"You still act, Xu Ying has already done all the tricks." Zhuang Yu shrugged provocatively at him, "What excuse do you have to use to drive me away?"

Qin Xuanyang sighed irritably: "You can't see me as a patient and don't make trouble here. Can you go back?"

"No!" Zhuang Yu said resolutely and resoundingly.

"Zhuang Yu!" Qin Xuanyang seemed to be angry, and raised his voice.

They stared at each other, facing each other in silence.After a while, Zhuang Yu slowly broke the silence with a trembling voice.

"You know what I'm thinking, and I know what you're thinking too. Qin Xuanyang, let's stop deceiving ourselves and others, shall we?"

Qin Xuanyang still didn't let go, but his tone had softened: "Staying here won't do you any good, and you can't help. I'm a dying person, there's no need for you—"

"It's not a question of whether it's necessary, but a question of whether I want it or not. I want to stay, and it's not out of sympathy, you already knew that, don't you?" Tears welled up in his eyes. I called you at the train station before, and you knew why I came to you, didn't you? Otherwise, why would you ask Xu Ying to pretend to be your girlfriend?"

Qin Xuanyang still insisted, bit her lips: "Didn't I keep telling you, don't take the game seriously."

"If you don't take it seriously, will I take it seriously!" Zhuang Yu really wanted to grab him by the collar and beat him up if he hadn't considered that the other party was a patient, "Do you really think you've covered it up well Qin Xuanyang! When you lived in my house last summer, did you think I didn't know that you covered me quietly every night; did you think I didn't know that you secretly kissed me while I was awake in the morning; you thought I didn't know that you remembered Do I order according to my preferences every time I order; do you dare to say that you do these because of that so-called damn game! Is there anyone in this world who plays games as seriously as you! "

He was questioned speechless.

Zhuang Yu seemed to be out of control, stood up and pointed at him fiercely: "So I tell you Qin Xuanyang, I won't leave! Do you think you are the only one who can play tricks? As long as you don't recover for a day, I'll just stay here all day, wandering in front of you to upset you!"

Qin Xuanyang's eyes sparkled, but he endured: "What if I die?"

Zhuang Yu clenched his trembling hands tightly, took a deep breath, and held back the tears that were about to fall: "Then I'll take it easy and accompany you for the last days. Whether you want it or not."

Finally unable to bear it, Qin Xuanyang stood up and hugged him into his arms.

The smell of disinfectant in the hospital was pungent, but the man smelled good, as if the summer sun was still on his hair and skin, so natural, refreshing, and full of vitality.

"Aren't you driving me away?"

"I can't drive you away, just stay by your side."

"If you figured it out earlier, there wouldn't be so many messy things." He lightly wrapped his hands around Qin Xuanyang's waist, and patted him on the back, "I don't want things to turn out like this. Last summer at the beach, you didn't You should provoke me."

"Maybe I shouldn't have gone to that concert four years ago." Qin Xuanyang seemed to be muttering to himself, but Zhuang Yu couldn't hear clearly, and asked, "What did you say?"

"Nothing." He smiled wearily.

Zhuang Yu didn't care anymore, leaned his head on his chest, and listened to the heartbeat coming from his chest.

Wish I could listen to it like this and keep jumping.